By the morning he was already gone. I realized that after my lips brushed against the edge of my blanket. I shifted my sore body on the couch. My mind was buzzing, it felt like someone was using a cake mixer on my brain. It hurt, but there was something important that I was missing, again. I just can't fish it out. What was I even doing with my life? Not just mine, but Luhan's as well. I felt so disgusting... I did not even deserve to be here.

I stepped off the couch and stumbled towards the bathroom. I crouched down and looked at my rippled reflection in the toilet bowl, then I puked out all of my insecurities, all of my worries, all of my pain.

Pain? Haha, that's funny.

"Hello? Minseok?"

"Joonmyun...  I'm not feeling very well today... Can you like, extend your shift and close early?"

"Minseok! What happened? Where are you right now?"

"I'm at home."

"Okay, okay, I'll do that."

"Thank you Joonmyun, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Don't worry about it." and I think he smiled before he hung up.

I walked back to the bathroom and the faucet. The water splashed against the porcelain, then I brought my hand down and began to wash my face. It felt really refreshing.

I plopped down on my bed after that. And I thought I was going to slowly drift into a nap until I heard the doorbell ring. It might have been the delivery man for my package. I rolled myself off my bed and went to answer the door, but when I peeked through the gl, it was Joonmuyn.

"Joonmyun?" I clicked the lock open for him. He slowly stepped in and dropped several plastic bags of groccery onto the floor.

"Sorry for closing the shop so early Minseok, but did you really think I was just going to leave you like this? What happened?"

He walked in after taking his shoes off. We sat on the couch with the blanket pushed to the side.

"Nothing much really... I just got drunk last night."

"Alright," Joonmyun looked down, and then towards me, "with who?"

"What do you mean? Uh, just myself." I looked at him, and smiled.

Joonmyun tilted his head downwards, but kept his gaze up at me, giving his non-believing look. "Minseok I've known you for long enough to tell when you're lying to me. It's that famous boy right? Do celebrities just somehow feel inclined to mess up everybody's lives or something..."

I looked at his frowning face, but something inside me tells me that he was wrong. I opened my mouth to talk, but the doorbell rang once again.

"Oh, I'll get it. It's probably the delivery man with my package." I told him.

I felt so sure of it, that I didn't bother to look through the hole or ask who it was, and instead I just opened my door with a flick of my wrist. But as I flung my door open, it was not the delivery man, but...

"Luhan!"

It felt like a blast through me; the kind of feeling when you finally find the last piece of that one thousand piece puzzle under the cushion of the sofa. I wanted to smile and say hello, but then I remembered last night. Before I was able to ponder on the thought longer, Luhan had already set his eyes on the other person in the room.

"Why is he here?" Luhan announced loud enough for all of us to hear. His expression was stoid but pouty. He leaned towards me and softly placed one hand on my back as he walked in and closed the door with the other. Luhan gazed down at the red grocery bags on the floor, the ones that Joonmyun brought in a few minutes ago.

"I bought some fruits... Peaches. They're ripe, so we should eat them now." He told me, as he placed his bag onto the table, taking three of them and bringing them into the kitchen, leaving me between the doorway and the living room.

Once he walked away, I turned to Joonmyun and gestured my arms around me with utter confusion. I had no idea what was going on either, but I couldn't just leave Luhan alone. What if he cuts off a finger?! Interrobangs couldn't even express how I felt inside. "I'll be back in a second!" I told the other man, still sitting on my couch, and deliberately walked into the kitchen. I couldn't even tell if I was still under the influence of my hangover anymore.

"Luhan? The knives are in the corner... Oh you already found them." I uttered as I stepped in. "Be careful though, ah..." Just looking at him could made me worry my head off. It it wasn't already off, that is.

"Why..."

I gazed at him, "hm?"

"Why do you care now? Just a knife... My fingers, some peaches... For the, three, of us." Luhan softly murmured...

"What do you mean, Luhan-ah?"

He turned towards me and lowered his hand with the knife slowly into the juicy peach, while my eyes turned from his face to the leaking nectar, and then blood.

"Luhan!" He continued to look at me as I exclaimed and picked up his injured hand, taking it towards the sink.

"It's okay, I'll eat that one."

"What are you saying? What are you saying?! You idiot!" I the water and ran his finger under it, washing the nectar and the blood away. But he didn't flinch, not even once. The cut was moderately deep.

"We need to go to the hospital." I told him, but more to myself.

It was then when Joonmyun hurriedly stepped into the kitchen. He looked at me with a mixed expression of confusion, fear, and a bit of annoyance, "hospital?"

"Luhan cut himself. He really cut himself. Good lord, I'm going to get some gauze for now, but I'm pretty sure that needs to be stitched." I walked out, leaving them two alone.

I could care less at that moment about their relationship. What if his cut got infected? Even the smallest things will affect his career. What if his manager questions him about it? What will he do? What will happen? And it would all be because of me, and those peaches... And the knife, the small one with the blue handle, which belonged to me. It's all because of me...

I wrapped the gauze around his finger and secured it with a bandaid while Joonmyun gathered his stuff, ready to drive Luhan to the hospital. The whole time Luhan did not say anything. It was good, less protesting means more progress I could get done, and the faster we can get him some real medical care.

"I'll drive the car out and I'll call you when I'm by the door, alright?" Joonmyun said, waving his hand with the car keys once and stepping out the door.

"Yeah, thanks Joonmyun!" I pulled my lips into a gratifying smile as he closed the door softly. Then I turned to Luhan, who still did not look very well. It was as if I was looking at a child who was giving his mother the silent treatment.

"Luhan, are you feeling alright? Let me change quickly and we'll bring you to the hospital to get your hand checked up."

I brought up my hand to his bangs and pushed a strand back, away from his eyes. Never would I have known he would lean in and seal his lips with mine. He clutched me in his arms as if I was going to dissolve into sea foam, and at that time I felt like I really would. But he still did not break our kiss. I guess, it was no longer 'the' kiss, but 'our' kiss. Somehow, my mindset began to change.

And we weren't even together.

Luhan slowly parted his lips from mine, and looked at me while he told me that he "didn't want to go to the hospital" because "it was scary" and that "it will raise questioning publicity" and also because "it was just a small cut and he could buy some ointment from the drug store".

I guess he was right... I was really just overreacting. I was supposed to be letting go, letting go while breathing out all that was held up inside me and perhaps start anew with a clear mind, but now it feels as if I was trying to hold on, tighter than I have ever before.

Joonmyun called me, but I told him that everything was alright, so he could just go home. I told him that Luhan was alright, but then he asked me if I was alright. "I'm fine! I feel better now." I told him, and I thanked him for the grocery. He told me to eat well and I obliged.

It was just that.

But Luhan insisted to not move his from my house that day. I was only concerned about his job, his image, and it was normal, it was, but he denied it so strongly that I had no idea what was right or wrong anymore.

"I only need you, Minseok. My Xiumin..." His eyes twinkled under the six dimmed lightbulbs of my lamp as I slightly fluffed the pillow beneath his head. I pulled up the blanket to his neck and smiled. He said that he will sleep on the couch and would not have it any other way.

"Do you like Joonmyun?" He suddenly asked me.

I turned around to him again with my brows furrowed. What kind of nonsense was he talking about this time?

"As a good friend, yes, as a romantic interest, no." I blatantly stated. But then it hit me, "are you... Jealous?"

"No."

"Oh that was a quick reply."

"Ugh, you ."

I stared at him. "Wow... That was the first time you straightforwardly insulted me, Luhan."

He let out half a laugh and inhaled a gulp of air. "You , you , you , you , you ! Gah Kim Minseok, I hate how I love you!"

"Ah!" He gasped and pouted at the last line.

In such states I still felt my cheeks slightly flush with heat. "I know..." I said, and somehow, I felt pleased with myself, with him. If only I could let myself feel this way forever. If only I could feel this way forever.

"Goodnight Luhan, sweet dreams."

"Goodnight, Minseok, Xiumin..." He yawned the last words and I flicked the light switch down.

Goodnight.