Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ II
(Taeyeon)

"Would you like something to eat?" I asked from behind the opened door of the fridge. I looked back to see her shake her head. "Okay, let's introduce a new rule from now on, alright? Whenever I offer you something, I mean it and I'm not just saying it out of sheer politeness. Like I said, it makes me feel better if I can help you so... please accept my help, Tiffany-ssi."

    She nodded at that, but I could see that she was still conflicted.

    'I don't know what exactly those b*stards did to her or told her but I really wish I could just go there and punch them in the face or something, then crush their bones and just—' I was so furious just thinking about how they could hurt such a beautiful, warm-hearted girl like Tiffany so much. I may not know much about her just yet but I could tell from the look in her eyes, from the way she rejected my help, from how she trembled as she took that pack of tissues from me... from how she smiled that insanely pretty smile... 'She basically risked her life to give back that guy's tablet, for God's sake. What kind of a bad person does something like that?'

"So... " I continued, "what would you like for dinner? I have some frozen mandu in the freezer if you like them or I could make some noodles with this soybean sauce," I pulled out a bottle with some white creamy liquid in it, "or," I opened a door on the wall cabinet, "I have ramyun, rice... " I realized I was talking too much. "Anyway. Which one?" I turned to her again.

    She bit her lower lip shyly. I had to look away because immediately, my eyes fixated on the plump flesh and— 'No, Kim Taeyeon! No!' I told myself off. 'What are you even thinking?'

    When I looked up, I saw her type something on my iPad. Then she turned it towards me. >>Whichever you want.<< she wrote.

    I sighed. "Okay. That's progress. At least, you're not saying 'nothing, thank you.' How about soy bean noodles then? Do you like that?" Tiffany nodded. I loved when she nodded. Actually, I loved getting any kind of reaction out of her but her nods were really cute. "I know it's not really that hot these days or anything," I continued as I took out a cucumber and some cherry tomatoes from the fridge, "but I usually like cold treats. Even in the winter... " I rambled on. Then I remembered something.

"Oh! I almost forgot! Shower! I mean," she fiddled with the bottom of her over-sized t-shirt, "would you like to take a shower?" I asked. I saw her struggling expression again. Not that I was being rude or something but she and I both knew that she needed it badly. She didn't even have shoes on. And her socks were nasty and ripped on many spots. "I can lend you some clothes for now," I said. She slowly typed in >>I don't want to waste your water.<<

    'Seriously?!' "You won't. And truth be told, you and I both know you need that shower, unless, again, you're like my little cousin and don't care about running around the house all dirty and smelly," I laughed. She smiled at that too and I thought, 'Damn, if a small smile like this could be so pretty, what is it like when she really smiles, when she really laughs?' I saw she was a little embarrassed and red in the face though so I added, "I mean, not like I mind or anything... but I'm going to assume you like to be fresh and clean yourself, don't you?" her smile widened a little and she nodded. "Okay, then let's get you some clean stuff. Lucky you're not that much taller than me. Well, normally, I wouldn't call that luck but in this case... " I saw her smiling again as she got up to follow me up the small stairs into my sleeping area. I felt a faint trace of butterflies in my stomach that I knew I shouldn't have but I couldn't really do anything about it. This girl was just so... 

"Okay, let's see what we have here," I started rummaging through my things. It was kind of a mess and I now realized that I'd probably been putting off organizing my things and washing my clothes a bit longer than I should have. I had no clean pajamas except for the one that I would be wearing tonight. I went through some more lumps of clothes. "I'm sorry," I said. "Looks like I should have really done the laundry yesterday. I was too tired after work. I had to do extra hours because my colleague called in sick." I finally stood up with an old blue t-shirt and a pair of comfortable, gray leggings in hand. "I hope this will be okay," I said kind of nervously. 'Just the thought that she's going to wear my clothes... ' She looked at me like I just gave her a puppy or an expensive necklace or something. It was the same look I saw in her eyes when I offered her the tissues. But this time, she didn't launch herself at me which, I must admit, was quite a big shock for me, instead, she bowed deeply and lengthily and I couldn't help but feel sorry for her for whatever's been done to her that made her act like this.

"Tiffany-ssi?" she straightened up now and looked at me. I could see tears in her eyes. "You don't need to bow like that to me, okay? It's really nothing," I said softly. Then I changed my tone to a playful one, "You were basically doing a belly button bow there... it's pretty embarrassing actually. I feel old." She frowned at me and pointed at her belly button, not understanding. "Yes. Belly button bow." She raised her eyebrows now. "Ninety-degree bow? When you bow real low?" I explained and she finally seemed to get it. 'It's kinda weird she hasn't heard it before,' I thought.

"You're... how old are you?" She showed two twos on her hands. "You're twenty-two? You're younger than me?" I was genuinely surprised. I thought she was the same age or maybe a year or two older. "I'm twenty-three! Year of the snake," I said. She tilted her head. "'89, year of the snake," I repeated. She raised her brows and formed an O. 'How could she be so adorable... just— Taeyeon, no!' She then mouthed, 'me too' and pointed at herself. It was my turn to tilt my head in confusion. She repeated the motion and mouthed again. 'Me too!' and then she showed me eight fingers, then nine. "Oh, wait so you're an '89-er too?" I was confused. But she nodded. "Oh, you meant... like, American age twenty-two, right?" I finally got it. She nodded. "Oh, okay." I was a bit surprised that she was fluent in Korean but apparently, had not much idea about such simple things as introducing your Korean age instead of the 'international', what a belly button bow was, or about Chinese zodiacs. "So we're the same age. No need to bow like that, alright? And, if you don't mind, I think we should speak informally from now on. How 'bout that, Tiffany?" She smiled as I changed my way of speech and tone. I started to notice as her smile grew bigger and bigger and more and more genuine how her eyes would form a really nice crescent shape. I wondered what a full beam would look like on her. I could only imagine it as the most gorgeous thing on this planet. "I mean, I'll speak informal and you'll write informal, okay?" She nodded. "It's shorter and quicker anyway. You can even scold me if you'd like from now on." Another smile earned. 'And to think she said I'd gain nothing with this... '

    I had a pack of somewhere downstairs that I only used one piece from before so I went down to get it and she followed me as I said, "I have clean towels and some unused lingerie down here." I gave her a cream colored towel and handed her the pack of with cute frogs on them. She took out the pink one. "You like pink?" I asked. She nodded.

"Okay. So you'll find everything else in the bathroom here," I opened the door for her and she walked into the bathroom that was just as tiny as the rest of this place, "just don't forget to close the toilet seat before opening the water because, you see how it is, the water usually gets everywhere and the seat doesn't dry easily." She nodded again, holding her things to herself like a little girl did with her favorite toy. Such an adorable sight. "Ah, and in case you wanna dry your hair, the dryer's right here," I showed her where I hung the hair dryer. "And you can just throw your untidy clothes in that little basket." I pointed below the sink. "You'll be alright?" I asked and she nodded positive again, with a gentle smile gracing her lips. "Okay. Then I'll go get the noodles ready."

    Finally, as I closed the door and walked into the kitchen area, I let out a heavy sigh.

    'What am I going to do now? Here I am with this girl that I shouldn't even be liking that way in the first place, especially not knowing what she's gone through and where I was at in my life right now. But I wanted her here, I wanted to help her, to get to know her and just... just make her smile a real smile again.' I sighed once more as I took out the noodles and put some water on the stove to boil. I then walked up to my bed as I made a call to my mother.

"Mom? Hello?"

"Hi, dear~ How are you?"

"I'm fine, mom. And you?"

"I'm doing well, sweetie. Are you eating well, Taetae?"

"Yes, I'm just about to eat some of the soy bean sauce you left here last time... Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I... I met this girl today," I said, tense.

My mother tensed up too. "Yes? And?"

"And... I need your help. She's in trouble."

"What do you mean she's in trouble? Was she disobedient to her parents? Or is she... like you?"

"No, mom, not that kind of trouble. She's done nothing wrong." And so, I retold her the story in a nutshell. I purposely left out the part where I followed this complete stranger mindlessly when I saw her running towards the train, just because I was kinda mesmerized with her beauty. I also 'forgot to mention' the fact that I feel my stomach tingle whenever I see her smile or do almost anything, really, because I knew it was all wrong. I didn't need my mother to tell me the same thing.

"So... what do you think I should do?" I finally asked.

    I could tell my mother was horrified by Tiffany's story too because she couldn't say a word for a minute there. "Sweetie, this is... this is not something you should be dealing with right now. I think you should pass her on to social services and they'll find her a place to stay, but... I mean. Oh, Taetae," my mother sighed, "you're really such a kind-hearted girl," she said. 'Is she crying right now?'

"Mom."

    She cleared . "You know that a lot of people wouldn't have done what you did, right?"

"Yeah, mom," I said rather guiltily because I didn't know if all of this would've happened in the first place if I wasn't as shallow as to go after that girl just because I thought she looked pretty. "You raised me well."

"It looks like we did, sweetie. But you really can't put all this weight on your shoulders right now," she said. "It's not like when you were little and brought that old stay cat home to take care of."

"I know, mom."

"If you really want to help her, go to social services. They'll know what to do."

"I don't know mom, I—" I heard the bathroom door open. 'Whoa, she was pretty quick. Also—' "The water!" I sprang up in my bed. "Ah, mom, sorry, I forgot I wanted to cook noodles, I need to go," I stood up.

"Okay, sweetie. Go. And text me later or call me if there's anything, alright?"

"Sure, mom." I started walking downstairs. "I love you. Good night."

"Love you too. Sleep well."

    As I turned around at the end of the staircase, my heartbeat went wild and all my thoughts dissolved into thin air. "Uhh," I said as I looked at a clean, and flushed Tiffany, clad in my own clothes, standing there with her towel on her arm. "You... uhh." 'Taeyeon, stop gawking at her and say something coherent.' "You look really pretty," I finally blurted and I wanted to facepalm myself immediately. 'Not that, you dummy! Are you really that stupid?' Tiffany looked taken aback, and she avoided my gaze as she moved on to sit down on the couch. 'Great, now you've made her embarrassed.' But as I followed her movement, I could see a small smile play on her lips again. I immediately felt a bit better about my stupidity. 'I could be stupid for her any time if there's always a smile like this waiting for me as a reward.' I grinned goofily to myself. Then I suddenly remembered the boiling water.

"Oh, damn it." I ran to the stove and as I lifted the lid I saw that most of the water has evaporated by now. I poured some more in, and thought 'She probably didn't take it that way anyway. She's just happy for the compliment.'

"Did you finish so quickly so that you wouldn't waste my water?" I asked. I turned back for a moment to see her nodding. "Aish~ really... " I sighed, shaking my own head this time.

    She hung the towel on the dryer before coming over to where I was standing and showing me my iPad. It said >>Need any help?<<

"Uhh... I'm fine. But you can help if you want." She nodded her head. "Okay, can you cut these in half" I pointed at the tomatoes, "and this," I cut off a piece of the cucumber, "into thinner slices?" A determined nod. So adorable.

"Okay, thanks." I saw the water starting to boil again and dropped the noodles in and started stirring it absent-mindedly. We were both working silently for a while before I began to hear her frustrated huffs from time to time, the chopping noises halted every time. I looked over and saw what the problem was. She had a bit of an issue with the cucumber slicing. I chuckled to myself because the slices reminded me a lot of the 'paper noodles' I used to make as a kid. One was as thick as my thumb, the next too thin, about a hair's width, but all came with one common feature: they were all crooked and weird looking. I had to laugh. "Let me help," I said, and went over to take away the knife. Our hands touched as I tried to get a grip of it and Tiffany jumped so big I thought she was going to hit the ceiling. "Hey, hey, hey! Sorry! Sorry! Didn't mean to touch you," I quickly said. She still had the knife in her hands, but now she was gripping onto it tightly and it was pointed towards my direction. She followed my gaze on the knife and she gasped, eyes wide when she saw how she was holding that thing. She immediately put it down on the table. "Sorry," I said again. She shook her head and she looked desperate. I was sure she didn't point the knife at me on purpose but she suddenly ran for the iPad and frantically typed. >>I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.<< She looked very scared, almost pleading. Did she think I was going to throw her out because of this?

"I know you didn't. And... I'm sorry, I know you don't want me to touch you." She lowered her head. "But you've gotta be careful. It wouldn't be nice to have a knife in my stomach instead of the noodles," I tried to joke but this time, she didn't smile. I could barely see her face but she looked very guilty overall. "Hey, it's fine, nothing happened," I said and I went over to stir the noodles one more time. "You did a good job with the tomatoes," I continued. "And well, the cucumber... uhh, well, it'll taste the same anyway, won't it?" I smiled. "I'll do the rest, you can just... do whatever you like 'til then. You can play on my iPad if you want." Tiffany's eyes suddenly widened with excitement and she quickly went to sit down at the small table nearby to hastily search for something on the device. I finished cutting up the cucumbers and stirred the noodles one more time. Then I turned back again and was stunned by the sight that welcomed me. Tiffany had my earphones plugged in her ear and she was beaming. She was glowing and she smiled so wide her eyes formed a thin, black curvy line and her whole face emanated such an overflowing beauty, I felt like I could die happily from just having seen her like that. She closed her eyes, still smiling so widely she somehow reminded me of that cat, you know, from Alice in Wonderland... and she bobbed her head to the music slowly. I was in trance and I had no intention of leaving it any time soon but suddenly, I heard my phone ring. And I remembered the noodles.

    I turned the stove off before checking the text message I received. It was just one of those stupid advertisements urging me to buy an insurance or something. I deleted it angrily, cursing the stupid company for breaking my moment. But then again, I shouldn't have been having that 'moment' in the first place, so instead, I should have felt grateful. 'Well, tell that to my heart, dear brain.' I scoffed to myself as I finally finished the dishes and made my way to the table with two bowls in hand, a pair of chopsticks pinned into both. They made a clattering sound as I put them on the table and Tiffany opened her eyes, her smile becoming smaller now. She pulled the earplugs out but I stopped her. "Hey, you can listen to it while we eat. It's not like we can talk much anyway." Her beautiful, radiating, breathtaking smile was now directed at me and I felt my heart melt. 'Is she trying to kill me?' She mouthed a silent 'thanks' before plugging her ear with the ear buds again. We both smiled like idiots all throughout dinner.

*

    Once we were done, she offered to wash the dishes and I let her, knowing that she would probably feel less guilty for everything she's getting here if she could at least do that much. I went to take a shower and I thought of the events of the day, how from one boring day just like any other, on which my biggest concern was why the vending machine gave me the wrong drink, my whole life suddenly turned upside down, and now I was here with this beautiful person, this gorgeous girl and I needed to help her somehow and figure something out for her not at all uncomplicated problem.

    It was too much to take in all at once so I decided we need to just get a good sleep and start thinking about it tomorrow. 'Maybe we should really go and see what social services has to say about this,' I thought.

*

    When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw her listening to music again. The iPad was on a charger now and I felt happy seeing that in just a few hours, she's improved from 'not wanting to waste my water' to freely using my charger. As soon as she sensed my presence though, she turned to me and mouthed 'Is it okay?' with a slightly worried expression. Of course it was, I would've had to put it on the charger anyway, so I just smiled at her and nodded. She mouthed a 'thank you.'

    I sat down on the couch, and picked up my phone from the table, looking through my messages. There were some from Jinmoon oppa, Yuri and Mijeong unnie. I replied to all of them and my laptop. I went through some news and browsed some sites but I could barely keep my attention away from the glorious girl still sitting at the kitchen table for more than a minute.

    Before I could make myself focus on whatever I started to watch on YouTube instead of Tiffany, she pulled out her earplugs and frowned at the device. Then she picked it up and walked to me to hand me the iPad. I stopped my video and looking at the device, I was faced with a picture of myself playing a guitar. 'Oh, crap. I'm gonna kill Yoona for that.' The music was still playing as shown by the moving strip under the 'album cover' and I stopped it and glanced up at Tiffany, a little embarrassed.

    She looked at me, and honestly, this was new, she seemed amused at my embarrassment. She pointed at me with a raised eyebrow and played an air guitar.

"Yeah, I play the guitar but... I didn't set that stupid picture for the track. It's just a demo and there's still a lot to fix on it," I explained. "And apparently, one of my kind friends," I made a mental note here to strangle Yoona next time I meet her, "took a very awkward looking picture for it."

    Tiffany shook her head wildly and did a thumbs up, smiling at me. I felt so happy that she was already doing so much better.

    She took the iPad from me, and sat down next to me as she started typing. I pretended to look at what she was writing, but really, she was a much more interesting sight. Her brows furrowing in focus as she typed on, her eyelashes batting as her eyes traveled through her own words, the way her lips were parted slightly... everything. She finally turned the screen to me fully. >>It's really nice. I was actually about to check who the artist was when I saw your picture.<<

"Ah, thank you, but it's... " I could've listed at least ten things that I still wanted to change about that song. "unfinished," I finally decided to say.

    She typed away again. >>So you're in a band?<<

"Umm... well, if you can call two people a band then yes, I guess I am."

>>But... it sounded like there were more than two instruments...<<

    I smiled. "Because there were. On this one, for example, there's three plus the drum machine. Yuri plays the keys. And bass sometimes. She at playing bass though. But she likes it and she wants to improve so I let her be. I play the guitar and sing."

>>You sing???<< Tiffany's eyes sparkled with excitement. 'So beautiful,' I kept repeating to myself.

"Yeah. Not on this one though."

    She looked like she was having an inner conflict again. She finally asked: >>If I'm not asking too much... can I hear you sing? I mean, you already have a pretty voice just talking so I'm sure your singing is even better. ^^<<

    'First time I received a smiley from her. And she said I had a pretty voice... Not true by the way, I have an ahjumma voice, but anyway... another reward to add to my list.'

    But I felt a little shy now, in front of this amazing girl, apparently fellow music lover and someone who seemed to already have high expectations of me. I was used to singing in front of people ever since I was a kid but I really wasn't sure if I could do this right now.

"Umm... you're... " I started nervously, "you're not asking too much... I mean, I'd love to sing for you but... " her face fell a little, "but I mean, I'm not that great and my throat hurts a little so, uhh, maybe tomorrow?" 'Yeah, maybe I'll be a bit more relaxed about it by tomorrow. I'll be prepared. This all came so sudden... ' I saw her face and although I was sure she was trying to hide her disappointment, it was there, and it looked like she blamed herself again. She looked guilty. She typed >>Sorry for bothering you with stuff like that, I already<< Before she could finish though I said "No, it's not—" but I was cut short as she jumped again, up from the couch to distance herself a few steps away from me. 'How can I be so dumb?' I thought.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to touch your hand, it's just... I guess I'm too used to skinship with my friends and I automatically... sorry, I didn't even realize." I finished up my rambling. She came back to sit on the couch next to me. >>It's okay. You don't have to say sorry, it's not your fault.<<

    I hesitated for a moment. I didn't want to pry too much or be insensitive but I wanted to understand her and what caused her to become like this. From the way she was starting to transform so quickly but kept going backwards from time to time, it seemed to me as if her true colors had been repressed for so long that it was not the easiest thing for her to bring it back. I imagined her true self as a rainbow; beautiful and colorful and rare. But rainbows only appeared after the rain stopped falling and the sun came out. It seemed like the rain had been falling on her with no end for a long time now.

    I wanted to find out, so I finally asked her "Is it your uncle and aunt's fault?"

    Her expression turned grim at the mention of those people. She nodded her head. I felt horrible for reminding her of them but I needed to know so that I could help her.

"Have they treated you badly for a long time?"

    Tiffany's head hung low and she nervously fiddled with her fingers. I saw a drop of tear fall from the tip of her nose onto her thigh, leaving a black spot on the gray leggings. My heart hurt for her so much. And she nodded.

"How come no-one ever found out about it?"

    Tiffany started typing again, but she was even slower than usual. The tears must've blurred her vision. I wished I could hold her or at least her back to soothe her a little but I couldn't. I couldn't because of those b*stards that made her like this. >>I wasn't allowed to leave the house for a long time now. I haven't been out on the streets for years now and I could only go out with my aunt or uncle before that. Some people, like some neighbors, knew about it but they were kindly advised by my uncle to keep their mouths shut. He is an influential person.<< I frowned and I really felt like someone was gripping onto my heart tightly and filling it with some poisonous liquid. 'How could this be real?' She continued to write and I looked at the screen again. >>Some people even joined him sometimes. I knew that there were times when some old, erted guys paid him for joining in.<< Tears ran out of my eyes as I involuntarily pictured her helplessly, beaten up and who knows what else being done to her as some erted guy was sneering in pleasure. >>There was a time when a group of 10~11-year-olds came to bully me, too.<< I never really cried in front of people. But I honestly didn't care right now. I let my tears flow openly and I just couldn't understand how people so cruel could exist in this world and why they would do something like that. And how could they just get away with it like this? I felt too shocked and sick to the stomach to speak, so instead, I took the iPad from her and asked. >>How did you escape?<<

>>He's never r*ped me before but I knew he wanted to. He's done... things before. But for some reason, that one thing, he'd never done. Probably because he considered me a sl*t. I knew he wanted it, and today<< She deleted it and cried harder than before. I really, really wanted to embrace her but I've scared her so many times before, I just didn't dare to. It seemed like she couldn't go on.

"Did he?" I asked and I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear, or in this case, see the answer. I felt like my heart was fractured and bleeding and I couldn't even imagine the pain she was going through. Her face was buried in her arms and she finally shook her head. I felt a huge wave of relief. 'At least not that... at least not that... ' I wiped my face and tried my best to compose myself. I couldn't stop my eyes from traveling onto the red marks on the girl's forearm I spotted before at the subway station, and I now noticed the same redness around her beautiful neck too.

    A minute or two passed, and Tiffany's sobbing subsided. She then wrote >>He tried. I escaped.<< It was obvious she couldn't talk about it anymore tonight and I didn't want to push it even further. I was feeling guilty enough as it is and I was emotionally drained too.

    I waited for her to calm down a bit.

"I'm really sorry that you had to go through all of this," I said. "Please let me help you, okay? I... I'm not sure how... to do it... or how... successful it'll be but... I promise I won't hurt you. And I'll try to help. Okay?"

    She nodded slowly and hugged her knees to herself as if she was a little child. I really wished I could just make all of her pain go away.

    For a few minutes, neither of us moved, neither of us spoke... or wrote.

    I slowly got up from my seat and went to make some green tea. I handed her a cup and kept one to myself. We sat there on the couch, sipping the tea for a while. After she finished her cup, she reached out for the iPad again. Her hands were trembling.

>>I stole that tablet.<<

    I didn't understand. I looked at her confusedly.

>>I wanted to listen to music. I haven't heard music in a long time.<< My heart clenched again. >>I want to find him and give it back to him.<<

"Tiffany... " 'How can you be so... good when the world is so bad to you?' "Let's worry about that later. We'll find the guy... later, okay? He must have some contacts in there," I said. "We'll tell him he'd dropped it and you—"

    Tiffany shook her head. >>I can't. One sin is enough at a time. I'll just confess the truth and bear the consequences.<<

"And if he decided to turn you in to the cops?"

    Tiffany sighed and buried her face in her hands.

"I'll give it back to him and... tell him what happened, okay? I just won't tell him who you are," I said sternly. "But for now, don't even think about it, alright?"

    She nodded uneasily.

    Then she let out a big sigh.

>>Thank you.<< she wrote. >>For everything. For letting me stay. For trying to help. For the clothes, the food, everything.<< I wished I could hug her because I didn't know how else to express what I felt right now. I really wished.

>>Thank you... for not hating me.<<

"I wish I could hug you... " I finally said because it's been the only comprehensible sentence that was echoing in my head over and over again.

    She looked down for a moment, then wrote >>I wish so, too. I'm sorry.<<

*

    We talked some more about the band and about music in general before I suggested the idea that we should watch a movie before going to bed so that it'd maybe distract our thoughts and ease our feelings a little bit. Then I remembered the bed issue.

"Is it okay if you sleep on the couch? I'd offer you the bed but it's actually pretty crappy. When I have enough of it, I sometimes sleep on the couch too because it's more comfortable."

>>I'm fine sleeping wherever. But are you sure you don't want to sleep on the couch tonight?<<

"No. It's fine. You sleep there. Or, if you don't trust me," I grinned, "you can just try out both and decide."

    Tiffany started her rapid head shaking again. >>No! It's not that! I<<

"Hey, I know. I was just kidding. But if you want, you really can check both, okay?" she nodded but she didn't check anything before going to sleep at all.

*

    I was lying in the bed for a long time, trying not to think too much and constantly failing, before sleep finally came to me.

    Sometime later, I woke up to some noise coming from downstairs and cursed myself for choosing such an uncomfortable position to sleep in again. 'Seriously, I blame this stupid bed when really, the reason why I sleep better on that couch is probably because I can't sleep in such twisted positions there.' I heard another bump and a hiss. 'Tiffany?'

    Then the sound of unsure footsteps on the stairs. I opened my eyes finally. She stood by the bed, hugging her pillow to herself tightly. I could only see her silhouette and the outline of her features but I could tell she was tense and afraid.

"Are you okay?" I asked, whispering.

    She slowly shook her head no.

"Do you want to exchange beds?" I asked again.

    And she shook her head again.

    I wasn't sure what she wanted, then. "Uhh," she didn't budge though. She just stood there, waiting. Then, as I looked at her clutching that pillow to herself, I thought of something. "Do you... do you want to sleep here...?" She nodded timidly. "With me...?" My heart raced at the thought. And she nodded again.

    I knew I was in for a sleepless night.

    I lifted up the blanket and she climbed under it slowly, precariously. The bed was pretty big for one but barely big enough for two. It all happened so fast. She placed her own pillow beside mine and I let down the covers, and my arm was suddenly around her and she edged closer to me, her arms against her chest, my chest, and I could feel her warm breath seep through the fabric of my pajamas and my heart wanted to burst through my ribcage and her scent clouded my brain so I pulled her even closer— but as my hold tightened, she winced, then she started trembling in my arms. So I loosened my arm around her. She didn't move, she stayed just as close as before. Really, really close, that is. She just trembled there, in my arms. I started caressing her back slowly, lightly and a song came to mind so I started softly humming it as if it was a lullaby. It wasn't. It was just the melody she made me feel in this moment.

    It took a few minutes for her to calm down. I wondered if my heart beat as hard as she had trembled before because if it did, she must've felt it too. Finally, as I heard her breaths become even and felt her body completely relax in my arms, I stopped the humming.

    But I couldn't stop my heart beating fast and hard in my chest, and I couldn't stop my brain to flood with thoughts of her beauty inside-out, and I couldn't stop thinking about what she's left behind and what was ahead of us still.

    For a moment I wondered as I looked at her now peaceful face 'What does social services do when you're afraid and trembling in the middle of the night like this?'

    An hour or maybe even more passed before I started to feel sleepy again. I reached under my pillow clumsily, with the hand that wasn't on Tiffany's back, and checked the time on my phone. 03:48 and one unread message. I opened it.

>>From: Jinmoon oppa

23:00

Goodnight Taeyeonie~ ^^ Sweet dreams♥<<

    I heaved in a big sigh as I buried the phone back under my pillow and wondered how it was possible that Tiffany smelled so good when she used the same shampoo, the same shower gel, same everything that I did.

    'Gosh, this is all just so wrong on so many levels, isn't it... '

***

Ah... I still feel my heart clench whenever I read this. < /3 To say that I felt horrible when I wrote about Tiffany's past would be an understatement... Not an easy thing to do.