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Fear
Story Title: Fear
Created by: KrystalHana
Reviewed by: kittyxluvlee
Number of chapters: 6 [Completed]
Genre: Angst, romance, tragedy
Yuri///rated: -
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Title [5/5]
I personally love the title. It's nice, short, and sweet. It doesn't give away anything at all, and it intrigues me (who happens to love psychological stuff like this.) It perfectly fits in with your whole story.
Poster and background [4.5/5]
Everything was alright, though by your title, I immediately pictured something dark. The poster was nice and all, but pink/violet would be the last I color I'd expect.
Description and foreword [8/10]
I love your use of Francis Bacon in the description. Though the last part didn't really seem to fit in the flow you had going on. Technically, it would be "Death. Who likes it anyways?" But in my honest opinion, I think that if you ended it at, "Perhaps this quote fits perfectly well for Jongin", it would have sounded nicer. It's sufficient enough, and the question seemed kind of unnecessary. Questions should usually be avoided in forewords and descriptions as much as possible, because I noticed that there are a lot of readers who don't like questions in descriptions. However, everything else seems fine. I like how you go from fear to fearless immediately which is like a contradiction to the reader and makes them think.
Content and main plot [18 /20]
Wow. I must applaud you on such an original and creative plot. Sure, lately, there has been a torrent of phobia fanfiction, but it's mostly phobia of love, boys, and emotions. I loved how you touched on the subject fear; it really doesn't get a lot of attention on a site of AFF, yet you pulled it off beautifully. I did feel a little let down at SeHun's predictable death. I mean, yeah, someone had to die, but it wasn't mind blowing or sad in the least bit for me because I was already totally expecting it. You had a great plot, though, so good job.
Characterisation [8 /15]
Hm...there are some things that don't make sense to me. Since this was a pretty short read, I understand how hard it must be to develop your characters, but there are some things. Let's start with Krystal.
In the first chapter, you say Krystal was the "Ice Princess" and the like. I wasn't surprised at all, because that stereotype of her is way too overused. Cold and aloof to everyone else except her closest friends? I'm sorry, but I was a bit disappointed with Krystal's character.
Jongin's fear of death is perfect for showing his two sides. His "invincible" side and his "vulnerable" side. Your writing perfectly portrayed to the reader Jongin's fear and its influence and control over him. I do wish that you could've included a scenario that also shows the reader Jongin's fearless side. I know this story is all about his "vulnerable" side, but by showing the reader a scenario (preferably at the beginning) of Jongin's "invincible side", it shows how much of a contrast and contradiction Jongin's character is, which is the whole point of the story.
Now, for Sulli and Sehun. I found their relationship rather confusing. You said that when Sehun's cousin approached him, he slowly began to open up. To the reader, it seems that Sulli is the cousin, making their relationship uous, or that his cousin is someone else entirely, making that information useless and unnecessary. A little clarification would help a lot. Also, all the characters seem to have a fear. That is, all except Sulli? Did you mention that she had a fear? Because that would make it a lot more fitting to the story. You pretty much touched on everyone's fears except hers.
Basic grammar/spelling [13 /15]
You grammar and spelling seems pretty good. You had pretty consistent verb tense with just the occasional error or slip-up. Great job, verb tense is one of the biggest things in a story that deters me. Just a note: Your grammar and spelling is pretty much flawless, but you might want to check over your chapter to just be safe.
Example:
Original: He would always thought
Correct: He would always think OR He always thought
Writing style [8.5/10]
Your writing style perfectly suited the story, though, I'm more used to more subjective writing. I actually like it more when authors go into depth into the character's thoughts and actions. Nevertheless, your story didn't drag, and it wasn't too short. I do think a little more detail on those high es in the story (such as Sehun's death and Jongin's reaction) would have a stronger impact on the reader. I love the sentence that ended the story. It was perfect, and ended off with just the right "touch." I like it.
Flow of the story [9/10]
Given your original plot, I finished your story all in one go. It didn't drag, and I loved every minute of it. You did a great job in describing the time leap. I do think that Sehun's death was just too sudden.
Entertainment [10/10]
I loved every minute of it, and I wasn't bored at all. I loved how you wrote on the subject of fear, mixing in romance with it.
Bonus [3/5]
Definitely one of kind. A story that I would recommend to anyone interested in angst/psychological fanfiction. I know I wasn't the reviewer you requested, but I still hope that the review helped. Sorry about that.
Grand Fianl: 87%
Grade: A
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