(It's ridiculous)

It's been months

And for some reason I just

(Can't get over us)

And I'm stronger than this, yeah

(Enough is enough)

No more walkin' round

With my head down

(Yeah) I'm so over being blue

Cryin' over you

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The crowd cheered and screamed, chanting his name and Changmin’s. Their voices sent a wave of energy through his body as he danced and sang beside his beloved maknae, fully enchanting the red ocean with their song. Jung Yunho put all of his soul into his performance, because it was the only time he could still feel alive.

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“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay over tonight hyung? I can come back here again after the shooting is finished,” Changmin asked as the car reached his apartment. They had just arrived back in Seoul after a concert in Japan 2 days ago, and their manager decided to drop Yunho off in his apartment first before taking Changmin to a shooting location for a variety show.

Yunho smiled, noting the anxiety in his maknae’s question. Changmin had grown up so much that sometimes he felt like their roles of leader – maknae had reversed.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Just go straight back home after the shooting and get a good rest,” he answered.

“OK hyung. Don’t skip dinner and remember to take the medicine before you sleep,” Changmin shouted before Yunho got out of the van and went inside his apartment building.

+++

Yunho sighed as he entered his apartment. He left the luggage beside the coat hanger near the door and jumped onto the huge sofa on his living room, feeling his head aching and his body burning with fever. He had caught a quite severe cold the night after the concert, sending his maknae into frenzied anxiety.

Well, at least the cold happened after the concert, he thought with little humor.

And suddenly he was struck by the memory of a certain someone that was used to take care of him everytime he fell sick. That someone would scold him for not taking care of his body well, before pushed him to rest on his bed. And that someone would pamper him with his favourite food, patiently fed him and forced him to take his medicine. That someone would kiss his forehead gently before he fell asleep in the warmth of his arms, whispering some words of love and a prayer for him to get well soon.

Yunho felt a familiar ache in his heart as he remembered his Jaejoong. More than three years had passed since the last time Yunho saw him. The pain of their separation had been such a constant in his heart that sometimes Yunho wondered if it’s true that time could heal all the wounds.

Yunho groaned as his cell phone rang. He forced himself to get up from the sofa and rummaged his luggage to look for the phone.

“What’s wrong Changmin?” he asked after looking at the caller ID.

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m just forced by my conscience to check on a sick stupid hyung in the middle of a busy shooting session. Have you eaten your dinner and took your medicine yet?” he asked snarkily, but Yunho felt the real concern in his voice.

“Yes, I was just about to have my dinner,” Yunho answered. He took the take-out that their manager bought for him on their way to his apartment and walked groggily to the kitchen to eat.

“All right then, have a nice rest tonight hyung. I’ll call you again tomorrow morning,” Changmin said.

“Good night, and good luck with the shooting,” Yunho said with a little smile before hanging up.

+++

Yunho decided to have a warm shower after dinner, and his mind went back to someone that frequently shared a shower session with him in the past. He closed his eyes and let the images of a beautiful male roamed inside his head. His milky white skin, his dark brown doe eyes, his red cherry lips, his slender features. Yunho laughed as he remember Jaejoong’s sulky expression everytime he called him beautiful.

“I’m a man Yunho-yah, stop calling me beautiful!” Jeajoong would say.

“But you really are the most beautiful thing ever happened in my life Jaejoongie,” Yunho would said cheesily with a laugh before kissing his lover’s sweet pouting lips.

Yunho kept on laughing for some moments under the shower before the tears started to fall and washed away by the pouring warm water.

+++

Since Jaejoong walked out of their dorm with two of his brothers, Jung Yunho had never been the same man again. He spent the first few weeks of their separation mourning, only going out at night to drown himself in alcohol. He fought a lot with his concerned maknae over his unhealthy lifestyle. His two brothers and ex-lover formed a new group, diminishing the chance for a reunion. The fandom started to break apart as people choose sides, bashing and attacking each other. It was the darkest period of Yunho’s life.

And then, one morning, Yunho found Changmin sleeping on their dorm couch waiting for him to return from the club. He felt a tug of pain in his heart as he looked at Changmin’s young features. His beloved maknae, who always hid his love for his brothers behind a snarky façade. His beloved little brother who never shown fear nor sadness, who always pull off a tough and mature act. And yet, looking at his sleeping face, Yunho realized just how young and vulnerable Changmin was. Yunho was the only one left to walk beside Changmin in his chosen path, and he needed Yunho.

That morning, Yunho vowed never to abandon Changmin again.

He decided to stop his drinking habit and tried to move on, for Changmin’s sake. And after that, things turned better bit by bit. They started to work on a new album, the fandom started to cool down, and their comeback garnered positive response from the fans and media. The public assumed that they had left their past behind.

If only it was true…

Yunho never failed to put a strong and happy façade in front of the public. He talked, laughed, sang, and danced as if nothing wrong ever happened in his life. But everytime the camera stop rolling, he took off his mask and turned into his real self: a walking dead. He was nothing more than a shell of the man he used to be, hollow and dead inside. Without Jaejoong, without his other half, Jung Yunho was lost.

+++