warning: not proofread, really not as good as you'd think, long apology at the end of the chapter, im so sorry for the wait guys, i love y'all please forgive me , i'm just a kid :c <33333

For the next few months after his breaking up with Donghae—if one could even call it that—Hyukjae was a tight mass of broody and snappish feelings. There was a constant frown creasing his eyebrows, and his body carried a painful kind of tension that made him look angry and intimidating all the time. Even Kyuhyun had a hard time dealing with Hyukjae’s cold attitude towards everything.

As soon as he had made sure that he had won the case over Siwon, Hyukjae had flown straight from Paris back to Seoul. He had thrown himself into work, catching up on everything that he had missed while in France—even the case files that technically didn’t need his attention. It had been hard at first, as his mind constantly strayed to analyze Donghae’s actions, trying to determine whether he had been genuine or not.

Hyukjae remembered every little smile, every kiss, and every touch that they had shared back then. It was almost if he could still feel it on his skin whenever his mind got lost again. And Hyukjae wasn’t sure whether he loved it, or simple loathed it.

It wasn’t worth it, Hyukjae kept telling himself. Donghae wasn’t worth it anymore.

There was a lot of things that Hyukjae was ready to forgive. He had allowed Donghae into his life, into his heart, despite him being an ex-convict and a rather rude character. But using Hyukjae and playing with his feelings—that was just not done.

Every once in a while, Kyuhyun told Hyukjae about the countless texts and voicemails that Donghae left on his phone. Hyukjae ignored his best friend.

Hyukjae was—he was back to his life, to the normality of his everyday routine. It was something that he knew, something that he had been used to do, before everything had been thrown out the window. And all that because of a single man, and his bunch of incomprehensible problems.

There was still Siwon, of course. Siwon was one of the only constants in his life that Hyukjae would rather get rid of. But, Hyukjae supposed, Siwon was probably the lesser of two evils. There were law and strict principles in business that made it easier for Hyukjae to fight him.

Donghae, on the other hand, had been playing the game of Hyukjae’s heart. And that had no rules, not concept of legal actions whatsoever. Nothing had been fair and game—it had just been pain and heartache. And Hyukjae was so angry.

Hyukjae knew, somewhere deep and dark and mostly empty at the very back of his mind, that he probably owed Donghae the chance to explain himself. There was, probably, the concept of presumption of innocence that could be argued for. And well, Hyukjae kind of knew better than to only trust one side of a whole story.

But Hyukjae had always been a stubborn child, and he had been hurt, and he had been—was—still was in love with Donghae, and—

Hyukjae slammed his pen onto his desk. In front of him, Kyuhyun startled with a squeak.

“I have the rights to be angry, right?” Hyukjae said furiously. “He played me, and my feelings, and we slept together, and he didn’t say anything. I can totally be mad at him, right? Why would—why would I be the one worrying about whether I made the right choice or not in kicking him out of my life? Because it’s my damn life, and I can do whatever I want with it. Right?”

“Um,” Kyuhyun blinked at him uncertainly. “Are you—are you talking to me right now?”

Hyukjae glared at his best friend. “Go on, then. Tell me why I’m wrong.”

Kyuhyun slowly put his phone down on the desk. “We’re talking about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, right? I… never said that you were wrong,” he pointed out, looking like it was essential that Hyukjae knew so. “In fact, I’d say he deserves the he’s probably going through right now. But, um. I just think that you probably need closure, you know?”

“Closure?” Hyukjae repeated. “Why would I need closure?”

Raising an eyebrow, Kyuhyun said sardonically, “oh, I don’t know, maybe because it’s been months since you guys kind-of-broke-up-but-not, and you’re still so hung up on it that no one dares to come in your office alone anymore.”

For lack of anything to slam down on the desk, Hyukjae punched it with his fist. And then cringed with the pain flared to life. “That’s because—because I’m angry, and he hurt me, and he’s an , and—and—and—…”

“Take your time, buddy,” Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “I’ll be right here when you finally find back your words. Have any snacks? Because I get the feeling it might take a while.”

“ off,” Hyukjae grumbled under his breath as his agitation deflated just as fast as it had appeared. “I’m just… confused right now. He was—he seemed so different from all those other people, and I guess I just—I just want to know why.”

Kyuhyun stayed silent for a long while. Then, he let out a long sigh and looked up to stare sternly into Hyukjae’s eyes. “My friend,” he said very seriously, “that’s what they call ‘wanting closure’. Look I get that you don’t want to seem weak by asking Donghae to explain himself, but—… I think you’ll feel better when you’ll have talked about it with him. Punch him in the guts or castrate him for all I care—as long as you get your answer, you know.”

*

Hyukjae hated it when Kyuhyun was right. There he was, in the solitude of his bedroom, staring at his phone like it had done him personal offence. Donghae’s contact information was displayed on the screen, and Hyukjae could almost recite the phone number by heart by now.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Hyukjae told himself, and it was such a huge lie that he almost snorted at himself. “It doesn’t mean anything, because I—… I just want closure. Yeah, that’s right—closure.”

It wasn’t like Hyukjae thought about Donghae almost all the time, and it wasn’t like trying to push the thought of him off his mind felt like trying to stop breathing for more than two minutes.

And whoever said Hyukjae wasn’t good at sarcasm?

Oh, who was he trying to kid? Hyukjae thought about Donghae all the time. He hated him, hated him with all of his might—but he also still loved him, and it hurt so much. Just thinking about him, thinking about all of the things that he wanted to ask and the pained expression that Donghae had displayed on their last day together, Hyukjae felt a rush of anger-love surge through him. It was bittersweet, and just terrible for his sanity.

“Closure,” Hyukjae repeated to himself, as if to reassure himself and justify his weakness.

Hyukjae reached for his phone, and then, for the first in months, called Donghae’s number. It rang two times, loud and clear in his ear, before someone finally answered the call.

“Hello?” Donghae said, and Hyukjae felt a rush of warmth wash over him at the sound of his voice.

Hyukjae stayed silent. His hand was gripping hard on his phone, and his breath came out in erratic little huffs. He didn’t know what to do with himself anymore, and suddenly, the whole idea felt like a mistake. Because—because he still loved Donghae so much, but he was also angry, and—

Feeling horrible, Hyukjae reached out to stop the call.

“Hyukjae?” Donghae asked just as Hyukjae was about to press on the button. He sounded scared, a little worried. “Is it—is it you? Hyukjae?”

Hyukjae gulped. “Yeah.”

“Oh, God, Hyukjae, I—I tried to call you so many times, but you wouldn’t answer, and I—” Donghae paused, sounding like his throat had closed up on the rush of words. “I’m so sorry. Just please—please let me explain.”

Closing his eyes, Hyukjae reveled in the sound of Donghae’s voice. He sounded so out of character, so vulnerable and pained and sorry. “Honestly, I didn’t call you just to ask what’s up,” Hyukjae said, and he knew he was being a little unfair. “I am not—this isn’t a second chance. This is you owing me an explanation, and me asking it for it. Nothing else.”

“Yeah, I—…” Donghae breathed in. “Yeah, okay. Okay.”

*

Donghae did explain himself. For more than two hours. By the end of it, Hyukjae wasn’t sure who to strangle between Donghae and Siwon. Frankly, he was tempted to kill off the both of them.

Because, apparently, they had history. Something about Donghae being Siwon’s ex-boyfriend, and Siwon betraying Siwon, and Donghae wanting to get his revenge. And Hyukjae, well—he had just been the wrong person, at the wrong place and time.

“But then,” Donghae had said, and he had sounded so genuine and vulnerable that Hyukjae had had no choice but to believe him, “I started to… I have all of these—feelings for you, Hyukjae, and I knew it was bad, and I—… I wanted to tell you everything, I swear that I did. I was just scared that you would leave.”

Which Hyukjae did, in the end. Didn’t Donghae feel so clever now.

“I need—I need to think about it,” Hyukjae had said after Donghae had finished explaining himself.

“Yeah, okay,” Donghae sighed. “Will you… will you call me again?”

“I don’t know,” Hyukjae had replied honestly, and then he had hung up.

And now, well. Now, Hyukjae had no idea what to do.

*

It was a few days later, and Hyukjae still felt at lost about the course of action that he should adopt. He had asked Kyuhyun’s opinion, but besides an awkward conversation on feelings and their meanings, they hadn’t gone very far in finding a solution. And then there was Siwon, who still wandered around Hyukjae’s home like he owned the place, and frankly, Hyukjae felt like killing someone.

But he wouldn’t because, look where that brought Donghae. And he hadn’t even killed anyone in the first place.

Hyukjae was just—he was just so angry still. He wasn’t so ready to spill out and have another extensive analysis on the reasons of his feelings, but he just knew that even if he was willing to forgive Donghae, it would take weeks, maybe even months before he would feel at peace with everything.

Now, the question was, would Hyukjae be ready to forgive Donghae?

That was the reason why Hyukjae had asked Donghae to meet him for lunch that day. Hyukjae wanted to know whether Donghae was worth it, or if all that was left between them were anger and bitter feelings of betrayal. He needed to know whether he still loved Donghae enough to forget someday.

It was almost half past one o’clock in the afternoon, and as usual, Hyukjae was early. He was settled at a secluded table in the restaurant they had chosen to meet at.

Actually, Hyukjae wondered in a panic, was it really a good idea? Maybe he should—maybe he should just go back home, and talk about it again with Donghae on the phone? Was he really ready to meet him again in person, after everything?

Hyukjae thought they exaggerated it in the movies, but really—he felt like his whole life had turned into one horrible drama plot.

But then, just as Hyukjae was about to run away from his life and maybe hide in the toilets for the rest of the afternoon, a shadow fell over the table.

“Hi,” Donghae mumbled from behind him.

Slowly, Hyukjae turned around.

Donghae looked—he looked so handsome. There he was, in a nicer suit than the last one that Hyukjae had seen him in. He had a new haircut, and the dark shadows under his eyes had disappeared, and his cheeks weren’t as hollow as Hyukjae remembered. There was a healthy, peaceful, hopeful little glint in his eyes when Donghae looked at Hyukjae, like he was wishing for something and didn’t dare to ask. A tentative smile was tugging at the corners of his eyes, as if he was happy to see Hyukjae, and yet wasn’t sure whether it was fine to show it or not.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Donghae continued, and it was though it was the first time that they met—as though they wanted them to have a new beginning. “I’m Donghae.”

Hyukjae felt his heart clench painfully in his heart. A rush of anger washed through him again, and he felt so mad all over again, but—but. But Donghae was there, in front of him, looking so good and healthy and happier, and Hyukjae couldn’t help but smile back.

And then, Hyukjae knew.

Hyukjae knew that he would be ready. He was ready to try and forgive—ready to keep on loving Donghae, despite all of his wrongs, all of the mistakes and all the pain that he had afflicted on Hyukjae. It would take time—maybe weeks, maybe even months—but Hyukjae knew that it would be worth it. That they would get there, together.

Hyukjae smiled, looking a little uncertain but so at peace. “Hi,” he said. “I’m Hyukjae.”

THE END

a/n: ok, first of all I would like to apologize for the terrible that I put you all in. I know it’s been literal years since I updated this story, I’m so sorry about that. I’m not going to lie, this is kind of a half-assed final chapter, but I honestly don’t have any inspiration left for this plot, probably because it’s too much drama and frankly I’m not too good with heavy drama :/ but I felt like I owed readers an end, so that you guys could have some kind of….. CLOSURE. Ha ha ha look at me GO , I’m so FUNNY, gENIUS.

Anyway LMAO , this is a bit more on the funny side , because im so ???? at this plot, and I’m so sorry about it, I would totally understand if you guys hate me for this story !!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SO SO VERY SORRY AGAIN HOPE YOU GUYS CAN FORGIVE ME !!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333

Still, I hope you still enjoyed this chapter a bit??? Thanks for reading anyway, and please remember to upvote and comment……if you like…….

ALSO, if you’re looking for a GREAT poster shop, go THERE : [ GOOD LOVE ]

BYE , hopefully I’ll see you on my other stories !!!!! love y’all !!!!!!!!!!