M is for Mental

YongGuk peeked into YoungJae’s room. He sighed in relief to see both kids sleeping (probably from exhaustion). As quietly as possible, he opened the door just enough that he could get in. Gently, he pulled the blanket over the two of them. YoungJae had his arms around Kae while her head was buried in his chest. YongGuk’s action stirred Kae a bit, causing her to begin whining. With soft touches, he brushed Kae’s hair out of her face and petted her head soothingly to calm her. At her squirming movements, YoungJae wrapped his arms tighter around her and buried his head into her hair. YongGuk smiled at YoungJae’s unconscious, protective action. The elder YoungJae’s head tenderly for a brief moment before leaving the two.

He managed to close the door without making a sound.

“How is she?” a concerned voice urged softly.

“She’s fine for now. Let’s go downstairs first,” YongGuk answered as he led JiEun away from the sleeping pair. Once they were in the living room, he took a seat on the loveseat and sighed deeply while resting his head back with his eyes closed.

“…is she okay?” JiEun asked again as she took residence right next to him with her whole body facing him. Her voice was still soft and gentle, but YongGuk could tell she was becoming impatient at his refusal to answer her question.

He finally nodded (though the position of his head never moved) before responding, “They’re sleeping for now. Probably from the stress of everything. YoungJae probably told her everything.”

“Did she take it well?”

“No clue. We can only wait for now.”

JiEun huffed in frustration, blowing air up at her bangs and turning her body to sit on the loveseat properly. YongGuk blindly reached over and placed JiEun’s head on his shoulder so he could rest his head onto of hers. She tilted her body so she could lie more comfortably against him.

“What are we going to do now?” she mumbled with worry.

“Who knows? None of the doctors that worked under TS were psychiatrists. And we can’t hire just anyone. Her past doesn’t exactly make it easy for us to get someone we can fully trust not to leak information. I’m sure these are things YoungJae has already thought of anyways,” he answered, though not with a reply that JiEun was happy with.

“But we can’t just leave her to somehow subconsciously fix herself…”

“What can we do? None of us are doctors and no one can be trusted to be hired as a doctor. What could we possibly do?” he mumbled in irritation.

“Become a doctor?”

Silence.

JiEun lifted her head to witness YongGuk staring at her as if she grew an extra head.

“YoungJae has too many years ahead of him to become a doctor,” he responded, seemingly 100% serious. And JiEun wasn’t sure if he was or not. She had meant it as a joke, but the idea was becoming more and more plausible as she stared at YongGuk.

“Bbang…you can become a doctor…”

YongGuk blinked.

“It would take years.”

“Our little Kae isn’t going anywhere.”

“The psychology department in South Korea is lacking.”

“Then you can improve it as you learn how to fix her.”

“How am I supposed to get in without even a high school diploma?”

“I’m sure TaeSung-sshi can get some connections together.”

“I can’t…I’ve never been good at school.”

“No, you’ve never tried. YongGuk…I’d think you’d make a great doctor…and it could mean the difference between life and death for Kae at this point.”

“We’ll take turns keeping an eye on her.”

Before YongGuk could argue more, they heard a lot of loud clanking coming from upstairs. They didn’t need to ask what was going on because a few moments later, a pile of technology with legs walked down the stairs. Only when it turned did they see that DaeHee was the legs of the pile. She dropped everything in front of the door and left the room.

Silence.

YongGuk and JiEun exchanged looks of confusion.

DaeHee entered again with a chair and climbed on top of it so she could reach the top of the door to install a camera of some sort.

“DaeHee, what are you doing?” YongGuk finally asked in confusion.

“Installing a camera,” she answered simply, fully focused on her task at hand.

“…yes, but…why?” he rephrased his question so she would give him a proper response.

“So we can keep an eye on the little demon, duh,” DaeHee responded with a roll of her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Keep an eye on her?” JiEun hummed in thought.

“Yeah, I’ve decided to set up a trap so she can’t escape however she wants. This’ll give her a shock if she tries to open the door without an .”

“DaeHee, that’s a bit excessive, don’t you think?” YongGuk questioned a bit accusingly.

“Oppa, you’ve gotten too soft-hearted after being retired from the field. She’s a danger to society and herself. This is just as much for her safety as it is for others. I love that girl as much as you do, but that doesn’t change the fact that she used to be an exceptional assassin and has no control over her own body sometimes,” DaeHee huffed in irritation at YongGuk’s accusing voice, throwing him a look of disapproval. He opened his mouth to disagree, but couldn’t think of anything to counter her point. While he didn’t agree with her method, she was right. They did need to do something about Kae. YoungJae could only do so much for her, and while he was doing everything he possibly can to help her, everyone else had mostly just tolerated her. The danger the girl possessed was made evident so they could no longer turn a blind eye.

“I’ll do it.”

“Neh?” JiEun chirped at YongGuk’s sudden statement after their moment of silence while watching DaeHee.

“I’ll apply for medical school,” YongGuk stated before adding, “But we’ll have to keep an eye on her until then. DaeHee, can I trust you to do this without hurting Kae?

He earned a confused nod from DaeHee and a big hug from JiEun.

“I know you can do it. If anyone can help her, it’s you,” JiEun encouraged. He smiled warily at her, hoping for everyone’s sake that she was right.

~

“…danger to society and herself. This is…”

The door closed in front of Kae by a hand behind her as an arm wrapped supportively around her waist and a head buried on her shoulder.

“Don’t listen. You don’t need to listen,” YoungJae whispered softly as he tightened his grip around her waist.

“Jae…I’m so scared…of myself…I-I-I…I didn’t know-” Kae whimpered on the verge of tears, earning her a soft, gentle hush from YoungJae.

“Don’t. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Just trust me. Stay with me. You’ll be okay. I promise. Just don’t leave me,” he pleaded almost desperately.

“Shouldn’t I be asking that?”

“You don’t understand how much you mean to me. Please promise you won’t run away again…all of you.”

“Jae…”

He kissed her cheek. “Sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

She nodded reluctantly despite her current fear of falling asleep and waking up in a different place from once she slept. YoungJae wrapped his arms around her as they went back to bed as if afraid she would run away without the physical restraint. Once she was sure he was asleep, Kae opened her eyes and watched him take slow, peaceful breaths. She couldn’t sleep. But she didn’t want to bother YoungJae. As Kae was taking in all of YoungJae’s features, she noticed just how tired he looked. It was a bit hard to see in the dark, but the contours of his face were sharper than before, emphasized by the shadows of the night. She bit her lip and nuzzled into his chest, so she didn’t have to see his tired face. Her movements caused him to grunt and hold her closer with a sigh. A brief smile graced her lips at his unconscious comforting action as she was amazed that even when he’s sleeping, he’s still looking out for her. The warm thought was her solace to slumber, prevailing over all the fear she had of her disorder overwhelming her in her sleep.

That was the last day Kae was able to sleep peacefully in a long time.

~

“Nobody loves you.”

That’s not true.

“Everyone wants you gone.”

That’s not true!

“You’re a menace to society.”

Stop it! I’m not!

“Dangerous and unpredictable.”

I’m not dangerous! Please stop!

“Wrong in the head.”

I’m not!

“Only Appa would understand and he’s dead.”

NO!

SHUT UP!

“K-K-K…ae…”

Her eyes flew open at YoungJae’s strained voice. With a loud gasp, Kae removed her hands from YoungJae’s neck as quickly as if she got burned. She could only stare as YoungJae coughed. His lungs were desperately trying to compensate for the lack of oxygen while his hand rubbed the growing bruise on his neck from Kae’s tight grip. Tears fell from her eyes as she held a shaky hand out at YoungJae, wanting more than anything to help him. But she quickly pulled her hand back.

The only way she could help him was by not being there.

She was hurting him.

Before YoungJae could regain his composure to comfort Kae, the fearful girl ran out of the room. Unable to use his voice yet, YoungJae pulled out the blow horn DaeHee was constantly using to wake their magnae line up and pressed hard on the loud instrument.

Their two oldest were the first to show up in front of YoungJae’s door. Neither of them looked sleepy, so they must have been awake already for some reason. YoungJae pointed frantically to their front door, hoping they’d understand his charades, as he continued coughing.

YongGuk and HimChan realized what was going on immediately and bolted for the front door. They were stunned to see Kae relentlessly trying to open the door despite the numerous locks that kept electrocuting her every time she touched them. HimChan tackled Kae away from the door and restrained the flailing girl with his arms while YongGuk could only watch with pained eyes.

“Let me go! Nobody wants me here! I’m just a disaster waiting to happen! I can’t even control my own body! I don’t even know who I am anymore!”

“Kae! Baby! Please don’t say those things!” HimChan pleaded as tears weld up in his eyes at the sight of the broken girl.

“Who is Kae? I don’t even know who Kae is?!” she screamed as she bawled. “Tell Kae to stop me from killing Jae! Kae loves Jae more than anything, so please! Somebody kill me because just the thought of Jae getting killed is worse than any nightmare I could ever have! …I don’t want it to be a reality…please…Channie-oppa…I don’t want to be awake or asleep anymore…I’m afraid I’m not me no matter what I do…”

HimChan swallowed the lump in his throat as he cradled Kae’s sobbing figure in his arms.

“Oh…Kae-baby…please don’t say such sad thing. Everything will be okay…Channie-oppa and Gukkie-oppa will take care of everything. It’s okay…” he cooed as he kissed her head. He noticed YongGuk had disappeared and figured he went to check on YoungJae.

Just as HimChan suspected, their leader ran back up to YoungJae’s room to make sure their braniac was okay. His heart hurt at the sight of YoungJae’s lost image.

“YoungJae…”

At the sound of his voice, YoungJae looked up at YongGuk. He could see how much regret was in the younger’s eyes.

“Hyung…” His face scrunched up as tears escaped his eyes. “I should have never told her…she was…she was doing so well…and now I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined her. Hyung, I can’t-”

YongGuk wrapped his arms around YoungJae.

“Stop it. Both of you. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see you two destroying yourselves for each other, and I don’t know how much more I can take just watching you two suffering like this,” YongGuk begged as YoungJae wrapped his arms around YongGuk’s chest for mental and physical support. “Just hang in there, YoungJae…Hyung will help…okay? Hang in there…”

With a sigh, YongGuk held his crying dongsaeng as the rest of B.A.P began waking up from all the racket.

=====================================================================

FINALLY UPDATED.

;A;

I’M SORRY FOR BEING MIA FROM THIS STORY FOR SO LONG.

Is anybody still here?

No?

Okay…

/goes back into her hole/

~Kira :3

/shamelessly spams with YoungJae bleeding shots from 1004 MV/

...that is all.