It was a cold Wednesday morning. I was alone in my apartment, like always.

I sipped on my honey lemon tea. His favorite. I never liked the taste before but I remember how he used to pester me to try it and now the taste is growing on me.

I stood up walking by the door when the calendar on the wall captured my attention. Two more days to the 19th! My fingers brushed against the little square I doddled with hearts. He's coming back.

Just by seeing the date on the calendar makes me smile by my own. I'm more than happy to know that he is returning. My one and only true love.

I tried to distract myself, wasting time like I usually do when I am alone. Thats all I've been doing for the past 3 years. I picked up a book, flipping a few pages and I knew I had finished that book before. I just like to read it again. Its because it was his favorite book. I sighed for the umpteenth time. What am I going to do?

My eyelids were getting mush more heavier. I was getting really sleepy from lazing around the house. I put my head down on a table for a short nap.

I had a dream. A really hazy dream I always have...

The sound of waves crashing against the shore. It felt so surreal. This place is familiar. It was the beach we use to visit for our dates.

"You're here." he whispered in my ear.

I turned around and saw what my heart had been missing.

"Oppa!" I called up to him.

He was gorgeous. He has his side swept honey brown hair. Eyes as dazzling as ever and his smile... his smile that I missed so much.

He gave me that breath taking smile again as he closed in and open his arms wide reaching for me. 

I was shook awake by a vibration on the table. It was my alarm notifying me to get ready for work.

I came home grumpy as ever. Not only that my workmates are giving me a hard time, but I was woken up from my dream because of it. Plus, I have a deadline to catch. I sat down on my bed and took out my planner to write down the dates. Once again, the number 19 captured my attention.

Two more days.

I can't wait! He's returning! Just like last year and the year before. He promised to come back a day before his birthday to see me.

I fell asleep again. I was exhausted from work and I want to see him in my dreams again too.

I was at the very same beach but this time, the skies are much darker and the waves are much stronger. I have a bad feeling about this. My feet can't move at all, it was stuck in place. My lips were shut tight and my body was frozen.

He was there, in his favorite trench coat he always wore on rainy days. He stood on the shoreline far away from me. His back was facing me.

"Luhan oppa..." I called out for him but my lips can't move.

I tried to use my arms but they were frozen. What is happening to me?

Luhan oppa turned around but what I saw on his face really made me worry.

He was expressionless. No smile on his lips, no shine in his eyes.

He was different. He walked towards my direction and each step he took makes my heart beat a little faster.

I suddenly felt a glitch in my heart and woke up. What was he trying to tell me?

It was morning by then, I fell asleep for 7 hours straight. I got up and head to shower.

I knew what I was going to do. I was planning to bake a cake in the celebration for his return. Even if he drops by for a little while, I want to spend as much as  time as I could with him.

I took out the baking ingredients and start baking his favorite vanilla flavored cake. I don't even need to use the recipe book for a guide because I had already memorized the recipe by heart.

When I was done coating the cake with cream, I had to decorate it with some fruits and had a little fun myself. When I was much satisfied with the cake, I placed it down on the table and by that time, it was almost evening. I spent way too much time on the cake.

I sat down on my study table and decided to write him a letter for him to keep when he's away.

Dear Oppa,

Happy Birthday to you my love!

You kept your promise to see me today. I hope you liked my special little gift for you. 

Oppa, those 5 years with you was the best I've ever had. You are my first and hopefully you are my last.

Spending 3 years without you was hell. I had to go through life without you and it was not as easy as I thought it would be. I miss you so much....

Flashbacks swept through my mind like a wave

I remember the time he asked me out on a date,

our first kiss,

our first night,

our fights,

our tears,

his final words to me - I'll come back for you....

His death.......

 Unknowingly, my tears streamed down my cheeks, staining the paper along with the ink. I couldn't do this. Not when my heart is not ready to let go.

his beautiful face flashed again in my head, I was torn inside.

I finished writing the letter and fighting my own tears at the same time. It was for him, he doesn't like to see me crying for him, right?

It was almost midnight by then, the time was almost here.