-Chapter 19-

Me or Luhan?

It was silent- probably the quietest it’s ever been. Your eyelids felt like it weighed a ton, making it almost impossible for you to keep it open. Your numb head and heavy eyelids urged you to close your eyes and drift off into slumber, but you felt the need to stay awake. Although you were blanketed with a thin blanket and resting on a cushiony couch, you felt discomfort in your body. It was a strange sensation really. Was your body sore right now? In pain? You had a feeling that it was because you’ve been in pain before- you knew what pain felt like on your body. But right now, it felt different. The feeling you felt in your body right now felt stronger than pain. What was it then, anyways?

You gradually broke your stare away from the ceiling you were facing, and peered down to gaze at your older brother who sat wordlessly on the other side of the couch. He sat there completely motionless, appearing to be in very deep thought. What was he thinking about anyways?

Sehun sensed your gaze on him, and turned his head to met eyes with you. Even through the dim lighting from the living room lamp a few feet away, you could see subtle sleepy bags under Sehun’s eyes. He must not have been sleeping. “You’re finally awake?” Sehun finally voiced, his tone very gentle and careful. You nodded in response. You wondered how long you had been asleep, and how long Sehun had been staying up.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. You took a moment to think about the question and also about your answer.

“…I feel okay…” you vacantly said. You paused before adding, “But… my legs feel weird.”

“How so?”

“I can’t feel them at all.” Propping yourself up on your elbows and wincing in pain a bit in the process, you reached your arm down to grab the blanket on yourself in order to raise it up to look at your legs. Just when you had a grasp on the blanket, Sehun placed his hand over yours. You looked up at him expectantly, but Sehun didn’t look you in the eyes. His attention was on your blanketed legs. Gently taking hold of your hand, he pulled your hand away from the blanket and laid in down on your side.

As if through telepathic communication, you knew that Sehun didn’t want you to look at your legs. For what reason, you did not know. “I’ll tell mom and dad to take you to the hospital when they wake up.” He quietly said.

“The hospital? Is it that serious?” All he did was nod to your question, still staring down at your legs. There was a brief moment of complete silence. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to take this silence as a moment to think to yourself about this whole thing or to just use it as a means to clear your mind. Looking up at Sehun again, he appeared to be once again engrossed in his thoughts.

“Jaeyun I think you, more than anybody, should know.” He suddenly said. You silently blinked at him, unsure about what he had just said.

“Know what…?”

“About this house.” He said, leaning back into the couch and gazing up at the ceiling. He heaved out a deep sigh and, still avoiding eye contact with you, began speaking. “Do you know anything about the history of this house?” You shook your head. “Well, a long time ago before you were born, before I was born, before mom and dad were even born, three people lived in this very house. A woman named Yoona, her brother Minseok, and Yoona’s fiancée… Luhan.”

Your eyes rounded at Sehun. Sehun was mute for an instant, almost as if he knew that name had relevance to you and he was allowing the name to sink into your head before he would continue on. “Luhan was a rich business man from Beijing, while Yoona was a simple girl who lived in Seoul Korea with her brother. Luhan had met Yoona during a business trip here in Korea. They eventually feel in love.”

Luhan loved someone… before me…?

“Luhan used his fortunes to build this house for him and Yoona and Minseok to live in. It seemed like the perfect scenario until the unexpected happens.” Sehun took in a deep breath. “Yoona… became possessive of Luhan. So much so… that she ended up murdering him and killing herself right after.”

A chill ran down your spine. Luhan was murdered? Just then, you stopped and thought to yourself. Wait…. That can’t be right though… I asked Luhan myself if he was murdered and he said he wasn’t… “Sehun… are you sure that was what had happened…?”

Sehun finally stared you in your eyes. “That’s what all the new letters and documents said had happened. What else could have caused the death of the both of them?” You were silent- there really wasn’t any other explanation you could think of. Did he lie to me then…? So that means Luhan really was murdered… You felt overwhelming remorse in your chest for him right now.

“With that in mind, I have to tell you this right now Jaeyun.” Sehun’s once soft and worry-filled eyes were now firm and a bit commanding. “I know that you’ve been communicating with Luhan’s spirit.”

Your heart dropped. H-he… knew all along…?

“For your own safety Jaeyun, I suggest you stop communicating with him.” You stared at him.

“…What…?”

“You heard me Jaeyun. It’s for your own good. You need to stop before things get too out of hand.” Your eyes trailed down to stare at your lap. “So, are you going to stop?” You were silent. “Jaeyun, did you hear me? Are you going to stop communicating with this spirit?” Still nothing from you. “Jaey-“

“I can’t…”

Sehun raised his eyebrows at you in surprise. “You… what?”

“I can’t… I can’t stop communicating with Luhan.” You clenched the blanket tightly.

“But why? Is he forcing you to-“

“No, I… just don’t want to… I don’t want to completely block Luhan out of my life.” Not after everything we’ve been through.

“Jaeyun, did you not hear anything I just said?? This is a matter of life or death! Yoona could come after you…!”

“I’m sorry… but I just can’t.” You slowly looked Sehun in the eyes. “I can’t leave Luhan.” Sehun stared at you, his expression unreadable with lips slightly parted. Neither of you spoke for what seemed like an eternity.

“Jaeyun… are you… in love with Luhan…?”

You averted your eyes once more and didn’t say a word. Silence now followed Sehun’s question. Each second that ticked by was eating away at you, for you knew at any second now, Sehun was going to say something.

“Why…?” Sehun’s voice now raised in volume. “Why?! You’re in love with him?! How could you accept this thing’s feelings for you and not mine?!!” All at once, Sehun felt all his emotions spill out of himself and he knew he couldn’t keep it under wraps any longer.

“You know fully well already that I’m in love with you!!!”

You dropped your head down and closed your eyes. He was right because… you did know that… you knew it all along…

“You knew I loved you before we moved into this house, before my dad married your mom… before I was forced to be your brother!!!” Sehun felt himself trembling and his breathing irregular and rushed. He stared down at your unresponsive self, feeling everything he had bottled in just overflowing from every part of his body.

Finally, he clenched his eyes shut and attempted to steady his breathing to calm himself down. It took him a few minutes until he could finally find himself able to speak once more. “Since the moment we first met in elementary school, I liked you and I know you knew it back then too. We were always together… some of our classmates would even tease us for never leaving each other’s side- do you remember that Jaeyun? It didn’t bother me though because I loved being with you…”

“We were close friends even when we went to junior high. That was around the time when our parents first met and eventually… fell in love.” Sehun paused, feeling his heavy heart beginning to render him unable to speak. “And before I knew it… they were getting married. It wasn’t fair…! I liked you before they had even met and now… there was nothing I could do about it because I was going to become your brother whether I liked it or not. I didn’t tell anyone, but I was angry because of the wedding… but what was I supposed to do?”

You brought the courage up to peer up into Sehun’s eyes. “I didn’t tell anyone… anyone except you… I told you on the wedding day, do you remember?”

You hesitantly nodded. “I remember… and… I also remember how that was also when you had first confessed to me.” The first guy to ever confess to me.

“I told you I had liked you, but you rejected me. Without even giving me an explanation or anything…!”

“I-I’m sorry…”

“Do you know how much that hurt, Jaeyun? To have someone you loved for several years deny you??”

“Sehun, what was I supposed to do; our parents-“

“I was angry after you rejected me… I was angry but mostly sad and heartbroken. After that day… every time I saw you, the pain I felt from that day would always crash into me like a ton of bricks. And as each day past, I tried to ignore you; to fall out of love with you. But I couldn’t… as the days went on, I ended up loving you more and more. And so, every time I saw you I would get angry because I couldn’t hate you like I desperately wanted to.”

He narrowed his eyes are you angrily. “And now I come to realize that you’re in love with someone else. Someone who isn’t even alive!!”

“Sehun… you’re my brother-“

“And he’s a spirit!!!” You stared at Sehun in shock at his out burst. “I’m not even related to you Jaeyun… how is falling in love with him any better than falling in love with me?”

You couldn’t speak… You knew the answer to that question, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. “I’m sorry… truly sorry… but I never saw you in that way… I only saw you as a brother.”

“Just answer this question for me Jaeyun.” Sehun intervened. You looked onto him, listening intently. “If you had to choose, which one would it be. Me… or Luhan?”

You were left completely speechless. Choose between Sehun and Luhan…? Your lips were slightly parted in order to answer the question, but your words were caught in your throat. You couldn’t push out an answer no matter how hard you tried.

You flinched when you saw Sehun abruptly stand up onto his feet from the couch. You looked up at him and you see him staring down at you with a blank expression. “I was wrong…” he said.

“I do hate you… I hate you for making me waste my time loving you so much.”  

`Author's Corner

See, I actually did push this chapter out like I said in the last chapter!!!! But anyways, yeah, I'm 95% sure the majority of my readers probably saw this plot twister from a mile away. I mean, wasn't it so obvious that Sehun liked Jaeyun?? Just goes to show how uncreative I can be sometimes! Everyone was so concerned about Luhan and Yoona (like REALLY concerned lol) that I thought now, at the most unexpected time, was a good moment to bring Sehun's back story with Jaeyun up!

Ok, so it's 2 in the morning on a school night and I didn't do my part for my group project. Ugghh, what am I doing??? lol