He either fears his fate too much,

Or his deserts are small,

That puts it not unto touch,

To win or lose it all.

~James Graham, Marquis of Montrose

All through his life, he was afraid of death, of dying, of leaving this world without leaving any kind of marks whatsoever, which was ironic as Kim Jongin was known for being fearless. He didn’t flinch nor flee (unlike his friends) when a snake crept upon one of them in these hot summer nights. No. He was the one who threw it out while his friends huddled together and watched.

But this fear, was something no one knew of, not even his best friend in the whole wide world. He kept it to himself just for the image of being strong, brave and fearless.

Often, he would go to bed, praying and muttering words of comfort that he would not die the next day and that God wouldn’t take away a life of someone so young like him. He put aside news of teenagers his age and kids younger than him dying each day. He didn’t want to believe them. He held firm to the belief that people only died of old age or terminal illnesses. Car crashes and accidents are irrelevant to him in any kind of terms. So he kept himself fit and rarely fell sick. On rare times he did, he would slip under the covers and cried, praying that God wouldn’t take his life now, even if it was just a common cold.

He knew this fear was irrational so he kept it to himself. He was the brave Kim Jongin and he feared nothing. 

Except death.

~**~**~**~**~

“Jonginnie!” Soojung, or better known as Krystal, came to him with a cheery tone, which was rather rare as she was known as the untouchable ice princess in school.

“Oh, it’s you. Why, Soojung? What happened that made you so cheery on this rainy day?”

“Come on, Jongin. We’re in high school now. Call me Krystal.”

“Oh please. You will always be the dorky Soojung I know and I will call you Soojung as much as I please.”

“Ugh, fine. Anyways, I wanted to tell you that I made it to the school’s volleyball team. The first freshman to ever get in! Aren’t you proud of me?” She had forgotten any sort of irritation she felt to her name and at that, Jongin chuckled.

He knew more than anyone who Soojung really is and how talented she was in almost everything that she does. Not to mention lovely.

“Well, congrats, star player. I bet you’re going to tell the whole school of your achievement. I see your next victims right there.” Jongin pointed at Sehun and Sulli, who had just arrived to school.

Soojung wasted no time and ran to the two friends who were no doubt talking about something that other people won’t understand. Jongin chuckled again as he saw Soojung gloating at Sehun and Sulli, who looked like it didn't mattered. Not that Soojung cared.

All the while Soojung talked to his two other best friends, Jongin couldn’t help but notice Soojung’s fear.

Ever since the first day the four of them stepped into high school, Soojung became a different person. She would always be obsessed with making it into a popular group and increase her popularity. She got her wish though, when she started acting different in front of other people and introduced herself as Krystal because she claimed that that was what her name meant in English and of course because she thought it was cooler than ‘Soojung’. She started changing her attitude too, from being the cheerful and dorky girl they knew to someone who was more aloof and cold in front of others. They would complain but Soojung would revert to her true self whenever she was with them.

Jongin realised that he and Soojung shared a little similarity in both their fears. Soojung wanted to leave her mark in the world and was afraid she wouldn’t have the chance to do it. Even if it is as small as being one of the most popular girls in school, at least people will remember her.

He realised that she was afraid she would be forgotten when she left the world. She was afraid of being the same as all the other girls, plain and boring.

She wanted to stand out.

He was more or less the same. Whenever the fear of death made its way into his head, he would always thought of how he hadn’t yet make a big impact on someone’s life or how he wasn’t important enough to be remembered. He was afraid he would be forgotten easily and he didn’t like the thought of it.

Not at all.

~**~**~**~**~

“Hey Jongin, are you sure you’re not afraid of anything?”

Soojung asked one day during their weekly study group. Jongin was a bit taken aback. He was thankful Sehun and Sulli decided not to come as Sulli was down with a fever and Sehun had to take care of her or he would have to pretend to not hear Soojung’s question. And Soojung wouldn’t like that at all.

“Nope. Nothing.” He replied curtly while pretending to concentrate on the Math worksheet. But Soojung was not yet convinced.

“Are you sure?” she scooted nearer towards him, eager for his answer.

“Yep.”

 “Really, really sure?”

 “Well…” Jongin began to contemplate. Soojung being Soojung, took her chance and pushed.

 “Well?”

 “There is one thing I’m afraid of.”

“What is it?”

“You have to guess.” Jongin smiled as if he had won. Soojung frowned, crossing her arms. She began to guess.

“Is it cats? Wait, no. You had one when you’re 7. Is it books? Wait, no. You’re reading one right now. Well, kind of. Is it-“

“Keep guessing, Soojung. But I’m sure you wouldn’t figure it out.” He ruffled her hair, making her frown deeper.

 “Ugh, I hate you, Jongin.”

 “I hate you too. Now, will you tell me how to solve this problem?”

~**~**~**~**~

Author's Notes :

So, how's the first chapter? Hee~

I decided that this will be a short story with short chapters since it's easier to update like this. So, I started of with KaiStal. There's a bit of SeSul but they'll appear later. I hope the way I write this is not too confusing for all of you to understand. I hope you get the message I'm trying to convey here. 

Basically, I'm trying to tell you guys the fears that other people might have though not quite common or rare either. Maybe I don't make sense but I hope you can relate to this in a way. BTW, Jongin's fear is known as thanatophobia.. I don't know how accurate my presentation of this but feel free to tell me if it's not!