Suchen Spinoff

Flashback - Chen POV

The first thing he told me was that you start with a jump.

He looked like an honor student, but he was the best fighter in our school.

His dad was running a boxing club too.

So I went there one day to find him.

 “I wanna learn how to fight.” I said and he smiled.

“First you start with a jump.”  His voice was loud and happy. “You hit the guy in the chest and he goes down like that. Then you kick the next under the ribs. You don’t start punching until later-”

A hand went up and smacked him at the back of the head.

“What are you telling the little kid, Junmyun?”

“But, dad… he said he wanted to learn how to fight.”

I nodded.

“We’re not teaching people how to fight here, kid.” When the older man smiled, he looked just like his son.

“But you have a boxing club, don’t you?”

“I teach boxing as self-defense.” That’s what Junmyun hyung’s dad always said.

“Teach me that! I want to learn! Please…” I begged. I was used to begging, back then.

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Kim Jongdae.”

“Ok, I’ll teach you how to fight. You can only use it for protection, though.”

That’s how I joined Teacher Kim’s club.

He was a good teacher. Patient and not at all violent.

He used to say that strong fighters throw jabs. Uppercuts are for those who can’t fight for long. And hooks are for when you’re angry.

However, the real talent is to avoid a row.

Teacher Kim said that.

Junmyun was not exactly like his dad.

Energetic and bold, he got into fights without planning to. But he still followed his father’s advice. Boxing was for self-defense. So, he never really hurt anyone.

Kim Junmyun was one year older than me and he had his own, special gang since he was fourteen.

Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun, Do Kyungsoo.

These were his friends and gang members.

With strong fists and clever plans they were everything I wasn’t.

There was nothing I wished more, than be like them.

“Hey kid! Aren’t you one of the orphans, dad is looking after?” However, he knew nothing about me.

“I’m not an orphan.”

“Anyway, you go to our boxing club, right?” He asked and I nodded.

That was the first time he actually paid attention to me.

“Well, if you’re learning self-defense, how come you always come to school full of bruises?”

I remember trying to hide my face and failing. It was so embarrassing.

“I-…”

“Dad already told you, you’re not supposed to get into fights.”

“Wait-”

“He’ll be very disappointed if he hears you use what he teaches you to beat people.”

He had it all wrong though.

“Hyung no…” I tried to explain.

“Look, I won’t tell him, but you have to stop getting into fights every day.”

He stared down at me with the most strong and steady expression I had seen in my life.

And I was mute, suddenly. All I could do was nod.

Junmyun hyung always managed to make you speak, or stop you from speaking, as he pleased.

From that day on, I always got told off by him whenever I came to school with bruises.

Still, he never told his father.

And just for that, I was happy.

Even his nagging, about how I shouldn’t get into rows, became comforting for me.

So much that I had no heart to correct him. Or tell him the truth.

Until one day, everything turned up side down.

“Junmyun hyung!” I went to him for the second time in my life.

“What’s up, Jongdae-yah?”

“I- I… I need help.”

He gave me a once over.

“You got beaten up again. Aish… That’s why I told you to stop fighting!”

“No, hyung, it’s not like that. I have a problem.”

“What is it?”

“My mother wants to move to Shanghai.” I felt tears filling my eyes.

Just as I was getting closer to hyung. Closer to freedom…

“So you’re going away?” He frowned and for a second, something like sadness passed from his eyes.

“No. I can’t. I don’t want to go.”

“Look, Jongdae-yah, I know it won’t be easy to change countries like this. But maybe it will be better. At least you’ll be getting out of this horrible neighborhood.”

Junmyun hyung never bothered to look at me. To him, I was nothing but a stupid kid who trained in his father’s boxing club. Even when he scolded me, for coming to school beaten up, I don’t think he stopped to wonder how I got hurt.

“Hyung doesn’t understand anything!” I screamed in the middle of the school yard. “Even when you speak nice words to others, you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You don’t even understand what is happening and you’re telling me to leave everything and go away with her.”

“I’m trying to help you, Jongdae-yah.”

 “No, you’re not. You just want to make me do what you think is right.”

“Then is it wrong to tell you to stop fighting?”

“Aren’t you supposed to protect others with your fists? Can’t you help me out, for once? Just once.” It was the second time I begged in front of him.

The last time.

I left Seoul with tears and screams, but Junmyun hyung never tried to stop me. I guess these words that I can’t forget, even now, didn’t affect him at all.

I spent two years in Shanghai with my mother.

And for the biggest part of that time, I didn’t even think of him.

Then, when I couldn’t handle life anymore, I walked to the Waibaidu Bridge and took off my shoes.

The water was black and the lights of the city were flickering beautifully around me.

For a moment, I regretted my plan. I told myself I should give life another chance.

But the cars were passing by me without looking. And there was no one back home to care for me.

Junmyun hyung wasn’t here to catch me either.

And as I leaned over the rail, my mind went back to that time I first met him.

You start with a jump, he had said.

***

March 2013

“Can you stop jumping from the first floor, Chen? I already have Tao and Luhan to worry about.” Kris hyung frowns at me.

“But it’s fun.” I pout.

“It’s not fun. It’s dangerous.”

“It was dangerous only the first time I tried it.” He doesn’t seem to appreciate the joke though.  

“Don’t remind me of that. You would have died if Lay hadn’t made you cough out all that water.”

“I know. Now stop fussing and tell me the plan.” I sit down in the karaoke room, staring at the surveillance cameras with him.

“I was expecting that this Suho guy would chicken out if we showed him how strong we are. But it’s not working.” I’m not surprised. If I know one thing about Junmyun hyung and his gang, it’s that they don’t respond well to threats.

“I told you they wouldn’t give up so easily.”

“We need to take control of Seowon, if we want to continue with bigger territories, Chen.”

“Ok. So, we’ll have to take them on.” I put in coldly.

“They’re not weak though.”

“Of course they’re not. We knew that from the beginning. Are you scared, Duizhang?”

“Not about me.” In his own way, Kris is probably worries about us.

“As long as we have Yixing, nothing bad can happen to us.”

Yixing is not really a doctor. He doesn’t have any supernatural powers, either. Yet, his strange tricks somehow make everyone feel better.

Tao says, Yixing’s grandfather was an expert in traditional Chinese medicine. So his talent must have something to do with that.

Plus, I suspect all the smoke he’s inhaling, from these aromatic candles in his room, is messing with his head.

“And what about ‘K’? Don’t you care about what is going to happen to them?” Kris raises an eyebrow at me. He’s such a cruel guy…

“Just because I know some of them, doesn’t mean we were friends.” 

“Then why did you get mad at Tao for hurting their Leader? Why do you look so gloomy lately? Why do you keep going back there, Chen?” He’s definitely right about the last part.

After swearing that I hate the place I grew up in, I still end up walking the same roads every night.

I go to my old middle school. And to my old house. And the convenience store that I used to hide in when mom was drunk.

I hate it, but I can’t avoid going back to it.

Today, I end up sneaking in the boxing club.

It’s abandoned and empty.

But there are still some photos of boxing tournaments on the walls and that’s enough for me.

“What are you doing here?”

I notice a shadow behind me and my body tenses.

“I was nostalgic. I wanted to see my old teacher.” I reply without turning around to face him.

“Then you should have gone to his grave.”Junmyun hyung sounds emotionless. He still doesn’t recognize me.

“I didn’t know where it was.”

“Follow me.”

Why do I keep doing things I hate? And now, why am I trailing after that guy who abandoned me when I needed him?

Yixing’s aromatic candles must be affecting me too.

The Teacher’s grave is in a small cemetery, on a hill. There are some weeds around it, but it looks well kept.

I kneel down and pay my respects.

“Thank you, Teacher.” I whisper and it’s a good thing that the wind is blowing and hyung doesn’t hear me.

“I didn’t know you were so close to my father.” He says. I straighten up, glancing at him.

“Aren’t you going to fight me? I’m in your territory right now.” I change the subject.

“I don’t like fighting.” His eyes are shining with anger.

“Oh, right. I almost forgot. You’re Suho now. The wise leader. The guy who takes in orphans from the streets. The protector of Seowon…” I laugh, but it sounds dry.

 “Are you making fun of me?” He takes a step closer and I step back.

“No.” I shake my head. “I’m just being a little bitter, I guess.”

Hyung throws me a questioning look and just like Kris said, I try to act indifferent, but fail.

I’m still hung up on it.

“I just don’t get why Junmyun hyung would care about everyone else, except for me.”

“What are you talking about?” As I expected, he doesn’t even know who I am.

“I know, right? What the hell am I talking about? It’s already been five years. Of course you don’t remember me. I was only a stranger to you.” For me it hurts, though. After five years, it still hurts.

“What?!” He keeps coming closer and seriously, I’m too tired to escape.

I want to say it all now.

I’m too tired already.

“I was only a stranger to you. Yet, you were the person I liked best in the world. No, more than that, the person I was in love with.” That makes him come to a halt.

“Are you messing around with me?”

“You think it’s a joke, right? When you can’t even remember my name, how can I like you this much?” I take a deep breath. “But I’ve stopped liking you. We’re enemies now.”

“How can you say this, so suddenly?” Junmyun hyung messes his hair.

Honestly, I feel sort of happy to see him so shocked.

“Since you don’t even remember me, I thought it would be okay to just… blurt it out now.” Because, I can’t fight together with Duizhang and the others in this state. I have let go of the past first.

But while I’m trying to let go, he grabs my arm and holds me there.

“You keep saying it; ‘you don’t remember’, ‘you don’t remember’ again and again and again.” I can feel his fingers tearing the fabric of my shirt. It’s strange, because hyung is always in control.

“But I remember perfectly well, Kim Jongdae.”

He says my name with the same strong and steady voice he used back then.

“You… you remember me?” I sense my eyes widening.

“The cute kid who always came to school full of bruises. How could I forget?” He speaks easily, like he always knew who I was.

 Like he never forgot.

“That’s a dirty trick, hyung. You shouldn’t say things like that...” Cause I might just believe them.

“The first time you met me you had a scared look on your face and your feet were shaking. I had thought you were lost. But then you asked to learn how to fight and I was impressed.” He smiles again, like he had that day. “See? I remember everything.”

Damn, did he just win against me? I was so sure I could hate him. And now…

Now, I can’t find a reason to push him away. 

Once it was so bad, that I felt like I didn’t even exist. Since no one cared for me and no one remembered me, it was as if… as if I wasn’t even alive.

But Junmyun hyung didn’t forget.

Of all people, the most important one… He remembered me.

It’s so simple and it’s ridiculous how happy it makes me.

How can I push him away, now?

“Hey! A-Are you crying, Jongdae-yah?” His grip loosens and he starts patting my back instead.

It only makes things worse, cause now I’m sobbing and laughing at the same time.

“Yah… why are you crying? Stop it!” Still, he doesn’t push me away.

“No one has called me by that name in five years.” I mumble through tears.

“I thought you had become such a tough guy, but it turns out you’re still a crybaby.” He jokes and I realize that I can feel his breath on my neck.

 “I’m sorry.” This time he’s more serious. “You were right. I didn’t understand anything back then. I’m sorry.” Arms slowly open and wrap around me softly.

“I acted cool, but in reality I knew nothing. I thought you can only get bruises by fighting in the streets. I had no idea…” He sounds genuinely apologetic and again I don’t have the heart to hate him.

“Who told you?” I ask.

“Baekhyun found out after you left.” He sighs. “I was so stupid. Day by day, I saw you in that state and I never realized…”

“That mother was doing this to me?” I feel him nod at this.

“A-And I told you to go with her. Alone in a foreign country. You must have hated me.” He holds me tighter and new tears come in my eyes.

“I tried to… to stop thinking about you. But-… I can’t do it.”

“After dad died, I started picking up kids from the streets. I was thinking about you, really. It’s stupid, but I was hoping that just like I took care of them, someone would be taking care of you too.”

“We weren’t even friends…” I frown.

 “Maybe we weren’t friends, yet you were never a stranger to me.”

“So what do we do now?” I ask him, later, as we both sit on the ground near the graveyard.

“Come join ‘K’.” He suggests, his shoulder touching mine.

“I can’t do that. Kris hyung was the one who saved me. I can’t abandon them.” I stare at hyung sadly. “Plus, they’re not that bad, hyung. I know Tao went overboard, but they’re good people.”

“We’ve already declared war. Would your Leader agree to leave us alone, if we stopped now?”

I hate to admit it, but Junmyun hyung is right. Our Leader won’t back down either.

“Can’t you surrender? He won’t hurt you or anything…”

“I have people to protect too, Jongdae-yah. I wish I could just get away from everything and just… stay here with you…”

“But you can’t.” I finish the sentence for him.

“I’ve been looking after my territory all this time. I don’t want to leave them alone, like I left you.”

“I see.” I should be sad, yet, somehow, it doesn’t feel so wrong anymore. “So we’ll be fighting against each other soon.”

“No one is going to be hurt badly.” He assures. “The kids wouldn’t do that.”

“And after the fight, we can be… more like this.” I rest my head on hyung’s shoulder and he makes no move to push me away.

“I’m not letting you go this time, Kim Jongdae.” He nudges my shoulder.

“I’m waiting to see your skills in fighting, hyung.” I chuckle under my breath. “You should start with a jump…”

He laughs and it echoes around the place; loud and happy.

A/N: Meh. I really like Suchen. So there. 

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