I felt a heavy shove against my shoulders and then my cheek hit a hard surface. I could barely open my eyes to see the glaring sunlight and my arms wouldn't move. Whether it was because I was somehow constrained or because my muscles were in pain, I didn't know.

Then the world was spinning or maybe it was just me spinning. I had the feeling I was falling before my nose hit something hard. Was last night's journey fruitless? Had I been brought back to the not-so-little cottage in the woods?

But I was too tired to get up. I merely groaned in pain before falling back to sleep.

"Oh God, Eun Kyo." I could barely hear Jongin's voice but I knew he was close. His warm arm came around my waist and the other hand got lost in my hair. I didn't even bother to reciprocate the gesture. "I'm so sorry."

My eyes fluttered opened, wondering what he was so sorry about. When I finally focused, I saw that we were on the floor, wrapped in a quilt cocoon. I let my head down again, not caring about lugging myself up back to the bed. It was warm here.

Then I realized why it was so warm.

My eyes snapped open and my arms scrambled to free themselves from their confines. I didn't even apologize as I tried to unwrap the two of us.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jongin tried holding onto me but my embarrassment was winning over his voice. I had somehow got on top of him during the night and enveloped ourselves in the quilt.

I rubbed my eyes to see better when I managed to pry one arm out. "I'm sorry," I said with a raspy voice.

"Wait!" Jongin grabbed my arms and pinned my body against his. His breathing was heavy and his dark brows were creased. "Don't move." He gritted his teeth as he talked and he obviously looked in pain.

I tried to pull my weight off of him and leaned on the one elbow that I had propped up by his head. His cheeks were a bit flushed as he stared at my neck and I opened my mouth to ask him if he was still sick.

Then I noticed something pushing against my thigh.

My eyes widened for a moment but I didn't want to embarrass Jongin by letting him know that I knew.

"Hey," Jongin muttered when he caught his breath. "Does it hurt?"

I blushed, wondering what he was referring to. For all I knew, every part of me hurt at the moment. "What?"

"Your shoulders."

I glanced over and realized there was a small ache in my shoulders but it was nothing compared to my legs. "A little."

"Sorry. I just got a bit surprised." Jongin wouldn't look me in the eyes when he talked; he stared past me at the ceiling. "I'm not used to sleeping this close to people."

"Oh." My mind wasn't processing his words very quickly.

His hand came down to my waist and we rolled over together. The moment my body rested against the floorboards, I wanted to nudge closer to Jongin and fall asleep again. But I knew he was uncomfortable at the moment so I just closed my eyes.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened yesterday?" Jongin yawned and I could feel his stare on me. "I remember falling in the kitchen but nothing after that. How'd we end up here anyway?" He sounded well-rested and alert, the total opposite of what I felt.

I shook my head in response to his question.

"What does that mean?" His tone instantly became confused.

My eyes opened just slightly and I stared at the collar of his shirt. I could remember how his bare chest reflected the soft moonlight as he laid on the bed. Then Sookyung's hungry face played in my memories as well. "I don't want to tell you." I murmured before closing my eyes again.

"You don't want to tell me now or you don't want to tell me ever?"

I simply shook my head.

"What the hell, Eun Kyo." Jongin sounded annoyed now. "Why not?"

I shook my head again and ducked my head into the quilt. My lips trembled and I bit them to stop myself from whimpering. I couldn't bare Jongin's words right now so I covered my ears.

"Yeah, just go to sleep and leave me in the dark again." The blanket cocoon twisted as he pushed himself out. I heard the door slam shut behind me and that made the tears fall out in a steady stream.

I reached across the empty spot in front of me and grasped the quilt. I hugged it against my chest and curled into a ball, crying harder than I had in years. My body shook and I could barely breathe properly as the tears continued down.

I was so tired and my body hurt from the strenuous run. The images from last night assaulted my mind, making me fear the world outside this cocoon. I had never wanted to put either of us in danger. When I had learned last year that the enemies were out to get me, I knew there would soldiers and guards giving up their lives to protect me; it was their duty. But I couldn't believe that I would feel such guilt. I didn't think it would hurt this much having others go through pain just for you.

I thought about my father and how he had tried his best to keep me safe. I missed my father. I just wanted to be back home, safe in my warm bed. I didn't want to see people die all the time and I certainly didn't want to see people get hurt because of me.

But then I thought about Jongin and how this was his life. I had no right to cry.

-

Though I didn't have dreams in my sleep, I didn't have nightmares either. I woke up to the smell of food and felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Eun Kyo, wake up." Jongin's soft voice reached my ears. "Eat something."

I wiped my face against the blankets before pushing myself up. My eyes were barely open as I asked, "What time is it?"

Jongin gave me some tea. "About midmorning."

I thanked him and sat on the bed with the quilt around me. "Did you eat yet?" I asked as he passed me some bread and jam.

"Yeah." Jongin sat down on the bed and watched me carefully. "Mrs. Kim made all this for you."

"Mrs. Kim?"

"The grandmother that took us in."

I nodded and chewed on a little bit of the fresh bread. "It's good. I'll need to thank her soon."

He stared at me a bit longer while I avoided his eyes. I knew he itched to ask me about last night but I didn't think I was ready to tell him. "Are you feeling okay?"

I nodded.

"Good." He lifted the mug to my lips. "Here, drink some."

I cast a suspicious glance in his direction. Why was he so nice all of a sudden? I was pretty sure he was trying to warm up to me so I'd tell him everything.

I ate the last of my bread and set aside my mug. I knew I'd tell him eventually but I just didn't want to revisit the scenes.

"Mrs. Kim told me you brought me here last night." Jongin mumbled nervously as he crossed his legs and played with a loose thread on his pants.

"What else did she say?"

"That you looked pretty bad. She's wondering how you're doing right now."

I got up on my knees. "I should go greet her."

"Wait," Jongin pleaded as he brushed my arm. "Please tell me what happened last night." His eyes held guilt as if he was the one at fault for the pain I was experiencing.

I deflated under his touch and looked down at him. Small glimpses of the previous night flashed in my mind and I gulped down the lump that was forming in my throat. "Okay," I whispered.

I think he was trying to smile as his fingers ran down to my hand. Somehow, it comforted me as I formed words in my head. How was I supposed to retell the story to him?

I my cracked lips and sighed. "I can't say it." My voice was barely audible as I opened my mind to Jongin.

The first image made me in my breath already. Jongin was on the floor with a worried Sookyung beside him. Now that I knew what her intentions were, I saw her as a threat. Then I pictured Joonmyun in front of me, trapping me between him and the wall. When I thought of his touches, I felt Jongin's fingers tighten their hold on mine and I had to squeeze my eyes shut. The hardest part was coming.

I leaned forward and fell against his shoulder. Jongin's other hand came around my back and comforted me. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," he murmured into my hair. But that wasn't the worst part.

I shook my head as a tear leaked out. I saw Jongin lying on the bed again. His arms were splayed out and his tanned skin was a contrast compared to the white sheets. I could remember the lines of shadow that his defined muscles created against his chest. He was undisturbed in his slumber.

But then there was Sookyung above him. Her body hovered over his unsuspecting one. The first thought that hit me was how I couldn't help him. Then I remembered that I was the one to put him in that position.

I choked out a sob against his shoulder and clutched onto his fingers.

Sookyung's snarling face watched me as I remembered grabbing Jongin and running. Then I was just running and running and running. It was all darkness and sharp branches that I remember. Finally, I showed him how I had stumbled upon Mrs. Kim's door.

I stopped thinking then. I was breathing too hard and I could feel Jongin's nails digging into my back. The pain felt good as it distracted me from my aching muscles. I pressed myself closer to his body as I sobbed.

Jongin's chest rose and fell against mine and I could tell he was trying to keep calm for me. I knew he was blaming himself for last night and I couldn't let him do that. He had already risked so much for me.

I pulled away and quickly wiped my eyes on my arms. I sniffed and gave a smile. "It's okay now, right?" I sniffed again as the tears threatened to push out. "I mean, we're safe and we can keep going."

Jongin's eyes were concentrated on his hands which trembled slightly in his lap. "Yeah...safe."

One more tear slid down my cheek as I watched him run the images through his mind again. I knew it was a bad idea to tell him everything.

 

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school's almost over which means i'll (hopefully) be able to update more often ^^