I woke up with that same strange, lingering feeling that I have had for almost two weeks; that someone or something was watching me. And as usual, I simply brush it off. There is certainly no one watching me. Who would even bother? I don’t lead an interesting life. No one would find great pleasure in stalking me. Shrugging off the feeling for the upteenth time, I rose up from my bed and went to get ready for that magical place called school. Breakfast was a piece of toast and a large gulp of milk. Someone who believes stereotypes about nerds and people that actually care about school would think that for a person like me, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That is not the case, actually. I spend more time on dinner or lunch than breakfast. I’m never hungry in the mornings. Running a comb through my hair I grab my book-bag from the corner of my room and make a dash for the front door as I hear a car pulling up the driveway. I grin as I reach the car before the driver can honk her horn. She grins back at me, and unlocks the passenger door.

“Good morning, love.” Jiyoon said in an abnormally bright voice. She isn’t exactly a morning person, so her sugary cheeriness surprised me.

“Hello, sweetheart.” I chuckled, leaning over to kiss her lightly on the cheek before putting on my seat-belt. 

“How did you sleep?” Jiyoon asked me. She knew that on some nights I got almost no sleep, and I spent the hours of darkness just tossing and turning aimlessly in my bed.

“I slept fine. You?” Jiyoon shrugged, her eyes focused on the rode ahead. She was a smooth driver, and one of the only few people I trust behind the wheel of a car that I am a passenger in. She’s an interesting girl, Jiyoon is. As interesting as I am dull, although my best friend insists that I can be vibrant when I want to be. Her hair is cropped short, a little past the length of her chin, and dyed a brown-blonde shade. The both of us got our hair dyed together; mine is a deep brown. I like it better than my natural hair color, that plain black.

The drive to school took no more than fifteen minutes, and we emerged from Jiyoon’s car together. Fixing the strap on my book-bag, I steal a glance and look over at Jiyoon from the corner of my eye. She still had that dumb, silly smile on her face. What was with her today? Cocking an eyebrow, I nudge her side with my elbow. Jiyoon looks up at me.

“What?”

“Why are you smiling like that?” Jiyoon scoffed.

“What, a human being can’t smile?”

“Yes but.. you’re not a human being, you demon.” I chuckled, and Jiyoon rolled her eyes playfully, throwing an arm over my shoulder as we walk into the entrance of the school. “Seriously though. What happened? Did you have a hot date?” I wiggle my eyebrows at my best friend and she laughs, her cheeks turning a pale pink. 

“I just..had a really nice dream is all.” Jiyoon shrugged, her gaze falling to the tile floors of the large hallway.

“About what?” I asked, curiosity suddenly coursing through my veins.

“A boy. But I don’t know who he is.” Jiyoon shrugged again, lifting her head as we walked to our first period class.

“Really? That’s..interesting.” 

I didn’t know what to say really. How are you supposed to respond to that? It was strange, way more strange than it could ever be interesting. Apparently Jiyoon understood where I was coming from, and she nodded briskly, walking into the classroom. Watching her back, I followed her inside.

Class was dull, and astoundingly easy. I found myself paying little attention to the lesson- Korea’s politics in the 1980’s wasn’t exactly my favorite topic to discuss. Still, the class was a breeze, and before I knew it, school was over. A sense of utter relief washed all over me- well, almost all over me. I still had that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the relief couldn’t reach. It was frustrating, to think that someone was watching you all the time. Especially when you know for a fact that it just wasn’t possible. But then why was I having this feeling? Was there something wrong with my instincts? Or maybe I am just a little bit paranoid.

“Hey..have you been listening to me?”

Jiyoon’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked over at her, and shot her an apologetic smile. Jiyoon cocked an eyebrow, her eyes slightly amused. She hadn’t started up her car yet, but her seat-belt was on. I hurriedly put on mine as well and looked back at her again.

“Sorry..I was just thinking of some things.”

“S’Okay. Anyways, I was saying that people have been asking about you at church.” Jiyoon continued as she pulled out of the school’s driveway. A small scoff escaped me, and she sighed.

“Look, it’s getting a bit tiring having to explain that you’re perfectly fine every single Sunday..just come so they can see you’re alive, alright?”

I hadn’t been to church in months, maybe a year. I didn’t see the reason why I had to go, anyways. I can pray at home, can’t I? I don’t even do that, but still. Besides, what would I do there? Pretend to believe in something that I question all the time? Have the elderly people say “God bless you” to me every five seconds? No thank you. I have more important things to do. And as if she read my thoughts, Jiyoon went on.

“I understand why you don’t want to go. If I was you I would probably be doing the same thing. But they actually care about you over there. Seriously, Gayoon. The choir sounds really bad without you.” Jiyoon chuckled under her breath, and I smiled slightly, thinking of the days where Jiyoon and I led the choir. That was a world away, though. Those times wouldn’t come again.

“Just please come on Sunday? I’ll pick you up and drop you off. All you have to do is just get dressed and be a tad open-minded. I’m sure your dad would like it if you did come.” Jiyoon’s voice faltered at the last sentence, and I felt my throat close up. The both of us fell silent, each waiting for my verdict. When we arrived at my house, I turned to Jiyoon and nodded slowly. She bit her lip to hold back a smile, and leaned over to hug me tight.

“Thanks, honey. I appreciate this.” I nodded again, kissing her cheek and unbuckling my belt, stepping out of the car. Jiyoon knew very well that she got me with that last statement. She knew I would succumb if she said those words.

Your dad would like it if you did come..

I know he would, and I know I owe it to him. The church meant everything to him. It was where he and my mother were married, and where I was baptized. The beginning threads of our life as a family began there. But that still didn’t heal my reluctance. Dropping my book-bag in the hallway, I walked past my parents bedroom, pausing a moment to peer inside, the door already open a crack. Funny, I had kept it shut for months. Maybe there was a draft.

Everything was as I had left it, plus a thin layer of dust. I wanted to keep every single thing preserved. This was the only room in the house that had not been touched after my father died. His brown shoes were still sitting by the wardrobe. His watch was still at it’s place on the dresser by the bed. After a few moments of taking everything in, the small memories of me as a small child seated on my fathers lap flashing through my mind, I closed the door.

“Alright.” I said to myself quietly, “Now to find what to wear.”