Everything remained a puzzle unsolved as to how I happened to be dreaming the same dream all over again. Confusion starts to linger. He had a God-like characteristic. He had astounding round blue eyes which seemed to perceive an eternal stare. A pale, but porcelain skin tone that shimmered brightly like stars in moonlit sky enveloped his physique. He had the perfect shape of nose, the perfect red shade of lips and the perfect set of teeth. What is more dashing is that he had a golden sunlit hair that encompasses each and every perfect trait that he has.

 

As I lazed in my bed and closed my eyes, I’d remember my depictions of the perfect human I’d soon see in my dreams. The dream always starts in a small room which looks identical with mine except with the fact that my bed was missing. Then I’d start to walk past the door to check what’s on the other side, and as always, I’d see a garden in a midnight setting. Upon stepping outside the room, trees were everywhere and I’d feel the great green blanket of fresh Bermuda grass on my feet.

 

Across the garden, I’d see a large Greenhouse made of glass. The structure reminded me of the school. It was surreal; it seemed like something could have happened to my school in the past or something significant will occur there. Traversing this path to the Greenhouse, I’d notice scribbles from the trunk of trees. Evidences were all over this garden proving that I’ve been here several times already. My name was visible as scribbles and so is the name of the man I’ve depicted as perfect, and his name was LuHan.

 

Then there he was. Perfect as can be. You’d always see him standing outside of the Greenhouse to greet me. We never entered that place; it seemed a mystery as to what is inside there. He waved at my direction as I was finished scanning the scribbles of our names on the trees. Still, he had that perfect smile as if I’m being drawn down to his lair. I immediately strode as to where he is to greet him properly. I initiated the conversation.

 

“Hi, LuHan, how are you?”

 

He replied “Welcome Back, Sehunnie~” after which was followed by a kiss on the cheek.

 

“What was that for, Lu?” my eyes widened after the surprising gesture.

 

 “It’s because I’ve missed you, Sehunnie!” then he laughed hard.

 

“C’mon, let’s go there, I’ll show you!” He added while pointing to a direction northeast of the Greenhouse.

 

We then got to the spot where a beautifully crafted Cottage was in place. Luhan invited me in and asked to play with him. This cottage, you’d mistaken it for a dance studio. The room was quite spacious that it was filled with only pillows and one lone table.

 

Luhan threw a pillow at me and shouted “Pillow Fight!” which I counter reacted with another hit.

 

“That’s cheating. Take this, Lu!” I boasted with laughter.

 

“You can’t win against me, Sehunnie!” he cried back.

 

Just like in most of our dreams, it seemed like it can go for forever when you’re enjoying this kind of scene. Come to think of it, the dream was already fixed into something. We know each other but there never was an origin as to how we met. It was never, “Hi there, I’m Sehun, and you are?” and he replying “Pleased to meet you, I’m Luhan.”

 

Maybe it is destiny for this to be a repetitive dream. Well, call me crazy, but I think I can live here, with Luhan, even for forever. I can really trade reality for this dream alone even if they have to curse me to Hell.

 

Then I lied down to the hard, yet comfortable carpet of the cottage while catching my breath, signalling my ‘white-flag’ of surrender from the pillow fight. He then walked to where I am and lied down the same way.

 

“Sehunnie, I’m tired and hungry. C’mon, I’ve prepared something to eat.” His voice came out to my left ear.

 

“Wait, what? You’ve already prepared the food? I didn’t even notice that.” I was amazed.

 

He quickly stood up and grabbed my hand to stand up. He pulled me to sit on a chair opposite to where he will be sitting.

 

“Of course, time runs fast when you’re here, Sehunnie. Quit yapping, and sit there! Let us enjoy the food!” he giggled as we ate the seamlessly tasteless food.

 

As we dined, I’d start talking continuously and he’d listen to my frustrations in school, with my friends, the demands of auditions, and how ordinary the life I’m living. I’d always rant about how I’m so fed up with the boring routine of my life, that none seems to go forward. I’d not notice the length or how long I’ll tell my story. But he’s just there, the presence of whom that soothes my problems even at his silence.

 

“I’m done! Oh, talking about those felt good!” I exclaimed.

 

He was just staring right at me “You’re such great view to watch.” Then he smiled but not taking his eyes away at my direction.

 

“Stop glaring at me. It makes me… uhm… embarrassed.” I replied while flustering.

 

He giggled. “I just love how you can talk to me about everything… Oh wait, you’ve got something on your lips.” He stood at his chair and bended forward to me as he reaches for my face.

 

We were now face-to-face. “Lu, why are you so close?” As I tried to pull back upon noticing his perfectly handsome face which made my heart skip a beat.

 

He then placed his fingers around my lips to remove tiny scraps of food. “To remove these, of course.”  And just like that, he never forgets to smile afterwards.

 

My face flashed a red blush out of embarrassment, “Oh! I’m sorry that I’m such a mess.” As I continued wiping my own lips this time.

 

“You’re too cute, Sehunnie~” he laughed continuously as he returned to his seat.

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment and take care of myself, thank you very much.” I defended myself.

 

It was but one of the happiest dreams one could ever have. I was happy just to see him like that. Being playful, and just in front of me wearing that cheeky grin. Everything was just as perfect. In this dream, I think I can be who I am because LuHan cheers me up even though I know, everything will just happen again the next day.

 

As always, in the middle of our conversations, I’d ask him “Will we be like this forever? Just the two of us?”

 

This time around, I should have woken up. Suddenly, I felt an anonymous fear. Why was there a change?

 

In an instant, we were outside the cottage, where his lips is already touching mine.

 

“Lu, what just happened?” my heart was beating so fast.

 

“Sehunnie~ I’m so sorry. I love you so much...” Then tears came falling down his porcelain white face.

 

“Wh-What? Lu? LuHan?!” but then, my voice cracked.

 

Everything went pitch black, total darkness as you might say. In this place, I cannot hear anything. I cannot see anything. Maybe I’m experiencing a nightmare? Or maybe I’m experiencing an emotional get-away?

 

I tried to call for LuHan. I shouted at the top of my lungs. My desperate reach to find him, backfired. I really couldn’t hear anything, not even my voice.

 

I woke up.

 

I checked the alarm clock, where it read 5:05 a.m.

 

I was already bathing in sweat when I woke up. My mind was clouded with a lot of questions.

 

“What just happened in my dream?”

 

“Why can’t I remember all that has happened?”

 

“What has happened to LuHan?”

 

It was such a headache. Then I noticed beside me were fragments of glass lying on my bed sheets. On my right hand, I was holding strands of golden hair, and saw my t-shirt covered in blood. I was scared, as in, really scared.

 

For about an hour or so, my body was literally shaking at the thought of the dream. I couldn’t sleep again. My conscious mind was not working anymore.

 

But then I remembered a certain kiss, and I felt pain. How the lips were damp, and the warmth it felt seemed comforting to my shaking body. “Yes, I understand now. I’m in love with the man in my dreams.”

 

I couldn’t even blink my eyes. Then suddenly the fear came back, I spouted randomly without thinking, “Something has happened with LuHan.” I verged down in one corner and realized that my tears were already falling involuntarily and it was not stopping.