Hello, everyone. Elle again.

When you live with twelve boys, it should go without saying that (even if they are, admittedly, hot) there should be a clothes-on-at-all-times-when-you're-not-in-your-room-rule.

The boys have a lot of trouble with that, especially Kai (shh, don't tell him, but I agree with Yuri that he must have been a stripper in his past life). I mean, I get that it can be difficult, and it's not like there aren't times where I just can't be bothered to dress properly, but that's only when the boys aren't home. So that's fine, right?

Well, the boys don't seem to understand that.

On the weekends, if you wake up early enough, you'll probably see the boys letting it hang for all to see while they wait for Tao (who is probably more feminine than he should be) to get out of the shower. That's the only reason they get up early, really. If they slept in, all the water left would freeze their asses.

Anyway, I've taken to waking up late these days, just in case I walk three feet out the door and see Chanyeol's package (he sleeps , Baekhyun tells me. I don't know whether to be more disturbed at the fact that he knows that, or that he doesn't care and tells me this with a smile). I swear that boy does not understand personal space and why it's wrong to give people, especially your female housemate, a hug while you're .

Kris is better, and worse. The guy is goddamn ripped like a tank, and when he strolls around in a towel, it's so unbelievably polite to what I'm used to. And no, Yuri, I don't want him to whip off the towel. I'm just saying that he's strange.

Jongdae makes strange sounds while he's peeing and leaves the door unlocked and open. Let's not go there.

Hmm... Luhan and Minseok are alright, but sometimes Minseok puts his pants on backwards and fixes them right in front of my or Yuri's (sometimes both of us) eyes. Luhan just says nothing when that happens.

Sehun, Tao and Junmyeon are the victims of Jongdae and Yixing's pranks. I can't count the number of times Sehun's run out of the bathroom threatening to stick a pole up Jongdae's for stealing his towel. Yixing usually gives the towel straight back to Tao because Mr. I-Know-Wushu comes out and everyone gets scared.

Junmyeon, on the other hand, never seems to be aware of the fact that his towel even got stolen and wraps himself in the shower curtain.

Hey, at least he has manners.

Kai oozes ten times more appeal when he's . He just walks out of his room, all tanned and fit, and greets all of us, one by one. Then he walks away, hips swaying, letting his inner woman out. I don't think anyone really knows what to say, not even Jongdae. And he has something to say about everything. I think, on one of Kai's greeting rounds, he said, "Damn, that ."

I'm not too sure, though, because I choked on my cereal.

I have never seen Yixing , and I want it to stay that way. Let me keep some of my sanity.

Wait no, I saw his cheeks once. Down there. I think he and Minseok had a bet that he couldn't run down the hall without making his cheeks wobble.

Yixing lost that bet.

Baekhyun... Hoho, now Baekhyun has quite the story.

There was this one time when Kyungsoo and Baekhyun thought it would be a good idea to wear tight pants (I bet you anything it was Kai who suggested it).

So I thought, yeah, okay, whatever. You do that.

I disappeared into my room so I wouldn't have to bear witness to that, and then I heard something like:

"AHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKK OH GOD ASDFTKYDJSGXJCTYYIF UKXCVTUIBKAREDU6RYCVUYIJNKLMNBVCXC GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHGHGJHHJKJHBJOVT78SBIUGDqui gtfdszdfxgchvbn MY BALLS!"

To say that I was alarmed would be an epic understatement.

I ran back to the two of them, and so did everyone else who was home. Which was pretty much everyone.

And I see Baekhyun screaming his head off, using his amazing vocal chords to belt out what I'm sure is the loudest and most excruciating-sounding scream ever.

Because his ... is stuck... in his fly.

I...don't...understand how that happened.

None of us know what to do, and half of us are caught between laughing and crying and screaming, and poor Kyungsoo is screaming too, panicking. It was probably his fault. An accident, of course. I can't imagine him ever trying something like that with Baek's . Even Jongdae would think twice about that sort of thing.

"Don't worry, Baek," Kyungsoo's saying, eyes wider than they've ever been, b with panicked tears. He tries to pull the fly back up to free Baekhyun's dear junior, but it doesn't work, and all the while, Baekhyun just keeps screaming. "Calm down, please."

"HOW CAN I FREAKING CALM DOWN EWSRDFGKUYVCYCV TRY HAVING YOUR STUCK IN YOUR FLY AND SEE HOW LOUD YOU SCREAM. IT'S LIKE SATAN'S ROASTING MY BALLS."

"Aha!" Kyungsoo exclaims, ignoring Baekhyun's outburst. "I got it. The zipper is somehow stuck behind your um... shaft, and−"

"I DON'T CARE, JUST GET IT OUT."

Baekhyun balls a fist stuffs it in his huge mouth, biting down and muffling his screams. Over in the corner, Chanyeol looks more disturbed than I've ever seen him before, and he has a phone up to his ear, calling an ambulance.

"But..." Kyungsoo looks up with even wider eyes. "I'm going to have to use my teeth. My fingers can't reach."

"I DON'T CARE, JUST GET IT OUT."

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and bends down, teeth poised, to Baekhyun's crotch. I swear to God that I'm going to have nightmares about this for weeks to come.

That's when Kai chooses to burst out of the shower. His eyes immediately fall on the back of Kyungsoo's head, and, taking in the screams and the horrified looks on everyone's faces, he yells, "Oh my God, Kyungsoo, what the hell are you doing?!" He points to all of us. "What are you all doing, standing there?! Did you pay him to blow−"

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUU- YOU BIT MY , YOU KNOB!"

Baekhyun starts laughing, and it takes me a moment to realise that he's actually sobbing, tears of pain pouring down his face. Yuri faints (Minseok catches her, not taking his eyes off the sight before him). Everyone else winces.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Kai huffs. He closes the space between Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and him in two strides and yanks Kyungsoo's head away, ignoring the poor boy's complaints about grazing his gums.

And in one, swift and harsh movement, Kai pulls the zipper upward.

Finally, Baekhyun's is free.

"H-how did you do that?"

No one hears Kyungsoo's question, because Baekhyun is a sobbing mess on the floor and the ambulance has arrived, wailing in the background.

Ever since that incident, there are two things that Byun Baekhyun never does. He never walks around , and he never wears tight pants.

***

A/N: Sorry for the long wait! -Elle (EDIT: Lul. Just read over this again. What...was...I...thinking.)