As you sang,

you brought joy to a heart who has never known it.

Yet, even as I smiled,

your song became a siren's melody,

promising love and serenity,

luring me to my death

with your fatal lullaby.

She reached underneath the bed, her fingers searching, seeking for what may be so horrific that could even shake Daehyun. She wanted to know all the secrets of insanity, all the terrors of the night, all the whispers of the dead. She was curious, and when Mieun was curious, she could not be stopped.

It was as if some unseen force drew her in, trapped her, seduced her, and enticed her to do unspeakable things. To disobey her parents. To disregard Daehyun's words. It was addictive, as if she were trapped and couldn't leave anymore. She was hooked, and she couldn't stop. She couldn't be stopped.

She lifted up the blanket. Her fingers trembled. This was it. She was really going to look under the bed. She didn't know why. She didn't care much for Daehyun's words. In fact, the only reason she listened to them was because she was frightened. She was frightened of what a madman like Daehyun could--no, would--do to her. She was terrified yet enthralled by the idea that he was hiding something from her.

She did it. Mieun looked underneath the bed.

And she was greeted by darkness.

A darkness that seemed to her in further, pull her little by little, and blind her rationality.

Her fingers stretching out, searching. She flinched when she touched something cold and hard. Tentatively, she poked it, wondering what it could possibly be. She grasped it, feeling the cool surface. She dragged it towards her, hearing it scratch against the wooden floor.

She shut her eyes tight, only now starting to have second thoughts about her decision. But it was too late now. She had already thrown Daehyun's words  out of the window. She had already set foot in his bedroom. She had already looked underneath the bed.

She couldn't turn back now.

She dragged it out into the light.

It was a book. A very small, black, leather-bound book. The cover was cloaked by a thin film of dust, but she could see a set of fingerprints imprinted through the dust. Someone had touched this just very recently, and Mieun had a feeling she knew who.

She smoothed away the dust, blowing it away softly. It flew in all directions, creating small clouds of dust, swirling in the air. She opened it to the first page. The pages were yellow and creased. They crackled under her touch like they would tear any second.

There wasn't anything much on the first, unlined page. Just a small inscription written in small, meticulous handwriting.

"Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires.”

She shivered. What black and deep desires? She tried not to dwell on it any longer, flipping to the second page. A series of entries listed one after another followed written in that same meticulous, careful handwriting.

June 13.

She seemed happier than before. I'm glad. Her smile seems to be the only thing that brings me solace now. She doesn't mind me anymore, though she did ask me once why I was....different. Am I different?

I do not think so.

June 15.

We went outside today. Our first outing together. I loved it. I am trying very hard to use that word. She told me that I should say 'love' more often. Is this how I use it? I love her. I loved going outside. Do they mean different things? One love and the other.

I am glad I brought her outside to play. I like seeing her smile. It makes me happy. It makes me smile. That's another thing she said I should do more often. Smile. It is a very hard feat to accomplish. But for her, I will try. Because I like seeing her smile. It's addicting. Almost like a drug to me.

June 17.

Completed two today. I was in a rather bad mood because I didn't have time to see her today.

 I've kept the photos in the usual place.

July 3.

I've decided to settle on the second option. The coordinates are rather tricky. Every time I'm with her, I feel more...free. I feel like I can finally breathe.

July 16.

Four-oh-two is finished. Details in the usual place.

July 18.

Four-oh-nine completed. Finally, I feel at peace.

July 23.

It feels wrong, so wrong. Is it okay to leave her in the dark just like this?

I hope so.

It is what is best for her.

August 1.

I have decided to take a break and spend some time with her. I am sure she feels bored being locked up all day. Of course, it is what is best for her. Everything I do for her is for her good.

Probably will make some time when four-twenty-seven is finished.

September 24.

She started asking me questions. Questions that I do not like.

October 31.

She told me of a place called 'paradise' today. She says it is a beautiful place where angels sing and where one feels peace. She says that there, souls can rest in peace. She says there is nothing better than paradise. I am curious about this 'paradise'. She says it is eternal, that it never ends. I, too, wish to feel peace.

For my heart can take this world no longer.

December 24.

I find that, little by little, I am spending more time with her. I am not acting like I normally do. I smile more. I do not waste my time on things I once did. I finally understand what she means by 'love'.  Now, she has become the priority in my life. She is all I can see in my eyes.

December 25.

It has been a while.....Perhaps I should start on four-thirty?

January 30.

It is getting late now. I should probably be sleeping now. But I cannot. I am just too fascinated. Her every little breath. Every feature of her face. Every little strand of her hair. I am fascinated. Are all other humans like this? I do not think so. I have never seen one like her. She is like the small breeze of wind that comes through the window, stirring my soul and wracking my conscience. My angel..

February 13.

Just finished Four-forty-nine. I am tired now. It is strange. Never have I been tired before after someone like Four-forty-nine. Is there something wrong with me? I think I shall go see her. She always makes me feel better.

March 26.

I am starting to have second thoughts now.

April 6.

My soul is weary. Ragged and lost. It is corrupted by the pain and despair, the sorrow and anguish in this world. The darkness is slowly eating me away.

July 4.

Four-seventy-two aborted. Don't ask me why. I'm just...I'm not feeling it anymore.

I do not have the heart anymore.

August 3.

It's addicting. I can't stop. I need her. It's become so bad that I feel like I can't breathe without her. I'll go insane without her. The thought itself is enough to drive me mad.

Love has made me a madman.

August 6.

I love her, I really do. Is that why I'm doubting myself? She is so special to me. I would be lost without her. Finally, I feel like I can see the light. The light is a beautiful thing I have discovered.

November 14.

She says my eyes have changed. She says that I used to have light in them, but now, they are so bleak and lifeless. She shies away from my touch. She is more hesitant. Her kisses and embraces seem more distant. She has withdrawn herself, staying in her room all day.

I am scared.

I do not want her to leave.

Ever.

December 1.

When we die, we will die together. That way, neither of us will have to live a second without the other.

December 24.

It has been over a year now since I have started writing. I am torn. She has withdrawn far from me, leaving me. I can only turn to my only other solace. It has worsened.

December 29.

Is this really what you call 'love'? Where you cannot bear one second without the other? That even the thought of them not looking at you kills you inside? Where you feel an uncontrollable rage?

No, I do not think this is love.

Obsession.

This is an obsession.

January 31.

I am running out of time. I can feel it. And so I continue on.

February 23.

'Paradise' weighs heavily on my mind. Oh, how I wish to just see a glimpse of it!

March 5.

I cannot breathe anymore. It is too much for my heart to handle. The way she looks at me. The look in her eyes has changed. They are no longer full of love and joy but rather, fear and distrust.

Oh, my love is fleeing.

And the clock is ticking.

July 15.

The reason to breathe now blocks my breath.

This is not love.

I am obsessed.

September 9.

Five-oh-two completed. It was almost aborted. The whole time, I felt a chill in my heart, like someone was watching me, following me.

September 21.

I want to stop. I want to stop it all. All I want, all I need is to be with her in paradise. That's enough, is it not?

But I cannot.

What I have started, I must finish.

November 12.

She called me a monster. A monster who preys upon and kills the innocent.

I am not a monster. No, I am not.

The terror in her eyes was a stab to my heart. I am not a monster. I'm...I'm not...I'm not a monster.

I am not a monster.

I am not a monster.

I am not..not a monster.

She ran.

She left me. She tried to leave me. She fled, her white nightgown billowing in the wind like a ghostly maiden haunting the woods. Not once did she look back when I called her name. Not once did she glance back when I cried, falling to my knees. Not once did she gaze back when she tore out my heart and left me out in the woods to die.

I thought it would be enough.

I'm sorry.

Love isn't a wonderful thing like she told me.

Love is a killer. A murderer. A monster.

I thought that love would be enough.

I'm sorry.

I loved her.

I really loved her.

I loved her, I truly did.

I loved her.

I loved her.

I loved her.

But, in the end, it wasn't enough.

My love just wasn't enough.

Mieun's hands shook. The paper was splotched, and the writing was smeared with a dark brownish-red.

Red.

She wanted to stop. She wanted to put it down. She wanted to run, far, far away into the woods. She wanted to hide. But it was too late. Her hands were possessed, and she turned to the next page. She couldn't stop it.

She was no longer in control.

November 13.

Blood.

Red blood covers my hands. It is all that I can see. It is what obstructs my whole vision. Everywhere I look is red. I can smell the metallic stench. I can feel the warm stickiness.

I am slowly going insane. I can feel it. All I can think about is red blood.

Beautiful red blood.

Oh, how lovely it was. The warm, sweet scent flowing through my fingers.

Then I see her, lying in front of me, the pristine white of her nightgown marred with scarlet. I see her neck.

It is red.

I scream.

November 15.

"The path to paradise begins in hell." I am in hell right now, aren't I?

Except that this time, there is no path left for me.

November 17.

I'm standing in the same place again. My hands are shaking. I can't see. I ask myself: why? Why are my broken legs standing here?

I can't remember anything, and it scares me. Where are you? I can't hear your laughter. Where are you, who was laughing just now?

And then, I remember. And it kills me. The scars are like shackles and chains, choking me. My heart has collapsed. I cannot think. I cannot breathe. All I remember is you leaving.

All I can remember is your red blood.

Don't leave me, don't throw me away. Curse me. It's all my fault. It's all my fault for letting you go. Do not love me, for I was the one who threw you away.

I did not know that my excessive love would strangle you. Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to just give you my love. I did not know that my love had lost its way.

Your lips that left me should not love. It is your fault. You were the one who wanted to leave me. Because of you, I have become this crazy, madman. All I wanted was to give you my love.

Because of you, even my love has become a sin.

You have become so cold. Your hands have become so cold.

But for tonight, I beg you. Please, don't leave me. Please don't leave my side.

I threw you away, but now, I want you back.

November 20.

Nightmares.

Always nightmares.

I see her every night, haunting me, asking me why. I remember everything. It is always  the same. Even the way her white nightgown billows in the wind. Those sightless eyes staring straight back at me, crying tears of blood. Her white nightgown now marred with red. Or rather, her red nightgown marred with white.

I can't forget.

I am haunted. I can hear her singing at night in the woods. I swear. I am not going crazy. I can feel her touch on my skin. I can feel her lips on mine. I can see her in the mirrors as I walk by.

After she left, I lost control. It is becoming blurred. I cannot see her face anymore. I cannot move in the darkness. I cannot feel anything anymore. Everything. Everything has left me.

Tears fall. And all I can think about is her. I am trapped in our memories.

Her not being here by my side makes my heart stop like I am dead.

I cannot breathe living without her.

It hurts so much.

Is this how they feel in their last moments? This pain? This agony?

November 23.

Silent screams echo through the night,

your voice fading in the wind.

My heart longs to meet again.

Time driven us apart.

But alas, it can't do one thing.

Erase your name from my heart,

I close my eyes and wait for my slumber.

So my dying heart can take ease.

So...at least tonight and for eternity.

We'll be back together for real, instead of being memories.

For our love is to live forevermore.

And we'll be together for eternity, five-oh-three.

In paradise or hell, I am not sure.

But all that matters is that we are together.

In paradise or hell, whichever it may be.

This is you and.....

'You and....'? Without any hesitation, Mieun flipped to the next page. Her fingers would not let her do anything else. She stared at the blank page, perplexed. Squinting, she could barely make out the faded words.

This is you and I as we have always been.

Mieun screamed.

All she could see was blood. Red blood.

Blood, blood, blood.