Plop. Plop. Plop.

As I stared in the grey night sky, I daydreamed once more as I listened to the arbitrary pattern of the water dews as it dripped from the leaves of palm trees to the surface of the lake that was once calm. As of the moment, I inhaled the cold breeze that engrossed the whole area, fog enveloped the city. Surely, staying outside of the house at this time would mean getting myself ill and be forced to a house arrest to be taken care of.

It has been 1 month. To be exact, 4 weeks and a day since I last saw LuHan’s face in my dreams and the images were still clear. All that I had missed can be encapsulated in one word, that is, his perfection. The length of his absence was pure, utter torture. To long for his presence every night as I decided to close my eyes were of an earnest wish above all other wishes. Just a hint, I told myself. All I need was just a hint that he is there, and then probably, I can have another reason to smile again.

I was at the park near the residence where I felt closest to the memories of my dreams with LuHan. Right now, nature has been my best friend. The lofty palm trees, the freshness of the mossy grass and the crystal clear but ever serene lake all felt like home. I was always here at this very spot since I was deprived of dreaming; everything was like dead shot, as if my subconscious has left me for good.

“Sehun! You jerk. Wake up now, I can see you clenching your teeth already.” A familiar voice seeped in through my right ear.

 

“Ugh… Oh… Where am I? I feel… so… cold.” I tried to open my half-dead eyes as I was shivering.

 

I was already lying down a bed, and then I felt a certain hand touching my forehead.

“Oh shoot. You’re still hot. Let me check your body temperature and prepare your meds as well. I’ll check it downstairs. Wait here.” The footsteps went lighter as the person walked away from my side.

 

I figured out the familiar voice in a spur of a moment.  It was Kai, my best bud. I can now say that I’m in trouble as he nags a lot more than my mother can. I realized that I was home already without any idea what happened last night.

The footsteps went louder by the minute. He was getting near. “Sehun, open your mouth and put this in for around 3 minutes.” He tried to shove in the device on my mouth.

I gave in. “I’ll be up later, Kai. Don’t worry too much.” I mumbled gibberish.

 

“Do you really expect me to believe you? You’re such a reckless guy who doesn’t know how to take care of himself at all! You passed out due to over fatigue and stress!  And what’s worse is that you passed out alone.” Then, the nagging started.

 

“Ever since we were kids, you always hurt yourself from getting on bikes you never learned to ride or like playing at the high end slides.” He added.

 

You heard it right, we practically grew up together. Kai’s been my friend, or most likely more of a genuine brother to me. We were raised as orphans and will always be orphans at heart. We were proud of that. Every single thing that has happened in my life, I think I owe a big percentage to him.

We’ve helped each other out ever since he got adopted into a well-compensated family while I got a scholarship at Seoul Arts High School which also provided the shelter I live in today. From time to time, he’d visit me to check on what’s happening with my life. He’d always feel accountable and responsible as to whatever might happen to me. In short, he’d been overprotective.

“How long has it been? I know I’ve passed out…” I broke the silence.

 

“Yeah, you talk about passing out in the middle of the park but you never did consider your health even for once?” He interrupted me.

 

“Kai, I’m sorry, alright? Can you please tone down your voice, my head hurts a lot, you know.” I quickly reached for another pillow to cover my face to suppress another nagging session.

 

“Ah… I give up. I know you’ve been a stubborn kid, but this has to stop. What made you so depressed these past few days? I can sense something is bothering you.” He interjected a sensitive statement.

 

I put out a silent treatment just to avoid the succeeding questions that comes afterward. I pretended to sleep while he was talking. I’ve been a jerk, I admit that. It was just because that I was not ready to talk about LuHan, not just yet.

“You know what; you’ve been acting strange as well…” His statement tells me that he knew something.

 

“While I carried you on my back when I saw you lying beneath the trees at the park last night, you were whispering a name. A certain LuHan, if I’m not mistaken.” Blood rushed upon my veins just hearing the name.

 

I got up on my bed, shocked and stunned. “What? Was I sleep talking last night?”

 

“Yeah you were, Who’s LuHan? It’s an unfamiliar name. Is he someone I know?” He continued the interrogation.

 

“No, he isn’t. He’s just a friend.” It was so hard to say that.

 

“Sehun, you’re obviously lying. Is he your boyfriend?” my eyes widened as if my cover has been blown.

 

“Wh...What are you saying, Kai?” But I stuttered.

 

His handsome brown eyes were staring at me inanely. That gaze was emotionless.

“Uhm, let’s just meet another day. I’ve got a call from mom a few minutes ago. Glad to see you’re awake.” The mood had abruptly changed. I felt it.

 

A Blinding Light. I don’t know if this means hope or despair, but I didn’t care anymore. I saw this as a sign of hope. At last, I’ve been able to cross once again. The once coveted pitch black dream turned into something. I was in an infinite, dark space where large trunks of stiff trees stood. I ran for the only light that attracted my eyes. The tiny dot of the blinding light turned into a curve as I went nearer, and the curve turned into a zenith upon stumbling on an opened book. A quote then read in shimmering characters: “If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character... Would you slow down? Or speed up? (Chuck Palahniuk).”

I screamed unwillingly as I opened my eyes, and just like that I sat up from my lying position. My fever was gone but the palpitation persisted. A certain light then emanated from my drawer from across the room. The array of light followed the thumping of my heartbeat. I got up from my bed to check and knew that it was from the certain drawer where I hid the objects from when I last saw LuHan in my dreams.

“Aaah!” I exclaimed, as I saw the strands of golden hair glowing.

 

The light then flickered feebly. In exasperation, I stumbled on the ground and gasped for breath. For a minute or so, I skimmed inside the drawer once again but then the strands of golden hair were already gone.

“My obsession is as its peak.” I thought to myself. At the horror of it all, I stood there sternly, flabbergasted.

 

The familiar fear that I felt came back.

“LuHan, are you really…” Yes, I think I’m really crazy. I thought the most unthinkable.