Blind As A Dingbat
My Mind's Eye
“Jessica…these New York City Ballet (NYCB) shots of their Swan Lake production are amazing!”
“Thanks Stacie. I’m thinking I’ll feature them in the showcase.”
“Uh…no duh?”
“Haha! I can almost see your derp face.”
“So…how’ve you been?”
“You mean since you last saw me yesterday?”
“That doesn’t count. We saw each other in passing getting coffee. Do you really dislike seeing me that much Jess?”
“Yes I do. And…not much really…I was almost blinded a second time…”
“WHAT?!”
“Calm down. I meant it kind of figuratively?”
“Ok, I don’t get all your ‘sight’ mumbo jumbo girl, so yah gotta elaborate for the blind idiots, mainly me.”
“One of these days Stacie, you’re going to offend me with your asinine blind jokes and –”
“And then you’re going to kick my like a much ier version of Matt Murdock. I know. You’ve been saying that for years and I have still yet to get a sore behind. Can’t you tell I’ve been goading you honey? I’ve been waiting on that promised spanking for god knows how long! What’s a girl gotta do to get spanked around here?!”
“Here. Bend over.”
“Wha– OWWW!!!”
“Was it everything you dreamed darling?”
“What the hell is that thing made of?!”
“My laughter and your tears.”
“Ugh! Anyways, what’d you mean by your previous profound little statement before you decided to cane me?”
“Hey! You asked for it!”
“Fine! Whatever! What did you mean?”
“Have you…ever met someone who completely messed things up for you? Turned everything you knew upside down. Made you feel lost like…like…like you went diving and you lost track of which way was up, down, left, right, and you were loosing oxygen and you couldn’t breathe, and…and…and why are you trying to muffling your laughing? Does my frustration entertain you?”
“Honey…did you meet someone?”
“Yes. I just said that didn’t I?”
“No I meant meet-meet someone.”
“…”
“Really Jessica Jung, you are so brilliant sometimes that I forget you are a total retard when it comes to matters of love.”
“I am not in love Stacie. And no matter how many of your gorgeous hot guy friends you set me up with is going to change that. It doesn’t matter to me that they have a six-pack, or y eyes, or bulging arms, or bulging anything for that matter. That last guy you forced on me…first off, how the hell did you know how ‘big’ he is and second…TEN INCHES!!! That’s the size of my freaking arm Stacie! He thought that that was something worth advertising on our first date! A blind date! I really don’t know where you find these guys, but they have severe character flaws.”
“Ok-ok, that last one…I admit, not my best moment but –”
“So you did sleep with him?”
“Yes! Now don’t rub it in my face that I slept with the Neanderthal ok? Jessica…who’s this person that’s turned your messed up little world upside down?”
“Some girl I met wh–”
“Oh wow-wow-WOW there lassie…girl? Omgawd you’re into girls?! Freaking mother of Homo sapiens! Why didn’t you say so earlier! I could have set you up with a ton of vajayjays!”
“Oh gawd Stacie! Would you just listen to me?!”
“Sorry, just having a bit of an epiphany here…”
“It’s just…I only met her once and you know how I say I’m never lost in this city?”
“Yea…something about your spidey senses…”
“Well…she took them away. I felt really and truly blind with her. Stacie, I need you to be serious. No more blind-bashing. At least for a few minutes, okay?”
“Of course.”
“You know how much a rely on myself, how I pride myself on my own independence. She took that from me, in just the few hours I’ve known her. I’ve never known someone to be so disarming and disconcerting, it honestly scared me Stacie. And you know nothing much s
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