I was sitting on my bed in the dormitory room that I shared with Sungjong and Sungyeol. Sungyeol had agreed to going outside with Junhong, so that he could take his mind off the things. I had declined to go with them since I didn’t want to let Junhong to force his theory – that a monster was currently haunting the school - in my head. I knew that was exactly what he was repeating to Sungyeol so I just let the two of them turn it over between them and maybe even include Byunghee. The discussion would be a welcome escape from thinking about Sunggyu’s death.

I wanted to concentrate on thinking about Sungjong but I wasn’t alone in the room. I was with Lee Changsun, nicknamed Joon by his friends - a sunny smiling dork I had known since middle school even if we had never been that close. Today however his lips weren’t twisted upwards as usual, and his deep voice was anxious when he talked.

It was a tradition since Sungjong and Sanghyun, who somehow was Changsun’s boyfriend, had been selected as prefects: whenever they had one of those long and annoying prefects’ meetings, Changsun would come over to our room and we would talk, laugh and exchange scary stories that would always freak out Sungyeol.

But today, the stories we talked about were real and we were both worried for our friends in the Principal’s office. Sungyeol’s nervous laughter or shriek didn’t punctuate our conversation. Changsun started to say something about how he’d seen one of Sunggyu hyung’s friends being helped to the sick room when the door flew open.

A mess of tears and hair flying everywhere stormed into the room - I just had the time to open my arms before Sungjong gripped on to me for dear life and made all the air escape out my lungs in the process.  

Changsun eyed the two of us with slight surprise and amusement, and whispered something about going to see if Sanghyunnie's okay before leaving the room, for once without leaving a glimpse of laughter behind him. The news of Sunggyu hyung’s death had really troubled him too but not enough for him to not know when to leave us alone.

I thanked God for making Joon not as dumb as everybody thought he was and hugged Sungjong tightly, shifting us in bed so we could both lay down in relative comfort. I briefly hoped that whatever had been said in the Principal’s office didn’t have the same effect on Sanghyun or else Changsun would freak out about his boyfriend’s well-being and strangle the old Jaejoong with his bare hands. Or at least attempt to. Sometimes he could be very irrational and stupid but I dropped all thoughts of him and turned my attention to Sungjong in my arms.

We stayed like this for a while, seeking peace in each other’s embrace in almost silence; Sungjong’s quiet sniffs were the only noise in the room apart from the clock ticking on the wall. I texted Sungyeol that Sungjong had returned to our room and that we’d see him and Junhong later at lunch. I hoped Sungyeol had enough tact to know not to interrupt us now or try to explain Junhong’s theory to Sungjong.

I continued to run my hand through his hair doing my best to soothe his pain but it was quite some time before he calmed down. When he gathered enough strength, he raised his head timidly and offered me a fake, trembling smile.

“Jongie, what did they tell you?” I asked tentatively. I didn’t want him to break down again but I was curious about what the principal could have said to make Sungjong so distressed. It was something to be heartbroken after someone’s death but he came running here in sheer panic. Something had definitely scared him.

What the hell did that old Kim say…he’s usually nice to the prefects since they’re kind of the elites in the school.

Sungjong shook his head fearfully. I’d known him for 10 years now and I knew the look in his eyes very well – he was terrified. His face had lost all color. Sungjong was not someone who’d get easily terrorized, contrary to his soft features of course. He laughed through horror movies that even made me flinch. I took a deep breath; I was feeling increasingly angry towards Principal Kim.

That is definitely not the moment to get angry about this…shake it off, Hoya.

“I – I don’t have permission to talk about it, we’re forbidden to talk about i-it.” His voice was hoarse and his eyes were downcast. This couldn’t be something simple because Sungjong refusing to confide in me didn’t happen very often. I let his timid fingers play a little with my shirt for some time before giving it another try.

“You can talk to us. You know you can talk to me. I won’t tell anyone, anything. But please, say something. It hurts me to see you like this without knowing how to really fix you.” My voice was barely above whisper and I saw him bite his lower lip, thinking. He knew he could trust me but he was torn about breaking the rules – I could read Jongie well. His fingers stopped right above my heart, and unconsciously curled themselves in the fabric in an attempt to reassure himself.

“I know, but I don’t feel like talking about the - it now. Can’t we stay a little while longer like this?” he pleaded, voice shaking a little. “And I bet Yeollie will be eager to choke it out of me.” He chuckled drily but I could see his lips trembling. Every action, every word was taking him a lot of effort, I could see that.

I softened immediately. True, Sungyeol would probably torture him incessantly until he spoke. He would use an assortment of emotional blackmail and pinching and tickling until Sungjong talked. However, seeing him in this state, I wondered if he’d have the heart to do so. And in any case, it might simply be that some bastard was being promoted to a prefect and Sungjong feared that it’d cause our problems to get deeper.

Can’t be much more than that, right?

Something told me it was more than I’d like to believe.

I didn’t say a word and pushed his head down on my chest, rubbing his back soothingly. He was gently weeping again and it was ravaging my heart to witness the small tears making their way down his cheeks and sink in my shirt. I tightened my embrace a little and he let out a contented sigh. His breathe slowed down as he drifted into an exhausted slumber. He must have been tired – he had woken up really early after all.

Nothing will ever happen to you, I promise.

We were both awoken by Changsun’s light smile as he shook us delicately.

Why didn’t I lock the door again?

“Sorry guys, but Sanghyun has something to say to cutiepie here” he said, offering a reassuring smile to Sungjong who looked barely awake.

I was surprised that Sungyeol and Junhong hadn’t stormed into the room and shaken us awake yet. It was very uncharacteristic of the duo but I was glad at the same time.

“Joon, it could have waited,” Sanghyun whispered furiously behind him, face contorted in embarrassed annoyance.

The act ripped a tiny smile from Sungjong and he straightened his back before sitting up on my bed. He yawned cutely, causing Changsun to giggle, before looking at Sanghyun questioningly.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay after you ran out like that,” he answered with a delicate smile. “And Principal Kim told me to let you know that even if it was umm…an er - isolated occurrence, as prefects we should keep an eye on all the students for, you know, make sure everybody’s okay. And tomorrow he will choose another 2^nd year prefect, so you have to come in his office before the morning assembly.”

I didn’t like the way he was deliberately trying to pick general words and the way he was accentuating some, the way he tried to seem neutral while something was bothering him too. The confused look on Chagsun’s face told me that he hadn’t been filled in by his boyfriend either. It bothered me immensely.

I wanted to learn more from their prefect-to-prefect exchange, but I only got more confused.

But it seemed like Sungjong had gotten the message. He nodded a little with understanding and Sanghyun left with a pat on his head and a quick nod at me, dragging out his whining boyfriend who wanted to know more too.

I waited for Sungjong to look at me or to settle down again in my arms but he did neither. He heaved a shaky sigh and got up. I sprang out of bed, quickly following him to the window. I stood behind him, nuzzling my nose in his hair, whispering how everything would be okay. He relaxed a little, but still had a tormented look while staring outside.

I couldn’t help thinking something – if Sungjong had accepted Sunggyu hyung, he’d be in my place. He’d be the one hugging Sungjong, comforting him when he was disturbed, and maybe even kissing him. I was so scared of losing my place that I had been very happy when Sungjong had rejected him. I could almost dance in happiness. And if Sunggyu had indeed been something more to Sungjong then I didn’t even want to think about what his situation would have been right now.

I heaved a deep sigh.

He started to my arm gently and I didn’t pay attention until he did it with more urgency. I glanced up and froze. Our room overlooked the rose gardens in the east. Sungjong was pointing at the few trees at the other side of the garden. Here, unbeknownst to anyone as it was lunch time, the police officers were pushing a stretcher. An occupied one, covered with a white cloth.

My mouth dried instantly.

I turned Sungjongie around, making him face me, and searched his eyes fervently. They were dull and wide as he silently tried to tell me something.

“Okay so…you’re not allowed to - well you can’t speak about it, but you can nod or shake, right?” I asked urgently, my face turning pale.

“Yes.”

“Is it Sunggyu hyung? In - in the garden? ”

He nodded, hesitatingly.

I breathed.

“Right so well - so Sunggyu hyung died in the rose garden?” I asked uncertainly. It didn’t make sense why Sunggyu hyung would be in the rose garden at night. Another thing struck me as odd too – why would the police remove his body secretively, it was almost as if they didn’t want to draw the students’ attention to it. Besides, he had been dead for so long, why would they only remove him now? Unless…

Are they carrying out some sort of investigation?

I shook my head to myself. It couldn’t be true, he could have had just a heart attack there, in the garden. Maybe he was out for some fresh air and he had slipped. I tried to quash the voice inside my head saying that Sunggyu hyung would never do something so irresponsible like going out at night. That was the only reasonable explanation.

Even though I tried to convince myself that Sunggyu hyung’s death was perfectly normal, or as normal as an 18 year-old student’s death could be, the look of terror in Sungjong’s eyes told me a different story.

We watched as a few policemen joined the first group. They were carrying clear plastic bags carrying who knew what. I also spotted a policeman carrying a camera and he was snapping pictures of the school grounds. The whole atmosphere was grim. My head started to hurt. If police officers – so many – were involved, and they were investing so thoroughly it could only mean one thing - I gulped loudly. I could feel my pulse speed up.

Try to control your breathing, man!

“Jongie, did they tell you it was not a natural death?”

Sungjong’s eyes widened. He nodded very slowly.

I closed my eyes briefly. It had happened so close to our dorm, our room, my window.

I could have prevented that if I weren’t ing sleeping like a bum. Maybe he cried, and no one came.

Honestly, I hadn’t heard anything in the night. But I wasn’t trying to watch out for anything either and I realized that even if he had screamed out, we were on the 4^th floor and it wouldn’t have really reached us. Besides, we slept with our windows closed.

But how could he be…well, murdered, inside the school grounds? What the hell is happening?

I felt Sungjong pressing himself back against my torso and I wrapped my hands mechanically around his waist, my mind lost miles away.

When I was done thinking and blaming myself and was wondering about what to do now, the door of the bedroom flew open. As if on cue, a mortified Sungyeol came in, screaming about us missing lunch. He was also dragging a displeased Junhong by the shirt.

He faked a distasteful wince when he saw us hugging but he quickly dropped it when he took in our faces.

“Geez, what happened guys?” he hesitantly asked, letting go of Junhong who immediately ripped Sungjong off of my arms to hug him, earning a half-amused chuckle from Sungjong.

I shifted my serious gaze to Sungyeol.

“Let’s take this outside, and besides we need to get something for Sungjong, he can’t skip meals.” He nodded and we all made our way to the yard to get some fresh air. On purpose, I drew them away from the rose garden to a different ground that didn’t have drying blood spread over the grass under the shining sun, which seemed to be mocking our dark moods.

I tried to fill in Sungyeol and Junhong on everything I’d reckoned and learned from Sungjong’s nods.

“Wait wait wait, dance terrorist, I’m not sure I follow you.” Sungyeol closed his eyes and took a deep breath while rubbing his brows with one hand and the other was draped around Sungjong’s stomach.

“So what you’re saying,” Sungyeol said slowly. “Is that Gyu hyung was murdered there, out in the Rose garden?  Sounds impossible. I mean, somebody would have noticed. The gardener sleeps just there. And who’d murder him?”

The same question had been eating away my insides ever since I’d found it out.

“I know, but we’ve seen it. It was definitely a corpse they were dragging out of there. And the prefects were told about it. Jongie?”

Sungjong merely nodded before letting his eyes wander around again. He hadn’t said anything since we got outside, he’d just been confirming what I’d been saying with vague nods. I started to grow more and more worried.

Sungyeol started to whine again.

“We’re not going to tell anyone, Jongie, please can’t you really tell us?” he pleaded while trying to tickle him lightly on the sides, only to have his hand shoved away by a jealous Junhong.

“Rules are rules, Sungyeol,” Junhong declared matter-of-factly with his finger pointed in the air. “We’re lucky enough Jongie agreed on Hoya’s idea, or we wouldn’t know anything.”

“Can’t you once in your life stop being the perfect student?” Sungyeol glared back. “It’s a murder we’re talk-”

“Shut up!” I gritted my teeth but too late. Sungjong’s face was paler than ever, and he immediately jerked off Sungyeol’s hand from around him.

The latter crumpled under my murderous gaze and I gently wrapped my hand around Sungjong’s wrist and forced him to sit back down.

“Relax Jongie, it’s okay,” I cooed with the best smile I could give him at the moment.

Suddenly a few voices rose not too far away. I exchanged looks with Sungyeol, who shrugged. The voices seem to come closer. I turned around only to be met with the approaching figures of two sophomores, who seemed to be talking animatedly. They still hadn’t spotted us.

One was very tall and quite slender, and would have looked quite scary if not for his extreme paleness and his watery lost eyes. The second was shorter with reddish hair. I recognized them from afar – Sunggyu hyung’s friends. I had even talked once with the tall guy, Bang something, when Sunggyu hyung had introduced us to him. When they turned their heads towards us, I could feel Sungjong’s hand shudder violently in mine.

“Sungjong, what’s wrong?” I asked while leaning closer, gathering Sungyeol’s and Junhong’s attention too. He couldn’t take his eyes off them but he shook his head lightly.

“Wait, aren’t they, wasn’t the tallish guy Sunggyu hyung’s friend? I think I saw them together. And the short guy, I saw him talking to a police officer in the morning.” Junhong looked skeptic but I was surprised that he knew Sunggyu hyungs friends. He hadn’t been there when we had been introduced to them.

“Sungjong, did something happen with him?”

We all looked at Sungjong, who went back to biting his lip before answering.

“Since it’s not directly related with Sunggyu hyung’s - death, I think I can tell,” he whispered in hesitation. “H-he, he told the Inspector that I - I was in a relationship with S-sunggyu hyung. But I don’t know why Dongwoo hyung thoug- Hoya? Where are you going?” He looked panicky but I paid no heed to his voice calling my name.

I continued to head towards the two seniors coming towards us, anger swelling up inside me, and I barely heard Sungyeol tell Sungjongie to stay quiet. I was fuming. I stopped right in front of Dongwoo hyung, jaw clenched and face inches apart from his.

“Why did you do that?” I gritted dangerously. I had forgotten all forms of politeness. I was doing everything to stop myself from hitting his jaw.

“What are you talking about?” Dongwoo hyung asked, blinking twice, totally unfazed by the warning in my eyes.

Is it amusing to throw salt on Jongie’s wounds, you ?

I grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against a nearby tree, not giving a damn about his friend trying to make me go away and my friends’ gasps. Dongwoo hyung tried to get out of my grip but I just tightened my hold and leaned forward.

“Why for Hell’s sake did you say those lies about Sungjong and Sunggyu hyung? You know how much he and Sunggyu hyung cared for each other. Is it that fun for you to play with Sungjong’s feelings? Why did you spew some about them being lovers?” I was breathing heavily and before I realized it, I was screaming at him. I had never felt so much hatred towards one person.

“Oh, so you really did not know?” he smirked at me with an amused glint in his eyes.

My eyes narrowed and I was about to throw a punch at him when his friend managed to get in between us. He looked miserable.

“Dongwoo, stop. Howon, release him. He is speaking the truth - Sunggyu told us about their secret relationship. Better ask Sungjong why he hadn’t told you,” he added while motioning towards Sungjong, who had gotten here in the meanwhile. He looked dumbfounded.

“But – but we never were…” he looked from Dongwoo hyung to me with a mortified expression.

Dongwoo frowned and his friend, Yongguk – now I remembered his name - collapsed on the floor, murmuring something like this is too much to take.

“Why would he lie, huh?” Dongwoo hyung asked aggressively. His eyes were fixed on Sungjong. “You must have reasons to hide, he didn’t.”

At this Yongguk’s head snapped up like he was about to say something but he pressed his lips together instead. I was getting more and more confused.

“Tcht, Sungjongie wouldn’t have to lie, you idiot. He turned Sunggyu hyung down in public, he wouldn’t have if he had loved him - like that.” Junhong said acidly. Dongwoo gave him a cold look that I didn’t like but said nothing. Instead he freed himself completely from my grasp and helped Yongguk to his feet.

“I do trust my friend,” he declared, looking at every one of us in the eye, and stopping his stare on a blank Sungjong. “He wouldn’t lie. Never. So my question is: don’t you think you may have driven him in false hopes, Sungjong? Maybe you weren’t really together.” He smirked coldly. “But maybe you hadn’t been clear with him either?”

And on this he left, a hand firmly wrapped around Yongguk’s shoulder, letting a devastated, remorseful and completely lost Sungjong behind.