“I want to love you simply, in words not spoken: tinder to the flame which transforms it to ash
I want to love you simply, in signs not expressed: clouds to the rain which make them evanescent (Aku Ingin-I Want)” 
― Sapardi Djoko Damono

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Bae Suzy, Kim Myungsoo (L), [slight] Kim Jongin (Kai)

“Are you happy?”

He smirked, looking at the girl sitting beside him. Her plump cheeks were rosier than usual and her black eyes tried hard to look straight into his yet all he could feel emptiness hid behind her eyes. There were few strands of hair sticking on her face; with every bit of sanity left in his soul (did he have any left?), he tucked them behind her ears.

“Are you?” he threw her another question instead of replying.

Bae Suzy sighed. The man beside her was always like this. Two months they had been together (this is not right, this is not right), sailing in the ocean of insanity all over the world, she still didn’t know who he really was, what he actually felt, or what he hid inside every chamber of his heart. All she knew, he always cared for her a bit more than him.

What she already knew, Kim Myungsoo was her heroin, flowing in her blood, injecting every type of insanity she never felt. She was never mind. She was happy (— or maybe she thought she was).

“As long as you’re happy, then I’m happy,” her eyes were fluttered as he grabbed her closer to him. She could feel her skin against him, wrapping her skinny body from the cruelity of the world. Somehow, she felt safe yet she didn’t.

Her phone rang. A name came and it brought her back to the reality. She started collecting every bit of her sanity, “Yes, Gaeun-ah?”

A five years old girl voice answered right away, “Mom, when will you come home? Daddy asked where you are right now.”

“Dad?”

“Yeah. He went home earlier today because he said he wanted to have diner outside together.”

“Why?”

“Daddy said today is your wedding anniversary, right?”

Suzy could feel the pang inside her heart. She didn’t know how to react yet she answered, “I will go home soon, Gaeun-ah.”

Gaeun sighed, “Please promise me, that you will really come home soon.”

Suzy was in the verge of breaking (eventhough she knew that she already broke herself into pieces. She just tried hard to glue every piece of her without making it break again). She finally answered, “Yes, Gaeun-ah. Wait for me, okay?”

“I miss you, Mom. Eventhough Dad doesn’t say it out loud, I know he also misses you so much.”

“I miss you too, Gaeun-ah.” And, I miss you too, Jongin.

Click.

She started collecting all of her stuff (and pieces of her sanity). Kim Myungsoo just watched her in his usual face, didn’t give her any hint of how he actually felt. Maybe, that was why Suzy ran to him whenever she didn’t have any right choice. Because, Kim Jongin is the reflection of the ambiguous choice of her world. Kim Myungsoo is the line between every right and wrong.

Suzy faced him, “I should get going, Myungsoo.”

Myungsoo only nodded and smiled a bit in reply. He looked away because the more he looked at Suzy, the more he didn’t want to let her go. He knew he couldn’t. Who the hell he was?

Suzy looked at him for a bit more, feeling guilty yet both of them knew this love would never work out. It just would never be. This love was like running against the world and you just ended up falling because too many people bumped at you from another direction. There were too many obstacles and running against the world was never the right option.

“Bye, Myungsoo.”

“Bye, Suzy.”

Suzy closed the door, and also closed every page of memory with Kim Jongin. She headed back home, the place where she should be.

It has been such a long time since I last writing, so pardon me if this one really fails lol. Feel free to drop your comment! :)