THE LAST WORD IN THE SONG – Part 1

It’s been 3 months ever since they’ve decided to live separately. It’s not because they don’t love each other anymore but because they wanted to avoid any more misunderstanding that can lead to divorce. But now he started to doubt it. He wondered if Yunho ever loves him. He never calls Jaejoong even for once. And even worst; he didn’t even answer any calls or any messages Jaejoong sent.

“Can this go any worst?!” Jaejoong threw his phone on the couch and rested his hands on his hip; fumed.

The door bell was ringed and the knock sounded on the door.

“Coming~!” He hurried to the door and when he opened it up; he found Shim Changmin; Yunho’s co-worker staring at him.

“Oh Changmin-shi…what are you doing here?” Jaejoong asked and titled his head; expecting Yunho’s with him too. But he wasn’t. Changmin came alone.

“Did Yunho send you here?” Changmin pursed his lips; he looks like it’s really hard for him to answer that question.

He then eyed Changmin from his head to toe and saw the large envelop in his hand. Jaejoong scoffed.

“Don’t tell me that’s the divorce paper?”

Jaejoong rubbed his face in disbelieved. So that’s how Yunho chose to end it? Sending someone asking him to sign the divorce paper? Such a coward!

“I don’t know if I’m the right person to tell you about it…” Changmin began.

“Tell me what?”

Changmin left it unanswered.

“He wanted me to give you these…” Changmin pulled Jaejoong’s hand and placed the keys along with the wedding band on his palm.

“Is he really wished to end our marriage?” Jaejoong restrained his voice from shouting. It agitates him when Changmin still didn’t answer it.

“As well as these…” He handed a large size envelope.

Jaejoong looked inside and saw several pieces of music sheets. Jaejoong closed his eyes; despised by the look of it.

“I think you’ve made a mistake…you probably should send these to his company…” Jaejoong handed it back but Changmin shook his head slowly.

“Kim Jaejoong-shi…I’d suggest you to look at it…”

Changmin acted weird and it scared Jaejoong. He frowned.

“I shall leave then…” He bid him goodbye and walked away. Jaejoong sent him with the corner of his eyes and closed the door.

“Why did he give me his ring? He was the one who bought it…” Jaejoong perceived the ring and the memory of the day Yunho proposed him flashed before his eyes.

“I don’t think I could survive another day without seeing you…I want to watch you to sleep and I want to wake up the next morning with you next to me…”

“I guess your promise is just another empty word…” The tears trickled to fall down. His chin quivered and he brushed it off roughly.

He put Yunho’s ring on his thumb; with an intention to give it back to him when he see him. His gaze then shifted to the envelope and slowly he took out its content. The sheet music were arranged properly and clipped. At the front page is a letter Yunho wrote to him.

“To the one I wanna spend my whole life with: Kim Jaejoong” Jaejoong read it. His eyes softened.

________________________________________________________________

To the one I wanna spend my whole life with: Kim Jaejoong.

I know how much you’re hurting because of me. And all I could say is I’m sorry. But I wanna to let you know this; loving you and marrying you is the most wonderful things ever happened in my life. I never regret it even for one second. I couldn’t tell in word how much I’m happy spending my life with you. I couldn’t find a suitable word for it.

And because of it; because you gave me the happiness that this world can’t; I’m such a failure when it comes to my job as a composer. I could never write a song when I’m drowning in happiness. That’s why I locked myself in the studio and bear myself not to run back to you. And I tell you; the pain of holding back was worth it. I could write lots of wonderful songs.

Seeing my boss cheering in joy; I came to realize about something. I let you down just to make my boss happy. I hurt you so that I can do a great work. And after you asked for a separation; I couldn’t complete even one song.

How can I finish it? Whenever I write the word ‘sarang’; all I could see is you. And the tears fell down stained my sheet music without I even realized.

My Jaejoongie; I love you so much.

________________________________________________________________

His breathing hitched. Every word in that letter stabbed his heart again and again like they’re mocking him.

Yunho did everything for him and what did he do? He was the one who’s tearing apart their relationship. Jaejoong flipped through the sheet music one after one and when it comes to the last page; the tears unwittingly rolled down.

That’s the unfinished song that Yunho’s talking about.

My Only Comfort/Healing for Myself

The ring I prepared for you lost its pair,

It is only left on my finger, and so sorrow cries

Wish it rains so it can hide my tears

I cry and cry and cry again,

I feel that the sad song flowing in my ears

Would stop my heart that sank

The soul of love that wouldn’t leave holds onto me again,

I cry and cry and cry again,

Sarang (my love), Sarang (my love)…

Jaejoong ran his fingers on the trace of tears at the end of it.

“Yunho-ah…” He mouthed.

Just then; he remembered that he saw the key of their house among the bundle of keys that Changmin gave to him just now. He immediately searched for it and he found it.

Grabbing all the important stuffs with him; he dashed out of the house to go back to their house.

*****

Shoving the key into the slot; Jaejoong hastily pushed the door widely and entered.

“Yunho-ah! Are you here?!!!” He ran and searched for Yunho in every room and every corner that he can.

“Yunho-ah!!! I’m here!!!”

“Yunho-ah!!!”

He screamed but he got no answers in return. He stopped running and rested by leaning against the cabinet at the living room.

“Where is he?” Biting onto his lower lip; he reached his hand to grab the phone receiver nearby and noticed that the button on the answering machine’s blinking.

Jaejoong pressed it.

“You have 15 messages…”

“15?!!!” Jaejoong shrieked.

“Kim Jaejoong-shi…we’re calling from the Seoul Hospital...We need you to be here as soon as possible. Jung Yunho-shi got involved in an accident and he’s in the critical condition…”

Jaejoong’s eyes were on the verge of popping out as he heard it.

“Kim Jaejoong-shi…we couldn’t reach you on your cell phone so we’re calling you here again…please be here as soon as you can…”

“Jaejoongie…where are you? What’s happening? Why we couldn’t reach you on your cell phone? If you listen to this; please…Yunho need you~”

The pleading voice of Yunho’s mother echoed. Jaejoong held his chest; stupefied. Jaejoong turned off his phone most of the time just to piss Yunho. He was hoping that Yunho would come running to him. And look what it got him into.

“Jaejoongie…”

The sound of Yunho’s mother; sobbing sending an electrocution straight to his heart.

“…uri Yunho couldn’t make it…”

With that Jaejoong flopped down to the floor; with a loud thud. The tears streamed down like a flowing river.

Those messages were dated yesterday. And the rest of the messages came from their relative; paying him their condolences.

He felt like his world just crumbled down and he was crushed down by a huge rock. His head throbbed and his heart constricted. All the words stuck right at his throat; continued suffocating him. Why is it so hard for him to breathe?  

“Y-Yunho-ah…” He finally let out after taking such a huge effort.

“What have I done?”

“Yunho-ah…” His chin quivered. Sitting down on the floor with his body slightly hunched to the front; the tears were dripping down on the floor.

He let the anger overpowered him; he let his anger to cloud his mind.

“Yun…yunho-ah…” His body trembled hard as his mouth continued calling out for one name.

“Yes I hate you!!!”

His body paralyzed as he recalled the last word he said to Yunho. He shook his head; denying it.

“Aniya…aniya…I love you…I love you…”

“How can I finish it? Whenever I write the word ‘sarang’; all I could see is you.”

“Aniya~ aniya~ ANIYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!” He slammed both of his hands on the floor hysterically.

“Yunho-ah…don’t leave me…don’t leave me…” Jaejoong slowly lay down on the floor.

“What should I do now? What should I do now?”

Thinking that he has to live without Yunho’s accompanying him anymore; Jaejoong thought it’s better for him to just die than being tortured with an endless regret like that. He closed his eyes; letting the tears to continue coming out freely. What else can he do now aside from grieving and regret?

*****

“Hey Jae~ wakes up…you’ll get sick if you sleep here…”

“Jae baby…” He could feel the same warmth; hugging him.

Jaejoong’s eyes flew opened and sat up immediately. His eyes went wild looking for Yunho.

“It couldn’t be Yunho…it’s not possible…” He probably fell asleep; he thought. He pushed his body backward and leaned against the cabinet; hugging himself.

“I must be crazy now…” because he could still feel the warmness of Yunho’s touch; sneaking and crawling in his veins.

“It felt so real…”

He survived for the past 3 months without seeing Yunho because he knows Yunho was there. Because he knows he could go and meet Yunho at any time. Because he believes Yunho would walk through that door at any minute.

Jaejoong closed his eyes and imagine how Yunho was still there with him. That’s right. Yunho’s still there.

*****

It’s been a week since Yunho left him. Jaejoong braced himself to stand on his feet; facing the sun as he moved forward. How long does it takes for his heart to heal? A day? A week? A month? A year? Or his whole life? He never knew.

Jaejoong sat down on the coffee shop when the waiter came to assist him.

“Give me two cups of black coffee…” Jaejoong casually asked.

“Do you wanna us bring it here right away or wait until your friend come?”

Jaejoong blinked at him.

“I’m sorry?”

“For the other cup? Do you wanna us bring it here right away or wait until your friend come first?” the waiter repeated his question; wanna make sure.

“T-the other…” Jaejoong paused as he looked to the empty seat in front of him. The smile on his face disappeared as his mouth drooped sadly. He unconsciously ordered the coffee for Yunho too.

“I’m sorry…just cancel the other…I forgot that my friend couldn’t come…” Jaejoong made an excuse with an assurance smile.

The waiter nodded; smiling at him first before walk away.

Jaejoong’s eyes shifted back to the empty seat. Yunho’s company situated nor far from that coffee shop. Due to Yunho’s pack schedule; they would promise to meet each other there. In order to save times; normally he would order the coffee for the two of them first and Yunho would walked in not long after that.

He looked down to the brown envelope on the table. He brought along with an intention to give it back to his company.

“How could I give this away when you made it especially for me…?” Jaejoong muttered as he seconded his decision.

“I lost you because of my selfish decision…I’m not going to do the same thing with our memories…” he caressed it lovingly.

*****

Skipping his idea to go to Yunho’s company; Jaejoong decided to just head back home. There’s so many things left for him to do at home. The door unlocked when he pressed the button on his key.

He opened up the door and immediately hopped on only to realize that he’s sitting at the passenger seat instead of the driver seat. Looking at the driver seat; Jaejoong burst a light chuckle admitting his foolishness. He shook his head and then laughed like a crazy person.

He inhaled deeply then breathed out before moving to the next seat. Yunho’s scent still lingered there and the car seat wasn’t really adjusted according to his height. Jaejoong just wanted to leave it like that. He didn’t wish to change a thing anything’s that related to Yunho.

He’s already lost one of Yunho’s cars along with Yunho.

And the rest; he just wanted to keep it the way it is. That’s the only way that he can keep Yunho’s memories close to him; for him to reminisce it.

But his action terrified his mother in law. He still remembers her shocking expression when she came to visit him. Seeing him acting like Yunho’s still there; she ran to hug Jaejoong to console him.

*Flashback

“Jaejoongie-ah…Yunho didn’t even blame you for it…and neither do we…it happened because it meant to happen…please stop torturing yourself like this; son…I only have you right now; I don’t want to lose you too…” She tightened the hug as she cried.

“Omma…I’m fine…I’m fine like this…”

But she wasn’t convinced.

“Let’s go meet therapist…we should go together…I know it’s hard for you to accept this…but we have to move on and let go the past, Jaejoongie-ah…”

“Aniya omma…I don’t want to…I don’t care what others might think about me…I don’t want to move on, omma…I don’t want to forget…let me be like this…I rather stay like this…”

“Please don’t let yourself drown into the memories; Jaejoongie-ah…it will hold you back…it will eat you alive…”

“Then let it be…”

*Flashback End

*****

“If I let go the past; I have nothing left…”

“If I’m not holding onto you; where should I start…”

When his heart starting to ache back; he will close his eyes and breathed in deeply. He browsed through his memories; began to imagine Yunho’s with him.

“Jaejoongie…don’t be late…I’m waiting for you…” a soft whisper sounded close to his ear. It’s Yunho’s voice.

Hearing it; his face lightened up.

*******

A/N: The pic and Jaejoong's song "My Only Comfort/Healing for Myself" are my inspiration. please support me by subscribing and comments are most welcomed ^^