Yunho’s POV

My eyes widened. For a moment I thought that I was dreaming or maybe even hallucinating due to the stress, but I soon realized that it was reality as Jaejoong kept standing on his spot, looking serious. That’s when my heart sank and I felt tears threatening to fall but I held them back. I cannot show how deep it affects me, especially not to him. He might get suspicious.

My phone vibrated in my pocket but I ignored it. Jaejoong finally looked away after a few seconds of silence and sighed.

‘‘I know that it is kind of sudden, but I really think that we need to stop all of this. I mean,’’ he lifted his gaze elsewhere and paused for a short moment, ‘‘people start to think of us as if we were a real couple, and it can lead to problems. We both know that we don’t need any more of these.’’

I still looked at him not moving a single muscle. He started playing with the cap of his water bottle and spoke again after another moment of silence between the both of us.

‘‘Say something, Yunho.’’

I took a deep breath to calm myself (even if it didn’t work that well) and opened my mouth, ‘‘It is indeed sudden, Jae.’’ I changed my gaze to the wall for a short while before returning it back to him, ‘‘And, real couple? Shippers already started to think of us that way long ago, but why does it only seem to affect you now? You’re acting really weird since yesterday Jaejoong, and manager hyung definitely has something to do with this. Don’t you think so too, huh?’’

‘‘Look Yunho-ah, I already told you about what hyung talked to me about and... Aish!’’ He passed his hand through his hair, ‘‘Why does it seem to affect me just know? Well guess what, you’re wrong. I have actually thought of it some time ago, but I happened to think seriously about it just a couple days ago. I’ve made a decision, and I’m not going to change it.’’

I felt a small pinch in my heart. He’s lying. He’s definitely lying. He never minded the fanservice, even when the fans started going crazy over it.

I slightly frowned. But what if... what if he’s just extremely good at acting and did as if all the skinship, gazes and everything else didn’t bother him while in fact it did bother him all along? What if it got to a point where he became too annoyed with it?

I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard the noise of a plastic bottle being squeezed. I looked up at Jaejoong to find him biting on his lower lip while his hand gripped the bottle tightly.

‘‘I’m not saying that we have to stop being friends or anything, we just need to stop the fanservice and let the YunJae fans cool down.’’ He said not really looking at me.

‘‘So that’s it? After all these years, we abruptly stop everything? Does it annoy you that much, Jaejoong? What about the fans, how do you think they’re going to react?’’ At this point I couldn’t keep my calm anymore. ‘‘You could have at least talked to me about this first so we could have discussed it over, no!?’’

His expression turned into one of confusion then he scoffed, ‘‘Yah, it’s just fanservice! We can stop it any time and I’m sure that the fans will understand. Why are you getting mad and overreacting about it!?’’ He half-shouted the last part as I got taken aback by what he just said.

. I let my feelings show... this is bad. As I tried to figure out of something to say to him, I saw Junsu walking in our direction in a fast pace.

‘‘Hyung!’’ He stopped near us and eyed both Jaejoong and I. ‘‘I thought that you both were taking long so I went to look for you and when I go out of the room, I hear the both of you raising your voices! What is going on?’’ He stopped his eyes on me and asked once more, ‘‘Hyung?’’

Before I could say anything, Jaejoong turned away and started to walk back to the room where Changmin and Yoochun were, saying ‘‘Nothing’s wrong, Junsu-ah. Let’s get back.’’

Junsu raised his eyebrows, ‘‘Hyung is weird. Something most definitely happened.’’

I rubbed my forehead with my fingers and heaved a sigh, ‘‘We... kind of had an argument about something.’’ Junsu frowned. ‘‘I don’t want to talk about it for now, okay? Come on, let’s go back to the others. We have another appointment in the evening, right?’’

Junsu nodded slowly and we walked back to the room. We were told to get our stuff for our next stop which was the dance practice at the SMent building. As we hopped out of the van, my phone vibrated once again and this time I told the others to keep going and that I’ll catch up to them after the call.

I unlocked my phone and answered the call.

‘‘Yeoboseyo?’’

‘‘Ah, good evening Yunho-ah!’’ Eomma?

‘‘Oh, hello eomma. How have you been?’’

‘‘I’ve been doing pretty fine, how about you dear?’’ Sigh. Could have been better.

‘‘Fine as well, just very busy. Eomma, is there anything important that you need to tell me? I have a dance practice that is about to start and I can’t afford to be late.’’

‘‘That’s such a shame. We barely have time to talk, even on the phone.’’ I heard a soft sigh coming from the other line. A wave of guilt suddenly ran through me. ‘‘Anyway, Yunho dear. I am in Seoul right now, I came yesterday. I decided it was time for a dinner with my lovely son. What do you think? Are you free anytime soon?’’

I paused for a moment to think about our schedule for this week. I made a small ‘oh!’ when I remembered that we had the afternoon off on Sunday, which is two days from now.

‘‘We do have the afternoon off on Sunday, so what do you say about 6:00pm?’’

‘‘Sounds good to me. I’m sure we’ll have lots of things to tell each other. Well, I don’t want you to be late, so I’ll let you go to your practice and oh, I can’t wait to see you dear!’’

I briefly chuckled, ‘‘Alright. See you eomma.’’

I hung up and headed to the dance room with heavy steps. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to have dinner with her this weekend, but if I don’t settle things with Jaejoong by then, I doubt that I’ll be in a good mood on Sunday, and I don’t want eomma to worry.

I entered the room and dropped my bag on a bench then joined the other four who were already ready to start. I glanced at Jaejoong but he was looking the other way, obviously trying to avoid my eyes. I felt a sting in my left chest where my heart is. I held back a sigh and mentioned to the staff guy to start playing the music.

When we were done with the practice, we headed back to the dorm since it was getting late already and we didn’t have anything else planned for the day.

We gathered in the living room to watch some television before dinner except for Jaejoong who headed straight to the kitchen without uttering any words. He took out pots and ingredients and started cooking, all while keeping a perfect pokerface.

Yoochun and Changmin stared at him dumbfounded, not really getting the situation. Junsu leaned back on the couch and pouted.

‘‘Yunho hyung had a fight with Jaejoong hyung when we were backstage earlier today.’’ YooMin’s eyes widened as they turned to me.

‘‘Mwo!? Really hyung?’’ Changmin asked and I closed my eyes, covering my face in my hands and my elbows resting on my knees.

‘‘We didn’t fight... we just...ugh.’’ I felt a mix of sadness and confusion taking place in my heart. I shook my head and sat with my back leaning on the couch, my hands folded in my lap.

‘‘We just talked about something and had a disagreement, that’s all. So don’t worry too much, okay?’’ I smiled halfheartedly at the trio and the TV. I could feel their worried gaze over me all the while we were watching the show. They are already stressed because of our tight schedule, I can’t let myself make them worried about me, right?

*****

When the dinner was ready, we sat at the table and ate in an awkward silence. Only the sound of forks and spoons hitting the plates were heard, that and the noise coming from Changmin’s mouth from munching too fast and gulping huge amounts of food at the same time. Yoochun and Junsu tried several times to start a conversation, but without success. We ended up eating in silence for the rest of the meal.

 After dinner, Changmin went to take a shower while Junsu and Yoochun sat on the couch checking out the trailers of the new movies that were about to come out in theaters soon on the iPad. Jaejoong stayed in the kitchen to wash the dishes. I hesitated for a few seconds before sighing and joining him in the kitchen.

I approached him and took a plate to dry. He glanced at me sideways before going back to focus on what he was doing.

‘‘You know you can go watch the videos with the others, I’m doing fine with the dishes by myself.’’

‘‘I just want to help you, is that a sin?’’ He sighed and put the plate he was holding on the counter.

I stopped my movements and looked at him. ‘‘What? So I can’t even be near you when we’re not on camera?’’

He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. ‘‘That’s not it. I never-’’

‘‘I don’t understand, Jaejoong, I really don’t. Why do you suddenly want us to end ‘YunJae’? I thought you didn’t mind doing it? What changed? What happened!?’’ There was a tint of pain in the tone of my voice even though I tried to hide it.

He opened his eyes and turned to me, ‘‘Okay. You want to know what happened!? You really want to know?’’

‘‘Yes, just tell me already!’’

‘‘What happened is that I decided that I had enough of it! I hid the fact that I didn’t mind for so long, just because we were told to do so! The skinship and all, I endured it for years, but lately it’s just getting worse, and I can’t stand it anymore! I’m tired of YunJae, I really am, Yunho. I have absolutely nothing against you, but please let’s just stop this. We can still continue our daily activities and be Dong Bang Shin Ki without YunJae, it’s not like it is necessary. Aren’t you agreeing with me!?’’

No words were able to get out of my mouth. I stood there like a statue while having a huge knot down my throat. Never have I thought that... he would be feeling this way. So I was wrong? I have always been wrong? I was the only one ever enjoying it, while all it did to him was making him annoyed? How... I don’t understand... I thought...

  ‘‘I see. I hope you don’t mind finishing the dishes alone, I don’t feel too well.’’ I said and smiled bitterly while my eyes probably showed a lot of pain. I walked pass him and stopped suddenly a few meters away when I saw Yoochun and Junsu standing at the entrance of the kitchen with wide eyes, Changmin not far behind with the same expression and a towel around his neck. Junsu tried to asked me if I was okay but I replied a quick ‘I’m fine, don’t worry’ before hurrying out of the dorm and ran down the street until I reached the park and dropped my body down beneath a tree. I pulled my legs up to my chest and hid my face in them while a tear ran down my cheek.

So this is what he truly feels huh? To think that all this time... he was enduring it. Everything. Why didn’t he tell me about it sooner? Maybe if we had discussed it over way, way sooner, maybe the YunJae wave would have never been this big, and maybe, just maybe, I would have never fell for him. Without all the touches, all the smiles, all the stares...

I felt another tear falling as I remembered some of the moments. Even if I had just considered him a friend for all the years before, I still didn’t mind doing the fanservice with him, since I felt naturally comfortable around him. I personally never liked skinship between men, but with him it was alright, it didn’t bother me the least. I always thought that he felt the same, considering how he was reacting to all of it. But I guess I was wrong. So damn wrong. He disliked it, yet he never said anything. Or was I simply too blind to see any sighs?

But what about our intimate moments off camera? When we hugged? When we held hands in the van? Where these all fake too?

‘‘Hyung!!’’ My thoughts were interrupted as I lifted my head and saw a running Yoochun coming my way, holding my coat in his arms. So I forgot to wear it on, uh?

‘‘H-Hyung... you... you forgot to... wear your coat...!’’ Yoochun said between his pants and sat in front of me after giving me my coat.

‘‘I was wondering why it was so cold.’’ I chuckled bitterly, earning myself a smack on the arm.

‘‘Pabo!! Aish!!’’ Yoochun slowly recovered from running and sighed looking at the grass that was slightly covered in soft snow. ‘‘Yunho...’’

‘‘Isn’t it funny, though?’’ Yoochun looked up at me, eyebrows raised, confused.

‘‘What’s funny?’’

‘‘I find out that I’m in love with my best friend, then few days later that same best friend tells me that he’s annoyed and tired of showing affection towards me and’’ I choked on a sob, ‘‘ugh... I don’t even know anymore.’’ I pulled out a sad smile as I poked my own chest with my finger. ‘‘Why? Uh!? Can you tell me why I have to love him!?’’

‘‘Yunho... I-’’ I shook my head and wiped my tears.

‘‘I bet that if I didn’t have any feelings for him, it wouldn’t be such a big deal for me, and I would have probably agreed with him a lot easier. So, why!?’’

Yoochun looked at me with a worried expression and patted my arm, trying to comfort me. ‘‘Look, Yunho, I know it must be hard for you, but let’s get back for now. It’s dark and cold, it’s not a time to stay here. Let’s go back, okay?’’

I sighed and stood up, nodding weakly. Yoochun stood up as well and took a few steps before stopping and turning to look at me who didn’t take a single step yet.

‘‘Hyung?’’ He raised an eyebrow.

‘‘Yoochun-ah, remember when I told you that I wanted to confess to him, on either Christmas or New Year’s Eve?’’

‘‘Ne, what about it?’’

I looked into the distance for a moment, then lifted my gaze back on Yoochun, inhaling deeply.

‘‘I’m not going to do it. I won’t confess.’’ Yoochun’s eyes widened.

‘‘N-No, Yunho... You can’t be serious right? I mean, what if Jaejoong lied about what he said in the kitchen? What if the manager really had something to do with-’’ I shook my head, then smiled a bitter smile once again.

‘‘No. I don’t want to take the chance of losing his friendship. I just ing can’t. I will have to bury my feelings, that’s the only choice that I have.’’

‘‘But Yunho-’’

‘‘Please Yoochun, it’s better that way.’’ I sniffed couple of times and started heading back to the dorm, Yoochun following behind.

That night, I fell asleep with a heavy heart.

*****

Hello my lovely readers! :D Here is another update for you, I hope you liked it! I'm sorry that it's kinda short... (to me it feels short -.-) and hopefully there aren't too many mistakes or typos. 

And yeah, when I told you that I would be able to update again because I don't have school anymore, I meant it kekekeke.I will try and update at least once a week. If there's a week where I forget to update, you have the right to kick me in the . xD

Also, I don't really know how many chapters this story is going to have. Probably around 20-25? We'll see. :P

Well, until next time!! And as always thank you for subscribing / reading / commenting!! ♥

(Btw guys I was wondering if you liked it when I post a picture at the end of each chapter or do you find it annoying?)