CHAPTER 2

       FROM my window, I could see the cloud began to be thickened and darkened and raindrops started to fall hard again. In a vague light, I slumped into the chair in my room facing the huge glasses window as I used to do after back from the college since the day she went away. It seemed like had already been my habit – which I had no idea whether it was actually good or bad habit, cogitating her again, scenes by scenes, as if it just yesterday she left me.

       Even, sometimes I thought I still could sense her presence in my room. I imagined she was here like nothing happened; she used to lie down on my bed lazily after we finished the school, then she would pout and whine at me to join her. I liked to see the mark displayed on her face and I often pretended to ignore her playfully; pretended to keep busy on my desk, until she frown and made a face, that I knew at that time I couldn’t stand it anymore again.

       Usually afterward I would rose from my chair and got approached her, climbed onto my bed and sat down beside her; put my back against the bedpost and she would act cutely by snuggling into me. I’d extended my legs and she’d used the chance to rest her head on my lap. I’d smile while gazing down, looking at the angelic face that once I couldn’t believe she’s mine, while she’d peer up and smiled cutely at me, that I guessed she’d actually knew what exactly what she did by smiling at me like that. Yeah, she just melted my heart away again.

       “Tae,” I heard she called out my name cutely; while my hand kept caressing her hair. I smiled and slightly slid down to decrease the distance between my face and hers. I crouched and leaned down afterward, planted a quick peck on her forehead; earned a giggled from her. I pulled back again and stared at her before opening up my mouth.

       “Ye?” I asked and raised my eyebrows, one of my habits when I felt couldn’t figure out anything yet. She giggled again at my expression.

       “I’d always miss this moment like this,” she murmured and suddenly I knew what she was talking about. I knew exactly what’s going on her mind now.

       “I’ll be missing you,” she added, enhancing what she’s meaning. I just stared at her but my hand didn’t stop her; but then I found sadness began to dawn into her eyes and I really hate to see it; I never like to see her sad.

       “Me too,” I tried to not sound desperate in order not making hard for both; but I thought she actually knew what I was feeling too.

       “Last night I consider to cancel my departure,” she uttered again; making me jolted in surprise. It wasn’t I didn’t like the news but, hell, this was crazy. As I said, music was her dream and passion. How could someone like me impede her to reach it? Moreover, my love toward her was life-time warrant; I’m sure I would never find someone who could make me feel this way unless her. So she really didn’t need to leave any worry on me.

       “Don’t be stupid,” I said calmly.

       “But what if I miss you a lot? I I’m sure I’d miss you a lot.”

       “Baby,” I whispered near her ears. “We’d already discussed about it yesterday, rite?”

       My fingers playfully drew a random picture on her chest; making her threw a cute smile again at me.

       “The early weeks probably would be the toughest days for us. But don’t worry; we would pay a visit each other,” I assured her.

       “Are you sure you’d be faithful to me?” suddenly she asked and I couldn’t help but laugh.

       “Are you doubt about me?”

       She shook her head. “No, but I’m really afraid losing you.”

       “Me too.”

       “Never leave me,” she pleaded.

       “I won’t. Never leave me too.”

       “Call me idiot if I do it.”

       I giggled again hearing her remark.

       “I can’t live without you,” she added sincerely.

       “Me too,” I replied again; really meant it.

       “Would you propose me?” suddenly she asked, out of the blue.

       “Stupid question,” I giggled. She frowned and turned down her lips. I knew what she was trying to do by making that face. I pinched her nose.

       “Eagerly,” I whispered. “Would you marry me?” I whispered playfully.

       “As soon as possible, give me the ring,” she threw me her eyesmiles.

       I couldn’t help but kissing her again.

       “Tae, I love you.”

       “I love you too. Much.”

       She smiled and we’re drifted into joyful silence again. At the next time I realized the drowsiness began to overwhelm her.

       “Tae, I’m sleepy.”

       “Go sleep, then,” I whispered.

       She shook her head.

       “Wae?” I asked wonderingly.

       “I would only sleep if you hug me and promise me would never release me from your hug until I wake up again,” she requested.

       Gosh… My girlfriend… Suddenly I knew the day after tomorrow would never be a joke for me. Damnit! I must struggle hard to pass through the day after she departed.

       “Why you suddenly act so spoiled?” I murmured, but obeyed her by positioning myself lying on the bed too. My hand wrapped her waist from behind and I felt her pressed back toward my chest. I leaned my head on her shoulder and that time I realized that we’re really meant to be. If you asked me the most impossible thing would happen in this world, I would surely ask that the thing was: we’d be apart.

       “You don’t like me act like this?” her voice began to faintly heard and I knew she already made her way to slumber land. I giggled.

       “You know I love everything about you,” I jutted my lips and kissed her cheek gently.

       “Urmm… me too… I love you a lot… more than a lot…,” her voice sounded like a gargling person talking. I knew she’d really been sleepy.

       “Good rest, Baby,” with that I closed my eyes as well; but I granted her wish, not letting my hand away from her even for a second during we’re sleeping. Before catching up her into the slumber land I mused once again; smiling like a creep.

       “Oh God… how could on this earth you sent your beautiful angel to me? I have to count my blessings then…”

       “The number you’re calling is engaged. Please try again later…,” the same annoying voice was heard again and again; that in my ears sounded like mocking and testing my patience; arousing my frustration mode and making me dumped my cell-phone somewhere on the bed. I banged myself onto the bed and felt the bed slightly pounced as my weight added on it. I crouched in the edge of the bed and covered my face with my palms in desperate.

       It had already been fourth day. Fourth day and I never got any news from her. How could it happen??? She never answered my call. Oh that’s not right. It was more accurate to say that it even wasn’t able to make any touch with her. She seemed disappear from this world. Hundreds text I send to her would never give me back the delivery successful report. Hell. Bloody hell. What was happening to her???

       The address. What about the address? Damn, I didn’t even know her address. Oh, no, it wasn’t because I was moron or so. She said to me she’d let me know her exact address as soon as possible after she touched her flat and confirmed it, as she also wasn’t sure about it yet.

       But after some moment pondering, I felt I’d got my lucid period to think over about it. I snapped my fingers in the air as I got the sudden idea. It wasn’t that brilliant idea, frankly, but as I had another better choice, I thought I should give it a try. Yeah, I thought I would fly to States as well and visit her college. Yeah, I would certainly find her there. And I’d get any make-sense explanation. I imagined she’d run into my hug and said sorry, and as usual, I would said it’s okay. The most important thing was I knew you’re okay and we could meet again. I imagined she’d say that her cell-phone was lost or else and she just didn’t have any chance yet to call me. Yeah, that wishful scene had already started playing on my mind. Too confident? Too cocky? Call me everything. Ha ha. I knew you’re just jealous with our intimacy. Hey, be cool, okay? Coz Tiffany said that she couldn’t live without me, and I really believed it.

       I landed on LAX the day after tomorrow, in the morning, and strangely, instead of experiencing any jetlag, I just felt very excited as there’s no one in my mind but her. I didn’t pack any stuff so I just passed over the baggage counter, with only holding my backpack and dashing toward Taxi Queue. My heart was pounding faster, indicating that I really couldn’t stand to meet her. Yeah, I confidently thought that it would take only few hours more to finally see her again.

       “Where hotel, Miss?” the taxi driver asked my destination once after I got in.

       “No… No hotel,” I quickly replied. “Just take me to Berkeley.”

       “Berkeley?” he repeated with confusing tone, as if I just told him to send me to Mars.

       “Yeah,” I replied impatiently. “Berkeley College, you know?”

       He paused for a moment, but clearing his throat afterward. “Oh yeah, yeah, sure.”

       Once after touching down the campus, I briskly paid him with amount of cash, and I exclaimed nonchalantly while banging the door. “Just save the changes!” Didn’t want to waste any single time, I just dashed quickly toward the campus entrance.

       After asking the administration office to a one student, I said thank you and again, walking fast toward the direction he had pointed out. While walking I used the chance to search around as well, in hope my sight got the luck to catch her; however in the end I realized I probably would never as lucky as that.

       Okay, just cool down, Taeng, would you?

       A woman in blue uniform beamed me smile when she caught my presence at the office. She quickly rose from her chair; behind the high wooden desk. Her smile was just like a patent smile that every staff had in this college, I guessed. With her animated voice, she asked me.

       “What can I do for you?”

       I managed my breath for a moment before telling her what I needed.

       “I need an information,” I said. “I’m looking for someone.”

       I could see her frowned. I chuckled and nodded my head, assuring her about my request.

       “I want to check whether…”

       “I’m sorry,” she cut off my sentence in polite manner; making me suddenly hushed. Still with her patent smile she continued.

       “I don’t think I can do your favor. I hope you’re clear with the rule that we’re really restricted to give any information related with our students.”

       “I knew that,” I replied, trying to as calm as possible, though actually I felt slightly annoyed.

       “I don’t ask more. I just want to confirm about a student. I want to confirm that she’s really attending this college.”

       As I caught her face I’d already known she wouldn’t make it for me. Hell, she’s strict.

       Still displaying the same robotic expression she heaved a huge sigh while looking at me.

       “Sorry, there’s nothing more I can do with it. Anything else, maybe?” she tried to be friendly. And as I realized she just did the protocol properly I knew I couldn’t really blame her fairly. She’s only employee and I supposed not spill out my anger toward her.

       “Look. I really want to help you…,” she trailed off and threw me a concern look. I guessed she felt sorry for me and afterward I rather felt guilty had placed her in such a dilemmatic position.

       “If you really want to help me, all the things you can do was only giving me the information. It would really mean a lot to me. Please?” I hate to plead, but this time I didn’t give a damn. When it came to Tiffany, I put aside all the things. I would do anything just for her, if you didn’t understand yet. But as I caught her expression was still the same as previous, I finally knew it would only end up fruitless.

       “Okay, I guess you can’t help me with it,” I forced a smile; trying to understand her position and job.

       “I’m sorry,” I heard she said apologetically.

       “It’s okay,” I smiled wryly; but didn’t try to hide my disappointment.

       “Anything else I can do for you?”

       I paused momentarily before answer. Finally I shook my head feebly.

       “No. Nothing for now. Thank you,” I uttered and turned away, leaving the place.

       Did I give up?

       No, I would never give up that easy, of course. I stuffed my hand in both of my jacket pocket; wandered aimlessly, inhaling fresh morning air of California, fulfilled my lung and exhaled the air again. I felt the morning breeze blown my hair and I tucked some straddles behind my ear. As I saw bunch of student passed over me, I stopped my track and hauled up a photograph from my pocket. I hesitated for a moment, but at the next sec, I turned away and hustled over them, then standing in front of them, blocking their way.

       “Hi,” I greeted awkwardly. “Sorry for taking your time. I just want to ask something,” I quickly managed to say; without even having any plan to marshal some words. It just flew naturally. The people, consisting of two boys and two girls seemed stunned for a while and didn’t say anything, until one of them, the girl with brunette hair and ponytail, finally chuckled, breaking the ice and beamed a smile at me.

       “Yeah. No problem. What’s it about?”

       I displayed the picture on my hand and pointed it out with my eyes.

       “I’m looking for this girl. Do you recognize her?”

       They exchanged glance for a moment and I patiently waited for their answer; hope one of them would grant my wish. But as I saw there’s no good indication written on their face, suddenly I felt all of my hope just went glimmering.

       “Sorry,” the girl answered. “We don’t think we knew her,” she shrugged her shoulder apologetically.

       “Are you sure?” I asked again like a fool; in hope one of them suddenly clapped or knocked their head and yelled “Ahhhh… Now I remember, I thought I’ve ever seen her!”

       But again, my imagination just didn’t come true.

       This time, the boy turned to pipe up. “We’re sure. I don’t even think she’s here.”

       “What do you mean?” I asked confusingly.

       “What’s her name?” the boy asked me, ignoring my question.

       “Tiffany. Tiffany Hwang,” I replied quickly. The boy chuckled.

       “I never knew the name as well,” he said.

       “Well, it doesn’t matter,” I shrugged my shoulder and forced another smile again.

       “I’d ask the other student. Perhaps I’d get my luck,” I winked and was about to leave when the boy chimed up again.

       “What I meant with I don’t even think she’s here was… I’m pretty sure she’s not here. I mean I think she didn’t attend this college,” the man enhanced.

       Suddenly I felt hammer in my chest.

       “W-what?” I stuttered with my own remark and faced him again.

       “I know that this college is large,” he explained. “But I’m sure I’m good in recognizing name and face.”

       “Owh,” I just could say owh, anticipating for his next remark.

       “But it still doesn’t mean you… didn’t miss anyone presence, rite?” I tried to be as keen as possible.

       “He’s student council president,” the girl jumped in. “He must know if there’s any new student; and even he knew well many seniors.”

       I stared at them, dumbfounded. Still hoping they would add something else. Something that would brighter my day?

       “And moreover,” the other boy that was previously silence, abruptly joined our conversation.

       “She’s really beautiful,” he said with his adoring tone.

       “It’s impossible for us to not notice the presence of stunning girl like her.”

       Okay, so I had one conclusion again. The girl named Tiffany Hwang never came to this college. Like or not like it, just deal with it, Taeyeon. The girl once ever told you that you’re her world now and forever, just build another lie to you. What else thing you’d deny? Until when you’d be fool like this? Trying to believe that all of those just a coincidence and still persist that there’s must be a good reason behind all those scenes after all this time?

       I gulped and felt to begin my tears start to tickled my cheek. I didn’t fight it back and let it stream down, while at the same time suddenly I heard rumble of thunder growling. For some time, bunch of people previously did their own activities at the field escaped; looking for some safe haven, dodging the drizzle that already fell down from the sky; that predictably would turn out to be heavy rain in one or two blinks. But I kept ambling calmly, didn’t give any attention to the rain and else. I mean, if you’re me, will you still care about anything else?

       The boy’s remarks seemed echoing on my mind as the heavy rain now finally poured down from the sky. I smiled pathetically; but in the other side I felt thankful, as all of my tears were just lost in the rain.

       The girl named Tiffany Hwang never existed in this college. The girl named Tiffany Hwang, probably, would never really be serious with all her promise and remarks toward me. The girl named Tiffany Hwang was the one who took me fly to the Heaven and already dumped me to the Hell. And if I thought I knew her well, you’re wrong then. This time I knew, I was no more than an idiot one who had no idea at all about her.

       “Taeng! Dinner already!” I heard my mom called me out from the dining room. I yawned once again and rubbed my eyes lazily, then stretching my both arms. Trying to get back my consciousness I blinked few times and glanced at the digital clock on my desk. It already passed six in the afternoon. Ouch, so I felt asleep for few hours on my desk; still dreaming (or musing) with the same scenes again.

       “Taeng!!!” my mother’s voice was heard again. I hastily got up before I heard her calling for the third time. My hand scrabbled across the wall, trying to find the light button as now my room was really dark. As I found something bugging at the wall, I pushed it and suddenly my room was no longer dark. I squinted with my eyes shut, trying to adjust the sudden light then walked toward the door.

       But again, my step just stopped before I reached the door handle as my eyes was glued in a spot; on the round table beside the door; where a frame of picture standing here. I stared it for a moment and unconsciously my hand took it.

       There’s picture of us here. I felt I could still picture the moment. In that picture, seemed she laughed happily and freely and I was slightly standing behind her; curled one of my arms around her back. She slightly angled her head and her eyesmiles seemed so bright when she’s laughing like that. As the background of ours was a whitey snowy land and few cable cars from a distant sight; hanging regularly in a wire cable. It remembered the scene was captured at Mount Titlis, Switzerland. It was one of my latest pieces of evident that once in my life I ever had ever been a part of girl heart named Tiffany Hwang.

       I smiled again, this time pathetically, as I remember… once upon a time, yeah hell, just once upon a time, there’s nobody able to make her smiling and laughing like that unless me. It’s me – the one who became the reason behind her laugh. Just once upon a time.

to be continued...