My Secret Diary [1 of 3]
J & J
Premise. This is my very first story, I wrote it about two years ago
and of course at the time I didn't yet know EXO (the characters were from an anime),
but I thought this story was cute and I made the necessary modifications to fit Kai and Suho personalities.
Hope you will enjoy it even though it's really simple and maybe even a little trivial.
Mutual love, mutual passion, a mysterious past.
The two are crazy about each other, but too afraid to express it.
*I obviously threw myself into Junmyeon's character, lol me.
############
From Jongin's diary.
It's been almost a year since that day. To be precise, 11 months and 6 days.
I can still feel the warmth flow through my chest, climb up to my throat.
I wasn't able to say a word, I could barely breathe, I couldn't believe this was happening to me and I was not even able to explain what I really felt for him.
I looked at him, impaled like an idiot, I stared at his eyes and...
I felt something inside me, a different emotion, which I had never felt.
And that wouldn't go away, despite all my attempts to eliminate it.
He was...
Beautiful.
It was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, and he was stayed by my side all the time, for all those years, and yet...
I never realized how wonderful it was his smile, his perfume, the sound of his footsteps.
He turned towards me, looked at me with those eyes so big and bright, and I understood the reason for all these new feelings, confused.
The reason for all those heady, exciting, entrancing thoughts.
I...
I was...
############
February, 12
"That , !"
Crunch-crunch.
"As if I ever need it!"
Crunch-crunch-crunch.
A small pile of crumbs dropped on the white sheet.
"Kyungsoo. It's just his fault, dammit. I suppose I accepted his proposal only to have no other problems, as he's really annoying."
A gentle breath on the page, to get rid of the pieces of biscuits.
"Pretty damn nosy. Anyway... How should I start, I've never kept a personal diary, not even when I was a child."
Crunch-crunch-crunch.
"Right now I'm in my room. Outside there's really too hot and I don't feel any desire to walk, plus this ing ventilator doesn't really want to know to light."
Other crumbs.
"So I'm here, lying in bed, dirty with sweat, tired and pissed off."
A chuckle.
Somehow, those words had made him feel happy with himself.
"In the room next to mine, that idiot Junmyeon does nothing but sing and play his stupid guitar."
A sigh.
"Therefore, I can't even concentrate as I'd like."
I can't, .
His voice distracts me.
############
May, 23
Junmyeon had just finished cleaning up the room after his birthday party. His friends had made a real mess, piles of papers and bottles were strewn all over the floor and the birthday boy was doing everything alone.
"Jesus-..."
He wiped the sweat from his forehead, sighed.
"Could you at least help me?!"
Jongin.
Probably he was sleeping, he thought as he leaned the broom against the wall and walked to the hall.
Red slippers, blue sweater and faded jeans, a ponytail to keep crops his mahogany hair, now quite long, the eyes framed by light purple bags.
"God-... What a day-..."
He went into his room, he threw himself on the bed.
He opened his arms in a gesture of submission, submission to the fatigue. Submission to the fact that he was one year older, from that day.
Yeah...
One year.
I love you from one year now.
He stood up, sat down, put his hands on her hair.
But I haven't had the guts to tell you, anyway.
I've tried a thousand times, I swear.
And yet...
"As soon as I get close to you, I-..."
I see your lips and...
He threw himself back, gritted his teeth.
I feel your scent...
It was so hard to restrain himself, he wanted to get up and go to him.
In those moments, I can no longer do anything, I can't say nothing serious, I'm afraid to screw it up, make a mess, to lose your-
Wait.
"Friendship?"
He chuckled.
Well...
"There's no friendship between me and you, to tell the truth."
But at least I can see you every day, live with you in the same house.
Hear you talk and complain, be happy even when you insult me or offend me.
"Because at least you're thinking about me, somehow."
And I...
I don't want to lose it all.
I can't.
############
a few hours before
############
"DAMN!"
Jongin went into his room and slammed the door, continuing to complain loudly.
"--!"
He opened the third drawer of the desk and grabbed his diary, threw it on the bed and jumped on it.
"You idiot! You're exaggerating, damn it!"
He ran his fingers through the pages, pages almost completely white or just scribbled, then he stopped suddenly.
"I endured every day your presence and your stupidity-"
And he began to write.
"-but this time you overdid it, Junmyeon."
He closed his eyes.
He was extremely tense, his hand was shaking. He couldnd't understand the reason for so much anger.
"I can't get that scene out of my head. It was... It was so... Those idiots... Kissing in front of me..."
He swallowed.
He felt such a shame against himself, he wanted to explode and disappear, forgetting to exist.
"But why, why must it give me so ing bother?! Those two... Junmyeon, Kyungsoo..."
He leaned his head to the pillow, he dropped his legs on the bed.
"If I could go back to that moment-... I think-..."
He stood up abruptly.
"I think I'd kick them, both of them!"
Yes, damn it! I'd kick them in the .
And I would stop them, .
"Yes-..."
I would stop them using that damn tongue.
############
"JONGIN?"
Steps light, fast, silent.
"JONGIN! Are you awake?"
Junmyeon entered Jongin's room and saw him lying on the bed with a black pen in his mouth and an empty glass in his hand.
"Ah~... Jongin, Jongin-...You're a disaster-..."
He sat down next to him, he stopped to look at him for a few seconds, then put a hand on his head.
"You fell asleep like a baby, right?"
He noticed that the boy's cheek was glued to something rigid, he frowned.
"And this?"
He put his hand slowly between his face and the pillow and grabbed him.
"Oh-... A diary?"
Junmyeon knew.
He knew he shouldn't have read, but... His eyes fell on the page that Jongin was writing before he fell asleep and began to read.
"Oh-..."
He chuckled, gently rubbed his soft, curly and fragrant hair.
"You really are a fool, you know?"
He reached down, slowly walked to his ear.
Sighed softly.
"Fool, fool Jongin. It was just a stupid game, don't you understand? Nobody wants to take away your Kyungsoo from you."
Without understanding that this jealousy was directed to him, not Kyungsoo.
"Stupid-..."
His fingers sank, just pulled his hair. Bit his own lip, still breathed on his cheek.
"You're the only one, Jongin. The only one that I would really kiss."
He closed his eyes.
He touched the boy's mouth with his thumb, held his breath.
"But-"
Then he jumped up.
"You're too stupid to notice it, unfortunately."
He grabbed the empty glass from Jongin's hand and left the room.
Quietly, gently.
"You really are too stupid to understand."
############
The next morning, Jongin left home early and Junmyeon decided to take the opportunity to devote himself to cleaning.
"Aaaaah-..."
That man...
Everything, from the smallest to the most massive, had to shine and sparkle at any time of day.
Junmyeon was a perfectionist, obsessed with order, and he was finally able to have the mad joy, without the roommate around.
He went into Jongin's room (which he usually never cleaned for fear of being reprimanded or even worse, insulted and beaten) and opened his mouth in a 32-tooth smile.
"Mmm-..."
The scent of his love was scattered all over the room, it was as if his presence was still there, as if he hadn't really gone. He saw a pile of clothes under the desk, grabbed them to put them back in the closet (even though he knew that he would pay dearly for that insult), carefree whistling.
Then he paused.
"Oh-"
He could smell Jongin, the warmth of his body, it was still imprinted on those clothes as if he had his skin, his own body...
In his own hands.
"Jongin-..."
He embraced the pile of stuff, as hard as he could.
"What, Jongin-... What can I do-... How do I-"
"OHI, YOU !"
He froze.
"Jongin!"
.
"JUNMYEON!"
Jongin entered the room (he had forgotten his wallet in his jeans of the previous day) and walked quickly toward him.
"I TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES TO NOT-"
He yanked him toward him, stretched his neck.
"What-... Why are you crying? My clothes stink that much?!"
"Huh? Oh, no! No-no-no, I'm not crying! Seriously I was just-"
Already.
What was I exactly doing, in your room?
Jongin squeezed his arm.
"I asked why are you crying, you idiot."
"I'm not crying, I told you I was trying to tidy up your clothes!"
Junmyeon tried to avoid his eyes, he wouldn't have been able to explain the reasons for those small tears on his cheeks.
"I SAID-... Why are you crying here, in my room? What happened?"
"Enough-"
He pulled abruptly him away and walked quickly toward the door.
"Tidy up your clothes, please. Then come and help me to prepare lunch."
"What? No, I made you a question and you must answer me. Why-"
"Enough, Jongin!"
Silence.
"I've said no."
Then he left in a hurry, leaving only a strong scent trail of the berries behind him.
And a stunned and confused Jongin.
Speechless, for the first time.
############
Eyes wide open, mouth open.
Junmyeon seemed shocked, thrilled.
"JONGIN! COME HERE, NOW!"
His voice came through loud and clear up to Jongin's room, startling him as an alarm.
"What-... WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU IDIOT!"
"COME HERE, NOW!"
He snorted.
As usual, he was spending the day lying on his bed.
"What the -... What do you want now-..."
Distressed by the ruminating of his thoughts.
He got up muttering, put on his slippers and went into the hall. Junmyeon was jumping like a rabbit in front of the television.
An idiot rabbit, he thought.
"So?"
"There will be a theme party this evening! Here, under our house!"
"What theme?"
"Pirates of the Caribbean!"
The boy put his hand on his forehead.
He was also an avid fan of that movie, but that was really too much...
"Cut the crap, please."
Too stupid.
"Come on, Jongin! It's been a lot of time since we've done something together!"
"A lot of time, you say?"
To tell you the truth, last week you were up till two in the morning.
"Come on-... Try to have fun, at least for once!"
"You can forget it."
Junmyeon put his hands on his shoulders. A serious gaze, a light white tank top, shorts blacks.
Jongin could eat him at that moment.
"Please, do it for me! I'll do anything you want to repay you!"
"No, damn it! I'm not going anywhere! You know I hate parties!"
But he yanked him, pushed him slightly.
"Just-... Remember the last one that you organized, Junmyeon!"
And then remember that stupid kiss, please.
"What, that-..."
Junmyeon looked him in the eyes.
A disconsolate face, sad, puppy dog helpless eyes.
"I-... I just want to spend some time with Kyungsoo and-"
"Kyungsoo?"
Jongin remained motionless for a few seconds.
"You said-... Kyungsoo?"
Then, suddenly, he grabbed his wrists and squeezed them so hard as to block the circulation of his blood, he advanced towards him.
"Why would you like to see him this time? Would you like to slip in some bathroom and ?"
"Wh-what?!"
He pushed him on the couch.
He had enough to hear him say that name for losing his temper and not being able to think.
To hell with all those exercises for self-control, he thought.
"Calm down, Jongin! Not-"
"Shut up!"
He got on top of him, blocked his wrists against the arm, pinned him.
"Tell me the truth, you bloody fool."
"What? What truth?"
"Kyungsoo. Do you like him?"
It was absurd, he thought Junmyeon.
How could he even imagine that he liked Kyungsoo, when he hadn't done nothing but drool over him, in silence, ashamed and suffering like a dog, in the last four years?
"No! Absolutely not! I don't like him, I like-"
"Then why did you kiss him, Christ!"
What am I doing here?
Why am I on top of him?
His mind, his heart, his soul...
Jongin was damn confused.
He bit his lip trying to restrain himself, to control himself.
"I need to know, Junmyeon."
"What! What do you want to know!"
"What is meant for you. That kiss."
"What?! It was just a stupid game, Jongin! A joke!"
The older began to feel frustrated. He didn't understand the reason for that reaction, he even began to think that...
"But I saw his tongue, damn it!"
"NO!"
That Jongin was jealous of him and Kyungsoo.
"Yes, you do! YOU HAVE USED THE TONGUE!"
"JONGIN, STOP IT!"
"NO!"
A moment, a split second.
Junmyeon felt his lips tightened, completely blocked.
"Nnh-"
From those of Jongin.
It seemed that the boy had lost the power that kept him glued to his coldness, and it was strange.
"Nnh-... Jon-..."
Very strange that a kiss given in jest had brought down his defenses so quickly.
Junmyeon eyes narrowed.
"Jongin-..."
My heart...
Is about to explode...
The boy had left his grip and Junmyeon slightly put a hand on his head.
His breathing had grown up, had increased.
His mouth, now...
Right here, on my lips...
I'm on fire...
Jongin slowly slipped an arm under his back, put his hand through his hair, massaged them.
Then, he finally broke off.
"Why don't you reject me, you idiot."
"I-I-I don't-"
"Shut up."
And then he began to kiss him again, gasping for breath, stretching completely over him.
"Jon-... What-... Nnh-.."
"I wouldn't even give you the time to reject me."
Junmyeon felt that his hands were sweating.
While the kiss was losing more and more control.
You know that.
I wouldn't even give you the time to reject me.
############
Should I write in the next chapter? I don't want to appear like a ert noona even if I am, kekeke.
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