When falling in love with a bestfriend

    I looked at my phone, no scratch that, I stared on it for so long that my eyes started to water and begged for me to blink. I couldn’t even breathe when my eyes darted on every insignificant letters that slowly formed the significant words he just sent to me minutes ago. And from that I could assume that what I felt is beyond platonic, or to be exact, romantic.

    My fingers began typing furiously on the keyboard  in front of me, and beside that keyboard was the phone that I soon forgotten as my mind went blank, only to be revived by my unwanted thoughts. I typed on the google search box the question that I wanted to be answered, what to answer when your friend...

   Ugh. I gripped my hair out of frustration. Who is Mr. Google in my life? Why do I even have to ask every single question to him? Nerd. Nerd. That word again. I don’t know how I could bring myself to smile to that word every time my mind played that vivid memory of him, naughtily slipping those words off his precious m-shaped lips. Soon after that, memory after memory of you splattered across my mind again, as if those cherry lips served as a trigger, and my mind just became a waterfall of emotions. Each emotion cohesively hanging with each other and just like water, they became so volatile that I can’t even control them anymore. I stared once again to the text you just sent me.

Kyu~ let’s go to park, ne?

Starcraft-ing all day isn’t good for you..

 The light coming from my phone just died down almost 3 times ( the same time I opened and re-opened it for 3 times) signalling that the sender has been waiting for six minutes. And for the record that’s the longest duration of time that he waited for my reply.

Yes.

I punched the keys with my eyebrows furrowing into one. And that is even the shortest reply Sungmin would receive from me. Things have changed...I wonder why.

Are we friends or are we dating?

These days I’ve been confusing about you, even more about me

~0~

The crisp air of autumn lingered beneath my nose, around your small-framed body which is silently mixing with your scent and I must admit, it was far more addicting than your usual fragrance. It was a mix of strawberry and some amount of sweetness I can’t even decipher how to describe. I looked at you and before I can even think of my actions, my mouth had rolled your cute name off it.

Sungmin. And again.

But what I got as an answer was your hurried walks, with which I assume was really joyful skipping, and your adorable chuckle in which I don’t know if it is a childish tease or just a plain audible smile. I tried to keep up with your pace until my legs hurt and my mind began to wander if you just ask me out to chase you or maybe... there is something in you that belongs to me that I need to chase.

I quickly closed my eyes not wanting to imagine things that in the first place don’t exist. I puffed out large amount of air in attempt to calm the rapid beating of my heart. Running, is the reason I guess. I maybe really dreaming when I felt warm, soft hands grabbing my cold and trembling ones that in one swift motion I felt my world spinning and the time just fantastically stopped for me. Well I literally stopped ...running and my world really spun because the moment I opened my eyes it –unfortunately- glanced up to your deep brown orbs, which shine like a star but pulling me inside like a black hole. I was totally trapped.

Kyu-ah, let’s watch something. But I want strawberry popcorn.

Yah! Kyu-ah

 And in an instant, I was pulled back to reality. I encourage my head to look up or anywhere but not into your brown eyes but nevertheless not leaving your soft hands, even gripping it to my liking. I heard your sigh and your kicking of the leaves which for god’s sake is too cute for a grown up man. My thoughts are digging too much into me that I didn’t notice your force travelling through my arm pulling me close to you but farther from the cafe.

I didn’t notice that we had a small chat in that Sapphire blue cafe before you declared on making me chase after you, before pulling me to watch a movie, before boring your eyes onto me, or even before linking your arms to my own long ones, and even before I realized we are walking now on a certain park- fingers intertwined, heart beat in sync, cheeks blushing and contented faces painted on our own.

From that I could say, someday, this secret would be known to yours and to others.

We also watch movies, also go for a walk

Then I’m telling you the secret deep inside

~0~

Friday.

If I have a diary, then the page for this day, for this date, would be half-filled before I even started narrating the events I shared with you in this day. We have been friends for 7 years, roommate for 4 years, and I must say 3 years...that 3 years is when fate decided to tie some invisible yet strong connection between us. Too strong, that I developed, or at least I hoped, that we developed and inhibit romantic feelings for each other. And those feelings, took me one whole day to realize it. One whole day with you, one whole day feeling your smooth skin over my not-so-smooth one when we accidentally brush with each other, one whole day sharing my laughter with you, one whole day to sort out my troubled feelings that I kept for 3 years, and one whole day to regret for not confessing it to you.

After all, the thing that I can only do is to reminisce our moments, shared as friends, but treasured as something more than that.

Our friendship is something closer than lovers

~0~

 It’s been a week since we last saw each other and I am a fool if I said that, that great turn of events did not even tremendously played itself nonstop on my mind for a week. I may be a fool for not telling myself to stop smiling for no reason or maybe for not changing my phone wallpaper of our intertwined fingers that I secretly captured on our way to the movie house...or maybe for ... kom sema ri ga han chi be yi so appa gom eomma gom ae gi gom

What the hell! Who changed my ringtone to that childish one?

But if my eyes were being naughty and playful at that time, I’ll probably say I was tricked. Simply put, I saw your name and that adorable picture of yours (of which again I took secretly) flashing like a sunshine on my phone.

...appa gommun tung tung hae eomma gommun nal shin hae

Instead of flaring up, I smiled like as if there’s no tomorrow and immediately answered the phone. And after mere seconds your angelic voice resonated across the four corners of my room, along my ear canal directly to the eardrums and finally down to the walls of my heart, clenching for every word you said.

Yah kyuhyunnie~

 Kyuhyunnie? I immediately look over my phone again to make sure it’s you who are calling.

 I am sorry I didn’t contact you for the entire ...

 And again if it is not your eyes that pulled me into the oblivion, it is your sweet and angelic voice that left me swirlin