“Get up ! The pancakes aren’t going to be bloody floating into your mouths, you piece of s.”

Suho smiled bitterly rubbing the sleep of his closed eyes because ah; that was certainly a lovely way to wake up. Kyungsoo’s cursing followed by Luhan casually strolling with a wig attached to his forehead and the fact he was wearing a one piece dress was the loveliest sight ever.

Please note the intended sarcasm.

He wished he could have cherished the moment when he was just five years old, the time where he could get up at seven in the morning without having to watch a cross-dresser and a curser at the same time. But a nightmare called school and college started and basically well, heavenly sleep went down the drain. Probably lost forever because one; his alarm got broken and two; this apartment belonged to the cross dresser’s.

Strolling to the kitchen, he was met with someone’s shoved in his sight –way to scar him more- which turned out to be Yixing’s. Now, Suho always believed Yixing was fairly normal with just a more than average tendency to forget things.

One of the things including his underwear.

“God, wear something Yixing, it isn’t a pleasant thing seeing your wobbling about when I’m trying to eat my cereal.”

Yeah… Suho kind of lost his appetite now because of a certain maknae’s comment.

“Some of us are trying to eat.” Kyungsoo shouted, his spooning hanging off his mouth and eyes glaring holes in Sehun’s head. Suho wanted to do the same however he stopped himself because he reminded himself that he was the only normal on in this house he nicknamed the asylum.

And yes; compared to the others, he thought he was quite normal.

“Guys, what do you think I should wear today?” Back to the crazily messed up reality, Suho turned to look towards Luhan, Suho has yet to say a word because clearly one or another would always beat him to it.

“Your dignity.” Trying to stifle a laughter bubbling, Suho turned towards his cereal, playing with the rings in the cereal and trying not to imagine Yixing’s in the corner of his eyes.

Because he was not gay. Nope, he was as straight as a ruler could get. A bendy ruler in Luhan’s opinion.

“Haha, very funny.” Luhan rolled his eyes like a , filing his nails and wearing fake eyelashes with eyeliner. ing eyeliner. Suho didn’t even know what it was let alone know how to wear it.

“Comes with this awesome package.” Yixing answered, pointing at his and Suho really didn’t have an appetite now. He pushed away the bowl sending an apologetic look towards Kyungsoo who only shrugged and continued eating his cereal.

Suho wondered how Kyungsoo managed to stuff his face when there were disgusting sentences thrown in the air every damn minute of the damn second.

He got up, rattling the table finally garnering the attention of the other three who were busy bickering. A lot of people bicker in the morning so that was normal but it really wasn’t normal when one’s and the other in a night gown meant for girl.

Kyungsoo watched the older man leave, smirking and counting down to one aloud to the other three before grinning in success.

“. GET ME OUT OF THIS ASYLUM.”

Oh so mentally and physically wrong.

Suho was in more despair now because not only were the other four here (save him the torture) but now he had six other morons to look after. It didn’t help that this was supposedly a café that had people coming in much to Suho’s shock. He was just glad the staff here were all boys and quite handsome as much as he doesn’t like to admit. Oh he meant all boys and one pretty girl; her name was Lulu and she was pretty as an angel. The only downside was she had a and no s.

“One iced coffee and chocolate brownie please.” A voice broke his emotional train wreck journey off, a deep voice filled with unicorns and glitter and everything stereotypically gay.

“Three minutes max.” Kyungsoo replied. He rushed to the get the ice for the coffee, jugging down the coffee on to the glassed cup and settling the ice cubes with the brownie accompanied on a plate dressed in chocolate sauce.

“There.” Kyungsoo huffed, placing the plate onto the crack’s hand and watching the hyper boy delivering it to the customer.

Suho just watched as the waiters –Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Lulu, Sehun and Chen- delivered the orders whilst the rest with the exception of him since he was the manager (another stressing thing that would probably make him grow white hairs faster) went on cooking and serving the food and drinks on plate.

He was waiting for the new waiter to arrive today; they were searching for waiters and so far they had none since all of them either ran away –who wouldn’t- or just fainted.

Suho couldn’t blame them though.

“Suho, the new waiter has arrived!” Chen screeched, note perfectly of course, before turning back to his job, flirting with the ladies.

Even though he was gay.

And the fact his boyfriend was just standing there watching.

But don’t ask Suho. He doesn’t know even know what goes on in that couple’s head. And he doesn’t want to know.

“Hi, my name is Doojoon. Please take care of me.” A muscular boy stood in front of Suho, he had a handsome face with a pushed back hairstyle and considerably taller than Suho. Overall, Suho hoped this one would not run away.

He was on the verge of throwing a ing tantrum because this would be the 43th waiter who had applied and went away with a scarred memory in their job experience.

“Nice to meet you, Doojoon-sshi.” Luhan cut in before Suho could even say hi, his eyes batting and smiling his flirtatious smile towards Doojoon who only blushed, scratching the back of his neck inevitably ignoring the midget next to them.

Once again, Suho went to the corner to grow mushrooms and sob over his impediment loneliness.

Suho looked over the corner table where he spotted the tall duizhang happily chatting with one of the dessert cook, Tao. Suho wasn’t a relationship expert (that would be the day all humanity die) but he could easily see the flirty looks the two had on each other, one overly obvious and the other one with a stuffed alpaca under his arms.

Again, don’t ask Suho. He doesn’t have a ing clue why that tall greasy guy would have an alpaca stuck under his arm.

“Yo, why are there mushrooms growing around you? Is someone having a tinsy weeny tantrum, huh? Do you want me to make you feel better?”

“Baekhyun. Get out of my sight. Your face is hideous.” Suho said, finally getting his words out for the first time that day.

“Well and here I was trying to comfort you.” Baekhyun gasped in shocked, clearly offended and huffing and puffing like a witch every now and then.

“What do you want?” Suho stated the obvious, hands on his hips and blowing his fringe in annoyance.

“A free vanilla ice cream?” Baekhyun pouted, bringing his face up close to Suho who just saw a mass set of nostrils.

And it wasn’t a pretty sight to be honest.

“No.”

“Please? With a cherry on top?” Baekhyun pleaded, his eyes fluttering and to Suho, he looked like a retarded seal whose eyes went wrong.

“Let me think about it, um…no.” Suho pushed Baekhyun away, trying to get to Yixing who was the only one that seemed normal since Kyungsoo was too busy cooking lunch and what not. Suho didn’t bother to learn the food since last time he tried to cook, he ended up in hospital.

No, not from cooking but rather from Kyungsoo’s rage after he found his beloved kitchen was black as charcoal.

Let’s just say Suho learnt a valuable lesson that day.

“Yixing!” The said boy turned around, chopsticks stuffed up his nose and making noise like whales dying. He flew around the room, earning laughter as he began to flap his arms around. It kind of made Suho realise…

No one was normal here.

“Suho? Three years together and you still become shock whenever Yixing decided to act like he’s the unicorn?” Xiumin chuckled, patting the younger’s back and watching in amusement as Kris threatened to strangle Yixing for ruining his moment with Tao.

“I always think there’s one, one person whose acts like a proper human being.”

“That was literally the funniest thing I’ve heard.” Xiumin laughed, Suho didn’t know whether to be worried or not. Xiumin was weird in his own way. Suho recalled when Xiumin sang some British boy band’s song to his fridge.

Fridge.

“Um..guys…Doojoon, like fainted.” Luhan spoke timidly watching the lifeless yet thank god breathing figure down on the floor.

Suho held the bridge of his nose, counting one to ten reversed and gripping his hands tightly because god damn it, this was the 43th one.

“What did you ing do?” Suho gritted his teeth, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at Luhan.

“Nothing! I just kind of took my wig off?” Luhan sheepishly mumbled and Suho realised that Luhan was currently a mop of short brown hair instead of the long blonde wig he had on.

“You made him faint?!” Suho shouted, gripping his hair in frustration and he swears by tomorrow he will definitely be seeing some white hairs.

“Why’d you take the wig off?” Sehun screamed instead, clutching the blonde wig tightly.

Insert banging-his-head-on-the-wall Suho.

Suho whispered as his eyes stared up at the ceiling and back to the commotion where Kyungsoo was trying revived Doojoon, “Shoot me now. Shoot me now please.”

--FortuneCookie's Note }}

Here is quite a short first chapter to get things started and I love all those who subscribe and commented! I LOVE YOU! Those who read my other story, SaCS will be updated tomorrow! =D

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