Actually, you had long been crying in your heart, hadn't you? But you were hiding it, that's what you haven't changed in.

You were smiling, just at the moment we could meet, weren't you? I'm sure it was your sweet lie and the pretension to be strong with all your might

We always knew, we have never had a day where we forgot, because we started to walk, and we don't need a reason for that. Because we know at least that we are just ok, we are ok now.

I know painfully, your feelings are reaching me without change, because our promise that we would share everything is not a lie at all

“Yunho hyung!!” someone call me and I look around, it is Changmin.

“Wae?”

“Let’s go to Junsu hyung birthday party tonight” he says excitedly.

I don’t know what to say. We are in one group, group of dancer and singer. I really want to hang out with my friends but I have to be home for Jaejoong. He will be alone if I don’t go.

“Sorry, Changmin. I can’t. You know…. Someone is waiting for me at home” I smile to him and he chuckles.

“Geez…. Jaejoong hyung right? Gosh…. You two are like husband and wife” he mumbles cutely and I laugh.

“He is my wife, so what??” he is widening his small eyes on my statement and I laugh even more.

“Yah! Hyung!! You are teasing me!!” he hits me on the arm and it hurts.

“Why don’t you bring him along? It has been forever since we meet him” he looks at my eyes hopefully.

I don’t know if I can bring him along or not. Jaejoong looks so fragile and he seems like he will break anytime. He spends his time mostly at home, being a good wife for me. The only friend he has is his handphone to call his noonadeul and his friend in bakery shop he is working part time for 4 days a week.

“I’ll see” I say to him but he seems not satisfied yet.

“Text him or call him, hyung!” he whines and I sigh, defeated.

“Wait a minute” I take my phone from my bag and call him.

‘Yoboseyo….’

“Jae…. I want to ask you to go out tonight, can you?”

‘Where is it, Yun?’

“Junsu’s birthday”

He is silent for a while, seems like he is thinking.

‘Sorry I can’t….’

“Why?”

‘I have a little problem with the bakery shop, I’ll be there till late. You can go yourself, Yun. So sorry. Don’t upset your friend, Yun. You have to be there, okay….’

“So…. You won’t come?”

‘I’m sorry….’

“It’s okay…. Bye….”

‘No ‘I love you’ this time?’

“Ergh…. You know here….”

‘Ah! Arasseo…. Someone is there and he knew you are taking to me, right?’

“Yes….”

‘It’s alright Yunnie…. I love you…. Say sorry to Junsu’

“Yes I will….”

“So Jaejoong hyung cannot come” Changmin pouts, “It means you too— ”

“I’ll be there” I cut him immediately and he looks at me.

“You’ll come?!!”

“Yup! Jaejoong won’t be home too, he has something to do in his working place”

“Yeah!! Okay hyung!! We’ll meet here after our training hour ends!” he says and waves cheerfully at me as he leaves the place.

“Yup!” I wave back and go to my own training room.

The party went well but I always feel empty without Jaejoong here. It will be more interesting if only he is here. Jaejoong and his mouth will be a right choice to compete with Changmin.

“Yunho, why so silent?”

Junsu is already beside me bring a glass of juice in his hand. I look at the other guys who already drunk.

“Seriously, it is your birthday and you drink only juice? Look at the other, the drink soju” I ask disbelief.

He laughs and hand me another bottle of juice, “Me and Hyukjae swore we won’t drink alcohol for the rest of our life. How about you? It seems you just drink juice like me?” he bumps his shoulder with me.

“I’m drinking soju but not everyday and every occasion. I prefer juice than soju, beside, I have Jaejoong waiting me home, it will be bad if I’m home drunk” I smile and drink the juice.

“Hhhmmm….” He nods understanding, “Well…. You seem to like him very much and care for him. It’s a pity why he has to leave the company, he is indeed very talented” I agree with him.

“It is late, you sure your Jaejoong won’t be home now?” I look at my watch and shocked when it shows 10.30

“! I forgot! I have to be home!” I hand him my juice and stand up, “I’m off everyone!!” I shout to the whole room and the one who can hear me clearly is just Hyukjae and Changmin, the other is drunk.

“Be carefull hyung!! Say my ‘hello’ to Jaejoong hyung!” Changmin waves at me and I nod, leaving Junsu’s apartment.

It has been an hour since I’m home and Jaejoong isn’t here yet. Why did he take so long in the bakery shop? He is never going home this late before. I watch at the clock hanging on the wall, it is midnight now and he isn’t home yet.

“I got enough with this!” I stand up quickly and grab my coat. I have to look for him.

I go to his bakery shop and I see the light is still on. I sigh in relief. I enter the shop and see no one there.

“Excuse me, sir…. We’ve closed since an hour ago” a waiter comes to me.

“Oh no, I’m looking for Jaejoong. He is here? He says he will be late” I ask her.

“Ah, Jaejoong~sshi is already home since about 3 hours ago”

I widened my eyes on her statement, shock.

“No. He isn’t home yet. I live with him, he said he will be late because there will be a problem with the bakery” I try to explain to him.

“Jaejoong~sshi is a part timer, he is here to work only and have nothing to do with our shop problem if there is one. He finish his shift since 3 hours ago, I’m sure about it since I’m with him all the time. I do ask him to go home early because he looks not really well” she explains the whole situation and I become anxious. Where can he be in this late night with unhealthy body?

“You should be home, maybe he is home now….” She says and I just can nod.

“Okay…. Thanks for the information. Sorry for disturbing”

“You’re welcome….”

With heavy heart I went back home. Honestly, me too, think he will be home soon. I don’t bother to look for him at all. I’m tired and I don’t know where his whereabouts right now.

I unlock the door of our apartment and switch the lamp on. He is still not here. I wonder where he could be in this late night. I look at the clock and it is past midnight already. I sigh and decide to wait for him on the couch. I switch the TV on and when I’m about to stand up to the kitchen, I hear the front door unlocked.

“Finally he is home” I sigh in relief and sit back on the couch.

“You are late” I say when I see him silently taking off his shoes. He seems shocked and hesitantly looking up to meet my eyes.

“Sorry, Yun…. The bakery just closed due to the problem” he smiles at me.

You lie….

“Okay, don’t worry baby. Take warm shower I’ll prepare your dinner. You haven’t eat, have you?” I try to sound normal but it is so in’ hard to hide my anger.

He only nods and smiles at me. At least that smile can calm me down. He walks to the bathroom so painfully slow. What happen with him? He can’t even walk. I eyeing him till he lost behind the bathroom door and I can hear the bathtub .

“What did you hide from me, Jae….”

I proceed to the kitchen and make our dinner. I think I cannot take it anymore. I’ll be angry to him if I sit at the same table. After I finish the cooking, I just put it on dining table and go to sleep leaving a note that I’m tired like hell.

***

The next day I woke up I see him sleeping next to me. Upon seeing his peaceful face makes my heart skip a beat. He is beautiful like always. I give a light peck on his cheek and lay down again. The anger I have inside last night has forgotten already. I trust him, he will never cheat behind my back like I will never do it to him.

He is stirring in his sleep and I smile looking at his cute face.

“Morning angel…. Have a nice sleep?”

He opens his eyes lazily and yawns. He lands his hand on my shoulder and brings me closer”

“Morning Yunnie….” He says lazily.

“I’ll have a half day practice today and I’ll be home around noon. We can go out on a date, right? You don’t have work today, right?” I ask hopefully. He nods cutely and sits.

“Okay!! We’ll meet at the park near the city. Be there at noon, baby….” I kiss him on the lips and stand up to get my shower. I have to be in the company as soon as possible, the sooner the better.

***

“Yunho~sshi, Changmin~sshi…. Come with me” I’m about to leave the company after packing my belongings when the head of trainer calls mine and Changmin’s name.

“What is it, Changmin?” I ask him and he just shook his head.

“We better follow him” he says and we walk together to the office.

It is past noon already when we finish with our ‘little’ problem at the office. Me and Changmin will be debuted 6 months from today!! I can’t believe this!! After 2 years waiting finally I will be debuted. Wait until Jaejoong knows about this story. He will be really happy.

Me and Changmin separate our way, he is going home since he lives at Seoul and tell his parents this good news. Suddenly I miss my parents at Gwangju too, but I have to be strong.

I walk fast to the park. I know I’ll be late but I’m sure Jaejoong is still there. I glance at my watch, 13.00, I have been late for an hour. Hopefully Jaejoong will not mind.

When I enter the park, I can see him standing near the pathway, maybe he is tired to sit for a long time. I can see a desk not far from him, he must be sitting there all day already. Upon seeing his face, my heart feels like flying. I decide to run to him not forget to smile and grin like mad.

“JAEJOONG~AH!!!!”

I shout his name and he flinches hearing it. He turns to face me and waves his hand happily. I run faster and stop right in front of him catching my breath.

“Hah…. Hah…. Jaej…. Hhhh…..”

“Hey…. Calm down Yunnie…. No need to rush. Here, drink this water” he gave me a bottle of water he’s been holding. I grab it and drink it all.

“Jaejoong~ah, I have a good news!” I say finally when my heart calmed down.

“What is it, Yun?”

“I’ll debut six month from now!!!!” I shout and hug him immediately. I can feel his body tense on my embrace, he must be really happy.

“I’ll debut, Jaejoong~ah! Together with Changmin! I still don’t know what our group might be called but I’m happy finally I can— ”

“JAEJOONG~AH!!!!”

I watch in horror as my love slowly closing his eyes and his body is losing his soul.

“Yah!! Jaejoong~ah…. Open your eyes, baby…. What happen with you??” I shook him lightly to wake him up but no response from him.

Something I’m afraid the most happen, blood starting to flow from his nose again, his face is really pale. How can I not noticing it? He’s been pale since this morning.

“Yah…. Jaaejoong~ah!!!!” I waste no more time and bring him in my arms. He is as light as fur. I don’t remember he is this light before.

“What happen with you, Jae…. Please open your eyes!!” I keep mumbling and shouting while bringing him to the nearest taxi parked and we drive to the hospital as soon as possible.

“What are you hiding, Jae…. Please don’t scare me….” I hold on his palm as tightly as possible and holding back my tears.

***

You've always been the only thing I want to have
I've always been afraid of losing you
in a sad world filled with the sorrows of love;
Happiness came to me for only a fleeting moment

It has been hours since he is fainted in the park. I’ve been sitting here forever just to make sure I am the first person he sees when he opens his eyes. I keep watching him with my tears never stop flowing.

“Why did you hide it from me, Jae….” I kiss his palm and look at his lifeless state.

“What i