It has been such a long time since I had last felt Doojoon’s touch. It wasn’t as hard as it seemed after all. My teacher was right, there were people there willing to help. Plus, it wasn’t just me who was dealing with the pain. Doojoon’s friends were feeling hurt too. So, occasionally I had them over for dinner. Sometimes just a movie with hot chocolate milk, the season was still wintery.

It turned out, that Doojoon’s friends became my brothers. They cared for me, and I cared for them. The loss of Doojoon seemed to bring the six of us closer, sure we were close… but we had those awkward moments. Now, there’s no more of that. They’re open to me, and I’m open back to them. I guess it was one because of Doojoon’s wishes before he left. I remember that day in the hospital when Doojoon had collapsed. He had been rushed to hospital, and thankfully the doctors managed to make him conscious again, but all of us knew by then that Doojoon’s last moments were taking place.

So, he asked if he had separate talks with his friends, mother, father, and me. One by one they came in and out, his loved ones. Entering, nearly in tears, and exiting, smiling with tears. Doojoon, no matter what situation he was in, he would make jokes just to lighten the atmosphere, even during his final moments. When he called me in, I couldn’t contain myself, and hugged him on his hospital bed. He patted my back.

I’ll never forget our conversation…

“Oppa loves you, you know that right?” he asked.

I nodded, my head on his chest. His breathing was steady, his heart slightly fast, but I guess it was because I was with him. “Oppa… why are you leaving me? We just had our one year anniversary. I’m not yet ready to let you go…” I pushed myself upward, so as to stare into his eyes. Those eyes that stared into mine for who knows how long. Eyes which I could never gaze into…

He placed his hands up to my cheeks and smiled, tears threatening to come out. “My beautiful Hara. Stay healthy… I don’t want you sick and to end up on the same bed as me. You’ve always been beautiful haven’t you? The smile you bare is simply breath-taking. Remember when we first met? How I tripped because of my clumsiness?”

I chuckled, remembering every bit of it. “Yeah, then I rescued you like I was the shining knight.”

We stopped our joking, and seriously stared into each other’s eyes. The eyes I had no problem gazing into for the whole night. The eyes which made me into ice cream melting on a summer’s day. The eyes which said ‘I love you’ constantly. He pulled me towards him, and kissed me, with more passion than usual. I had no problem kissing him back.

 He then pulled back and smiled, he my cheek and said, “I love you Hara. Always will, always have. If you’re ever to think that this is your fault because of my undying love for you, you’re wrong. It’s my fault, because I fell for an angel like you.” Our foreheads pressed against each other, then we kissed again. “Call my friends back in, I want to see you all before I go…” Doojoon was breathing heavily now. I nodded, and as I turned around, tears started falling.

When we were all gathered around his bed, he looked at all of us. “Sorry to have kept this a secret. I was told that it was curable and things were going to be alright. I guess that my Karma for not telling you, is that… things aren’t alright…” Doojoon started to cry, “I’m going to miss you guys” referring to his BEAST friends. “I’m going to miss you umma… appa. And you, Hara… I’m going to miss you, my love.”

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

That was the heart monitor… Doojoon’s eyes closed, but before that, he had grasped my hand. And put something in it, a ring. Engraved in the inside was ‘My Hara. My love.’

Remembering that moment hurt, but it will forever be etched into my memory. I stared at the ring, which was on my left wedding finger. I don’t care whether it brings bad luck or not, my love for Doojoon, it will forever be with me.  I shall forever have his love in my heart. I love him too much to forget him. I’m regretting not showering him with the love he showered me with. I was blessed to have had a lover like Doojoon. He was the boy that everyone wanted, and I got him. I smiled, remembering how he confessed to me,

“Err… this is unusual for me since I’ve never confessed before… but Hara, ever since you stepped into my homeroom looking for your friend, I knew that you were the one. The way your hair blew in the wind, the way I saw you smile when you saw your friend, the way you looked at me when you passed by. Hara, my heart stopped and went back to life again. You’re the reason why I can’t think properly. I’m in love with you Hara… will you be my girlfriend?”

I was speechless, but I smiled. Oh, I smiled alright. “Yes Oppa. I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

A confession, a date. That occurred during that evening. I had a fun time with him in the park, having a picnic. Although we were just a new couple, we progressed fast, since he had taken my first kiss just after three hours of the date. I didn’t mind at all though….

We then went to a park, where there were children playing about and having fun. I smiled when I heard the giggles of the children. They stared at us, as if we were giants, which, judging from their heights, I guess we were.

Doojoon smiled, and pushed me to the swings. I look back at him, with a confused face, “why are we going there? I’m not a kid, plus people will think it’s weird.” I commented, trying to prevent myself from getting stares.

“Hara, does that matter? I want to spend time with you, and having fun in a playground seems like fun.” Doojoon replied, trying to convince me.

I sighed, and sat down with fake anger, “arraso. Since there’s a handsome man whose volunteered to push, okay.”

Doojoon glared at me, “what handsome man?! I’m the only one who you should call handsome!”

I giggled, “oppa, you. You’re gonna push it right?” I fluttered my eyelashes at him.

 He looked away in agony, “Ow! The cuteness level is too high! Make it go away!” I chuckled, pushing his arm. Smiling, he looked back at me, and started pushing the swing.

“We’re going higher~” he sung, pushing me higher. I giggled, “oppa… you’re funny you know that right?” I turned around to glance at him. He stopped pushing me, and turned all serious. His smiling eyes turned loving and all I could do was stare back. His face came closer and closer, and I already closed my eyes, then our lips met. The second time that day, we kissed. I smiled between our lips. But, I had to stop the kiss, my neck was hurting since I was turning around to access his kiss. He groaned when I finished the kiss, but I think he was shocked, when I grabbed his arms and kissed him again. This time I had stood up from the swing, and we were kissing above the swing.

We pulled apart, and smiled, foreheads touching. He pecked my lips one last time, and whispered, “we should get going…”

The date ended with the both of us watching the sunset with our hands entangled with each other’s…

Oh, I missed those times when I could just be happy and feel like a princess thanks to the loving way Doojoon treated me. I stared at the ring he gave me before he passed away. There was something fascinating about this ring that I couldn’t picture. Maybe because Doojoon gave it, but no matter what, I didn’t know what it was…