Cold... It's so cold...

The darkness was thick around him, cloaking him like a heavy velvety veil. He could feel himself falling slowly, floating downwards. He could feel his limbs but it was as if they weren't attached to their normal place. That body was his own, and at the same time it wasn't. He tried to move in order to shake off that abnormal feeling, but failed. Alarmed, he opened his mouth to scream, to curse, anything! As long as that feeling went away. The moment his lips parted, the freezing cold slipped inside and paralyzed him. Helplessly he continued sinking deeper in the abyss, the darkness swallowing him whole.

So cold... I'm going to die.

The thought was almost alien. He had spent so many years wondering about how would it feel like to leave everything behind and finally find peace, but now that it was actually happening he didn't like it one bit. It was way too lonely, the silence buzzing in his ears and compressing the space all around him, like a void where nobody really cared existed. A bitter thought - that's why he had been wishing for death in the first place, after all.

Letting go of his last breath, he gave up struggling and allowed his body to lifelessly continue floating towards the dark bottom of the ocean. His eyes fluttered half-open and through his blurry sight, he thought he spotted something large coming towards him. The last thing registered to his brain was that he didn't want to be eaten by a sea beast. And then the darkness won him over.

A crown had gathered to the beach as soon as the news that someone had jumped from the cliff had traveled around the village. Scanning the horizon with worried eyes and murmuring shocked among each other, the villagers were lost. Why would such a good kid like Hyukjae do that? Jungsoo bit hip lip hard to hold back the urge to tell them to shut the up. His gaze searched the vast expanse of the sea instead. Some fishermen had quickly prepared their small boats and hurried to go look for the two young men. At the thought of Donghae, Jungsoo scowled. The younger had dived from the cliff right after Hyukjae with no hesitation, desperate to save him, while all Jungsoo could so was stand petrified at the rocky edge and stare at the black water beneath him before hie had snapped and ran to call for help.

Donghae... why did he do that? More importantly, why didn't I?

"Look! Over there!" someone suddenly called, pointing to their left. Jungsoo shielded his eyes from the sunlight which was blinding even though the thick clouds gathered on the sky, and anxiously stared to that direction. The fishing boats were returning. Jungsoo had never prayed in his life. But as he was waiting for the boats to approach the beach, he found himself mentally trying to reach out to a higher entity.

Please... please, let him be safe!

At last, the boats anchored a few metres from the shore, and amongst everyone shouting, Jungsoo sprinted forward, getting knee-deep in the water.

"Where is he?! Did you find him?" he demanded, his voice sounding strange even to his own ears. The elder sea-men only pushed past him, carrying two unmoving bodies which they laid on the sand. Frenzy seized everybody .

"Bring his mother!" 

"Are they breathing?!"

"Good Lord, have mercy!"

Only Jungsoo was speechless, breathing hard as he kneeled next to Hyukjae's body. The man was ash-white, not even a muscle twitching. Jungsoo's every sense was numbed. As if in slow motion he watched as they gave the two still men CPR, trying to blow life into their cold lungs.

Come on... COME ON!

He grabbed Hyukjae's hand between his sweaty palms, flinching at how freezing the younger's skin was. He heard Donghae's  mother screaming somewhere in the background but he didn't take his eyes off Hyukjae's unresponsive face. The tears on Jungsoo's face dried as the cold wind blew, his eyes stinging.

"Hyukjae, please..." he whispered, gripping Hyukjae's hand for dear life, which was ironic because Hyukjae could very well be dead. A pained sob escaped Jungsoo's throat at the hard realisation that his best friend could be gone, that he would hear his voice ever again or his laugh... they would never go out again and get drunk trying every cheap soju convenience stores have to offer in late night adventures, or sing off-tune to run-down noraebangs. He felt dizzy, detached from reality, his senses abandoning him. His body hit the wet sand, Donghae's mother's hysterical shouts filling his ears before everything blank.

He woke up with a start. The silence in the room was deafening. Sitting up on the bed, he looked around, taking in the white walls, simple furniture and every other sterile surface. A hospital room, where the only sound was the faint buzz of the machines to which he was connected. Perhaps that's what had woken him up. The skin of his inner elbow was itching around the IV drip injection, and he considered tearing it off and running away, like a scene out of a drama. But even in the thought of moving a wave of nausea hit him and he was forced to settle back on the pillows. 

He was exhausted. So unbelievably tired that even the fact that he was in a hospital didn't strike him as unusual. The only thing Hyukjae could think about was that he was alive. Staring blankly at the ceiling, the man recalled how it had felt like to be crashed under tons of litres of cold water, to open his eyes and only see seemingly endless darkness... It had been terrifying yet somehow... exciting. Hyukjae knew very well he had acted irrationally. He had been pushed to his limit, where the easiest escape was to jump. Next time... next time the situation would be entirely different.

"Mr. Lee."

His head turned to the direction of the voice who had pulled him out of his thoughts. It was a nurse.

"You're finally awake," the middle-aged woman said and proceeded with checking Hyukjae's vital signs. "You've been unconscious for four days," she calmly informed. The black-haired man's eyes widened, not so much because of how long he'd been out, but because of the nurse's speech. There was no dialect. 

"Where... am I?" he croaked and tried to sit up, weakly pushing the nurse's hands away as the woman tried to steady him. He coughed to clear his dry throat. "Where am I?" he demanded, his voice now clear and louder, a pinch of panic evident in his tone.
"Mr. Lee, please calm down. You're in Incheon's general hospital. You're safe."

Safe, huh...

Hyukjae shoved the nurse away, terror in his eyes as he stood on his wobbly legs. The woman stumbled backwards, hit the machines next to the bed and fell down. As quickly as he could manage, Hyukjae caught a handful of the tubes connected to his body and violently tore them away. He dashed to the door.

So close! So close to her!