x. love me broken or don't love me at all

you didn’t know what time it was when you arrived. you had to adjust to this new concept of time when you had became immortal. if you had anything, you had time. you only knew it was around twelve when you left the motel, and it was three in the morning when you came to taeyeon. the three hours you spent smoking outside the apartment.

taeyeon heard you. of course. but she didn’t open the door until you knocked. and you were grateful for that.

when she opened the door, she pulled you by the collar and tugged your jacket off, throwing the cap into the far corner. her nightgown was translucent. she wasn’t wearing her shades, and you could see the dilution of her irises, the bleached quality. she was starved.

she growled and tore your shirt, absolutely primal. you let her, when you had to, screaming when it was due.

“it’s relieving to have with another succubus. i can at least look at you properly,” she said afterwards, lying next to each other, hips brushing, fingers locking. if anything, the only made her weaker. her eyes paled even more.

she glanced at the fresh cigarette burns on your face, reaching out to touch them, but you turned your face away, hostile.

“did she do that to you?”

you demanded instead, “let’s do it again.”

you had climbed on top of her, kissing her lips, biting, . taeyeon only grunted.

“why are you so hungry, unnie?” you kissed the words into her.

taeyeon yelped when your knees circled harder. she sought the breath to speak, but you spared her little.

“i—i—”

you never let her finish, roughly grabbing her hair. you bit her arm, she bit yours, made crescent marks on your neck, and the both of you bled over each other.

“why are you starved, unnie? it’s nearly impossible to starve if you’re so pretty. impossible to starve if you moan and sound like that.”

taeyeon clenched.

“yoona—” she gasped.

“why unnie? why are you so hungry? why not just feed? it cannot be helped anyway.”

taeyeon slapped you on your burnt cheek, and you snarled. then you blinked and fell to the side. now her eyes are so pale they almost look silver. she flopped on the bed like a fish on land. then she struggled to sit up as you watched her find her clothes and put them on. as she fixed her wristwatch, she hummed a lively tune.

“why,” you asked again. “why are you such a martyr?”

“not all of us are selfish,” the remark stung. you winced noticeably. taeyeon smiled gently at you, and suddenly she was the strong sister you needed when you were the years were younger, the one who hid you away in a well when the townsfolk came after you.

“i’ll need to treat that first. it looks painful. i’m sorry i hit you,” she came to you and cupped your face. her thumb the patches of your cheeks left unhurt, and you relaxed.

you didn’t deny it because taeyeon could see through your lies easily, and watched her fetch some antiseptic cream and dressing and gauze. with some cotton bud she had, she gently applied some onto your face. it stung. you hissed and recoiled, but she had the power of gentle persuasion. you couldn’t look away.

“what did you do?”

it was difficult talking when her fingers were pressing hard against your jaw, but you mumbled out, “i had with her. she pulled me to kiss her, but she had a cigarette on her.”

“and you used to have such a pretty little face too,” taeyeon said pitifully.

after patching some gauze on your face, she put away her medical kit and reached for her shades, but you stop her from putting on the shades and got up to grab your cap on the floor, flattening your cap over her head.

“let’s go and get something to eat?” she sounded really happy. you couldn’t believe it.

you captured her hips and kissed her. long and deep. not long as in a few minutes. long as in stretching over miles and over centuries old.

you broke away and grinned. “unnie, you haven’t grown an inch since the last century.”

she elbowed you and adjusted the cap so it covered her eyes. then she went into the bathroom and you heard the sound of running water and a tap squeaking shut. when she came back out again, something was different about her. her eyes were now their usual brown. the contact lenses did a good job. you scoffed to . you ducked a punch to your eye.

you slipped your hood up and shoved taeyeon out the door by your elbows, prompting haste. it might be years ago, but it felt like it always had been, you and taeyeon.

along the way you talked, and she dug deeper for the secrets.

“so why did you suddenly come?”

“i needed a quick fix. and you said i could.”

“but i know you. i know you’re terribly impulsive and have this thing called selective hearing. science nowadays explain everything,” taeyeon walked along a concrete slab, tilting to the left and right even when she had the perfect sense of balance. “you wouldn’t come unless you wanted something. and judging from the way you handled me earlier, i’d say you were frustrated. that’s no way to handle a lady, you know. you’ll break her bones and tear her scalp if it weren’t me.”

“believe me,” you drawled, like it was something to brag about, “i’m most behaved in the sack.”

she rolled her eyes like she didn’t believe you. “that’s why you got those burns, yoona.”

you kicked a chipped piece of the sidewalk. at night, the roads are nearly empty of vehicles. the moon was high up and there were no stars, just a satellite and an occasional plane. the night air was clear, fresh.

“so why were you starved, unnie?”

“i’ve been travelling,” taeyeon said, but it wasn’t an excuse. it wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

“why can’t you just tell me?” you laughed to keep thing light and simple. she laughed along. years of living as a young lady gave her the ability to keep her voice from wavering. “you want to be human.”

taeyeon ignored you, humming another tune. this time, it was an old folk song.

“but that’s like starving yourself because you want to be skinny. figuratively speaking, in human concept, anyway,” you waved your hands around to prove a point.

“i just—miss my family, that’s all,” she smiled sadly.

you didn’t know taeyeon’s family; she had come into existence long before you were born. but you knew how it felt—to feel so small in a huge big world.

“on the other hand,” she chirped, mood suddenly uplifted. you could never get used to her mood changes. they hit you like a whiplash, “i’ve seen the world, met the best people, listened to the best music, got laid by the hottest people of american beaches.”

“sounds like a life.”

“sounds like a long life,” she added, looking ahead and smiling at moving shadows skirting around us.

you couldn’t agree more.

—ジュリエット