No. Please don’t go. No!

“It wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. You had nothing to do with it.”

No… She’s gone… because of me.

I-I feel cold. Why is it so cold?

Her warmth is gone. Somebody, please hold me. I can’t feel my fingers.

It’s… It’s all my fault…

No… don’t go… NO!

Minseok woke up gasping for air, his heartbeat racing harshly against the ribcage that protected his heart while the rest of his body shook itself, feeling a cold sweat around him. He blinked a couple of times as he brought his right hand to his chest, before he noticed he was in his apartment alone. He let his breathing regulate to normal before sitting up, holding his head in his arms.

‘It was just a dream.’

All he could think of at the moment was the images flashing in his head; something he had wished wouldn’t come back to haunt him, however it did, unfortunately. He shook his head in an attempt to make everything disappear with one movement, but it failed. He had to distract himself some other way.

Being alone in his small apartment made it harder for him to let go of things floating around in his mind. There was nothing that he could do. The whole apartment consisted of a small uncomfortable bed, a tiny kitchen he hardly used, the bathroom that he hated to step inside, a fireplace that was never , and an old couch that he was currently sitting on. It wasn’t the best place, he had to admit, in fact, he hated being in there half of the time, but he still managed to call it home.

He looked down at his body as he sat, remembering that he had fallen asleep on the couch immediately after coming home from dropping Tao at his own small place, not even bothering to at least remove his shoes. For some unknown reason, he felt more tired than usual and wanted to sleep it away as soon as he got home.

After realizing that siting alone in his depressing apartment was not going to make him feel any better, and figured he would grow hungry soon, he got up to take a quick shower before changing and grabbing a black leather jacket.

In his state of mind, it was useless and pointless to go to work when he figured that he wasn’t going to do anything but complain, and instead called up Joonmyun to let him know of his absence. Luckily for him, Joonmyun agreed to let him “rest”, telling him that “Luhan would be here to help”, and “It’s a good thing we got an extra hand now”.

Joonmyun didn’t want to admit it to Minseok, but he had heard about what happened between the older and Luhan from Jongdae, and thought it was better to let Minseok cool off for a day, in fear that something worse could happen between the two.

So now that Minseok didn’t have to worry about work for the day, he used his energy to find something to do instead of being locked up in his crummy apartment. He took out his keys, stuffed his phone in his pocket, grabbed his backpack that held his helmet, and headed out the door.

The weather, just like the past few days, was cold, but it did nothing to stop him from standing outside and getting a view of the scene in front of him.

Minseok’s apartment was at the top of a rooftop, giving him his own personal balcony space from the other occupants, and a decent view of the gray city from afar. The city was covered with a light tint of blue and whites with streaks of yellows and oranges from the sun slowly coming into clear view. Looking out into the city from his spot gave him the chance to let his mind wonder out a bit, until a pang of guilt hit him as flashes of his dream popped into his head. For a quick moment, he had almost forgotten about it, but they seemed to swim back into his mind.

He shook his head once again and breathed in and out, watching as he blew puffs of smoke created from the harsh cold weather. He had to find something to do if he didn’t want to be reminded of his past once again.

After heading down to the basement and getting on his bike, he looked at the time through his phone.

“It’s almost 9:30, he should be there.” Speaking to himself, he stuffed his phone in his pocket once again and ignited his bike as he let himself get engulfed in the smoke created from the motor against the air around him, the sound of the purring engine calming him down a little.

Minseok didn’t have many friends outside from the ones he worked with, so even if the other was most probably still asleep, he decided that he would at least go visit an old friend he hadn’t seen lately.

It took him about 20 minutes of endless stop lights and curves to reach his destination. He parked his bike next to some worn out apartments that, on the contrary to the old fashioned exterior, had a great view of a unpolluted lake in the distance, the sound of the wind blowing through the trees making Minseok look at them before heading towards one of the apartment stairs.

He walked up the second floor and saw only two doors on that same story, just opposite from each other. On the right was a solid brown door with a nice little ‘Welcome’ mat for feet to be wiped before entering, while the one on the left was in need of a good paint job as bits of the paint was slowly chipping off, revealing the old orange color that was painted over. It didn’t take Minseok long before he knocked on the left door that he knew whom it belonged to without a doubt.

He knocked a couple of times and waited. There were muffled sounds coming from the inside and after nothing, he knocked once again; this time a little louder. A crash and clang came from the inside, and Minseok only waited until he heard someone playing with the locks and door knob.

Slowly, the door opened a creek, and a pair of sleepy looking eyes and full lips came in sight. Minseok chuckled to himself as he saw the boy trying to get out of his daze, still not fully revealing himself from the entrance.

“Well are you going to let me in? Or am I gonna have to force myself in there, Jongin?”

The familiar sound woke the sleepy boy in an instant. His eyes fully opened along with the door blocking their way. He smiled as he saw who was standing outside of his door.

“Hyung! What are you doing here?” He stepped aside to allow the older to come inside.

Minseok, in hearing the excitement from the younger’s voice, smiled while he patted the other’s shoulders. “Morning. Just thought I’d come visit you. Seems you were still asleep though.” He finished as he saw a yawn coming from him.

Jongin scratched his stomach, revealing his toned abs, and chuckled lightly as he wobbled towards the small living room, plopping himself on one of the couches. Minseok followed him as he casually sat on the other couch, watching Jongin grab a large pillow and then hug it between his arms and legs, his hair slightly messy and wearing a simple white tee with black boxers. He smiled to himself when he noticed the younger missing one of his socks, obviously just awoken.

“So what time did you go to sleep last night?” Minseok suddenly asked, and the other looked up with one eye closed, shrugging his shoulders.

“I don’t know… Late. We had some customers that didn’t want to leave.” He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock on the wall, releasing a small yawn. “I would have probably woken up in the afternoon… If you hadn’t come over, heh.”

Minseok laughed while he pretended to be hurt, though the smile was visible. “Well I’m sorry for waking you up.”

Jongin smiled back at the older’s reaction but let it go, as he was still a little too sleepy. “It’s okay hyung. So what’s up?” he once again glanced at the clock on the wall and turned back to look at Minseok. “Shouldn’t you be at work right now?” He was glad to see him, but it was odd to see him knowing the older hardly missed work even if he didn’t enjoy it much.

An exasperated sigh escaped Minseok’s lips, and Jongin could guess the meaning behind it. “I asked for the day off.”

With raised brows, Jongin peeped at the older, wondering what the frustration in that sigh could be, and if he would even tell. “And why’s that?”

It took Minseok a couple of seconds while he played with his fingers, until he finally chose to response to the younger. “We got this new kid working there. ‘Luhan’… Makes my skin burn from irritation! Always trying to tell me what to do. I swear!” Just the mere thought of Luhan and the day’s incidents made his hair stand at ends. He stared at his palm before cracking his knuckled from annoyance. Luhan didn’t even have to be there and he still felt his unwanted presence.

Once he realized his knuckles had been popped and were no longer able to crack, he noticed the silence around him and looked up at Jongin to find the younger asleep.

‘Guess he’s still sleepy.’

It was barely noon when Jongin woke up the smell of bacon filling his nose, and the sound of the radio playing in the background. He stretched his limbs before getting up and lightly scratching his stomach, drowsily making his way to his small kitchen. There stood Minseok, his back facing Jongin, with two plates of scrambled eggs already placed a couple of feet away from him. He hadn’t noticed when the younger woke up and didn’t hear his sluggish footsteps on the wooden floor, the sound of one foot stepping louder than the other from the lack of a sock. Jongin yawned loudly before peeking out from Minseok’s shoulders.

“H-Hyung… What are you making?”

At the unintentional surpise, Minseok jumped a little before he turned his head around and saw a drowsy looking Jongin, sleep barely starting to fade away as the smell of food filled his hungry senses.

“Hmm? Oh, thought you’d be hungry by now. You like bacon and eggs, right?” He received a quick nod, and turned back to the stove. “Good. I was getting hungry too. Did you know you hardly had anything to eat here? I had to go to the store and grab some stuff.”

A quiet chuckle escaped Jongin’s lips as he headed to the fridge to grab some drinks to go with their food. “Well I never really need to make myself food.”

After sitting down in Jongin’s living room, hands full with their plates and utensils, as their drinks sat on the small coffee table in the middle, none said a word, as their mouths were too busy with food. Jongin had never really bothered to buy a table, and figured he didn’t need one when the living room worked just as fine. The radio was still playing in the background, and the only other sound made was the clinging of their utensils on the plates, along with the light munching of the bacon.

Other would have considered the scene awkward and uncomfortable, but for these two, it was quite peaceful.

It took about five minutes until Jongin broke the silence, not bothering to look up from his plate as he munched on a piece of bacon.

“You know, this Luhan sounds like Kyungsoo.”

At the mere mention of Luhan’s name coming from his young friend, Minseok quickly looked up in surprise. Of course he would remind Jongin of Kyungsoo a little bit. “Hmph, well Kyungsoo isn’t bad. Plus he isn’t loud and obnoxious like Luhan. I don’t see why you would even think that.” He rolled his eyes as he finished, because to him, Kyungsoo never rubbed him the wrong way or caused him any headaches. Yes, he was caring, but he was nothing, nothing like Luhan.

“Well Kyungsoo’s always telling me what to do…”

“Heh, well it’s not like you don’t like it.” Taking a sip of his ice tea, he glanced at Jongin, able to catch a quick blush, and smiled to himself.

“Wh-What?! N-No! Who told you that?! He’s just, annoying, okay!” Jongin took his glass of juice and drank the remaining cup, only to slam it back down loudly on the coffee table seconds later.

With a knowing smirk, Minseok replied by nodding his head in understanding, only to mumble to himself, “If you say so…” before looking up at the clock on the wall.

“So anyways, where is Kyungsoo? I doubt he’d still be asleep.”

Jongin shrugged his shoulders as he rubbed his eyes to rid of the sleep that seemed to return after eating. “Probably in class.” Minseok responded with a simple nod as he finished the remaining of his food.

Minseok knew that Kyungsoo had taken up school in the mornings, despite his hectic night schedule. Both Kyungsoo and Jongin worked as bartenders in a night club, which required them to leave in the early hours of the morning, but it didn’t really stop Kyungsoo from going to school, unlike Jongin, who would sleep until the afternoon. They just so happened to live next door to each other, causing them to have a rather cat-and-dog relationship that Minseok could easily see through. They liked each other, he could tell. A small smirk found its way to his face, as he remembered why Jongin had no food to eat, or no table to eat on, because why would he need those things when Kyungsoo lived right next door?

After spending enough time with Jongin, Minseok thought it was his time head out. Saying his “byes” and “I’ll come to see you soon” he walked to his parked bike and took off. He had ultimately forgotten his reason for visiting the younger, which in the end, was his purpose.

The afternoon had warmed up a little compared to the morning, but the sky had a light amount of gray clouds masking the usual happy mood the sun created.

It was barely 2 in the afternoon, and considering the time of day, it was rather slow. He rode his bike, not knowing where to head to this time. Somehow he found himself in a nice neighborhood. Despite the light winter snow and leafless trees, it somehow seemed warmer and peaceful to be around, the silence only adding to the calming effect.

Truthfully, Minseok hated this part of town. He hated it so much, never wanting to willingly go there, yet he often found himself there unknowingly, as if his body kept calling for it. Yes, it wasn’t the first time he accidently stumbled on that neighborhood, and he didn’t like it one bit.

In the middle of the neighborhood was a familiar park that laid center in the area, a set of six swings slowly moving back and forth by the light wind.

Because of the time, the park was pretty empty, considering most people were either working or still in school. At the far end of the swing set was a pair of kids. A little girl with piggy tails, cheeks rather round, and a boy, only inches taller, with cheeks just as puffy. They were mindlessly swinging back and forth, smiles on their faces as they used their feet to kick themselves just a little harder. Minseok decided not to interrupt, in fear he would frighten them or cause them to stop. They kept swinging until they heard a voice calling them from the sidelines, causing both the children along with Minseok, who hadn’t noticed there was someone else in the park till then, to stop and look at the person’s direction.

“Kids! It’s time to go now. Come on!” A woman in her late 20’s stood watching them from the distance, a warm smile gracing her face.

Minseok watched the woman for a few seconds before he glanced back to the kids. The little girl with the piggy tails quickly obeyed, stopping the swing and waited for the boy to go along with her, but he continued like he hadn’t heard a thing as he kicked himself with more force.

“Oppa, let’s go.” The little girl extended her hand and looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Hurry kids!” All three, turned to look at the woman once again. Minseok’s head kept bobbing from speaker to speaker, watching them like a tennis match.

“Aww mom, can’t I just stay here a bit longer?” The little boy finally spoke, whining as he stood up, barely holding the swing now.

“No. It’s getting cold and I don’t want you getting sick. Now come on. Let’s go already.”

After their little conversation, Minseok watched as the kids walked slowly up to the woman, who he had by then assumed was their mother. The little girl holding the boys’ hand, as the pouted and took hold of his mother’s hand.

Once they were gone, Minseok noticed he was the only one in the park.

He walked up to the swings and sat there for a few seconds absorbing the cold winter air, before he lightly started to push himself with his feet. Yeah, he hated the place, but he couldn’t say he didn’t feel strangely comfortable being there.

He sat in silence for a few minutes, only staring at his feet, watching as his breath created small puff of smoke, because despite hating being there, he couldn’t bring himself to taint the serenity of the environment with his repulsive habit, and oddly the natural puffs of smoke created from his lips were enough to satisfy him. Everything turned quiet, and maybe a little too quiet for his liking, and the only sound seemed to come from the wind softly blowing through the branches of molted trees and the squeaks of the old swing he was sitting on.

Peace… Peace and serenity is all he felt at that moment.

“Minseok?”

And there she stood, looking as innocent as she always did. It had been a few years since they had seen each other, or at least, since they had stood in front of each other like at that moment, knowing the other was looking back. Because truthfully, Minseok had always tried to see how she was doing- if she was safe.

But maybe he should have let her speak before he stood up, eyes wide at the shock of the girl standing in front of him, and quickly made a run towards his bike, not bothering to look back as she called his name over and over until all he heard was the sound of the motor engulfing him, and his heart threatening to burst out of his chest.

Maybe then, he would have been able to realize some small details about the girl. Like how taller she had gotten , or how her hair had outgrown from the short bob she had before. Or the fact that despite the years, she still had the same youthful face he grew up seeing.

If maybe he hadn’t had the blasted dream, then he might have had more courage to suddenly face her.

But, maybe all he really had to do was distract himself again. And why the first face that came to mind was Luhan, making him shiver a bit at the boy’s last reaction he made before he abruptly left, he won’t know. Why he suddenly felt a weird sensation just at the mere thought of the other, made him press on the accelerator just a little harder, wanting to just get away.

And so he left. He left on his bike and tried to let everything seep away from his mind, because things were only getting more complicated than they needed to be, and he wasn’t prepared for any of it. And because running away always seemed like the best choice.

Why of all times? Why?!

Am I really ‘perfectly fine’?

Hey guys! .__.

First off, I want to apologize for not updating since.. last month OTL I had the chapter written, and then had it typed up, but, I felt it wasn't that good.. And I still don't feel so happy how it turned out as. But, I hope you like it, sort of? ;A; Plus school and I have a bad case of procrastination.

Second, just want to say sorry for the lack of Xiuhan, right? Cuz it's been pretty slow so far, and Minseok is just a jerk to him, but you can tell he's really a caring person to those he's friends with. I hope I don't make you not like it, seriously, the next chapter WILL have Luhan. Idk where it's all heading to, but I do have a clear vision of what I want near the end. It's just getting there. Did you catch a hint of another ship? Huhuhu, I just can't help from adding hints of them. 

And I'm gonna guess and say you guys might be confused as to who this girl is and what she has to do with the story, right? (cuz my friend did when I showed her) But no worries, it's just something from Minseok's past that he has to face to be able to change and accept Luhan. I hope you guys are surprised as to what his past is though. 

So like that, I leave (though Idk about posting it now.. I probably will have some mistakes here and there that I'll catch once I press the unhide button... Please don't hate me if it's not what you're expecting... Also, just want to thank everyone who subcribed and stuff. Please send me stuff to hurry up. Scold me if you have to! Send me anon messages on my tumblr if you have to. Hehehe Well... that's it. I'll be off now. /throws cookies/