I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. It didn’t hurt me to think that they were calling me a liar, but it hurt me to think that there was a possibility Sunggyu hyung had lied to his friends about us. There was no way I could believe that Sunggyu hyung would’ve lied, and especially not about something this serious. It didn’t make sense that both Yongguk hyung and Dongwoo hyung would claim the same.

Sunggyu hyung couldn’t have…

And then there was the other possibility that pained me even more – the fact that Sunggyu hyung might have misunderstood my answer – it burned a hole right through me. I remembered clearly that my answer had been final, I had told him plainly that I cherished him like an older brother. When I thought back to the day, I recalled that I’d stuttered and blushed but in no way I had given him false hopes. And Sunggyu hyung had understood the message, he’d never acted otherwise. He had even given me space to recover from the mortification. And he had definitely never brought it up again.

Could he have said it just for fun?

Somehow, I couldn’t picture him doing so. No, there was some other mystery in all this.

“Are you okay Sungjong?” It was Sungyeol. We were in our dorm room after Hoya had almost forced me to have some dinner. I didn’t feel like eating though. In fact, I didn’t feel like doing anything. As much as I wanted to discuss Sunggyu hyung’s… murder with my friends, I couldn’t blatantly break the law. I remembered the Inspector’s disbelieving face when I’d told him that there was nothing between Sunggyu hyung and me. It’d be difficult to convince them of the truth.

Besides, it doesn’t matter.

Before I could reply to Sungyeol’s question, I heard a knock at the door. We turned to see Sanghyun, who looked uncomfortable standing by the door, wringing his hand.

“Come in Sanghyun,” Sungyeol said cheerfully, or as cheerfully as he could muster at a time like this. Sanghyun shook his head firmly.

“I just want to talk to Sungjong for a bit.” He nodded towards the common room and I knew that he had something important to talk about regarding the murder. We weren’t very close and him demanding a private meeting only indicated that he had something important to disclose which he couldn’t share with his friends.

I nodded reassuringly to both Hoya and Sungyeol before following Sanghyun out. I was much more composed now than he had last seen me and that seemed to relieve him. He was never good with handling emotional breakdowns and I had been a wreck before to say the least. It made me feel immensely guilty to see the worry in my friends’ eyes; they had to deal with this disaster too, and yet I had disregarded their feelings and acted rashly. I felt ashamed now.

“Sungjong, are you okay – I mean, I want to talk about the – the accident.”

Sanghyun looked like he was trying hard to choose his words carefully and check his tone. I sensed suppressed excitement in his tone. Meeting his eyes, I nodded. He wouldn’t have been so imposing if it wasn’t important.

He breathed and continued in a hushed voice even though the common room was deserted.

“Well after you left from the Principal’s room, I had to stick around for a bit because they questioned me right at the end. So I heard voices coming from the Principal’s office. Although I couldn’t make out much I could tell that they were worried about something.” I nodded to show that I was following him. He cleared his throat and continued in a firmer voice. “Then when I was called in for questioning, the Inspector left for a minute because one of his men called him for something and then I – I sort of glanced at the papers on the table and -” The contained excitement in Sanghyun’s voice seemed to amplify as he his lips to moisten them. “There was this thing written there – ‘murder weapon: a rose thorn, the rose was found near the body.’ Something like that.”

I waited for him to add something to that but he didn’t. I was confused. The murder weapon was a rose thorn? Sanghyun must have misread it.

It’s not possible.

I told him what I thought but he shook his head.

“I know what I read, I read it carefully, thrice because I couldn’t believe it either.”

“But…” I didn’t know what to say. Sanghyun was very level-headed and cautious – he didn’t get easily agitated and he could assess a situation better than any of us could. And yet, it didn’t make sense. “So what do you t-think?” My voice wavered. I couldn’t imagine how someone could be killed with the thorn of a flower. The thought produced horrible visions of Sunggyu hyung lying in a pool of blood and I had to shake my head forcefully to discard the image.

“Well of course they can’t confirm anything before the post mortem report…” I jerked involuntarily. Again, horrible visions filled my mind and I had to close my eyes momentarily.

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have told you that.” Sanghyun was watching me with apprehensive eyes. I tried to smile a bit, to show him I was fine. But I wasn’t fine, I felt tremors of pain creeping up my feet again.

“I – I’ll go to my room then. And – we’ll talk about it some other time?”

“Sure.” I started towards my room when Sanghyun said to my back, “Oh Sungjong. I’m not sure but I heard that you were – um, dating Sunggyu hyung.” I clenched my fist but there was no point in being mad at Sanghyun. He was only repeating what he’d heard.

“That’s – that’s wrong Sanghyun.”

“That’s what I told the Inspector as well. Good night Sungjong.” I couldn’t thank him but I was feeling immensely grateful for his faith in me. There weren’t many who’d believe me after this.

When I returned to my room, Hoya cast a worried one-over at me and Sungyeol voiced the question Hoya was probably gearing up to ask.

“What did he want?”

“Just talking about – about the accident.”

“Oh.” Sungyeol and Hoya exchanged an understanding look which told me that they had guessed as much. With Sanghyun unable to confide in anyone, and an only Senior prefect left, his first choice for such a conversation would have to be me.

“So – er, about the rumors, what do you think?” I could hear Sungyeol’s anxious voice – he didn’t want me to breakdown and yet he was curious.

“I don’t know. I can’t believe Sunggyu hyung lied,” I told him wearily. I threw myself on my bed, clutching the pillow close to my chest. Hoya seemed to be prompting Sungyeol with silent nods, so he started again.

“We were wondering, um…it couldn’t have been true right?”

Sungyeol visibly flinched when I glared at him. I controlled my expression the next second, knowing that it had been too harsh. It wasn’t his fault after all, with everyone in so much confusion, they could easily be feeling puzzled. And betrayed maybe. I glanced at Hoya to see that he was embarrassed as well.

“Guys, I’d have told you, I swear. Even if I didn’t tell anyone, I’d have told you.”

“We know,” Hoya said quickly, causing Sungyeol to stick out his tongue at him. I had to contain a chuckle. It didn’t befit the situation and yet it comforted me in some way to think that some things would never change around here.

“So – I was thinking, well actually Junhong came up with the theory, because he has to see the good in everything -” Sungyeol sounded slightly bitter but that quality in Junhong, to trust people, to think they possessed at least something good, was what made me treasure him so much. Junhong even tried to find something good in the bullies – he once told me that at least Woohyun was sometimes funny in class and Daehyun had shiny hair. “Well the thing is, what if Sunggyu hyung had lied to stop people from, you know…” Sungyeol paused awkwardly, looking at Hoya for help. Hoya however sat stonily. Sungyeol groaned in frustration, then said in a small voice, “Erm, you know, you’re hot stuff…”

The expression on my face must have been ridiculous because after glaring at Hoya, who was laughing, Sungyeol burst into laughter too. I looked from one to the other, wondering what the joke was.

“Hot stuff,” Hoya intoned, almost choking with laughter.

When their combined laughter died down, Sungyeol looked at me with a piercing stare. “Oh come on, you know, you’re in demand.”

Hoya guffawed. “You know, you’re making him sound like a product more and more.”

I blushed as I realized the point they were trying to make. I’ve had my share of proposals, maybe a bit more frequent than the others but still…

“So yeah, you get my point. What if he was trying to prevent people from harassing you anymore? He knew you hate it.”

It was true – I had confided in him how I disliked the ones who’d overdo it, keep stalking me and try to invade my privacy, and even threaten me to go out with them. And then there were people who’d make suggestive comments when I walked down the corridor – Sunggyu hyung had punished more than one of these people.

Maybe he thought the only way to stop it effectively was to spread the word that I’m taken?

That definitely sounded like something Sunggyu hyung would do, and it would be believable too, seeing how close I was with him.

But that doesn’t explain why so few people knew about it before today.

“That could be the answer,” I said slowly. Hoya nodded gravely while Sungyeol looked grumpy.

“He could’ve told you.”

Hoya shook his head. “He knew Sungjong would never agree.”

I agreed silently. That seemed to solve the mystery about this rumor Sunggyu hyung had spread. But what disturbed me most was the information Sanghyun had just relayed to me. It made no sense – and I almost wanted to confide in my friends.

What would be the harm?

Somewhere inside, I knew Sunggyu hyung would’ve never approved of this. He was a stickler for school rules.

“Really, then what was he doing in the rose garden?” It was almost as if Hoya had read my mind and answered the question.

I shrugged.

“Maybe he wasn’t murdered there. Maybe someone killed him inside the dorm and dragged him down to -” I stopped, biting my lips. I wasn’t supposed to discuss these things with them. And besides, I realized how ridiculous my theory sounded. Murdering a student and dragging them over such a long distance was not only improbable, but also impossible.

The rose thorn!

It suddenly occurred to me that he had to be murdered in the garden because he had been murdered with a thorn, no matter how crazy that sounded. And a rose was found there right beside him.

“I should go to sleep now,” I said, turning my back towards them. Even if they had something to talk about, they didn’t and the light turned off soon.

I tried to sleep but the darkness seemed suffocating. I thought about Sunggyu hyung, and I thought about the rose.

Mourning starts tomorrow. Sunggyu hyung’s been dead for one whole day.

Tossing and turning, I tried to cleanse my mind of the bloody images. I felt as if there were hands in the darkness, trying to clutch at me.

“It’s okay Jongie, we’re here,” Hoya whispered over Sungyeol’s gentle snores. For some reason, those words calmed me down.

Soon I drifted off into a quiet sleep, filled with blackness for nightmare.

---

The sun was drowning in the west in a fountain of bright colors, just the way my patience was sinking in the sea of memories. He was walking right beside me and just watching him put one feet after the other was waking up in me the crunching of another pair of feet, stumbling before completely giving into a spasm of agony.

I suppressed a whimper and tried to blink. The reddish haze was back. I couldn’t understand if it was the pounding of the sunset on my eyes or the screaming of my blood.

A pair of eyes flashed in my head - small, fogged and slightly panicked. I could see the nameless fear in them, absolute and definitive. But the vision disappeared as quickly as it had popped out, leaving a delightful shiver to run along my fingers.

A hiss escaped through my clenched teeth, and I closed my eyes tightly.

Just break it, tear it off. And watch him wither.

It was so tempting and yet crafty part of my brain insisted on deferred action. Two nights in a row could be risky.

I opened my eyes again, only to come face to face with a puff of steam escaping his parted lips. It teased my vision with its disturbing whiteness.

My head erupted in a chant. I could almost distinguish another pair of parted, bloody lips making sounds; sounds making me want to curl my toes and fingers; fingers making me want to curl them around something; something making me want to scream and lash out at the boy standing beside me.

The red in front of my eyes darkened and my head started to spin. I needed to focus on something. His figure was walking away, again. I hated it. He shouldn’t be able to walk ever again. My eyes were locked on his back, and I could almost see a blood stain spreading from the middle-left. Or was it only my deliria?

Won’t you make the illusion come true? You want it…don’t you? Too easy…

The next moment I was taking excited steps towards him, fingers shaking with anticipation, when I felt a splotch of black, somewhere up there.

All the unsettlingly red thoughts evaporated instantly as the figure standing at one of the windows in the upper floors moved and our eyes locked. I felt overwhelming anger but I also knew I had to stop.

The fury and need to annihilate him were still here, strong enough to suffocate me, but the red was gone. I wasn’t going to bet everything if I didn’t know I would win. Tonight, there won’t be any poesy, the lyrics won't be sung tonight. The bed of roses to my right remained untainted, gleaming under the stars. I took a last glsimpse of them, and engraved the image in my memory.

I struggled to put my murderous wants away for the moment. Patience might make it even more delightful.

You’ll die, I’ll make sure of that.