I was looking in the bathroom mirror, completely disgusted with myself. The bags under my eyes were more prominent than ever from lack of sleep, my skin was yellowish because I had been sick for the past few days and worst of all, the dark purple marks on my neck left by that boy’s mouth simply did not want to fade away. I tried putting ice on them, but they weren’t going anywhere. I tried covering them with make-up I borrowed from Baekhyun, but they were still clear as crystal.

I sighed and buttoned up my uniform shirt. Our school uniform was very basic. Navy blue pants and a white short sleeved button-up shirt with the school logo on the chest pocket. I opened the cabinet behind the mirror and took some bandages out of their box. I carefully fixed them over the hickeys. It took three whole bandages to cover all of them, and anyone with half a brain would know what was hidden beneath. Too bad vampire bites were out of the question. It didn’t matter though because I didn’t care, as long as I didn’t have to look at them anymore.

I slung my school bag over my shoulder and said goodbye to my parents before heading out. I walked down the street and stopped at the last house like I usually did. I waited about thirty seconds before the door opened and Baekhyun walked out wearing that million-dollar smile of his. “Tao!” He exclaimed in giddiness. He was as energetic as always.

He threw his arms around my neck and hugged me tight. “Oh, Tao, how I have missed you!” He said dramatically. I lazily hugged him back with one arm. “It’s only been a day since we last saw each other.” I said, not bothering to play along with him. He abruptly let go of me and scowled. “You could at least act like you’re happy to see me!”

 I gave a sigh. Baekhyun you’re so hard to deal with sometimes. But he was my best friend and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I smiled at him then kissed his cheek. “I am happy to see you.” I assured him. A huge smile broke across his face and he opened his mouth to speak, but something caught his gaze and his smile faded. He was looking at my neck.

He let out a small gasp. “What happened? Did you get hurt?” He asked in concern. “Umm, actually…” I tried to tell him, but didn’t know how to word it. He lightly touched the bandages and I saw the look of confusion in his eyes disappear. “Oh. He did this to you, didn’t he?” He said, emphasizing the “he” with a wrinkled nose and a disgusted tone. I just nodded in shame, mouth shut.

He gave a look of displeasure. Does Baekhyun not like him? It seems like he hates him, but I don’t know... The discontent in his expression was soon replaced with guilt. “I’m sorry I didn’t come in to stop him sooner. He had already-” “Baekhyun it’s not your fault! I was drunk, so let’s just forget about it, Ok?” He smiled sweetly and locked arms with me, letting me know it has already been forgotten.

 I hated myself a little because I was acting like the victim, when in truth, I let that beautiful boy do those things to me, I willingly spent the night with him, and I actually liked it. He did not force me into doing anything. But I would never say that out loud. I just let the boy take the blame. It was terrible, I know, but what was I supposed to do? Fess up and become the schools punching bag? I think not. “Come on, we’ll be late.” Said Baekhyun, and we started walking in the direction of the school.

I had wondered many times before why Baekhyun hung out with someone like me. He was popular with the girls, with the boys, the one everyone wanted to be friends with. He was the cool, funny kid with a bright personality and a cute face all at once. I just didn’t understand why he decided to sit with me back then, in seventh grade. Why he chose me, of all people, to be his friend. I had asked him once before, but he replied with a shrug of his shoulder and a simple “I don’t know, I just wanted to sit with you.”

At first, I thought it was just a pity thing. That he would sit with me because he felt bad for me because I was always alone, and that soon he would go back to hanging out with the other kids. Yet there we were three years later, still enjoying each other’s company.

Before, sometimes Baekhyun got on my nerves because it seemed like he was always happy, always joking, always in the mood to socialize, while I was anti-social and never in the mood to laugh or play. His happiness came from human interaction, while mine came from silent martial arts training or taking lone walks on beaches and in parks.

I didn’t let him in at first, I thought he was meddlesome. He was still on the other side of the wall I had built. Until one day, after school, I walked to the park and he tagged along. We sat on the two empty swings, and he just wouldn’t stop talking and laughing. I was having a particularly bad day, and I let my emotional state get the best of me. “JUST SHUT UP!” I yelled, cutting off his words.

A silence lingered for a while and I felt my eyes start to sting. “Just shut up and leave me alone. Why did you even come anyway? Why do you always come?” Tears were falling from my eyes by this time. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I was sure by then that I scared him off. He would run for the hills and never look back at me, the crazy, emotional, weird kid.

I remember seeing the tears drip onto my lap. I gripped so tightly onto the swing chains; it left bruises on my palms for several days after. I was looking down when I felt the now orange-tinted sunlight get blocked by him standing in front of me. I looked up in confusion, surprise, rage and before I had time to comprehend the situation, his arms were wrapped around my neck and my face was being pressed in his shirt as he hugged me close to him. “I always come, because you’re the only one in the whole world who is worth it. I will always come.”

And for the first time in my life, I felt wanted. I felt important. I felt needed. Just like that, Byun Baekhyun became my best friend. He was my best friend and the most important person in my life.

“So… what are you going to do?” Baekhyun asked, pulling me back to the present.

“What am I going to do?”

“Yeah, what are you going to do when you see him?”

“See who?”

He rolled his eyes at me. “When you see him obviously,”

A lump formed in my throat. What am I going to do? “I-I don’t know.” I said, as if to shrug it off. And he left the subject alone. Something told me that Baekhyun didn’t like talking about it either. But my stupid brain, of course, was doing its usual over-thinking.

What will happen when I see him? I mean, I did sleep with him… but no. I was not in my right mind then. He completely took advantage of me. That’s it. I should just ignore him. Yup, that’s what I'm going to do.

And we were entering the school gate. It felt so quick, like I barley had enough time to breathe. “Come on Tao, let’s go in.” Baekhyun said, making me realize that I had frozen stiff. I swallowed hard and croaked an “Okay”, letting him lead me to our classroom.

The idle chatter going on and the lazy “Good morning’s” that came in reply to ours made me feel a little safe. The sense of routine shattered my anxiety. Also, it was because I was expecting everyone to be shooting daggers at me, or snickering behind my back. I was paranoid by the thought that the whole school might already know about what had happened over the weekend.

I sat where I always sat. Fourth row, last desk. And Baekhyun was, as per usual, instantly huddled by a swarm of classmates, wanting to hear stories about his weekend, so interested in every place he went, every move he made, and every he took.

Left of me, Fifth row, last desk, was another huddle of student, relatively smaller than the one surrounding Baekhyun. It was more like a circle of students, really, centered by a fellow classmate as well. Another one who was quite popular, albeit not nearly as popular as Baekhyun.

The bell rang and the students crisscrossed the classroom, idly bustling to their seats. Baekhyun was just about to pull his chair to sit down when a classmate latched onto his arm. “Baekie,” he pouted “Please sit next to me, just until recess! Pretty please?” he begged, puckered-lipped and puppy-eyed. Baekhyun instinctively snapped his to me for say-so. “Yeah sure, go.” I shrugged, the boy staring at me with wide eyes in anticipation, as if his life depended on it.

“Are you sure?” Baekhyun asked. A voice to my left spoke up. “Don’t worry Baekhyun. I’ll take care of Tao.” The less popular boy snickered. Baekhyun narrowed his eyes at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” But the teacher came before the answer did and the clingy boy dragged Baekhyun to the seat a few rows ahead with a shrill “come on Baekie! The teacher is here!”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t really mean anything by that.” The boy to my left whispered with a chuckle. I gave a small nod.

The bell rang, signifying the end of the period and the beginning of the next one. The teacher left, students stretched, some chatted and some left to ditch class, while others stayed seated at their desks, like me and like the relatively popular boy sitting next to me. He sat in the seat every day, said a few words to me every day, and gave smiles and laughs to everyone every day. He was a happy person, one that didn’t cross my mind often, not even enough to entice the curiosity to ask his name. He was just “the boy to my left”.

The pattern went on with the classes, taking enough notes to get me mostly C’s and occasional B’s on my report card, paying enough attention to comprehend but not seek anything more, and just semi-listening to the rings of the bell. Only an impatient Baekhyun prodding my shoulder made me realize that it was already lunch break.

“Baekie,” came that same squealing, pouting, clingy boy, saying Baekhyun’s name like it was two separate words “Baek-kie” and pulling the end to make it sound cute. To me it was just whiny, not cute at all. “Sit with me during recess?” Both his eyes and voice solicited.

“It’s okay Baekhyun, you can go and have fun. I’ll keep Tao company.” The one to my left said, throwing an arm over my shoulder. The sudden physical contact caught me off guard, but not enough to make me uncomfortable. Turns out social situations get easier, the less you care.

Baekhyun locked his eyes on me, clearly waiting for specifically my reply. “Go ahead.” I said, nonchalantly waving him off. And the clingy boys smile grew ear-to-ear. “Yay! I get to spend the recess with Baekie! Okay let’s go!” He cheered, quickly dragging Baekhyun out the classroom door to show off to his friends, as if he was the puppy’s brand new chew-toy.

After the classroom was clear of them and the flood of students that left behind them, the boy with an arm around me broke out into laughter, and only then did I notice that all his friends were surrounding and laughing along. After he caught his breath I raised an eyebrow.

 “Baekie,” he mocked the boy, getting as high-pitch as his deep voice could, annoyingly whining the last letter. “Please let me feed you and wipe your for you! Please Baekie!” He tugged on my shirt, replacing Baekhyun with myself. His joke earned clapping laughter and shoulder shoves from his friends and I couldn’t help but crack a grin.

“Don’t make fun of Baekhyun. He's my friend.” I said to the hysterically laughing boy, now allowing my smile to show. He immediately straightened himself. “I’d never.” he mumbled, only loud enough for me, who was directly beside him, to hear. I thought I knew what he meant. Something along the lines of, I wasn’t making fun of Baekhyun, but the clingy boy.

“Come on, let’s push the desks together, looks like were having lunch in class today!” He cheerfully announced to his friends.

The infinitely-to-my-left boy, who was now the directly-in-front-of-me-boy, was surprisingly easy to talk to, surprising because his conversations legitimately seemed worthwhile, despite the fact that most of his words were accompanied by wails of laughter. I was beginning to realize I misjudged him. I thought he was just another hollow-brained popular kid, and that maybe Baekhyun was the only exception in existence. But this boy actually cared for his friends. The little gestures told that. Like allowing them to eat bites of his food or tease and call him names, contrary to Baekhyun’s fan-boys, kissing his feet and not daring to say one ill-mannered word, not treating him like he was anything less than divine.

I was forgetting something, a crucial detail, but what? A name. His name. I gave myself an internal headshake in disappointment. This boy has sat next to me all this time and I didn’t even have the decency to ask his name? I wonder if it’s too late to ask, maybe he will be offended? I think I’ll just listen for-

My link of thought was severed by the sound of the classroom door opening.

The boy to my left, who was also the boy in front of me, had a clear view of the door while I wasn’t facing the right way. I witnessed his face light up and all his teeth make an appearance as he smiled brightly at whoever just walked in.

“Ayo!” he said cheerfully,” Waddup Kris?”

My heart stopped.

I felt something behind me, lightly brushing against the back of my head.

“Wassup, Chanyeol” came the all-too familiar calm voice from almost directly above me. An arm reached over the collided desks to grab hands and bump shoulders with the boy in front of me, who was apparently named Chanyeol, who was also apparently more than acquaintances with the one responsible for my recent paranoia.

Judging by the location of his voice, I deduced that it was his shirt that was against my head, which meant he was standing directly behind me. So close. Too close. And to add fuel to fire, I felt a hand rest on the crown of my head. Reflex made me look up and meet eyes with the strawberry blonde that had been the most current subject of overthought thoughts in my misery-filled brain.

Looking down at me, he flashed a tiny smile. “Hey,” he said, effortless, immaculate sounding. His hair, his skin, his sharp eyes, his very being, it was all just so perfect and I hated it. I loathed how he exuded perfection.

His uniform shirt, worn so naturally, was ed, allowing his perfect collarbones to come out and play, and I hated it. The black thread-bracelets that he seemed to never take off complemented his strong arms, and I hated that too.

But most of all, the thing I undeniably despised with every cell in my body, every aspect of my existence, I hated the fact that I absolutely and involuntarily adored that boy. His beauty, his harsh stares, his lean fingers so seamlessly resting on my head, everything about him, standing there, smiling at me. I secretly cherished that smile. I surreptitiously craved his touch. But a secret is a secret for a reason so it should stay buried deep. Especially this particular secret.

And oh, how I hated myself for noticing all that in the span of three seconds.

“Hi” I muttered back, the situation was so entrancing, I couldn’t help myself.

Only the hushed snickers and sneaky side-glances made me realize the electric liaison happening between our gazes.

I ripped my needy eyes away and gave an awkward cough. What the flying was that about?

His hand came off my head and I already missed it. God, please tell me this is not happening. First I practically eye- him now I want him to touch me. “Tao, come outside with me?” he proposed.

What? Outside? Where we can be seen by everyone?

   “No” I croaked.

No! That’s not what I meant!

   “Oh… oka-”

   “No! That’s not what I meant,”

   “Then...?”

I gave a sigh. Thanks a lot, brain.

   “What I meant was, yes I’ll go outside… with you.”

He gave a half-smile. Ugh, of course. He just has to be charming. I got up and followed him out the door, holding my breath.