Chapter Twenty-Four
The Truth Hurts
Dear Eun Kyo Princess Han Eun Kyo
If you're reading this, it must mean you're with Prince Wu and safe. That makes me happy. I'm glad you're no longer with me.
Actually, that sounds wrong.
I'm glad you're out of danger now. I'm sorry you've had to go through so many days with me. I'm sorry I took you away from your family. It was selfish.
Simply put, I'm really, really sorry.
I'm not good with these things, but I know I won't be able to say all I want out loud. So I'm writing it. I hope you don't mind that but I promise I won't tell any lies in this letter. I'll reveal everything.
First of all, you talk a lot in your sleep. I'm writing this in a cave and you're asleep by my feet right now but you won't stop talking. You should be able to wake up tomorrow which means...
How do I explain this to you? I'll have to start from the beginning.
I'm not a spy for your father. But I think you've figured that out by now. That poster that you got from the village is true. I'm the one that's been kidnapping princesses. You should've been running away from me, not with me. And those guards and soldiers that you thought were your enemy...weren't. Since the moment I met you, I've been rubbing glamour into your eyes everyday to make you see things differently. I made you see the red uniforms.
God, how do I explain glamour?
Well, let's call it an...invisible but magical dust. I can sprinkle it on myself to disguise myself or I can sprinkle it on a person's eyes to control what they see.
Before you get too angry, let me just say that I didn't change anything you saw except for the red uniforms. Every person that you met was exactly the way they're supposed to look (so yes, I am as handsome as you think I am).
Oh, and my leg. I used glamour on that, too. But you really need to stop worrying about me, especially when you're sick.
All right, so I've covered who I am and what I did. I guess I'll move onto why I capture princesses. This letter could get a bit long.
I come from the North where a king and queen hid us away from the rest of the world. They treated everybody on their land horribly and my family wanted to get away from that. We tried. I studied magic and combat and when my parents thought I was ready, we ran. Just as we were reaching the border, we were caught.
They turned the rest of my family into stone and captured me when I blocked their magic. They saw me as a tool and told me that if I could find their son a suitable princess, they'd set me and my family free. That was over a year ago and, looking back, I think I was foolish to have accepted the task. Nobody would agree to marry the prince and there was barely a chance that my family would be set free.
But I tried anyway because I had nothing else to live for.
The first two princesses...I've told you about them. I brought them to the castle in just a day or two. The prince knew both of them beforehand and already harbored a hatred for the two. They were hanged almost immediately. So then I tried to get somebody who was farther away from the kingdom.
I looked for a princess that the prince couldn’t resist but in the end, I guess I found one that I couldn’t resist. I now regret finding you.
I took you out of your old life and put you in danger. Now I'm walking you towards a fork in the road; you will either get imminent death or shackled to an unwanted marriage—I can't even help you run away because I'm a coward.
If you're reading this, it must mean you're with Prince Wu and safe. That makes me happy. I'm glad you're no longer with me.
Actually, that sounds wrong.
I'm glad you're out of danger now. I'm sorry you've had to go through so many days with me. I'm sorry I took you away from your family. It was selfish.
Simply put, I'm really, really sorry.
I'm not good with these things, but I know I won't be able to say all I want out loud. So I'm writing it. I hope you don't mind that but I promise I won't tell any lies in this letter. I'll reveal everything.
First of all, you talk a lot in your sleep. I'm writing this in a cave and you're asleep by my feet right now but you won't stop talking. You should be able to wake up tomorrow which means...
How do I explain this to you? I'll have to start from the beginning.
I'm not a spy for your father. But I think you've figured that out by now. That poster that you got from the village is true. I'm the one that's been kidnapping princesses. You should've been running away from me, not with me. And those guards and soldiers that you thought were your enemy...weren't. Since the moment I met you, I've been rubbing glamour into your eyes everyday to make you see things differently. I made you see the red uniforms.
God, how do I explain glamour?
Well, let's call it an...invisible but magical dust. I can sprinkle it on myself to disguise myself or I can sprinkle it on a person's eyes to control what they see.
Before you get too angry, let me just say that I didn't change anything you saw except for the red uniforms. Every person that you met was exactly the way they're supposed to look (so yes, I am as handsome as you think I am).
Oh, and my leg. I used glamour on that, too. But you really need to stop worrying about me, especially when you're sick.
All right, so I've covered who I am and what I did. I guess I'll move onto why I capture princesses. This letter could get a bit long.
I come from the North where a king and queen hid us away from the rest of the world. They treated everybody on their land horribly and my family wanted to get away from that. We tried. I studied magic and combat and when my parents thought I was ready, we ran. Just as we were reaching the border, we were caught.
They turned the rest of my family into stone and captured me when I blocked their magic. They saw me as a tool and told me that if I could find their son a suitable princess, they'd set me and my family free. That was over a year ago and, looking back, I think I was foolish to have accepted the task. Nobody would agree to marry the prince and there was barely a chance that my family would be set free.
But I tried anyway because I had nothing else to live for.
The first two princesses...I've told you about them. I brought them to the castle in just a day or two. The prince knew both of them beforehand and already harbored a hatred for the two. They were hanged almost immediately. So then I tried to get somebody who was farther away from the kingdom.
I looked for a princess that the prince couldn’t resist but in the end, I guess I found one that I couldn’t resist. I now regret finding you.
I took you out of your old life and put you in danger. Now I'm walking you towards a fork in the road; you will either get imminent death or shackled to an unwanted marriage—I can't even help you run away because I'm a coward.
You must be really angry at me right now. Sorry.
But I can't let you go down either of those paths. So I'm contacting Prince Wu Yifan. I hope my plan will work and he'll be ready by the time I need him.
I don't know how I'm going to let myself let you go but I guess Death will take care of that for me. You've been asleep for three days in a row and I really wish you'd just wake up.
I should apologize for that, too. I tried to put the sleeping powder in your soup but then you didn't drink any of it. I'm sorry I scared you with the whole force feeding but I couldn't let you run away. I can't believe I made you take it. All I want now is for you to wake up and look at me and talk to me again. I didn't appreciate what I had until it was gone. In the past four days, I realized how lonely I was.
I don't know if I can stay lonely anymore.
I probably don't even sound like the Jongin you know. You're probably wondering if this is even me writing. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say or how I'm supposed to say it. I wish I could talk to you but even if I could, I just wouldn't know what to say.
I'm sorry I'm so tongue-tied at the moment but I need to thank you for being by my side and putting your trust in me. I know I was wrong for lying to you, but the lies just built up and I couldn't do anything. I just wanted to save my family but I think I've lost them already...and now I'm going to lose you. God, I remember trying as hard as I could to push you away but my greed wouldn't let me. And I'm sorry for hurting you by calling you my sister. I'm sorry I've been so selfish.
I'm going to make sure you go back to the life that you deserve, though. Just let me be selfish one last time.
I love you.
- Kim Jongin
But I can't let you go down either of those paths. So I'm contacting Prince Wu Yifan. I hope my plan will work and he'll be ready by the time I need him.
I don't know how I'm going to let myself let you go but I guess Death will take care of that for me. You've been asleep for three days in a row and I really wish you'd just wake up.
I should apologize for that, too. I tried to put the sleeping powder in your soup but then you didn't drink any of it. I'm sorry I scared you with the whole force feeding but I couldn't let you run away. I can't believe I made you take it. All I want now is for you to wake up and look at me and talk to me again. I didn't appreciate what I had until it was gone. In the past four days, I realized how lonely I was.
I don't know if I can stay lonely anymore.
I probably don't even sound like the Jongin you know. You're probably wondering if this is even me writing. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say or how I'm supposed to say it. I wish I could talk to you but even if I could, I just wouldn't know what to say.
I'm sorry I'm so tongue-tied at the moment but I need to thank you for being by my side and putting your trust in me. I know I was wrong for lying to you, but the lies just built up and I couldn't do anything. I just wanted to save my family but I think I've lost them already...and now I'm going to lose you. God, I remember trying as hard as I could to push you away but my greed wouldn't let me. And I'm sorry for hurting you by calling you my sister. I'm sorry I've been so selfish.
I'm going to make sure you go back to the life that you deserve, though. Just let me be selfish one last time.
I love you.
- Kim Jongin
The breath that I in after reading the last line was a shudder. I held the vellum to my chest and brought the ring to my lips. It had been nearly a week and I finally built up enough courage to open the letter that Yifan had left me after escorting me home. It had been sitting on my desk, collecting dust, as I cried and cried on my bed.
I had been numb this morning and I thought my tears were finally finished. I didn't think I could cry another drop out.
I was wrong.
---
sorry this update took so long but i had to decide on whether this was the ending or not. i wrote this story last year and i fought with myself about the ending up until the very last minute. perhaps i will do a sequel in the future but i don't see that being likely. i hope you all enjoyed this story and of course, thank you to everybody who read, commented, and subcribed :') i love every single one of you and i hope you weren't too disappointed! see you in another fic~
((he is the cutest thing in the world *cries*))
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