Swing with me…

Take the green line from the heart of Seoul, jump off at the second station then follow the red line, after 30 minutes or so get off on the fifth station, turn left and find exit 2…and there you are. The district was filled with caramel colored houses, some with magnificent gardens and some with no gardens at all, depending on the space of course. It was a perfect place for small families, not too far from central Seoul, yet not too close for you to feel stressed by the busy city life.   

 

Jung Daehyun was looking up at one of the cream colored houses down the second street. They had just moved to the area from Busan. Daehyun clutched his teddy bear and willed himself not to cry, he was only five but already very opinionated and his first thought of the house was: ‘I hate it’.

 

Of course he was the only one who thought that. His parents were happy, since his dad got a big promotion and his older brother was excited to live in a big city. Only Daehyun wanted to go back to Busan. Tears were starting to form round his big brown eyes and Daehyun couldn’t hold back the sniffles.

 

He felt gentle pats on his head and looked up at his brother who was smiling down at him. “Don’t cry Daehyunnie. I’ll take you to the park later, okay?”

 

Daehyun only nodded and held his military colored teddy bear even tighter to his chest.

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

A few kids were running between the trees playing hide and seek. Two young girls with pigtails were drawing with crayons on the asphalt. Daehyun eyed the park wearily; he felt lost and did not know what to do. His brother who had encouraged Daehyun to go and make some new friends was now too busy talking with some other kid at his own age.

 

Daehyun’s eyes finally settled on the swing about 10 meters away and decided to go towards the blue pillars as no one else was there. His small hands clutch round the cold metal chains as he tried to bring himself up. After a moment of struggle he was finally seated on the black swing. Daehyun’s feet dangled in the air as he wobbled back and forth. His grip round the handles tightened as he bit his lip in concentration, however, the swing refused to set into motion.

 

He made a disappointed sound and looked down at his feet. Now he wanted to go back even more.

 

“Want me to push you?”

 

Daehyun looked up and found a boy about his own age stand before him. The boy, who had fluffy cheeks and was covered in dirt smiled shyly at Daehyun, eyes twinkling behind his long fringe.

 

Daehyun looked down at his feet again and shook his head; he didn’t want anyone else beside his brother to push him.

 

The boy tilted his head to one side and asked: “Why?”

 

“You are going to make me fall,” Daehyun mumbled. He recalled that one time an older boy had offered to push him, that boy had kept on pushing and pushing even if Daehyun had yelled at him to stop. He ended up on the ground with scraped hands and knees that day and he surely wasn’t going to run home hurt and crying again today.

 

The dirt covered boy rushed forward, “No, I won’t! I promise!” the boy smiled brightly, making the dimple on his right cheek become apparent. “Just tell me when you want me to stop pushing. I’ll stop, I promise!”

 

Daehyun bit his lip in hesitation; however when he saw the gleam in the other boy’s eyes, he finally nodded.

 

The boy ran to stand behind Daehyun and a few seconds later, the swing moved back then made a ‘whoshing’ sound as it swung forward. He felt another push and got even higher. Daehyun could not help but to smile in delight. He liked the feeling, even if he was high up and the world was unsteady beneath him, swinging was like a small adventure for new discoveries.

 

 At different levels you will be able to see and discover new things. However, not many knew when to stop or they simply wanted to ignore the fact that they had limits. After all, having limits was a weakness, human yes, but a weakness nonetheless.

 

It wasn’t until he realized that he was getting too high up did he remember to yell: ‘Stop’. The pushing ended immediately, but it was too late. Daehyun was starting to feel a tight knot forming in his stomach and found it suddenly hard to breathe, ‘Too high, too high’. He closed his eyes, bit down on his bottom lip and mentally cried: ‘Stop, stop, stop’

 

“Don’t be scared! Just hold on tightly!” Daehyun heard the other boy scream. “It will slow down soon! Hey, look at me!” Upon hearing the boy’s voice Daehyun unconsciously raised his head and fluttered his eyes open. The boy was standing below him, waving with his arms in a drastic manner. “Don’t worry; I’ll catch you if you fall!”

 

Daehyun kept his eyes on the other boy; it must have been for quite a while, because the swing was suddenly moving rather slowly and the boy rushed forward to grab it, causing the motion to stop entirely. The knot in his stomach gradually untied itself and Daehyun felt relief wash over him.

 

‘Safe,’ he thought.

 

“See, I told you I wouldn’t make you fall,” the boy said and smiled broadly. “I’m Youngjae, by the way. What’s your name?” he asked and tilted his head to the side.

 

Daehyun looked shyly into dark brown twinkling eyes. “Daehyun,” he replied, barely audible.

 

“Daehoon?” the boy pursed his lips as he tried to pronounce the name correctly.

 

A chuckle escaped the five-year old boy’s mouth as he shook his head. “No, Daehyun,” he corrected and smiled for the first time at the other boy.

 

Youngjae scratched the back of his head and looked at Daehyun with moon-shaped eyes, “Want to be friends, Daehyun?”

 

Daehyun felt warmth spread through his body and thought that his new home was not so bad after all.

 

He nodded.

 

…I need your help, I need your push. The feeling of freedom is foreign, but I’m never afraid…because I’ve got you. I’m swinging, all thanks to you.

 

~*~*~

 

Swing with me…

 

Daehyun sighed and looked down at the watch round his wrist for the 89:th time. Not that he actually counted, but he was sure that the real value wouldn’t be too far off. Torn converse shoes tapped on the asphalted ground impatiently.

 

They have known each other for about 13 years and still some things just wouldn’t change. He cursed under his breath and turned to look over the steel gates. Sometimes he wondered why he was always willing to wait, he could make an endless list of why he shouldn’t but he would end up glued on the spot until the other appeared anyway. Finally, the sound of a slamming door reached his ears and he mentally sharpened his knife, prepared to voice his disapproval.

 

Yoo Youngjae appeared seconds later with his shirt untucked and tie undone. His schoolbag barley hung on his shoulders and his hand held a piece of bread which Daehyun assumed to be breakfast of the day.

 

Upon seeing Daehyun’s scowl, Youngjae immediately stopped chewing and hastily swallowed whatever he had in his mouth. “Alright, alright I’m sorry.” He tore his bread into two halves and held up one of them, “I’ll share my daily source of survival with you just to show how sorry I am for oversleeping. Please accept my sincerity.” Youngjae flashed all his teeth, hoping that it would spare him Daehyun’s infamous wrath.

 

But Daehyun’s eyes narrowed dangerously and he opened his mouth to start his scolding session “Yah, Yoo Youngjae don’t even uhm—“ Youngjae used the opportunity to shoved the bread into Daehyun’s mouth then clapped his hands together in mock delight.

 

“Thank you, your highness for showing mercy on me,” he made an exaggerated bow and then jumped to sit on the rear rack of Daehyun’s bicycle. “Now, let’s go!”

 

Daehyun slowly chewed as he glared at his friend, “You,” he stopped to swallow the bread, “try and be late one more time and see if I’ll ever give a damn a about you again,” he said threateningly. However, they both knew that it meant nothing. He would spit out that particular phrase today and any other day onwards and it would still mean nothing.

 

Youngjae beamed, “You know, if I could…” he made a slash gesture over his chest with his hand and continued: “I would cut out my heart and let you see just how much I love…”

 

“Go ahead,” Daehyun cut in and then hit Youngjae lightly on the chest with the back of his hand. “Slash your chest open and show me,” he said. “I’m not giving you a ride until I see some blood.”

 

‘I love you’

 

‘You know I love you, right?’

 

Daehyun was used to it; he had heard the casual confessions so many times before that the words now held little meaning to him. After all, Youngjae generously threw the word ‘love’ at everyone and everything. For instance, his computer, meat, the neighbour’s dog and ‘Musiq soulchild’ were just a few of many things and people that Youngjae claimed to love.

 

Youngjae made a sound at the back of his throat and shook his head in disapproval. “Jung Daehyun, Jung Daehyun, you twisted bastard.”

 

“You were the one who started it,” Daehyun countered and tried to look appalled.

 

“But you were supposed to say: ‘Oh no Youngjae, I believe you. From now on I’ll forgive you for everything!’” he complemented his dialogue with dramatic hand gestures, rivaling any diva-like drama-queen out there, which made Daehyun break out in laughter.

 

‘Maybe he just got a lot of love, since he’s easy to love.’

 

“Babo,” Daehyun said as he shook his head in defeat and hopped onto the saddle of his red bicycle.

 

He placed one foot on a pedal and look down at his mid-section when he felt Youngjae’s hands on either side of his waist. The usual rush of warmth spread through his body.

 

 “Anything for you, my prince,” he heard the other say behind him.

 

The smile never left Daehyun’s face as he treadled to school.

 

---------------------------------------------------

 

Daehyun bent down to put a lock round his bicycle, the soft click assured him that it was locked; he pulled out the key and shoved it down his pocket.

 

“You are really going in like that?” he asked with a raised brow and nodded at Youngjae’s tie.

 

Youngjae threw his head back and groaned. “Argh, I hate this,” he muttered and harshly untied the garment. “I swear, I’m going to burn this after we graduate.” Daehyun watched in amusement as Youngjae with clumsy hands made a messy loop.

 

 “You ” he teased. “It surprises me how stupid you can be sometimes.”

 

He jumped to one side out of reflex and avoided the kick that was aimed at him. Daehyun laughed heartily and caught the glare that was thrown his way from the offended boy.

 

Then before he knew it, his hands were raised in the air, holding on to the silky material of Youngjae’s tie. A smirk adorned Daehyun’s features as he tugged at the ends lightly. The other boy rolled his eyes but did not resist when he was being pulled forward.

 

Daehyun looked at the boy in front of him through his fringe as he with steady and sure hands threw the longer end of the tie over the shorter one. He was twisting the fabric when Youngjae looked up and their eyes met.

 

“You arrogant bastard,” Youngjae said, however his tone held no malice, instead there was a tiny hint of affection that was only traceable if you cared enough to look for it.

 

The smirk on Daehyun’s lips only widened, which in turn made his eyes crinkle in the way that was rarely seen by others. “Now you are thinking that you are quite lucky to have me, right?”

 

Youngjae scoffed and rolled his eyes.

 

Daehyun released the tie and noted that it was very neatly done, even better than his own. He shrugged his shoulders and then turned to proceed towards the school entrance. The weight of the other boy’s arm round his shoulder was expected, therefore, he didn’t even flinch when Youngjae leaned in to whisper into his ear: “Don’t let it get to your head though.”

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

The teacher blew his whistle and the chattering over the crowd of students immediately subsided. Daehyun chuckled and gave Youngjae a final shove before he turned his attention to their P.E teacher, who they all by the way called Mr. Alright, because well…

 

“Alright everyone, today we are going to play soccer, alright.” He pointed to one side of the field and continued: “All girls over there and the boys stay here, alright?” he shouted and then followed the girls to their side for further instructions.

 

Daehyun turned to Youngjae when he heard the other groan; Youngjae had never been a big fan of sports and only liked it when it was behind a screen.

 

“Stop whining,” Daehyun muttered. “I rather have this than the condition training we had last week.”

 

Youngjae who was sitting on his heels, squinted up at Daehyun. “You only say that because you are good at it…well, I’m not.”

 

Snippets of his friend’s performances in previous matches flashed through Daehyun’s head, “Yeah, you kind of ,” he agreed mindlessly.

 

A groaned escaped his mouth when he felt a hit on his shin, however, as he was about to return the favor, his name was being called out by a hoarse voice. “Jung Daehyun!” He turned to look at their teacher. “Pick out 7 guys to be on your team, then get started,” Mr. Alright said and tossed him the soccer ball before he retreated to his office.

 

A playful idea crossed his mind as he held the ball in his hands. Daehyun then skipped to the center of their side of the field and eyed all his classmates mischievously. “Okay, now I would like you to do a small presentation, show me why you should be on my team,” he said, a smirk gracing his features. “Yoo Youngjae, you start.”

 

Youngjae straightened himself and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not going to do it. I’m going to be on the opposing team and beat you,” he said with great determination.

 

Daehyun let out an awkward laugh and eyed his so-called friend, “Oh, really?” he said and got an affirmative nod as a reply. He clicked his tongue in slight annoyance, threw a last look at Youngjae and proceeded to the next classmate.

 

Kim Himchan announced that he wouldn’t do it either, “I’ll join forces with Youngjae!” he exclaimed and raised a fist in the air. Daehyun shook his head and showed his disapproval by sending them both one of his infamous glares.

 

Jongup started singing and dancing to an idol girl-group song rather half-heatedly but then suddenly broke it off with some aggressive krumping, which earned him a round of applause and loud laughter from his fellow students.

 

Daehyun excitedly clapped his hands when the tall Junhong showed off his dance skills and ended it neatly with a hand-stand.

 

Bang Yongguk with his dark voice demonstrated his very own version of the ‘cutesy act’, which within seconds had everyone rolling on the ground laughing. Daehyun clutched his stomach and wiped away tears from his eyes, still laughing.

 

The line of presentations went on like that and finally it was time for Daehyun to make his pick.

 

He cleared his throat and placed his hands on his hips. “Well, even though he betrayed me,” he threw a meaningful look at Youngjae who stood there grinning at him. “He’s my one and only best friend so…” he gestured towards Youngjae, who ran forward and clutched his hand. They hugged each other briefly before letting go.

 

“Yah, Yoo Youngjae! You betrayer!” Himchan yelled pointed at the first chosen boy.

 

Youngjae only chuckled and Daehyun smiled to himself when he felt warm hands on his shoulders.

 

----------------------------------------

 

The score was 5-3 to the other team when tired and heavily panting teenage boys gathered round the benches; they had been playing intensely for about half an hour and finally decided on a small break.

 

Daehyun looked down at the pile of water bottles and tried to recall which one that was his. He groaned mentally as his bottle was green and they were practically all green. Of course, it wouldn’t be a big deal if he mistakenly took someone else’s, however he preferred his own.

 

Jung Daehyun was not fond of sharing; he was a private person like that.

 

 He held up a bottle with a logo from some random sports-store and called out: “Whose is this one!?”

 

He put it down again after hearing someone shout: “Mine!” he held another bottle and repeated his question.

 

Jongup raised his hand and Daehyun let the green bottle fall back onto the pile in disappointment. He placed his bet on another green bottle and held it up.

 

“That’s mine,” Youngjae said from where he was sitting on the ground.

 

 Daehyun sighed in relief; he hurriedly unclasped the bottle, tilted his head back and drowned its contents hungrily. After wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he went over to where Youngjae was sitting and passed him the bottle.

 

“It’s your fault that we are two goals behind the other team,” Daehyun said accusingly as he seated himself next to his friend.

 

Youngjae scoffed, “Blame yourself, you knew that I was bad.”

 

“But you knew that I would choose you.” Daehyun retorted.

 

Daehyun felt himself soften when he spotted the dimple on the other’s cheek

 

“Of course I did.”

 

He turned his eyes away from Youngjae’s smile and tried to settle his mind on anything else. Ironically, his minds still drifted back to his best friend. Daehyun suddenly wondered how things would be if Youngjae hadn’t appeared in front of him that day by the swing. How they would be like if something had been done differently during those minutes of their first meeting. Surely they would have met in school eventually and might have become friends, enemies even…but not like this, never like this.

 

This was different.

 

“After all, that’s how we work,” Youngjae said as Daehyun felt him lean against his body.

 

…you push me and I’ll push you. This is my swing and it is also your swing. Let’s swing together, like now…like always.

 

~*~*~

 

Swing with me…

 

Daehyun pulled at the brakes and set a foot on the ground when they reached Youngjae’s house. The weight behind him lifted and he turned to Youngjae when he suddenly burst out: “Oh crap, I almost forgot!”

 

Daehyun watched curiously as Youngjae opened his bag and started to roam around in it. After a moment of searching he finally pulled out an envelope and handed it over.

 

“What this?” Daehyun asked and reached for it. It was a white ordinary letter, but instead of an address it simply said with neat letters: ‘To Jung Daehyun’ on the front.

 

His friend shrugged, “A love letter,” he said nonchalantly.

 

Daehyun’s eyes widened in bewilderment and travelled from the letter to Youngjae and then back again. “For me?” he asked incredulously.

 

“Of course it’s for you. That’s why I’m giving it to you, right?” Youngjae chuckled. “Some girl from class C asked me to give it to you,” he continued then gave Daehyun a playful grin. “Aigoo, our Daehyunnie is getting so popular. Receiving love letters must be part of your daily cycle now uh?”

 

At that moment something seemed to snap inside of Daehyun and his hardening grip gave the letter in his hand a few permanent creases. Irritation was starting to build down the pit of his stomach, which was quite odd, because he rarely got irritated at Youngjae. At least not for real. But this time, he was on the verge to anger and the other hadn’t even done anything. “What’s this?” he snapped. “Are you starting an early career as a postman?”

 

Daehyun saw that Youngjae was surprised by his tone, but the other stayed composed. “I was just doing her a favor,” and gave Daehyun a look which seemed to say ‘no need to get worked up over it’.

 

Something seemed to have taken over Daehyun, because his mouth was opening at its own accord and words spilled out at high frequency, “Why? Do you like her? Is that why you agreed to help her? You must feel bad then, because turns out she like me instead and—“ he winced when Youngjae’s hand, applied with a certain force made contact with the back of head.

 

“Yah, Jung Daehyun,” he said gravely. “What’s gotten into you?”

 

Daehyun ran a hand through his hair then rubbed the back of his head where it still stung a little. “I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “Sorry.”

 

He felt ashamed for reacting like he did and even more so when Youngjae only smiled at him softly. “Now I know why I helped her,” Youngjae said and chuckled lightly. “I must have felt sorry for her, I would be embarrassed too if I liked someone like you.”

 

Daehyun scoffed and his guilt subsided immensely as the other had taken the opportunity to mock him, “You are just jealous,” he muttered.

 

“Yeah, extremely jealous.” Youngjae said before he swung his bag over his shoulder and took a few steps back towards the gate. “I’ll see you tomorrow, weirdo.”

 

Daehyun stayed and watched when the other disappeared through the front door. He then looked down at the letter again.

 

‘Jealous of whom?’ he thought, but then shook his head violently. The answer should be apparent, why did he even wonder? What did he even want the answer to be?

 

He absent-mindedly put his feet on the pedals and started his ride home.

 

‘Seriously, what’s gotten into me?’

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Daehyun and Youngjae were both half-asleep when Junhong suddenly appeared by their desk. “You guys want to come with us? We are going to a karaoke after school.”

 

Then before either of them could answer, Kim Himchan’s voice echoed through the classroom: “Yah, Choi Junhong, don’t you know the general rule? If you are going to a karaoke; never ask either Jung Daehyun or Yoo Youngjae,” he said.

 

Youngjae looked appalled for a second, “Why?”

 

“Because you’ll steal all the girls,” Himchan said a matter-of-factly. “However, it’s fine if you agree to have tape over your mouths.”

 

“How many people are going?” Daehyun asked and stretched his arms before he fell back on his chair.

 

Junhong looked down and counted quietly with his fingers. “About 9,” he said and looked up again.

 

“Any girls?” Youngjae asked.

 

“Uhm,” Junhong nodded. “So are you coming?”

 

Daehyun threw a quick look at Himchan then at Youngjae . He thought of how Youngjae was already a person easy to like…and even more so when he sang.

 

He cleared his throat and said no.

 

‘Jung Daehyun, what the hell’s gotten into you?’

 

“Then I won’t go either,” Youngae said simply.

 

Junhong just shrugged his shoulders then proceeded to ask another classmate.

 

“Want to watch a movie at my place later?” Youngjae turned to ask Daehyun.

 

Daehyun smiled and nodded at the other, “I get to pick the movie, though.”

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

The weather was unusually hot and Daehyun tried to neglect the fact that his shirt was now more like plastered to his body. The morning exercise of riding a bike to school certainly only made it worse. Even Youngjae who had just been comfortably sitting on the rear rack seemed frustrated.

 

Daehyun was just about to put the lock on his bicycle when someone called out: “Oppa!”

 

Both boys turned in the direction the voice came from and found a fidgeting female student. “Oppa,” she looked up nervously. “May I talk to you in private?”

 

Youngjae seemed to have processed the situation faster than Daehyun and hurriedly said: “I’ll leave you two at it.” He then started to run across the schoolyard even before anyone had time to react.

 

The girl whom Daehyun recognized as a student in their year, however in a different class was looking in the direction Youngjae had just disappeared to. It wasn’t until he noticed the dejection in her eyes did he realize that the person she wanted to talk to was not him, but his best friend.

 

“You wanted to talk to Youngjae, didn’t you?” he asked.

 

She turned her head towards him, bit down on her lip as she nodded. Daehyun sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. A long moment of awkward silence followed, which only broke when she pulled out a letter from her jacket.

 

“Would you please give this to him?” she asked and handed him the letter with hopeful eyes.

 

Daehyun stared at the pink and glittering envelope for a moment, and then took it in his hands.

 

“Of course.”

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

The letter felt heavy in his hand, which was ridiculous, after all, how much could a piece of paper weigh? He rounded a corner and entered his home-classroom. Youngjae was sitting by their desk talking excitedly to Jongup. Daehyun opened his mouth and was about to call the other, but Youngjae had chosen that moment to turn around.

 

Their eyes met.

 

‘Thump, thump, thump’

 

Suddenly, Daehyun was lost.

 

‘Thump, thump, thump’

 

‘When…since when could a smile from him affect me like this?’

  

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

At that moment Daehyun realized that he shouldn’t be surprised by the turn of events. Because he realized that Youngjae had always affected him like this…always, since 13 years back.

 

“What’s wrong?” Youngjae asked, with a look of worry.

 

Daehyun took his seat by the window and shook his head, “Nothing.”

 

‘Nothing…it has to be nothing.’

 

Youngjae’s eyes stayed on Daehyun for a long moment, “You really think that you can lie to me?” he eventually said. Daehyun swallowed a lump down his throat and did not know what to say. “Fine, then I’ll pretend that I believe you.” Youngjae said and turned away.

 

Daehyun bent his head and looked down at his hands. He had for a moment forgotten about the letter that he was supposed to give to Youngjae. All the glitter was starting to come off and made intricate patterns on his uniform. Daehyun tried to recall the girl from before and concluded that she was pretty, a bit nervous maybe, but that had been somewhat endearing. He then looked at the boy next to him in a cautious manner and took in whatever he could from the profile of his best friend.

 

‘Eyes, lips, nose, jaw, cheekbones…Yoo Youngjae.’

 

Daehyun held the letter under the desk and carefully folded it twice….then slipped it into his pocket.

 

…higher and higher. I want to see beyond the crown of the trees. I want to see the whole world. I want you next to me when my feet dangle over foreign fields. Be mine…and only mine.

 

~*~*~

 

Swing with me…

 

How do you tell your best friend that you are in love with him? Yes, not ‘like’ but ‘love’.

 

When you know someone both inside and out and still manage to feel this way about that person, it certainly must be more than ‘like’.

 

When you don’t have to reason why or how you fell for that person, it certainly must be more than ‘like’.

 

When you… just know it, it certainly must be ‘love’.

 

Daehyun sighed and buried his face into the palm of his hands.

 

‘Maybe you just don’t…you just live…and never tell.’

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

‘I can live with that,’ Daehyun thought when he felt Youngjae’s arm around him. The extra weight on his shoulders was familiar; in fact he was so used to it that it might feel odd if Youngjae one day stopped putting his arm around him.

 

Nothing felt out of place, they still spent most of their time with each other; they still watched movies, played games and bickered. As long as things could remain as they were, Daehyun would be content …he would be able to bury his other feelings.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

During lunch breaks the classroom would be filled by the sound of chairs and tables scraping against the floor. Students would move around and arrange tables so that they could eat next to their friends.

 

Daehyun sneakily took another egg roll from Youngjae’s lunchbox and shoved it into his mouth when the other looked away. But apparently, he was not discreet enough.

 

“Yah, Jung Daehyun! Keep your hands to yourself!” Youngjae exclaimed when he noticed that about half his lunch was gone.

 

Daehyun grinned as he chewed, “I’ve no idea what you are talking about,” he retorted and held his own lunchbox closer to himself when the other made an attempt to steal a piece of radish.

 

Youngjae pointed menacingly at Daehyun with his chopsticks, “You completely and utterly stingy—“

 

“Yoo Youngjae!” a voice, no doubt belonging to Kim Himchan carried above all the chattering of a bunch of teenagers.

 

Youngjae turned his head and was met by a mischievous-looking Kim Himchan, “What?”

 

Daehyun eyed them curiously as he continued to chew on his food. Himchan patted Youngjae lightly on the back and said with a smirk on his lips, “I heard you that when you were sent to bring materials from the library, you got into some trouble didn’t you?” Himchan snickered.

 

Red spots were starting to form on Youngjae’s cheeks and Daehyun realized that his friends was blushing, “You got into trouble?” he asked with worry. “What kind of trouble? What did you do?”

 

“Oh, Daehyun doesn’t know, must be serious then” Himchan said as his grin grew even wider.

 

“Shut up,” Youngjae muttered and tried to ignore their gossipy classmate by poking his lunch with his chopsticks.

 

“What kind of trouble?” Daehyun repeated, his tone was serious and firm which meant that he demanded an answer.

 

And fortunately for him, Kim Himchan was more than happy to provide him one, “Oh, no need to worry, Daehyunnie. Youngjae just got some love troubles. He was caught kissing Park Sooyoung in the library.” He turned his head towards Youngjae and continued: “Now that I think about it, she always had a thing for you, didn’t she? Way to go, man!” he raised his hand, waiting for a high-five, but Youngjae only narrowed his eyes dangerously at their fellow student. Himchan then shrugged, and stepped back as he thought it would be a wise idea to retreat into safer grounds.

 

Was there a button for the human sensory system? Could you just by a switch turn off any part you want of the body? Then there would be no pain, right? No unpleasant and destructing feelings running through your veins causing you to lose your ability to think and to function normally.

 

‘Kiss?’

 

Daehyun stared at Youngjae intently, but it seemed like the other was determined to not look in his direction.

 

He hadn’t realized that he had been holding his breath until his lips parted slightly and gasped for air.

 

‘The pain…will I be able to live with that?’

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

The music ended and the camera zoomed out to film the devoted fans, applauding enthusiastically as their idols exited the stage. The TV screen went black for a second only to instantly be replaced by the face of Wonbin, endorsing the latest smartphone by LG. Daehyun found it hard to follow the contents on the screen, his mind seemed to constantly wander off to pictures of his best friend kissing Park Sooyoung.

 

His ability to mentally draw all sorts of imaginative scenarios surprised him immensely. There were kisses ranged from friendly pecks to aggressive passionate ones, and the location shifted from secretive hidings such as the backyard of the school to common and public areas such as the subway.

 

Daehyun shook his head and tried erase every single picture; surely this was not something he should be thinking of.

 

Youngjae who sat on the other side of the couch had grown bored and was now flipping through some magazine that lay on the table.

 

Every now and then, Daehyun would sneakily throw a glance at the other and every time he would feel the urge to run a hand through his hair and pull out every strand. It was frustrating…to know that he shouldn’t be frustrated about it…

 

“Did you and Sooyoung really kiss?” before he even realized it the words had already left his mouth, and it was too late to take them back.

 

Daehyun had his eyes glued on the TV screen; however his focus was completely on the boy beside him. Youngjae looked up from the current page he was reading, his eyes blinked, clearly taken aback by the sudden question. “Uhm,” was his reply after a long moment of consideration.

 

He tried to be nonchalant about it, he really did. Yet his hand still trembled slightly as it reached for the remote. “You never told me that you liked her,” Daehyun said, proud when he couldn’t detect anything abnormal in his tone.

 

Youngjae looked down at his magazine again and flipped to a new page, “That’s because, I don’t.”

 

The answer made Daehyun turn to look at his friend. “But you kissed,” was all he could say, confused by the situation.

 

“So?” Youngjae’s eyes were still glued to the papers as he shrugged.

 

The fume built slowly down the pit of his stomach and gradually rose. “So that’s what you do? You walk around and kiss people even if you don’t like them?” he snapped.

 

“Whow,” Youngjae hastily closed the magazine in his hand and let it fall on his lap. “Jung Daehyun, don’t make it sound like I’m some kind of disgusting object that throws myself at everyone. Besides…” he locked his eyes with Daehyun’s and continued, “it was just a kiss, it didn’t mean anything.”

 

Daehyun felt how he was starting to lose his temper, lose the ability to think rationally of why he should be calm about this…about the kiss.

 

His hands clenched. “A kiss can really mean nothing?” he tried to show the other a playful smirk; but, he knew that he failed; instead it turned out faint and brittle with a slight hint of pain. “So if I kissed you now…” Daehyun shifted on the cream colored couch until he was just inches away from his friend and was looking down on wide opened eyes, “You wouldn’t think much of it, right?”

 

Before the other could give any sort of respond, Daehyun had leaned forward and placed his lips on Youngjae’s. He closed his eyes and lost himself, acting on pure impulses only. He pulled slightly when the other’s soft bottom lip was caught in between his lush lips. Somewhere in his clouded mind, with the help of a part that was still conscious he managed to register the hand that curled behind his neck and drew him closer. Deepening the kiss. Daehyun’s mind spun round the moon and back. When Youngjae’s lips moved against his, when their teeth clashed or when their tongues accidently touched he felt as if he was intoxicated.

 

The magazine on Youngjae’s legs ended up on the carpeted floor with a thump when they both sank down to half-lie on the couch. He held Youngjae’s face between his hands and tried to deepen their kiss even further. The boy beneath him shifted and placed a firm hand on his lower back, pulling him even closer. Daehyun could particularly feel the heat radiating from the other’s body and he moaned.

 

It was then, during the moment that the sound from the back of his throat cut through the intense air that he abruptly pulled away. He got off Youngjae so fast one would think he had been burned and stared at the other, trying to fully comprehend what he had done. His eyes travelled over Youngjae’s face and took in the puzzled eyes, the anxious expression and the swollen lips and then…he ran.

 

Jung Daehyun turned around as fast as he could manage in his shaken state and ran out of the house. He did not look back nor did he hear the words that Youngjae mumbled after him:

 

“She kissed me, but I didn’t kiss her back.”

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

Daehyun buried his face into his pillow and muffled his frustrated cries with the soft material.

 

‘What happens now?’

 

‘What should I do now?’

 

 He shifted to lie on the sides and tried to breathe evenly. Trembling fingers unconsciously traced along the lines of his lips, he could still feel the ghost of Youngjae’s lips on him.

 

Daehyun closed his eyes and hoped that the darkness would hide him away forever.

 

…even when the hinges creak strangely and even when the world turns so dark that I can no longer see you.  When I fall and when the pain pierces through my body…please, come and find me.

 

~*~*~

 

Stay with me…until the very end.

 

Daehyun was early, he knew that. Usually he would be by the gates of Youngjae’s house exactly 15 minutes before school started. However, today he was about half an hour early. He sighed heavily as he let his bicycle rest against the fence to Youngjae’s home. Invisible doodles were drawn on the ground by his worn sneakers as he waited. All sorts of lies and reasonable excuses had occupied his mind for the last 12 hours, he had basically considered everything he could say to the other to make him forget about last night’s incident. However, they all died a horrible death when he realized that none of them were good enough to fool Youngjae…anyone else, maybe…but not Youngjae.

 

The gate gave off a few creaks that during the early hour of the day seemed to be unusually loud. Daehyun looked up and found to his bewilderment Youngjae standing in front of him, all dressed and ready to head to school.

 

“You‘re early,” Youngjae stated and shoved his hands in his pockets.

 

Daehyun straightened himself and cleared his throat, “So are you.” The other’s eyes crinkled when his lips formed a gentle smile. However, Youngjae’s eyes seemed a bit down and tired and Daehyun realized that he wasn’t the only one without any sleep from last night.

 

“Let’s walk to school,” Youngjae suggested. “We’ve got time, so let’s walk.”

 

Their eyes stayed locked for a long moment before Daehyun awkwardly averted his gaze.

 

He nodded.

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

They were walking side by side, with Daehyun leading his bicycle between them. The park was just 20 meters ahead of them when Daehyun tried to recall the last time silence had lasted this long between them. He sighed when he figured that there were none.

 

His grip round the handlebars tightened when he could make out the blue pillars of the swing where they first met over a decade ago. ‘A decade’, it sounded unbelievable even in his mind.

 

‘If I tell him how I feel…how much of what we have now will I destroy?’

 

Probably…nothing.

 

Daehyun stopped in his tracks.

 

They have been best friends as long as they can remember, and Daehyun had always thought that the bond they shared was something rare. If he chose to confess and Youngjae wouldn’t feel the same way, then…there would be nothing more to it. Because their positions in each other’s lives were fixed in a way that it could only escalate, Youngjae could never be anyone less than his best friend, the thought itself sounded unimaginable.

 

Therefore, if he gathered his courage and confessed…and if he got rejected…surely it would hurt terribly.

 

But it wouldn’t make him stay away from Youngjae, to cut himself out from the boy’s life completely would with all certainty…hurt him even more.

 

After all, you can’t remove someone who partly defined ‘you’.

 

“Youngjae-ah,” he called out and Youngjae who were a few steps ahead turned around.

 

‘At least, let him know…then I’ll have no regrets.’

 

Daehyun looked straight into Youngjae’s brown expectant eyes, “I…I think I love you.” He took a deep breath and added: “I just thought that you should know.”

 

There was no sign of surprise or the slightest hint of shock. His friend was simply staring back at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

Youngjae’s face suddenly broke into a smile and Daehyun could spot the dimple that adorned his right cheek. “I do know,” he said and then swiftly turned his back at Daehyun to pick up his steps again.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

Daehyun bit down on his bottom lip, and felt the disappointment wash over him. The rejection was expected and so was the pain, the crushing pain all over his body…but the simple reply was not.

 

“That’s it?” he shouted. “I just told you that I loved you, and…you’ve got nothing more to say?”

 

Youngjae turned around yet again and looked at Daehyun with widened eyes. “What more do you want me to say?” he asked genuinely confused.

 

“At least give me a proper rejection.” Daehyun said, his tone was firm, full with determination.

 

The furrow on Youngjae’s forehead displayed his confusion, but disappeared the moment Youngjae opened his mouth to let out a sigh. “When did I reject you? Daehyun-ah…when have I ever rejected you?” Youngjae ran a hand through his short dark hair and then started to steer his steps towards Daehyun. They were standing about one foot apart when Youngjae stopped; he put his hands next to Daehyun’s on the handlebars of the bicycle and leaned forward. “My feelings for you, I’ve told you before haven’t I? So many times…”

 

‘Daehyun-ah, I love you.’

 

‘You know that I love you, right?’

 

Daehyun shook his head slightly, “This is different,” he insisted. “I’m not joking around.”

 

Youngjae’s eyes turned serious, “And who said that I was? Heart beating rapidly, throat thickening, mind buried in haze, stomach turning upside down, all those symptoms…I felt all of those, every single time.” The smile on his lips was brittle, making Daehyun’s insides twist in a knot. “Want me to say it again?” They were close; Daehyun could feel the boy’s breath brushing past his cheek. “I love you.”

 

‘My feelings for you, I’ve told you before haven’t I? So many times…’

 

So many times…

 

They all seemed to play before Daehyun’s eyes, like a movie on the finest screen. Youngjae’s grin, his smiles, his gestures, his playful manner and tone and…

 

‘How could I have missed it? How could I not see…the sincerity in his eyes?’

 

Youngjae’s smile instantly turned tender, “When we know someone so well, we kind of know what to expect, and some small details tend to slip out of our view,” he said as if he had read Daehyun’s mind.

 

Daehyun swallowed a non-existent lump down his throat. “But you knew,” he stated, almost disappointed at himself for not being able to read the other as well.

 

‘You knew that I fell in love with you.’

 

“Well, you’ll have to look for things in order to find them, right?” Youngjae seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he leaned in and closed the remaining distance between them to place a kiss on Daehyun’s cheek. “Besides, I think the kiss yesterday kind of gave you away,” he said cheekily and grinned before he held out a hand, waiting for Daehyun to take it.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

Jung Daehyun had referred to Yoo Youngjae as his best friend for the last 13 years. However now, if he wanted to he could easily alternate between ‘best friend’ and ‘boyfriend’. The term ‘boyfriend’ still sounded foreign on his tongue, but at the same time it was a word he would happily try to get used to.

 

Daehyun sat on the rear rack of his bike and waited for his so-called ‘boyfriend’ to show up. He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. The schoolyard was practically empty as students had rushed home to catch the yearly award show airing tonight, but Jung Daehyun had to stay behind and wait…like usual.

 

Endless lines of complaints were more than ready to roll off his tongue when Youngjae finally appeared.

 

“What took you so long!?” he snapped, when he was sure Youngjae was close enough to be able to hear him.

 

“Not my fault.” Youngjae said when he finally stood in front the fuming boy. “I can’t help that I’m smart, they went on and on about Seoul National University and KAIST…”

 

Daehyun grunted when he realized he couldn’t really blame the other for coming out late and that he had to swallow all the complaints he had taken his time to sharpen. After a moment of deliberation, he thought that he would settle for a small compensation. Daehyun raised a hand and gestured for the other to come closer and then got up from his bike so that they stood at eye-level. He closed his eyes and leaned forward when he thought that they were close enough.

 

However, his eyes were forced to open when a hand spread against his chest and prevented him from getting any closer, “What do you think you are doing?” Youngjae asked with a raised brow.

 

Daehyun scowled yet again, “I want a kiss,” he muttered and removed the offending hand off his chest.

 

Youngjae shook his head, “I don’t think so.” He flicked Daehyun lightly on the forehead and added: “Forget it.”

 

Daehyun’s eyes widened in both annoyance and astonishment, “Yah, Yoo Youngjae…” he had Youngjae’s face between his hands in an instant and forcibly drew the other closer. “Come here!”

 

Youngjae tried with great effort to jerk away, for any soul that walked by, he or she would have said that Youngjae had put up a good fight. But they would also have concluded that a forfeit was inevitable.

 

Daehyun’s hold of the other immediately softened when their lips touched. He pulled away slowly; a satisfied grin graced his lips as he looked at Youngjae with gleaming eyes through the black stands of his fringe.

 

The other boy was pouting unhappily, but Daehyun only chuckled and placed another peck on Youngjae’s mouth before letting go. “Now, let’s go home,” Daehyun said and got on the saddle.

 

But Youngjae remained on the same spot with a thoughtful look on his face.

 

“What are you doing?” Daehyun said impatiently, “Get on.”

 

Youngjae shook his head, “No,” he said and then pointed at the rear rack. “You sit there.”

 

Daehyun raised a questioning brow at his boyfriend, confused by the sudden demand.

  

Youngjae made a dramatic gesture with his hand and exclaimed: “Well, I have to revive my manliness somehow, don’t I?”

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

Every day, they would pass the park on the way to school and on the way back. A lot of things had changed since they were little but at the same time there were also a lot of things that remained the same.

 

Youngjae suddenly pulled the brakes and turned his head to Daehyun. “Want to stop here for a moment?”

 

Daehyun looked around and took in the all too familiar environment, he then smiled and nodded.

 

Without any verbal exchanges they seemed to have managed to mutually agree on walking towards the place where they first met.

 

Daehyun traced his hand along the faded blue pillar; years had passed since they last stood at this spot, in this park, by their swing.

 

Youngjae immediately claimed a swing and sat down on it. “Daehyun, do you remember?” Youngjae swung back and forth, though just enough so that he could stop it anytime with his feet. “You looked so helpless that day,” he chuckled.

 

Daehyun crossed his arms over his chest as his eyes narrowed, “Shut up.”

 

“You were kind of cute, actually, now that I think about it,” Youngjae grinned at his boyfriend.

 

“I’m always cute,” Daehyun muttered.

 

The swing stopped abruptly and Youngjae tilted his head to one side to let his gaze scan the boy 2 meters ahead of him from head to toe. He then grimaced and said: “Aish, you arrogant bastard.”

 

Daehyun grinned and went to stand right before Youngjae. He then lifted his left hand to grasp the chain right above where Youngjae’s hand rested.

 

It’s funny how the swing that seemed somewhat terrifying to him back then, now seemed so small and mild. If he was to sit on it, his feet would no longer dangle but they would rest steadily on the ground. Moreover, he did not need anyone to push him, he learned how to swing by himself and he knew when and how to stop. In other words, he would be fine on his own.

 

However…

 

To swing alone….where would be the fun in that?

 

Daehyun bent his head to look down at dark brown orbs that were gazing up at him. “Youngjae-ah,” he said, serious yet gentle, “Swing with me, always.”

 

Youngjae smiled tenderly as he let go of both chains, his arms then circled round Daehyun’s waist and pulled him closer. “Yes Sir.”

 

~*~*~

 

Thank you for reading!

I wanted a lighthearted romance, so I hope it wasn't too fluffy ^^

<3

Ivy