At New Years Eve, Haneul was on the café with Myungsoo, Sungyeol and Sungjong, they ate dinner together and did the countdown along with the tv and exchange hugs. She received a message from Dongwoo, Hyerin, Sunggyu and Hoya and she replied to all of them. A week later the café was so busy that Haneul and Sungjong barely had time to sit and relax, not that Myungsoo or Sungyeol had it easy too. Myungsoo was busy on the cash register and making sure that all the clients were satisfied while Sungyeol kept himself busy on the kitchen baking like a mad man.

When Haneul returned to school, there was still no trace of Woohyun, and honestly, she didn’t want to see him.

One day she was walking home from the cafe. It was midnight and the air was still chill and there was still snow covering the streets. Usually, Hoya would walk her home but since today he had to stay longer on the café; she has to walk alone to her house. It was a bit scary because at this hour there are already drunken men walking here and there but she just ignored them and kept walking.

Haneul turned around the corner and stopped when she saw Woohyun leaning on the wall in front of her house. Her heart started to beat rapidly and she felt a wave of anger rushed through her body. She turned the volume up on her ipod and walked with her gaze fixed on the ground.

Woohyun heard footsteps and looked up, he straightened up and called his friend’s name. He frowned when she didn’t even lifted her head and walked up to her, taking her arm and turned her to him.

“ I’m talking to you,” he said softly and yanked off her earphones.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” Haneul yelled and stepped back, glaring at him. Woohyun blinked at her outburst.

“Why haven’t you been answering my calls?” Haneul lowered her gaze. “I’ve been sending you messages but you haven’t reply to any of them either. And I called you today too,” Woohyun said with a serious tone.

“I was busy,” Haneul said and tried to walk past him but Woohyun held her arm harder. She flinched and hissed as he was pressing a bruise there.

“Why are you avoiding me?” he asked softly and Haneul turned to look at him, a look of disbelief on her face.

“I’m not avoiding you, Woohyun. If anything you’ve been avoiding me.”

“What?” he asked frowning, feeling slightly mad at her words. “I’ve been not.”

“Well,” Haneul turned fully to him and Woohyun was shocked at her serious, angry face. “If I’m correct you’ve been neglecting me and the others for months already, you even forget about our ice creams after school and you didn’t even tell me anything about going to Jeju with your girlfriend and new friends,” Woohyun’s eyes widened at the last part. Her eyes were turning colder with each word and even she was shocked by her outburst but, honestly, she was getting tired of always depending on Woohyun and being left behind by him. “You even let me down when I needed you the most,” Haneul said softly and her eyes saddened at the memory.

“How did you know that?” He asked confused and Haneul chuckled sarcastically.

“That’s all you are worried about? You are not even saying anything about the rest?” Her eyes watered at his indifference and her stupidity for still waiting anything from him. “I thought we were best friends,” she muttered and walked away, leaving him alone in the cold street.

Woohyun stood there for a few seconds and then turned to look at her house with wide eyes. Was he being that jerk towards his friends, and more specifically, to Haneul?

Haneul ran up to her room and slammed the door closed, not even bothering to wake her father if he was in the house at the moment. Deep breaths came out of as tears ran rapidly down her cheeks, her fist clenched by her sides to keep more tears to fall.

She couldn’t believe Woohyun and his stupid self that always looked out for him and only him. It was at that moment when she realized that all this years being with him it always involved his whims and needs. Leaving aside her love for him, not even once did he show being interested in her like she did to him. Whenever they went out it was always to places where Woohyun wanted to go, the movies they watched, the food they ate, the days they would go out it was always to Woohyun’s liking.

Haneul decided that it was enough being Woohyun’s shadow and that she would put her love for him to the side and put her own being as a priority in her life. It was enough of trying to make Woohyun happy.

It wasn’t because she has Hoya in her life now and she could run to some man’s arms. No, on the contrary, he helped her realized how much of a selfish person Woohyun could be and that she deserved someone better, that she could have a real friend who she can rely on whenever she was feeling down.

Suddenly images of her father yelling at her came to her mind and she slumped on the floor with wide eyes.

Or maybe her father’s being right all this years and she didn’t deserve love of any type. She didn’t deserve to be happy, after all she killed the one who gave birth to her.

A sob escaped as more tears fell down her cheeks. She really was a stupid person thinking that she deserved something better even after being a murderer.

“Because of you I lost the love of my life!”

“It’s been sixteen years since you took her away from me!”

“Dad, please… let m-me go, you’re hurting me…”

“I’m hurting you? I’m going to show you what the real pain is!”

“They should have let you die instead of her.”

“I loved her so much and you take her away from me. You’re despicable. Killing your own mother. How can you live with that?”

Haneul cried her heart out as all the pain she had buried inside of her couldn’t keep it in anymore.

‘My father is right, how can I live knowing I killed my own mother and even thinking that I deserve to live better? I’m so stupid!’

She thought with remorse and stood up with just one thing in mind. Haneul opened up a drawer and took out a pair of shiny scissors, clutching them between her hands. Another sob left and she dropped on the floor, holding the scissors over her left wrist as more words of her father resonated on her mind.

Haneul was about to dig the cold metal on her flesh when her eyes caught sight of something over her desk.

A photo of her with her brother hugging each other by the shoulders, both were smiling brightly at the camera, and Hoya’s clothes. The clothes that he lend her that rainy day and she still hadn’t returned to him.

Her eyes shot wide open and she threw the scissors away with a horrified face. She stared at her trembling hands as memories with her friends, Hoya and her brother came to her mind. She clutched at her head while crying hard.

‘What the hell were you trying to do?! You are an idiot!’

She didn’t think twice and launched to her bed searching desperately for her phone. When she found it her fingers moved rapidly over the screen and soon find Hoya’s number on her contact list, calling him right away. She put the phone to her ear and pleaded for Hoya to pick up.

Hoya was just entering his apartment and threw his bag to the floor with a loud sigh. He had had a long, tiring day at the café and he wanted nothing more to just sleep for the rest of the night. So here he was, in his lonely apartment lying on the only sofa there.

His phone started to ring and he took it out from his pocket. A smile grew on his face seeing the ID and he answered it right away.

“Haneul-ah I was just thinking-“ A sob came out from the other line and his face stiffened at the sound. “Haneul! Are you okay?! What happened-“

“Ho-ya…” A pained sob came out from her. Hoya’s heart squeezed with pain and anger hearing his loved one crying like that. He stood up and ran out of the apartment towards her house. “I-I need you…” He could barely make out those words and that was all he needed to run with all his might towards her.

“I’m coming!” He panted and didn’t stop running even after his feet felt tired. “Wait a bit more, I’m coming!” The call ended and Hoya looked at the screen with wide eyes.

‘! No! Haneul, I’m coming for you!’

Fifteen minutes later he the street towards Haneul’s house when he saw her sitting on the floor outside her house with her knees to her chest and head hung low, even at the distance he could see her shoulders going up and down as she kept crying.

His heart hurt seeing her frail frame like that and he ran faster, kneeling in front of her with concern written on his face.

“Haneul…” He let out her name on shallow breaths and she jerked up her head at the sound of his voice. Hoya felt his heart break at her puffy, red face and sad, desperate eyes.

“Hoya, you came,” she whispered and threw her arms around him. Hoya didn’t hesitate to crush her against him.

Haneul felt a wave of comfort at once and a sense of protection being in Hoya’s arms. She cried harder, letting all her feelings out after all those years to keep it to herself.

They stood like that for almost ten minutes, Haneul clinging to Hoya like her life depended on him and Hoya soothing her back and saying words of comfort to her ear.

Finally, Hoya pulled apart and held her small, red face in his hands. Haneul hiccupped after crying her heart out but didn’t dare to look at him in the eye.

“You are going to stay with me tonight and I’m not accepting a “no” for an answer,” Haneul nodded. She didn’t want to be alone either. Hoya turned around, bending down in one knee in front of her.

“Get on,” Haneul did as told and hugged his neck, resting her cheek on his broad shoulder and her nose buried in his hair.

They arrived at Hoya’s apartment and he opened up the door. Haneul entered and stood by the kitchen, waiting as Hoya filled a cup of water for her. Hoya looked at her and his heart hurt at her lost expression and sad eyes. He took her hand and guided her to the sofa, sitting next to her.

“Do you want to talk-“ he started softly but her next words shocked him and his breath caught on his throat.

“I tried to kill myself,” her eyes watered and tears fell down her cheeks. She looked down at her left wrist and touched the red mark that left the scissors on her skin.

Hoya’s eyes followed her sight and his face fell seeing the mark. He took her wrist, rubbing softly the mark with his thumb. What was so painful to her that made her try to take her life away?

“I-I tried to kill myself but I couldn’t…” a sob escaped and she closed her eyes.

“I’m here if you want to talk, Haneul.”

She looked at him and knew she can trust him so she told him everything, from her mother’s death to her father dislike towards her only daughter, Woohyun’s indifference and her thoughts about she being alive.

When she finished she was a crying mess, clutching to Hoya’s sweater, damping his shoulder with her sad tears. A few tears fell from Hoya’s eyes as he hugged her tightly, afraid that she might break into pieces right there.

He couldn’t believe the way she lived till now with her father’s hate, enduring it alone in that empty house. If maybe he had made something when he saw the bruises in her back, if maybe he had talked to her at that time maybe she wouldn’t have tried to commit suicide. But then again her father’s abuse was going from years and all the damaged was done already. Her heart had been crushed already and when Woohyun, the person she trusted and cherished the most, was so indifferent and failed her so many times, it just finally broke her heart.

Hoya was angry and he felt the huge urge to go and beat some sense to Woohyun and her father but just a glance to Haneul by his side and that urge faded away seeing her so broken and desperate like that. She needed him and he was not going to leave her side. He was determined to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and put them back together.

“It’s okay now. Keep crying, let it all out, Haneul. I’m here for you.”

And she did, she cried until her head hurt. Haneul leaned back, still not letting go on Hoya’s sweater with her eyes fixed on the floor.

“I’m sorry for bothering you. I-I didn’t know what to do and I just thought of you and-“ Hoya put a finger on her lips and she lifted her gaze to meet his warm brown eyes staring back at her with love and care.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I told you that I would be there whenever you needed me. Haneul, I care for you. I really do,” he gazed deeply into her eyes. “What I’m going to say is not to pressure you or something, on the contrary, I want you to know that you can rely on me, that I’ll never ever hurt you,” he took Haneul’s face between his hands, softly caressing her cheek with his thumb. “I love you, Haneul. I know it’s been a really short time since we meet but I can’t see myself without you anymore. You are special and I want you to see that too, okay?”

Haneul’s eyes widened at his confession and her heart warmed at his sweet words, she felt her cheeks burn but she didn’t care, he said just the right things and she felt that things could go fine from now on. More tears fell down her cheeks and she threw her arms around his neck, burying her face on his neck.

“Thank you,” she said softly and Hoya shivered as her hot breath hit his neck. He put his arms around her too with a soft smile. “This means a lot to me.”

Woohyun was on his room, lying on his bed with his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Haneul’s words kept ringing in his ears and he closed his eyes.

“I think she’s in that time of the month,” he stood up and picked his backpack by the bed. “Girls can be so sensitive when they are on their period. She’s so drama-,” he took out his English book from his backpack and a colorful flyer fell from it. “What is this?” his eyes widened in recognition and his face fell in realization. “.”

“If I’m correct you’ve been neglecting me and the others for months already, you even forget about our ice creams after school and you didn’t even tell me anything about going to Jeju with your girlfriend and new friends. You even let me down when I needed you the most.”

Woohyun slapped both hands on his face and groaned.

‘You are so stupid, Woohyun. How could you go to Jeju when you promised her to be there for the competition? Now I get why she was so angry.’

He stood up and called her right away but she didn’t pick up. Woohyun frowned and ended the call.

“Maybe she’s still angry. God, you are so stupid, Woohyun,” he shook his head and went to do his homework.

Hoya and Haneul were sitting on the couch with Haneul’s head resting comfortably on Hoya’s shoulder and his arm around her shoulders, with his other hand he reached for her hand and turned her wrist to him, touching softly the red mark.

“I…” Haneul started with her eyes fixed on the floor. Hoya looked down at her with curiosity. “I was tired of pretending that everything was fine,” her voice was raspy and tired. “I simply was tired of pretending to be happy when I’m not.”

Hoya tightened his hold on her and bought her wrist to his mouth to kiss her wound. Haneul’s eyes followed his actions with a surprised face.

“You are not alone, Haneul, and I’m not just talking about me. You have Dongwoo, Hyerin, Sunggyu and your brother. So don’t ever hesitate to look for any of us; you are not a bother.”

Haneul nodded and closed her eyes.

“You must be tired,” he felt her nodding and straightened his back, making Haneul to sit correctly and turned to look at him. “Let’s sleep tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow. Don’t go to school and just stay here,” Haneul’s eyes widened and she shook her head.

“But-“

“No, buts. I think you need to rest and cold your mind for a few days, to think about what you are going to do next, right?” Haneul lowered her eyes and nodded with a thoughtful look. “You can stay here for as long as you need and no,” he gave her a look. “You are not bothering me.”

Hoya stood up and walked to his room. Haneul looked around and sighed tiredly. She was glad that Hoya let her stay for a few days, she didn’t want to go back to her house yet, she didn’t feel ready to go in that hell again.

Hoya came back with a pair of clothes and gave them to her. She gave him a small smile and went to the bathroom to change. When she came back Hoya had put a blanket on the couch and was fixing the covers on his bed. Haneul walked to the couch and lay down on it, she was thinking about all the events today when Hoya walked out of his room.

“What are you doing?” he asked with wide eyes. Haneul lifted her head and opened to reply when he talked again. “I’m going to take the couch.”

“What? No,” Haneul sat up and shook her head. “I’m taking the couch.”

“You really think I’ll let you sleep there? That’s absurd. Get on or I’ll have to carry you to bed,” he threatened with a playful smile but Haneul, with red cheeks, didn’t move at all.

“But this is your home and,” Hoya took a step closer and she looked up with wide eyes.

“If you don’t move at three I’m really going to carry you.”

“But-“

“One.”

“Hoya,” she whined with a frown on her face.

“Two,” when she didn’t budge he walked towards her. “Three.”

“Okay, okay!” Haneul stood up and frowned at him. “But I really think you should sleep in your bed.”

Hoya placed his hands on her shoulders and guided her towards his room, she lay down on his bed and gazed doubtfully at him. Hoya smiled and walked to her, brushing her bangs away with soft eyes.

“Sleep well,” Haneul looked up at him and her tummy flutter in a funny way.

“Thanks, Hoya. For everything.”