-Chapter 21-

Protected

It was dark.

It was really dark.

You weren’t sure if your surroundings were just shrouded in darkness or if your eyes were just hooded closed.

You wished you could open your eyes to check but… you couldn’t…

You couldn’t move your eyes…or anything else in your body.

There was too much pain surging through every part of your body to move.

How long did it take for you to realize this blinding pain had taken over you anyways? Pain of this extent should have hit you in an instant but it had gradually come over you once the numbing spell that had spread throughout your body had progressively faded away. Now it was all you felt and all you could focus on.

Your fingers gave a small twitch, and that’s when you took notice of the wet coldness that had settled on your hands. Your hands were soaked, and so was your body. You would sometimes think it was just water that covered your body but you’d promptly remember that it wasn’t.

It was blood that covered your body. Your blood.

A weak and raspy groan of agony was pushed out of your lungs and past your lips once you felt another wave of pain shoot up your body. This pain was unbearable. You couldn’t take it anymore.

Why couldn’t the pain just go away?

Why couldn’t… you just die already…?

……

“Jaeyun! J-Jaeyun…!!! Wake up!!!”

You recognized this voice… You’ve heard it before…

“Please, wake up Jaeyun! Don’t leave me…!”

This person is telling you to wake up. You told yourself you didn’t want to before but… this voice makes you want to reconsider…

“Jaeyun…!”

Why did you feel so relieved hearing this voice speak out to you? It must be Luhan’s voice, because Luhan always made you feel that way.

It was Luhan’s voice wasn’t it?

Wait… it wasn’t.

It sounded like Sehun’s voice.

Beep… beep… beep…beep…

Very slowly, your eyes fluttered open. With half lidded eyes and deeply dazed, you stared forward. All you could hear was air steadily trickling in and out of your mouth and a muffled methodic beep sticking out to you in the background. You felt so groggy, so swollen, and so numb. Staring forward, all you saw was whiteness. Turning your sights this way and that, you saw that everywhere you looked with your still hazy vision was just blurs of white.

Where were you anyways? Did it… really happen…?

“Oh, Jaeyun!! You’re awake!!!” Out of the blue, frail arms suddenly wrapped around your neck and the sound of your mother’s hysteric sobs sounded against your ear. Little by little, your senses were beginning to come back to you. Turning your head to the side, you saw your mother’s head buried in your shoulder with her trembling arms wrapped tightly around you in an embrace. Looking past her, you saw your father up on his feet and staring down at you with a look you initially thought illustrated both shock and relief all at once.

Finally when your vision came into focus; you eased your eyes downward and realized where you were. You were lying in bed in a hospital room. That would explain why everywhere you looked was white. For just a moment though, you thought you were somewhere completely different…

Your mother finally pulled herself away from you with her hands still lingering on your shoulders. You silently stared up at her- at the gleaming tears that were welling up and dripping down from her red eyes, at her slightly reddened face and at her quivering lip that was curled into a smile. “I almost lost hope.” She sniffed, gently curling a strand of your hair behind your ear. “But thank goodness I didn’t. Looks like you’ve got a guardian angel watching over you.”

For some reason, that last sentence stuck out to you more than it should have…

You didn’t have time to think it over too much when your father’s footsteps broke through the silence. He stepped over closer to you and in contrast to your mother; his expression was much firmer and more unyielding. “Jaeyun,” he started. “How did this all happen to you?”

You remained silent but curiously blinked at him.

“How did this happen to you, Jaeyun??” he pressed on.

“Honey please, she just woke up from her coma. This isn’t the time to be asking her such questions.” Your mother said, getting up and clutching onto your father’s arm.

“Coma…?” the word involuntarily slipped past your lips.

“We need to ask her now or else she’ll forget later on.” Your father promptly answered back. “Jaeyun, answer the question. Did someone do this to you??” You unresponsively looked up at him until your eyes somehow found its way down at the floor. “Jaeyun, I know you heard me. It’s a yes or no question. Did someone do this to you?”

“Don’t be afraid to answer us Jaeyun. We’re only asking this because we care.” Your mother added, gently your hair in reassurance.

You couldn’t say anything. No matter how much you wanted to tell them, you couldn’t. How were you supposed to tell them that you…

“Mom, dad.” Immediately, your head snapped upwards to stare up at the owner of voice. The voice also caught your parents attention; both of them turning around and setting their gazes on your older brother Sehun who stood at the doorway. Your eyes were fixated on Sehun as he strode inside the room to his father’s side. He didn’t seem at all stirred by the fact that you were up and awake unlike your parents were, and kept his gaze solely on his parents alone.

“I think it’d be best if you two were to go and inform Dr. Kim that Jaeyun finally came to. I’ll stay here with her while you two are away.” The two adults exchanged hesitant glances with one another before agreeing to Sehun’s proposal and silently filing out of the room; shooting you apprehensive glances and then shutting the door behind them.

That left you and Sehun alone now.

It was an involuntary reaction for you to immediately cast your gaze back down at the ground once the click of the shutting door had echoed throughout the room. You couldn’t look back up at Sehun- it didn’t feel right to do so that easily after all that had happened… The thick tension that began to form in the air around you two made you feel nervous, maybe even a little anxious. There were so many things that you were urged to say but it was all jammed up in your throat and unable to come out. You could feel Sehun’s gaze on you crawling on your skin, making you feel even more unsettled.

Your fingers subtly clenched onto the bed sheets in slight annoyance when you took notice of the beeps emanating from the heart monitor you were hooked onto gradually beginning to pick up in pace; a clear giveaway to Sehun that you were tense right now. Perhaps if you pretended to doze off, he’ll ignore you and leave the room. Or maybe you could tell him you needed a glass of water.

You abruptly flinched when the sound of the wooden chair that sat at your bedside screeched against the floors when Sehun had pulled it out to settle himself in. “I was listening to dad talk to you from behind the door.” Relief settled over you when you heard the calmness and ease of his voice. Thank goodness he wasn’t angry at you.

You brought up your courage to stare up at him as he spoke. “Dad might have seemed angry at you for all of this, but he’s not. He’s just really worried, just like all of us are- he was just showing it in a more aggressive way.” Your eyes trailed down to look at Sehun’s hands that he was uneasily wringing together and his foot that was tapping on the floor. Even now, Sehun still wasn’t looking you in the eyes.

“I understand completely if you don’t want to tell them.” The older boy glanced over at you for a moment before looking away once again. “But, you can always tell me. I won’t tell them anything if you don’t want me to.” With a bit uncertainty, he reached a hand over to lightly grasp your weak and delicate hand resting on your side. He gave your hand a gentle and reassuring squeeze and nodded at you with softened eyes. “I’m your brother, so you can always trust me.” he softly said. Even through your groggy daze, you could see Sehun’s eyes filled with remorse.

There was an instance of complete silence before a long drawn out sigh trickled past your lips. You nodded at Sehun and gently slipped your hand out of his grasp. You knew it now too that if there was anyone you could tell about this whole situation, it would be your brother Sehun. Taking in a deep breath, the words finally just spilled out of you.

“I tried to kill myself. So, I stabbed myself.”

Sehun’s body went stiff for a brief moment before he nodded in response. “I figured… those wounds in your abdomen and chest were self inflicted…” he muttered. “But, I don’t understand… I never would have thought you would ever do something like this to yourself, Jaeyun. I mean, did someone influence you? Was it Krystal who told you to?”

“No, it wasn’t her… but someone did tell me to do it…” You swallowed hard, uneasily continuing on. “That day in school when I first came in, in a wheelchair, people made fun of me. People were also saying hurtful things about me, making me feel like I was a nuisance to everyone. And then… Krystal came and made everything worse on me. When I went home, I cried. It was the hardest I have ever cried in my life. It got to a point where I started to forget why I even started to cry in the first place but just kept crying because all of my bottled up emotions where just piling up on me all at once. And then, it happened…”

Your eyes drifted closed, allowing the memory to clearly play over in your head. “I suddenly heard a voice… And it instantly brought my tears away. The voice told me something, something I’ll never forget. It said ‘You can make all the pain go away… You can get away from everything that troubles you… if you were to kill yourself right now.’” Your eyes slowly opened and your eyebrows furrowed in discomfort when you thought back on the voice.

“A voice…? Tell me Jaeyun, did you recognize the voice? Have you heard that voice before? Did it sound like…?” Sehun stopped himself from saying any names aloud. You instantly knew who he was referring to though and shook your head.

“At first… I thought it was Luhan’s voice, but it sounded different after a while. It sounded like someone completely different, but it was familiar.” You continued on. “I listened to the voice because it kept talking to me. It kept telling me that ‘ending my life’ right now was the only thing I could do. I then remember going into a deep trance. I was conscious and remembered everything that had happened, but my body for some reason began to move on its own.”

“I somehow made it into the kitchen and resting on the counter was a knife. I didn’t want to, but I reached over for it. A second later, my body felt numb and I felt the fabric of my shirt on my stomach start to get wet. I felt a little pain but everything was happening so fast that I didn’t even notice it. I looked down, and I realized I was stabbing myself with the knife without stopping. All I could smell and see was blood. I was scared. I was scared staring down at the knife continuously piercing through me and the cold blood that was seeping through my clothes. I wanted to look away, to stop, but… I just kept going as if something was forcing me…”

“There was something weird that I also remembered during all of this. While I was stabbing myself, I heard two voices. I heard… a man and a woman arguing in my head…”

“A man… and a woman?” Sehun slowly repeated.

You nodded. “It was all I could hear throughout the entire episode. And just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I suddenly stopped. I could feel myself able to move my arms again. After that, I lost consciousness and the next thing I knew, I woke up in this hospital bed.”

Sehun’s head was hung down low as he stared down at his hands that were balled up in fists on his lap. The anger he felt right now caused his entire body to tremble. He couldn’t tell if he was angry at you for doing such a thing to yourself, or at whatever it was in his house that was torturing his helpless little sister. He wanted to scold you or even yell at you to not be so gullible to do such things, but looking up into your eyes made his anger melt away into sympathy.

You were lying in a hospital bed paralyzed in your legs, covered in deep knife wounds, hooked up to countless machines and vulnerably looking up at him; the only person you could put your trust into. You were helpless, confused and scared. How would yelling at you possibly make anything better?

Sehun pulled his phone out of his pants pocket and poked around at the screen. “Jaeyun, I need you to do me a favor.” Sehun said, eyes darting around at the glowing screen in front of him.

“What is it?” you ask.

“When you get out of the hospital, I want you to sleep over my friend’s house for a couple of days.”

“What…? But, why…?” You stared up at Sehun as he stood up on his feet and put his phone against his ear.

“I’m calling them up right now to see who’ll be able to take you in for a couple of days.” He said. Sehun turned and just before he could step away you reached out and weakly held onto his arm to stop him. Sehun immediately stared down at you and saw the confusion in your eyes. Pulling the phone away from his ear, he kneeled down next to you bedside and placed his hand on top of yours.

“Jaeyun, please just understand. I don’t want anything to happen to you. All I want… is for you to be safe.”      

`Author's Corner

Motherfreakin' writer's block... -__-   I'm sorry I got writer's block after such a big cliffhanger lol 

Okay so TWO things here!!!

Thanks to the recent poll, I was able to choose who would be the main love interest in my new fanfic. And the winner isssss... *ugly drumroll* CHANYURRRRR!!!! Yes, Chanyeol won the poll! I already started writing a bit of it so check it out by clicking on the poster for the fic below~            

Click the pic~

Secondly, I wanted to put up one more poll! Since I'm such a curious person, I just wanted to know from my lovely subscribers which pairing they favor in this fanfic! This is just my curious self wanting to know is all lol (Btw, Chanyeol and Kai are NOT potential love interests for Jaeyun but there are always those people out there who ship a pairing that others don't lol)