▪▪ Goo Hara's POV ▪▪

I stared onwards, people were looking at me. Sympathy was evident in their eyes, however I brushed it off. I didn’t need it, they barely knew me, nor did they know what kind of situation I had gone through. As I passed by each stare, I felt myself slowly breaking down. Just the thought of them knowing… it meant that what happened really was true… It didn’t seem like it was real, however, no matter what… their stares seem otherwise. Oppa… my dear Doojoon oppa, you really decided to leave me didn’t you?

It was practically two weeks ago that Doojoon and I celebrated our first year anniversary together. He and I had been a couple for a whole year that time, winter being our season. We spent it in the café, watching snowflakes flutter down from the sky. Snow had come early this October. I didn’t oppose of it, in fact I loved the snow, plus it gave me the excuse to have hugs from Doojoon. During that day, I had such an amazing experience, Doojoon was extra kind (not that he wasn’t kind in the beginning) but, I felt that it was as if he was saying goodbye to me. Though he may not have been looking at me, I did know that there were tears in his eyes. Which to me, at that point in time, was strange, Doojoon was known to be a happy person among me, his family and his friends. If not that, then the main center and reason why most of us had smiles.

Now though, I realized why Doojoon had been crying those two weeks ago. It was because he was leaving. No one in his family knew though. He had kept it a secret for a long time, from us… from everyone. What hurt me, was that whenever we went out, he would always be in pain. His heart wasn’t stable, and if he felt any strong emotions, he would have a hard time and would need to take pills.

Now thinking about it, I remember that one date when we were in the club, and some random boy started checking me out and even asked me to dance. When I refused, he wouldn’t take the hint, and so Doojoon had to step in and protect me. I saw a flash of red in his eyes when he was trying to take the guy away from me. Anger… those were one of the key emotions he wasn’t supposed to feel. But for me, Oppa would do anything. Oh my, I could have caused the increase in difficulty for Oppa… I could be the reason why Oppa isn’t with me anymore…

I arrived into my first class and the teacher started taking register, after I had seated. I was apparently late, but he was understanding enough to know what had happened, and knew that I very much loved Doojoon. Not just because of our constant lovey dovey attitude to each other during his lessons, but because when you love someone, you have that ‘pink’ aura around you. You’re constantly smiling, never thinking negative thoughts… like the world is one happy place and you just happened to be the center of it. Yeah… right now, that wasn’t happening.

I stared at the empty seat to my right. Doojoon used to sit there, now it looked empty and cold. I unconsciously traced my hand across the heart he drew on my desk. I was too focused to notice that Mr Yoo had called my name. He sighed, stood up from his seat and was standing in front of me. I looked up, with what I guess was a bored expression. Don’t get me wrong, I was a good student, but for some reason, right now wasn’t one of my best times to be the ‘good’ student. Instead of being angry, Mr Yoo understandingly smiled down at me. I was confused, but also relieved. I didn’t want to be suspended or something for not focusing.

“Miss Goo, I would like a word privately with you outside class now please.” He requested. I looked up, and stared. Pouting, I slowly slid myself out of my chair, and followed him out of the classroom. Once outside, he sighed and turned to me looking as if ‘SYMPATHY’ was pressed like a stamp on his whole face. “Hara-ah, I know you must find this time difficult. Believe it or not, I went through the same pain as you. My wife died three years ago, and I was not happy. Remember when I took those three months off? It was for me to grief over my loss. However, with those three months, I tried my best to catch up with things. Hara, you’re a bright girl. I know it. But, maybe you should take some time off school. You’re not going to be able to focus if there’s something troubling your mind. I’ll set up some catch up lessons, plus you’ve got friends who can help you if you ever need anything. No matter what Hara, you don’t have to suffer alone. Don’t you think I’m not suffering either? I may not know Doojoon as well as you, but he was a good student as well. Having him lost… I’m not finding it easy to accept it, but we must… it’s not like we can go after him. He’ll understand if you move on. It’s probably what he wants you to do…”

I opened my mouth to form words, but nothing seemed to make sense, it was like the words were there, but… I just couldn’t place them into a sentence, so I just merely nodded. Telling him that I understood completely. After some time, I found that I was able to speak so, “but sir, I’m perfectly fine here in school. It will help me have things on my mind so that I’m constantly busy and my mind won’t drift off to Doojoon oppa. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Thanks for understanding. Sure, it’ll get some time getting used to, but I’m going to try my best.” Mr Yoo nodded, and told me to go back inside.

Hmm… try to not get Doojoon into my head? That seemed difficult, but I’m willing to try. Willing to make anything possible. Whatever happens now, I’m going to be the best that I can be. No matter what, I have to let go. However, letting go doesn’t mean I’ll forget Doojoon. Doojoon was my first love, first kiss. He will always have a special place in my heart.

I tried my best to continue and focus my attention to my lessons for the day, but nothing seemed to be going into my brain. I tried to pay attention, but I kept thinking about Doojoon… his smile and laughter. Oh, how I missed it so much!

▪▪ Doojoon’s Funeral ▪▪