A scream escaped Hoya’s throat as he could feel the gravity pulled him down.  The music was still played in the dance studio. Yet, nobody was seen dancing in the middle of it as the dancer itself had leaned against the wall. Pain zipped through his whole body, not only attacked his back. His head was also throbbing hard and for several seconds, his sight was blurry.

After resting down a bit and his sight became clear again, he got up from the floor, ignoring the excruciating pain all over his body. The painkillers had worn off some time ago, and he knew that if he didn't take his medication again, he was going to faint from the pain. Slowly, he reached out and felt the wall to support himself up. By then, he felt his back throbbed with a much stronger pain.

It was hard and difficult for him. Every step brought pain and every breath made him flinch. His back was hurting so much and the numbness in his weak legs scared him slightly. Trying hard, he walked himself to the chair, where his bag was, with his medicine placed in it. With much effort, he brought the bag closer to him. Hot tears were seen streaming down his face.

The medicine. The medicine.

With that pairs of shaky hands, he took out his bottle of pills. The painkiller. With a pill placed in his hand, he was trying to reach for a bottle of water but failed as a wave of sudden pain attacked him, left him gasping in shock. Pills were seen dropping out of the bottle and landed all over the floor. As pain travelled through his spine, Hoya started to breath heavily as sweats formed on his forehead, the pain in his body was slowly becoming unbearable. Even breathing, it hurt like hell.

He unconsciously put a hand to his chest, as he tried to breathe calmly, and in a less painful manner. For the current moment, he felt like he’s dying and that wasn’t even over exaggerating. His body was so heavy as it was weighed down by the large amount of pain that attacked him cruelly.

Letting out a painful groan, he closed his eyes as the pain rocketed up his spine and spread to the rest of his body. His hands trembled and he felt dizzy as he landed onto the floor. He could feel it starting again. The sharp pains, the sweat breaking out on his forehead.

As time passed, the pain didn’t subsided but in fact, it worsened, the numbing sensation no longer offering any consolation. His flesh fingers dug deeply into the tender tissues around his back, teeth grinding violently against each other as another twist of pain made its way up to it. He dropped down on his knees, clutching his body as the pain increased. He could feel beads of sweat dripped down the side of his face and the tears began to accumulate in his eyes when a particularly vicious ripple tore through his body.

Lying on his back, his whole body seemed to be numb. At the time being, he had no strength left. With his back lying on the cold surface beneath him, its chilling coldness making the torturous pain even more agonizing. He brought his chest closer to his knees, a strangled cry escaping his throat.

Damn! Why did this happen to me? Even if I knew it will be happened to me, still I was unable to accept it. Why must it happen right now? Why must it happen a few weeks before the concert tour? Why? Just tell me why!

He hated crying. He hated the weakness, the vulnerability of it all, but he couldn't force down the sobs that threatened to grow louder as he recalled their trainee days.  How every member still being humble and hardworking in doing everything, just like what they had promised that day all those years ago. How they promised to show their best to thank the fan who supported them from the very beginning of their trainee moments.

I was really a fool. A super dumb fool. An idiot. A . The very epitome of stupidity. It's all my fault… he thought morosely.

I shouldn't have practiced so hard and ignored my backache since it started. I should have heeded the warnings. I shouldn't have pretended nothing happened and ignored its presence. I should have just accepted the fact that I’m just a normal human being and it’s okay for me to fall sick. I should have seeking for treatments by then... but I… I... I never did. I was just too stubborn.

He closed his teary eyes, hissing and jerking away from the searing pain in his back and muttering a string of curses under his breath.

Stupid Lee Howon. How could you being so useless, to fall sick at the wrong timing? How could you not beware of this to be happen? How could you let your hardwork just wasted in this way yet no solution can be used to solve this problem. How could you let your members and fans worried on you yet you had made them disappointed with your health condition? How could you…

He muttered, hot tears trailed down his face. He was crying. He Lee Howon, the strongest member in Infinite was crying. If it has to be a reason for him to cry, then it will never be the great pain that tortured him physically and mentally. But, another reason that painful enough to make him give in to his weakness and cry. That’s the disappointment on himself.

Without any notification, all thoughts that he was unable to avoid shot through his mind, chasing away his rationality. All the emotional thoughts he locked away all his life had exploded, no more able to be under control. No rational thoughts. Only stupid, emotional and dumb ones. So unlike the usual him. The cold and calm Hoya.

If and only if I didn’t ignore it… Then, I wouldn’t have disappointed them…

These thoughts shred him apart on the inside. He wasn't even aware of his sharp, pained, whimpers until the music stopped playing, bringing him back to the reality of pain. Beads of sweat ran down his face and his breathing quickened. A deafening scream of pain was released from within his body as the pain scattered throughout his body, no more able to be tolerated and suppressed with his strength. Sooner, he cried out in pain, with darkness slowly clouded his eyes.

There, on the floor, was a lifeless Hoya lying on the floor.