***

" ------ " : outer monolog
' ------- ' : inter monolog

***

Jaejoong's POV

"Youngwoong jaejoong ! Wake up and get your breakfast ! I give you two seconds or i'll I give this door a smack ! Jaejoong !"
"Emmm, i woke up!"
"I leave you with the breakfast on the table okay? Serve yourself you big boy! I have an urgent meeting this morning. Then bye! Big kiss for you my baby boy!"

***

The noise of the front door slammed with a smash, seems like my mum is in rustle. It is 8 am now. Oh well, forgot to introduce you to my single beautiful gorgeous mummy, she's a business woman, what kind of business ? dismiss from my mind. I live with my mum since my parents divorcee since I was 5 years old I bet and my dad remarried with a fabulous singer, well, since this is not a cinderella story, my step-mum and I are well with each other. And my dad is a surgeon doctor.

Okay enough with that. Should I introduce myself ? You do look like a hungry monkey waiting for bananas, hahahaa. Okay first! My name is Youngwoong Jaejoong, 18th years old boy who is just having a graduation in Seoul Eternity high school, brownish black hair colour, my height is around 180+, and I don't give a about my weight, currently single, there is nothing much fun in my life, neither here or there, I don't even give a about it. Oh then, about my love life? Nahh. I never had one, but.. I'm having a crush on a famed guy, Jung Yunho, the most kingka-est in any kingka in the whole seoul high school, isn's that sound too much ?

But its true. He is in the same age with me, but what makes he different is his fabulousity level is damn more higher than me. Cricket sounds ! With his flawless prepossessing fair face and his long legs, aummm ! Gazillions of girls go insane for him and boys go gay. Whatever. Lucky for me, he is also my bestfriend for these 5 years in high school, I realized that I had a crush on him 3 years ago. Lying in bed, you're totally concious, and you realize that strange things are happening. And that's exactly what I feel at the moment I felt the Cubic lingered around my head. Excuse me? Had a crush on someone for 3 years? How was that?

FABULOUS! being his bestfriend is just enough for me, I won't ask more... /I lied!/ . Yes I do want more than that, friendzone is not good okay. But for once I never confess to him, I scared as well I don't wanna lose a bestfriend. After the last day we met, I never met him again, not even texting or calling. I stressed this "I won't lower my pride to text him first", selfish? Egotistic? Self-centred? Nahh, I don't care. Last night, I tried to move on but end up with my tears of failure, no no, its actually every night. Okay stop! We will stop now, I have to wake up.

Open my eyes, damn. I didn't close the curtain last night--allowing the sun's rays from the sky without a cloud coming into my room straight into my eyes. I hate morning. Give out a long yawn as I hoping for a little bit sleep please! I barely can't open my eyes, can I go to sleep again? Looking outside of the window, such a bright day, dear sun, are you telling me to get up and get some life? Huhh. I get up on my waist half of my body on my bed, stretching my ache back, not wanting to wake up yet, I close my eyes for a second and let a sigh. Why am so tired like hell? Why did I do last night?

Oh probably nothing, I just sat on my knees crying, regarding to my sad small life, probably uninteresting too to say about it. Do crying makes us that tired ? I didn't even remember when did I fall asleep. I have to get up and get a life, moving on over something did make me exhausted, this life has totally knock me down. Congrats life! You win! Still murmuring on my mouth I want to get wash my sticky body, so I want to take a freshing bath--cooling down my strained mind want to make it at least at ease. Finally I get up standing on my both legs, scratching my swollen eyes, with an obvious black eye bags, I look terrible, do I? nahh. I do look handsome, what? I used to be a kingka in my high school back then, just a secret kingka. . .err..

I walk toward the bathroom, just by getting into the bathroom makes me in peace, the scent of lavender rose aroma, oh I feel like I'm in a garden of love. I open the water tap to wash my face, a little bit, I'm getting into the reality, not feeling that sleepy much. I take my tooth brush and put the tooth paste on it and straight to brush my teeth in laziness, I think I'm a kingka in laziness, I think I should check my phone if there is an invitation to any award as I could win the laziness award, well I will proud of it. Done with my teeth, then I open the water tap of my big round bath tub--fill it in with warm water and drop some herbal lavendar tub foam, lavendar is the best.

Just by smelling it can make you drunk without any drop of alcohol. I put out my boxer, and! don't you ever imagine me . I get into the bath tub, the water, so warm. I rest my body by lying in the tub filled with the lavendar foam all over the tub. So fresh. I rest for 10 minutes before I get my shower for real by putting on the shower foam and shampoo. I take 20 minutes to complete my bath. I take the towel, hanging on the door--drying my wet body. I don't used the hair dryer, it will make my hair looks fluffy. I walk out from the bathroom, taking off the towel--straight to my wardrob taking any cloth to wear on and a pant. I walked to a big mirror on the wall, completing my hair. I admit I used to ask the mirror either I am the most kingka-est guy in this world. Well that's cheesy! Face on the mirror, well, stop thinking. I should go eat now.

Walk toward my door and open it and run down the stair straight to the kitchen table, there is chocolate pancake with orange juice in a jug. I pull out one of the chair and sit on it, taking one plate with a fork, I take two of the pancakes and put on my plate. I had a glass of the juice before starting my breakfast. I had a munch of the pancakes, delicious as always, no wonder my mum is a good cook. Done with the breakfast, I walk up the stairs and go into my bedroom. Sitting on the bed with my laptop on my lap, time to stalk him and ready to cry! I open up my laptop and immediately close it. No, I can't, I have to stop. For how long I have to continue to stalk him? I put my laptop on my right side. Self Q and A session started.

'AM I  WRONG TO LOVE HIM?'

well, hell no!  if it is wrong to love him, then what are the reasons? No doubt! no reason! so I am allowed to love him! Yehet! Ohorat! Errr.. that's Sehun, from exo K. I smile alone with no reason. I.. I don't hurt him right? I.. I just hurt myself. but its okay! i enjoy the feeling of being hurt. /sob/ Not anyone can feel the love from their crush because it is just a crush, not a lover. If you confused about the definition of crush, you may google it. Loving someone doesn't means that someone will be mine right? We can love that someone from afar too. Besides there is no one knows i'm in love with a boy. I also afraid what if the people know, being a gay.. well it is obviously not a normal thing even it is accepted by the citizents in korea nowadays, not even my mum know it. For all these years, I keep it by myself. Well, look, he didn't hurt me too, it's just me.. over spoilt. Wanting him to love me back.

Remained a dream.

Yeah I keep on saying that he hurt me because yes I'm hurt, seeing him with others but not me, seeing him having fun with someone else. It's a absolutely my vice, I love him, so I am the one who should confess to him instead of waiting for him being on his knees saying his lovely words to me, that's not going to happen. Everyday, I keep on thinking about him, even before I sleep I will imagine sweet things that will never happen to us. There's no rule saying that we can't have a hope isn't? So everyday I try to move on yet everyday I keep on wishing that he'll be mine. Oh so cheesy! Bleu cheese, parmesan, cheddar, mascarpone, all cheesy!

I just miss his mellifluous voice, such a soft and gentle. Also his charming smile warmth my day. Yunhooo yaaa ~~ Shaking my head, instead of keep thinking about him, I have to do something. So I put my laptop back on my lap, I press on the on button. Connect to the wifi and I press the google chrome tab. I always use incognito tab because of my laziness to delete all the history and also for a caution if my mum check my laptop. Its not that i'm watching s.. okay sometimes. Well, just a boy wanting a privacy. On the search bar, I type 'twitter.com' and open another tab and type 'facebook.com' . Then I log in by typing my username and password. I rarely make a status on facebook since I'm with twitter for 24/7. There is nothing much on facebook, I want to log out. Oh wait ! Ummm, stalk him won't hurt that much right? So here I type 'jung yunho' , here he is!

Ummm, still using the same profile picture and the same header. There are a few photo tagged by his friends, oh so he is having fun? Damn. I feel annoying and I close that tab. Back to twitter, humm--wondering if he tweeted new things here, so I search 'jungyunho' , what? there is nothing! He is so boring. Humm. I tweet, 'Stalk him just now' 'There is nothing, so bored' Even twitter is bored now.

I searched something on google. 'My gay experience' Humm, I wonder hows the people experience the gayness for the first time. I scroll down along the results, there is one thing attract me. I press on that link. EXPERIENCE PROJECT. Something gimmicky multicolored onscreen eyeballs that blink when I click it. Wow, this is quite interesting. I saw an experient, 'I am gay' , there are many posts about it, I read it one by one. Oh, what about I write one too? At least I can share this problem with others, maybe someone could help. I press on sign up button, using my fake username, I log in. I don't want anyone I know being here too. I type 'jae yw' as my username and proceed with the password.
Log in!

I start to write my story there with a title 'I love my bestfriend' under the experience 'I am gay' . I begin to type words by word with my curiousity. It takes me 10 minutes before I post. I go to the toilet to pee for a while and came to check my post again, in the notification box written, 'JoshuaK and 16 others responded to your 'i am gay' experience. Eh? Am I that famous to get this such a quick responds? They're supporting me! I let out a big smile, I feel relief. Some of the responds,

JoshuaK: you have to keep it up! I'm so proud of you.

KeltHash: being a gay should make you proud. I love your story!

Maggie: i'm a girl but i just love your lovely story here, inbox me if you want someone to talk with.

Darrylie: there's no fault being in love with your bestfriend, and you should confess to him. Good luck!

I got all positive responds, it makes me glad so much. It feels like I just throw a big stone from my shoulder away. I start to read some post about the gay problems. There is a post from JYH. JYH? Umm, whatever. I read his short and simple story.

I fell in love with my bestfriend, I came to realized that I love him so much since I have been missing him a lot. We didn't contact each other after our last met in high school. What should I do? I miss him a lot!

Eh? Why is his story is kind of similar to me? Obviously, it is not just not me the only one who have this kind of problem. I look at the date, 12 december, last year ? Quite three months ago. I should leave a comment.

Hi. Your story is similar to mine, hope you please to read. And also I hope we share more about this.

I leave a sheepish smile on my face. I feel so much relief, thanks to this web! I feel tired on my neck and give a peek at the clock hanging on the wall, 1 o'clock already?! Why does time flow too fast? I massage my shoulder. A minute later, a message sign appeared on the screen. Someone inbox me? Let just read it. So I open the message.

From: JYH
To: jae yw
Description: Hi there. Thanks for your comment. And yeah, I would like to share more with you about our problem. I read your story just now and I was surprised how can someone have totally the same problem as mine. No need to tell further as you already read my story. So hows you now? With him?

He inbox me! I should give a reply.

From: jae yw
To: JYH
Description: Hi too, thanks for read! Me too, how can we have the same problem. Humm me with him, totally torn away? I don't know as I wrote in my story, I keep on trying to forget him, but I can't.

From: JYH
To: jae yw
Description: Oh you wanna forget him? Why? Oh yeah, 3 years is such a long period to keep the love for someone that doesn't love us back ain't? I won't try to forget him instead I will try to confess to him. But I don't know how. Any suggestion?

From: jae yw
To: JYH
Description: Yupp, but still I end up being a failure. That's great! How? Ummm, I believe you're a brave one, so I think you can just say that love you love him. Simple. Here am I giving someone an advice on how to confess yet I am being a coward here.

From: JYH
To: jae yw
Description: Simple and a good idea. I'll give a try. Yep, I have to, even he'll let me down, I don't care, as long as he know that I'm loving him, it is more than enough for me. Its okay, you can always try. Hwaiting! Remember, we shouldn't be afraid to call a spade a spade.

From: jae yw
To: JYH
Description: Thank you and good luck! Don't forget to give a shout after you confess to him okay? Yes I will!

From: JYH
To: jae yw
Description: You're welcome! Good luck to you too!

*

Our conversation ended. It is so nice having someone to talk with, I wonder if I am at his braveness too? Will I confess to him? I don't know. I yawn, I want to shut down my laptop. After I shut down my laptop, I take a peek at the clock, 3 o'clock. So early! I'm all bored. I lie on the bed, slowly my eyes are closing. I wanna go to the wonderland.

***

*knock* *knock*

"Jaejoong ah! Youngwoong jaejoong!" I open my eyes, so sleepy I let a yawn.

"Nae omma, wae?"

"Can I come in?"

"Eungggg." while scratching my cheeks.

"What are doing this whole day?"

"Nothing, what time is now?"

"Aishh it is 11 pm already. Why don't you go out and take a fresh air outside? A boy at your age should be dating right now."

"Arasseo, I will go out sometimes. Dating? I don't want." I pout.

"Jaejoong ah, omma.. omma will be having an important meeting. In hokkaido, japan. Omma can't help it, it is important. But if you won't let me, its okay, I'll stay with you. Or you wanna come along? I'll book the ticket."

"For how long?"

"A week?"

"A week?! Humm, no. It's your career omma, they need you. By the way, its okay, I'm big enough to stay by myself."

"Aigoo my baby boy has really grown up! Time flew fast nae? Or you wanna stay with your dad? I can call him." my mum was messing my hair. "Stop calling me baby because I am not anymore. No I'm okay. I'll just stay here." I pout as I really hate when my mum call me baby, call me a grown up.

"Arasseo, my baby boy. Good night. I'll leave by tomorrow morning. I will prepare your breakfast first. Sleep well nae? Be a good boy when I'm not here." my mum kiss on my head before walk out from my room.

I stare blankly. Like a fallen tower, I fall my body on my bed, continue my precious sleep. Before I sleep, here's a quote.

DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM,
KEEP SLEEPING ♥

******

This is not only a rewrite, but the whole content is changed actually.
You readers really make me smile ♥
This will be chaptered, maybe just 2 or 3, Wait for next chapter okay !
Keep calm and love YunJae with me okay ?
Love, Jae ♥