I know I was dreaming. Or rather having a nightmare. It was dark. So dark that I couldn’t even see my own legs. I tried to scream but there was no answer. Even my voice got lost in the darkness. It felt scary and cold. I started to panic. Suddenly I saw a light. It was small but as soon as I saw it, I recognised it. It was my guardian angel. My prince who was coming to rescue me. My oppa. I tried to scream his name, but there was no voice. I tried to run, but my legs didn’t move. I tried to catch him, but he moved away. I looked at him. He didn’t look like the oppa I know. He didn’t smile. He was cold and had this evil smirk. He turned over and started to walk away from me. The light got smaller and smaller and finally it disappeared. I was left alone. I fell down and started to cry. I was all alone and there was no one to rescue me. There was only darkness around me...

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

 I woke up all sweaty. I gasped few minutes and tried to cool myself down. This wasn’t the first time I had this dream. Almost every night after that day I had seen it. The same scene. Leeteuk leaving me in the darkness. It has been already a month since we stopped filming We Got Married. Leeteuk still hasn’t left, but it wasn’t that far away. Everyone was talking about. Only two days until Leeteuk’s departure. I shook my head. I have to forget him! I can’t think about him! He never loved me. It was only me and my stupid, ridiculous idea that maybe this was something more. Sora did you really think he would love you? Please! Give me a break!

I never loved you

 Those words kept coming back to me over and over. It didn't matter how hard I tried to forget it. I just wasn't allowed to forget. He was just so big part of my life and my heart. Well he was in my heart. Now my heart is just in thousand pieces and I knew it could never be healed. My heart would never be whole again.
 “Stop it Sora!” I hit myself. Well if you think about it, this isn’t that big surprise. I mean all the signs were on air, but I was just too stupid to notice them. And every time something happened, he fixed it so well that I couldn’t be mad at him. He was always so sweet. He really made me think that I was the only woman for him.

FLASHBACK

 “As an idol singer, I tend to have more secret dates,” Leeteuk said casually.
 “Many?” I looked at him with wide eyes. Are you serious? Have you been doing it while we are on this show? I had to bite my lip so I wouldn’t star cry. You can’t Sora. Not here, not in front of the cameras. I heard how the MCs kept teasing him, but I couldn’t take it anymore. The audience was laughing. What the hell was so funny? To see me crying? Keep your calm Sora. Just few more minutes and then we would have a break. I had to get out of here.

 Finally they let us have a break. I run to the washroom and locked myself there. I sat on the toilet seat and started to cry. I heard Leeteuk’s voice in my head. Those words. I couldn’t take them! And it wasn’t only about what Leeteuk said. Sungmin had came and said that Leeteuk treats other women same way. That I wasn’t the only one! And the other guests had said the same thing. So he really is a womanizer? Well of course I knew that already, but I really had thought that maybe he did only care about me.
 “Sora-yah!” I heard someone saying and knocking the door.
 “O-oppa? What are you doing here?”
 “I’m here to check you. Are you okay?”
 “Yeah, you can go back,” I said and snotted.
 “Don’t play with me Sora. Come out now!” Leeteuk said with angry voice. I opened the door and looked at him.
 Leeteuk sighed and hugged me. “Sora, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But you see Sora, that was all before you. I always have only one woman in my heart and now it is you. Yeah, it’s true. I have dated many girls past years and I have always treated girls well, but not anymore. Now the only girl is you Sora. Do you understand?”
 “Ne oppa,” I said and wiped my eyes. “But I just hope I can trust your words.”
 “Wait and see. I’ll show you how much you mean to me,” Leeteuk said and smiled.
 “What do you mean?”
 “Just wait,” he said and winked. “But first we have to do something to your make up. You can’t go back looking like that!”

 The others were arguing about... what were they saying? I really have to concentrate more. But it was really hard when oppa was sitting right there. I tried not to watch. I just peeked time to time. Once again I turned to see oppa and I was surprised. Leeteuk was holding a panel where he had written something. When I read the words I almost started to cry. I smiled and nodded. It was a sweet moment. Just for us. Leeteuk really did keep his promise.

Don’t be nervous and talk comfortably!

FLASHBACK END

 That was a sweet day. After that day there were many happy moment. We bought a house, decorated it, had a date with Fighting Junior and my actress friends, had a date double date with Donghae and Eunseo-unni, took a dancing lesson, went to our first trip, had our wedding photoshoot, I was Leeteuk’s manager for one day, met Sungmin again, had a competition with WooJung couple, went camping and then all of sudden it was over. A year seems so short now. Well there was that strike and we didn’t see each others for 3 months. Of course I missed him. By that time I had already realised my feelings. It is how people say it: you’ll realise how important that person is when you lose him. Even though we didn’t see each others on the show, we did meet few times. It was nice. It felt like we were actually dating. During that time I really thought that he loved me.

FLASHBACK

 It had been about a month. There were no news of our marriage. Leeteuk had joked on TV that we were on a break or something like that. But that was all. They had said that we would be informed immediately when the show would continue. Well that wasn’t even sure. My manager didn’t believe that we would still continue. Well he was pretty mad right now because my drama wasn’t successful. In a way I was happy that we weren’t shooting WGM now because I was really busy right now. But still I missed oppa. Of course I missed the man I loved. Did he miss me? I guess not. For him this was only a job.
 “Sora-sshi you got a text,” my make-up artist said and gave me my phone.
 “Thanks unni,” I said. I read the sender’s name and I froze. Was it really? Could it be? No way!
 “Who is it?” make-up artist asked.
 “No one,” I muttered and went to the hallway. My heart was fluttering really hard. I checked the name few times just to be sure I was read it right. Yes. It was from him. It really was!

Hello my dear wife! How are you? You know this break is starting to . Wanna meet?

 I spent an hour trying to figure out what he meant by that and other hour thinking what I should answer. I really sounded like a crazy teenager who had her first crush. Okay it’s not like it was my first crush or anything. But it was the first time I’ve felt something like this. It was a completely new feeling and I had no idea how to respond to it. I would have asked help but I was too afraid that it would leak out. And I kind of liked the idea that no one knew of us. Okay sure we were known as the dimple couple, but not as Sora and Jungsoo. I read about hundred time the text message I was going to sent him. Okay maybe this is okay.

Hi oppa! I’m fine, you? Yeah that would be nice :)

FLASHBACK END

 “Stop it Sora!” I had to slap myself. You can’t think about him. You have to forget! You must.
 

~*~

 I didn’t mean to do it. I had promised myself that it was over. No more thinking about him. No more crying. No more him. But still I was going to do this. There’s not going to happen anything good from this. You know Sora you will only hurt yourself. Well maybe that’s what I wanted. Maybe I wanted to hurt myself. That way I could forget the pain in my heart. The growing pain which hurt me from inside. I had to fight every day so that the pain and sorrow wouldn’t take over me. And I was tired. I was sick and tired of all this. It was hard. Every day I had to wake up and pretend to just fine. It felt like I was acting all the time. My whole life was just an act and behind that was the broken backstage.
 I opened the TV and searched the right channel. And then I just stared. There was girls screaming and crying. Almost everyone had some kind of poster or two. There were also writing on them, but I didn’t care about that. Everyone seemed so sad. There were children, teens, young adults and grown-ups. Most of them were women. And then everyone quiet down for like 10 seconds. A black car had arrived. And so was he. I held my breath. The door opened and man stepped out. He was wearing black. I was frozen. I felt how my eyes got wet. Tears started to flow.
 He said something. Talked and answered to questions. I didn’t hear his voice. I could only see his face and how his lips moved. I automatically moved next to TV and almost pressed my head on the screen. I touched the screen few times hoping I could touch him for the last time. Now the other members came and everyone hugged him. God I wish I was one of them right now. Commercial break. Wait what?! NO! I didn’t wanna watch commercial. Show me oppa! Now he was bowing. He looked so calm. He was ready. But I wasn’t. He bowed last time and got into the car. The door closed.
“Oppa!” I  screamed with teary voice.
“Oppa don’t leave me!”

 ~*~

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

Hello everyone! Thank you guys so much! I would have never thought that this would be so popular. Thanks you all <3 About this chapter. Sorry this isn't that good. I'm a bt disappointed too. It just that I had to write this chapter. But I promise next will be better! Can you guess what's going to happen on next chapter? (The preview isn't that great I know) but little hint: there's no flashback of Leeteuk and Sora's first meeting... Anyway thank you again and please comment and love you all, see you on Sunday with new chapter :) and when I say Sunday I mean Sunday evening around 23.00 (and I'm from Finland so you do the math what time is in your country :D)