Everyone was getting ready to leave, it was amazing how fast everyone was able to shower and get changed considering they had one bathroom. Leeteuk was glad he was able to go last, he had more time to shower. 

After Kyuhyun had left, Leeteuk entered the bathroom making sure to lock the door behind him. He the shower to trick the members, in reality he was sitting on the bathroom floor holding a familiar object. To anyone who saw it they would think it was just a razor. To Leeteuk this was much more, it was his lifeline, his way to express himself. This small object allowed him to be in control. 

He pulled up his pajama top sleeve midway and lay the razor on his wrist. There wasn't a lot of room left that wasn't lined with old wounds or the odd scar. He pressed down until he was able to feel it was deep enough before dragging the sharp blade through the flesh. 

Blood followed the razor rushing at lightning speed to fill the gap he had made in his arm. It didn't hurt to Leeteuk, all he felt was some form of ecstasy. His thoughts left his mind for those brief moments he sat staring at the red river now making its way down the side of his arm and dripping onto the floor. 

A sharp knock on the door caused him to jump in fright, he was glad he remembered to lock the door. 

"Leeteuk, you done yet?" Siwon asked 

"Give me a moment, ill be out soon" Leeteuk said quickly as he dashed into the shower. The hot sting in his arm was irritating but it helped wash the blood away. He turned the shower off and put his clothes on before leaving the room. 

"Teukie, there you are" Ryeowook said getting up from the couch, most of the members had their own schedules but Ryeowook, Sungmin, Siwon and Eunhyuk had a show together. 

"Sorry i held you up" Leeteuk muttered "Lets get going" He made his way toward the door when Ryeowooks hand pulled at his arm causing him to turn around. 

"Thats not what i meant" Ryeowook muttered "You didn't finish your breakfast"

"I'm not really hungry today" Leeteuk answered shaking the hand off before the pressure became too much on his newly calved cuts. Please stop talking about this! He thought staring at the eternal magnae. 

"You need to eat" Ryeowook pressed on "I haven't seen you eat a full meal for so long hyung"

"Don't worry wookie, i normally eat when i'm out on schedules" Leeteuk muttered Not lately...

"As long...as you eat something..." Ryeowook muttered unsurely, Leeteuk put a reassuring hand on his shoulder with a nod. This seemed to be enough to stop Ryeowooks worrying, at least until Leeteuk was too far away to be questioned. 

 

The car ride to the show was never quiet, Leeteuk was busy speaking to the manager over the phone who was complaining about something the leader was fully taking in. Eunhyuk, Sungmin, Siwon and Ryeowook were busy talking however they still sensed that the manager was angry by Leeteuks expression. To lighten the mood Eunhyuk tried to put on the managers voice however it totally backfired as the manager was able to hear everything. 

"Who was that!" The manager shouted angrily, Eunhyuk gave a frightened expression as the car fell silent for the first time. 

"Sorry manager hyung, it was me" Leeteuk said "I was practicing for a story i'm going to tell and your involved, its about the time you were a hero to us when we got lost" He explained.The managers voice became softer when he realized he was going to brought up in a show. 

"Very good, very good" The manager said "Keep at it, we will talk later" He said and with that he left the call. 

"Hyung, why did you..." Eunhyuk was stunned like the other members.

"I'm going to try get some sleep" Leeteuk muttered pulling his jacket up over his face. That was obviously a lie because it had been impossible for him to sleep. 

"Hyung...thank you" Eunhyuk said as everyone looked at the figure. They were all worried about his behavior, it was normal for Leeteuk to want to protect s but he seemed so lifeless. 

 

After spending some time getting make up done the boys were put in front of the cameras. The MC was an older women with a kind smile, she introduced everyone as usual and went on to questions. 

"So, how is Super junior these days?" She asked 

"Everyone is doing well lately" Leeteuk answered 

"Thats good news, we have some fan questions here" She said "Would it be alright to ask these?" She lifted the small piece of paper with the list of questions.

"No problem at all, anything for ELF" He and the other members smiled brightly at the mention of their fans. 

"First question is, for Sungmin" She explained "Someone asks, how are your musicals going lately?" 

"Its been going really well lately!" Sungmin looked into the camera "I'm doing a few musicals right now and they are heaps of fun!" He just about sang with joy. 

"Next question is for....Leeteuk" The women said next "You look tired lately, are you sleeping well oppa?" She read out and then sent a gaze toward the leader. 

oh no! Leeteuk thought "Yes, thank you for your concern" He smiled into the camera, one he hoped nobody would see through. 

The questions went on this way, one after another for Leeteuk full of worry for him. They had seen the way he looked tired or depressed. He was glad when the show was over, he speedily made his way to the changing room feeling rather light headed. He pressed the door shut with his back and slumped down onto the ground putting his head in his hands. 

He stayed this way until the world stopped spinning around him. With a heavy sigh he lifted his head and gazed over at his bag. I brought that special thing..... He thought making a grab for it.

 

 

 

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Updated fast as asked for haha this time is a REALLY angsty chapter :3 hope everyone likes the angst :D