As you crack your eyes open, you quickly glance at the time.  7 in the morning.  Another 12 hour before it turns dark and you’ll be forced to come with Luhan. 

You have to do so many things.

Come on, come on!

As the thoughts come in a clamour in your mind, you brace yourself for the sickening wave of nausea, but you meet none.  You feel it subside, as if it was pulled away from you, slowly, but surely, until it completely disappears.

Luhan.

He’s telling me to live the last day of my life happily.

Fighting the tears in your eyes, you sit up and grab a glass of water, drinking it before letting your eyes fall upon Lay’s sleeping figure. 

Damn it, you hate to wake him up, but—

“You’re up?”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise as you see Lay’s eyes open, looking straight at you with a sleepy smile on his lips.  “Good morning,” He says.

His voice sounds so nice when he wakes up.  The butterflies in your stomach flutters as you return his smile.  “Mm, morning,”

Lay sits up and stretches on the sofa, smacking his lips.  Slowly throwing his legs over the sofa, he sits up and comes to sit by your bed, pecking you on the lips.  “Feeling okay?”

“More than so,” You grin, leaning into his hand that is on your right cheek, giving it a kiss.  “Say, Lay, can we go out today?”

He frowns at your request, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.  “Can you? I mean, will the doctor let you?” Lay clicks his tongue.  “I’d love to, but if he says that you’re not well enough, then no can do,”

As if right on cue, the door to your room opens and the doctor in charge of you comes in, throwing you a smile.  “Good morning, dear.  How are we feeling today?”

“Excellent, doctor,” You grin at him.

“No wave of nausea? No extreme headaches?”

“Nope, and nope,”

“No sore body parts?”

“Nope,”

“Excellent, you are,” He chuckles.

“Err, doctor?”

“Hm?”

You nudge Lay and nod vigorously as he asks you with a raised eyebrow.  “She wants to, err,” He scratches the back of his head, uncertain with what to say.

“Oh, I know,” The doctor finally laughs.  “You want out, don’t you?”

You clap your hands delightedly and grin.  “I do!”

He smiles as he shakes his head and continues.  “Well, it’s fine,” Before you could squeal in excitement, he interrupts.  “But, you can’t go home yet.  You still have to come back here before six,”

“I know, I know,” You playfully roll your eyes.  “Can we go now?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Lay, let’s go, Lay! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

---------

You excitedly jump in your wheelchair as Lay pushes you outside of the room, dressed in a simple cream dress with leggings, due to the help of the nurses.  Gotta look pretty for every single date, they said.  It made you chuckle.

“Where to, jagiya?” Lay asks you, lowering his head by your ear.

You giggle as his breath tickles you.  “Ice cream?”

“Aww no, are you gonna make me eat your chocolate fudge again?”

Laughing, you shake your head.  “No, I’m going to make you eat my chocolate chip with me,”

“Guess I’ll be okay with that,” With an excited grin, Lay pushes you down the pavement, towards the nearby ice cream shop you two always visit.

“Unnie! A pint of chocolate chip ice cream to take away, please!” You immediately call out as the two of you reached the cashier.

Jihyun, the employee who knows you well as a regular and a friend, laughs.  “Comin right up!”

Needing no pretty scoops or waffles, Jihyun comes out carrying a literal pint of ice cream in her hand, loudly setting it on the counter.  “Sure you want a pint?”

“Bring it on,” You smirk and break out in a laugh with her as Lay pays for it. 

“See, you two get to have all the fun and I get to pay,” Lay sighs, taking the pint for you and handing it to you to hold on to.

“Aww, he’s kidding, unnie, he likes chocolate chip as much as I do,” You pat his hand and look up with a smile as he makes a face at you. 

“Bye, noona,” Lay waves at Jihyun and you exit the shop with a tinkle of the door’s bell, and the two of you take off towards your next favorite spot. 

Settling under the tree, Lay lifts you away from the wheel chair and puts you down across his lap as he leans his back onto the trunk of the usual tree. 

“Aah,” You open your mouth as an example as you tried to feed Lay.  He, however, responded with a grin, not opening his mouth.  “Ya!” You irritatedly nudge his arm and feed yourself instead.  “Pabo Lay, pabo pabo pabo,” You chanted as you swallowed the ice cream, savoring the chocolate aftertaste.

“Who’s the pabo again? I don’t remember having ice cream on my lips even at the first spoon,” He raises his eyebrow playfully.

“What,” You stick your tongue out at him.  “Then clean it for me, please, dear boyfriend,” With that, you close your eyes and let out a thin smile.

“With pleasure,” Without hesitation, Lay wipes the corner of your lip with his thumb.

“Wha—“

“Just kidding,” Chuckling, he leans in to plant a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Pabo,” You said as you grin into the kiss before kissing him back. 

“It’s been a while since we last came here, huh,” Lay says as the two of you broke the kiss.

“Mm, a lot of months,” You sigh, leaning onto his shoulder.

As Lay looked into the distance, you glance up to his face.  His beautiful face.  His body, his touch, his kisses, pain shoots through your heart as you realized that you’re not going to be seeing or feeling it anymore.  Don’t cry, don’t cry, you think to yourself, but it’s of no use.  The tears stream down the side of your face and onto Lay’s shoulder.

Immediately, he returns his gaze onto you.  “Why are you crying?” He asks with concern, taking your face in his as you sit up.  “Tell me, what is it?”

So Lay.  Never asks whether you’re okay or not when you’re crying.  People might think it’s weird, but it’s one of the things you thought was unique from him.  He thought that when people cry, they’re not okay, which is obvious to him so he thinks the ‘Are you okay’ question is stupid, thus its absence from his thoughts.

“I miss holding your hand,” You say, half-lying but half telling the truth. 

“You still can, right,” He takes your hand in his and brings it to his lips, kissing it before wiping the tears away from your cheeks.

“While I walk, I mean,” You lift your other hand to push his hair away from his eyes.  “I miss it, Lay,” You close your eyes and let him kiss you, so tenderly it stops your tears.  As you pulled away first, you throw your arms around his neck and put your chin on his shoulder, hugging him tight. 

He hugs you back and buries his face in your hair.  “It’s okay, it’s going to be alright.  I’ll be right here,” He whispers at your ear.

But I won’t be.  The thought slips into your mind and before you could sob, Lay asks you.  “Do you want to go back? We still have 4 hours till 6.  You can rest,”

“No, I’m fine.  I want to go home for a while,” You smile at him.  “You do know that I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, do you?”

“I love me,” You grin, evoking laughter from your boyfriend. 

“Silly.  I love you more than you could ever imagine,” He quietly says as he pushes you out of the park, and towards your house. 

As the two of you arrive at your house, Kyungwoo and Yumi comes storming out, a calmer Kai trailing behind them.  “Hey kids,” You welcome them in your arms.

“You can come home?” Yumi asks, full of hope.

“Sadly, no.  I’ve got to get back before 6,” You chuckle at the two’s disappointed expressions.  “But I brought chocolate chip?” You lift up the pint from your lap and grin as the two laughs excitedly.

“Hey,” Kai lifts his hand for a small wave. 

“Hi, Kai,” You gently smile at him and take his hand.  “Thanks for taking care of the two, you’re the best,”

“Glad to help,” He smiles and comes into the house to hold the door for you and Lay. 

“Now, can you make us some ramyun? Hospital food kills me,”

Everybody laughs at you and Kai gets started on the ramyuns with Lay.  You go into your room to check out your laptop and sigh in relief as you had no pending jobs.  You look around the room, and with a sad smile, turn your back on it.  Maybe Luhan will let me visit sometimes.

After quite the wait, ramyun is served and the five of you dig in, filling your stomach as everybody threw jokes and stories around the table.  I’m going to miss you guys, you think as you let out a laugh at Kyungwoo’s joke.  So much, your laugh quickly quiets down and you focus on your ramyun,  letting out the right laugh at the right times. Stop it.  Stop making me smile.  Stop making it harder for me to leave all of you.

Nearing 5, you decided that it was time to leave.  You grab your phone and text Junghoon to drop by the hospital for just a little while, so that you could return the guitar.  As he meets you by the hospital’s door, he’s already with his guitar.  Seems like he’s in a hurry, you chuckle.  “Off to have dinner with Jina-ssi?” You wink at him, saying out his girlfriend’s name.

“Ooh, good one, jagi,” Lay high fives you and the two of you laugh at the color in Junghoon’s face. 

“Oppa, thanks for everything,” You smile at him, fully, sincerely, with all you can while at the same time you hold back your tears.  “Pick good,” You flutter your fingers at him, a gesture and a wish the two of you always exchange.

“Strum good,” He flicks his wrist twice with a grin before waving and turning his back on you, trotting away towards Jina.  I don't want to leave.

“Aw, I wished I could’ve seen Jina-ssi in person,” You pouted as Lay pushed you out the elevator, down the corridor and into your room.

“Haven’t you?” Lay asks.

“No, just in pictures.  Have you?”

“Err, yeah, he brought her to school often.  She’s nice.  And really, really pretty.  Junghoon-hyung did a great job,” Lay clicks his tongue playfully.

“Hey,” You flick his forehead as he carried you onto your bed. 

“Ow!” He sets you down gently and rubs his forehead, sticking his tongue out afterwards.  “You’re still nicer and prettier and everything-er,” He grins.  “I wasn’t finished, you know,”

“Hmph,” You cross your arms but smile in contradiction.  You can’t get tired of the way Lay compliments you.  He just manages to bring a new one to mind and never fails to make those butterflies go crazy.  A feeling I won't ever get when I'm gone.

The time still showed 6PM.  “Lay, you have your guitar with you, right?”

“Mm, I do.  Why?”

“Can you play something for me?”

He chuckles and s the casing of his guitar, taking out the instrument he brings about anywhere.  As he begins the bit of a song, a smile quickly spreads on your face. 

Your smile, it’s so sweet
I can’t resist the corner of your lips that’s rising
I don’t want to part with this scene
Oh my baby girl I just can’t forget

How many times a day, relentlessly training
The feeling of happiness is slightly far away
This set of longing, telling God;
I want to reach “forever” while I hold your hand

“Aww stop it stop it stop it!” You squeal, making him laugh.  “Oh, you’re so cool, jagiya,” You pat his hand and grin as wide as you can.  I don't want to be separated from you.  

When you actually have no power to do so.  That song.  He made it himself.  For you.  Back then, he was out for student exchange he participated in and through the phone, he sang that very song.  It’s called Miss You, Miss You, he had said.  Although it had a slightly bubbly feel to it, but still, it was a memory you can’t ever, ever forget, one that never fails to put tears at the brim of your eyes.

“Why didn’t you sing along? We did it once right, it was nice,” He smiles at you as the memory crosses between your heads. 

“I was too lovestruck to sing along,” You flipped your hair. 

Lay laughs at this and he shuffles the music he plays, alternating between your favorite songs and his, the two of you singing together in perfect harmony, like you always used to, every single day.  Why can't I stay longer? Why is fate so cruel?

The day turns late and you yawn unconsciously.  You don’t eat the hospital food, because the ice cream and the ramyun; they were enough. 

“Tired?” Lay asks, chuckling. 

“A bit,”

“You know, you look like a little puppy when you yawn.  It’s cute,” He kisses your forehead and walks away from your bed.

“Wait!” You grab onto his sleeve, pulling him back.

“You surprised me,” He frowns at you.  “What is it?”

“Can you,” You bite your lip as your eyes flit over to the clock on the wall.  “Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?” For these last seconds, before I die and cease to be with you forever.

Lay hesitates at this.  You know he wants to ask you why but you know, again, that he’s okay with accompanying you.  That he doesn’t want you to think that he doesn’t want to stay with you until you fall asleep.  “That’s my job, isn’t it?” He chuckles, sitting by your bed with his elbows on it.  Holding your hand, his thumb runs over your knuckles.  “Go to sleep, and I’ll see you tomorrow,”

But you won’t. You fake a smile at him and sleep with your head turned away from him, just in case your eyes let tears escape.

Unfortunately, you fall asleep without trouble.

And as you wake up like the two nights before, you stand beside Lay and sob your heart out, crumpling to your knees and letting all the pent up sorrow you had from the day out.  It’s time to go, for you.  You don’t want to admit it, but a weird tug at your hand insists for the fact to plant itself on your mind.  You don’t want to leave.  You don’t want to have to go.  You still want to see Kyungwoo, Yumi, Kai, Lay, everybody else.  You still want to spend more and more time with them.  You don’t want to go.

You don’t want to die.

“Hey—“

“Please,” You say between gasps.  “Don’t make me come with you,” You keep your face in your hands, refusing to let Luhan see you like this.  Somehow, you don’t want to show him.  Being a Semi, he gets to know what people feel and think.  But no, you’re not going to let him know how you look like.  That’s the only thing you’ll be keeping.  For now.

“Listen to me,” Luhan abruptly pulls your hand away from your face, and your eyes widen in surprise at the look on his face.  “We have only little time,”

It was fear, and hope, all at the same time.