As he sat in his seat beside Junhong, backs pressed to the cheap vinyl and their legs bumping against eachother as the bus jerked, Yongguk thought the bus ride downtown was more crowded than he remembered it being in the past. There were younger school kids standing in the walkway, and although, he loved their fans more than anything, he couldn’t help feeling happy that Junhong and he remained unrecognized.

“Hyung, do you think Hyosung-sunbaenim will like the chocolate I picked out?” Junhong asked cutely as he peered into the pink and white gift bag on his lap, large sunglasses slipping down his nose. Yongguk was almost certain that Hyosung didn’t like sweets (he was pretty sure she told all of them at Youngjae’s birthday party when she didn’t eat any of the cake), and she definitely wouldn’t eat them when preparing for Secret’s comeback promotions. But Junhong had looked so excited when he’d come up with the idea, and Yongguk hadn’t been able to dampen that sunny smile.

“I’m sure she’ll love them.”

He had to look away so that Junhong wouldn’t see the fond grin on his face as the younger boy nodded to himself and pulled the strings of his hood tight, making the hood hug his face .  

How was it that Junhong could go from making breakfast in nothing but an apron in the morning to being adorable in a hoodie on the bus right now? Yongguk’s face heated up as he thought about it. All of that skin, so pale and smooth and--

The bus came to a stop, hissing as the door opened. A few of the kids got off and a group of business people in neatly pressed suits and dresses stepped on. Yongguk smiled politely and stood up so an elderly lady could sit.

“Take my seat, hyung!”

Before Yongguk could really grasp what was happening, he felt himself being shoved gently and his back collided with the cushioned seat against the window. In the next second, he had a lap full of excited and fidgety maknae.

Was it possible that he’d fallen in the shower this morning and hit his head, knocking himself unconscious? Was he bleeding out on the bathroom floor? Oh my god, that was probably what was happening.

Because the whole day was feeling very surreal; there was no way that Junhong was sitting comfortably in his lap. There was no way that the younger boy still felt comfortable enough around him after the way Yongguk had behaved that morning. His lips tingled just thinking about that fleeting moment when he’d kissed the soft skin of the younger boy’s shoulder.

“Junhong-ah, maybe you shouldn’t-”

“It’s better like this, hyung,” Junhong interrupted softly. He moved so his back was pressed against Yongguk’s chest. Each breath he took brought Junhong closer. The maknae picked up Yongguk’s hands and pulled them forward, resting them over his stomach and holding them close. A steady and quick heartbeat reverberated through all the points where they connected. Yongguk couldn’t tell if it was his own, but, of course, it had to be because Junhong had no reason to be nervous. “Isn’t it okay like this?”

A bump in the road caused Junhong to bounce, landing his precisely and snuggly against Yongguk’s burgeoning arousal.

It was so much more than okay.

“Y-yeah,” Yongguk replied, shakily, “this is perfect.”

Junhong laughed and wriggled himself in Yongguk’s lap happily. He tried to carefully readjust the younger boy’s weight so he wouldn’t keep moving himself against the beginnings of an , but Junhong would seamlessly slip back into place. Eventually, by the fifth stop, Yongguk decided to simply try to feign ignorance and hope that his face wasn’t blushing as brightly as it felt.

If the younger boy noticed the poking him in the , he hid it very well.

As they got off the bus, Yongguk ushered Junhong out ahead of himself. He tried to readjust himself discretely, but the old lady that he’d given his seat to glared at him like he was asking her to readjust him. It made his heart sink because at the end of the day, Yongguk only wanted to be a good person that made the world better, and making old people uncomfortable wasn’t a part of that.

He bowed lowly, face almost as red as the leather of his shoes, and hastily retreated from the bus. As it pulled away, the old lady winked at him from the window. That was… weird.

“Hyung! Hyung! Do you know what kind of song you’re going to make?”  Junhong asked, curiously tilting his head to the side. He was just so damn cute sometimes. How was Yongguk supposed to resist that?

The older boy took a deep breath of the cool air and tried to keep his thoughts away from anything inappropriate. Sighing, because inappropriate thoughts were basically all he had around Junhong, Yongguk started walking off toward the building that had Secret’s dorm.

He needed to think of something to say. Lying was one of the things Yongguk hated most, but he couldn’t tell Junhong the truth; the real reason he’d agreed to meet Hyosung would be very difficult to explain. Actually, as he thought about it, he realized that he should have texted or called Hyosung to tell her there’d been a change in plans.

.

“Uh…well, I guess it depends on what kind of mood she is in.” That sounded half-assed even to himself, but Junhong ‘hmmed’ in agreement and fell into step beside him. The pink and white gift bag swung from his hand with every move.

It was quiet as they walked the short distance to the building. Yongguk began to panic silently. Going up to Secret’s dorm with the maknae was a terrible idea. He just had a feeling that something awful was going to happen. In all his life, he’d never given much thought to superstitious talk or things of the like, but as Yongguk almost face planted on the cement when a black cat darted between his feet, he began to reconsider.

Maybe it was a sign.

Maybe he could still change Junhong’s mind and convince him to go somewhere less incriminating.

“Are you okay?” Junhong asked, concern etched upon his face, his hand strong and warm on Yongguk’s back as he steadied him. Yongguk felt his heart skip.

“Ahaha,” he tried to laugh. “I’m fine, really. I was just distracted because I suddenly remembered an arcade that’s not far from here. Do you want to go?”

Junhong smiled, face still bracketed by the black hood with it’s strings pulled tight. His eyes were covered by the sunglasses, but Yongguk could easily picture the way they’d crinkle at the corners with Junhong’s amusement.

“Sure-”

Yongguk felt lighter already. He’d really lucked out toda-

“-we can go after we visit Hyosung-sunbaenim.”

Yongguk’s shoulders sagged. 

He really should have expected that. As he started walking again, he was shocked to feel Junhong’s hand grab his, firmly but carefully, lacing their fingers together. He stared down in confusion. He and Junhong didn’t have a problem with skinship, but this wasn’t something they normally did.

Junhong squeezed gently and tugged Yongguk until they were face to face. Most of Junhong was covered so they wouldn’t be recognized; only his round cheeks and playful smile were visible. The younger boy smiled in a way that made Yongguk’s insides turn all wiggly and mushy.

“Can we get a snack first? We didn’t really eat breakfast…” his cheeks turned pink as he spoke, his head tilted slightly down as if he was embarrassed. Was he thinking about Yongguk staring at his in the apron earlier? Because now Yongguk was thinking about that and feeling very, very warm.

He coughed to clear his throat and tried to smile in way that didn’t scream, I want to do dirty, dirty things to you.

“Lead the way, Jello-ah. We can do anything you want.”

Well, that came out a lot more suggestive sounding than it was meant to.

Junhong raised an eyebrow, mouth curving into a quick smirk. “Is that so? I’ll make sure you remember that later, Yongguk-hyung.”

And wow. That probably didn’t mean anything that Yongguk desperately hoped it meant—was probably completely innocent in fact--but he couldn’t stop the way his heart picked up the pace.

Junhong lead him over to a vendor stall and ordered two strawberry ice creams. Yongguk was understandably confused because ice cream isn’t filling and if Junhong was hungry he should have gotten something else. Whatever comments he might have made died in his throat though as Junhong unwrapped the light pink ice cream and began to on it.

Yongguk stared, mouth open and surprise upon his face.

People simply didn’t eat things that way in real life. The whole ice cream, soft pink and rectangular, was slowly being pushed in and out of Junhong’s mouth. The wooden stick held tightly between his fingers was the only thing visible as the frozen treat disappeared over and over again. When the younger boy pulled it out, Yongguk could see the melted parts beginning to gather at the corners of his mouth. He wanted to lean forward and the mess off, and it took all of his willpower to not do so.

“Ah, I don’t think,” he began, stepping in front of Junhong protectively as people walking past started watching the display with a little too much interest. “I don’t think you should eat so fast, Junhong-ah. You’ll get a brain freeze,” he finished lamely. Honestly, he’d say just about anything just so he could stop watching the younger boy practically giving oral.

Junhong pulled the ice cream out of his mouth with a ‘pop.’ Watching Yongguk innocently, he dragged his tongue in circles around the top, leaving sugary liquid painted across his lips. “Don’t worry, hyung. I know what I’m doing.”

Something about the way he said it made Yongguk feel like he was missing a part of the conversation. It was like the maknae was talking in code the same way Youngjae and Himchan had been dropping cryptic hints to him. Deciphering hidden meanings was not something Yongguk was good at. He preferred straightforward conversations, even if he’d been doing an excellent job of not being straightforward about his feelings. Hypocritical as it was, the leader didn’t appreciate being left out of the loop of whatever the rest of his band kept alluding to.

Mildly distracted by his hurt feelings—because it wasn’t fair that everyone else got to know and he didn’t, as petulant as that may have been—he tossed his barely eaten ice cream into a nearby garbage can and gestured for Junhong to start following him again.

Visiting Hyosung was not his ideal plan for the day, but the sooner they got it over with, the sooner he could go home and demand Himchan finally clue him in to whatever was going on.

The rest of the walk was filled with silence. An occasional slurp would slip past Junhong’s lips as he ate his ice cream half-heartedly. Yongguk didn’t comment on the fact that Junhong was eating like a normal person again, and Junhong didn’t ask why Yongguk seemed upset. The air between them was stiff and uncomfortable in a way that it hadn’t been before, except, perhaps for that time Yongguk had kissed Junhong and lied about it.

The elevator ride up to the Secret’s dorm was also quiet. Junhong stared forlornly at the gift bag in his hand, and Yongguk wanted to fix everything so badly. He hated when Junhong was sad, but even more than that, he hated being the cause of Junhong’s sadness. It wasn’t fair to the maknae for Yongguk to act the way he was, especially when it wasn’t the younger boy’s fault.

Yongguk was the one that had an inappropriate crush. Yongguk was the one that couldn’t understand things unless they were spelled out for him in plain terms. He wasn’t stupid by any means, but subterfuge was not something that he was able to deal with.

As the elevator doors began to open on their desired floor, Yongguk gathered the courage to pull Junhong into a hug. The younger boy was taller, leaving Yongguk with his head level with Junhong’s nose. If he was braver, if their lives were different, he could close the small distance between them and place his lips in a playful kiss against the younger boy’s mouth. He could hold his arms more tightly around the slim waist warming against his own. He could be happy.

But things were the way they were, and Yongguk needed to fix the friendship that he was allowed to have with Junhong instead of pining for the relationship that was off limits.

“Hyung?”

“I’m sorry if I’ve been acting strange lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Yongguk confessed as Junhong’s hands clutched at the fabric of his jacket. The gift bag swung and hit him gently in the back of his legs while Junhong pressed them closer together. Yongguk shuddered, closing his eyes. “I have a lot on my mind these days, Jello-ah, and I know that I’ve been behaving weirdly. I just wanted to let you know that it’s not your fault, and I’m sorry if I’ve made you sad. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

Junhong exhaled softly, a gentle laugh vibrating from his chest into Yongguk’s. Yongguk breathed in the clean scent of Junhong’s clothes, the faint smell of soap on the younger boy’s neck. He wondered what that scent would taste like against his tongue. He hated himself for wondering such a thing.

With his eyes still closed, Yongguk missed the fond expression on Junhong’s face. He was startled into complete stillness when he felt a pair of soft lips press against his forehead briefly.

“You keep saying things like that. You say that I’m too young, that I need to be protected, that the other hyungs better not corrupt me, and that I shouldn’t have to deal with problems. You’re wrong, hyung,” Junhong said quietly, uncharacteristically serious. The elevator doors had closed again; in the confined space, the maknae’s words echoed faintly. “I’m not a little kid. I can think for myself, and I can feel for myself. For some reason you think that you’re going to hurt me, hyung, but to be honest, it hurts me more to see you fighting with yourself like this.”

Yongguk panicked, feeling like all of his secrets had been printed across his face.

“Wh-what are you talking about? I’m not-”

Soft lips pressed against his forehead again for five agonizing seconds—Yongguk committed all five seconds to memory, locking the feeling tightly away for safe keeping—and then the younger boy stepped away, expression unreadable.

“Fine, fine. Let’s get this over with, hyung,” muttered Junhong as he pressed the button to open the doors and stepped out.

Yongguk was confused, so very, very confused. He didn’t know what he did wrong, and he didn’t know exactly how much Junhong knew. To say that he was surprised about what the maknae had said would have been an understatement. Had he really been that obvious this whole time? Yongguk flushed in embarrassment.

By the time that he’d gathered his wits and exited the elevator, Junhong had already rung the doorbell to Secret’s dorm. Just as Yongguk stepped beside him, the door opened to reveal a barely dressed Hyosung, her eyes instantly landing on the leader. “Yonggukkie, I’m so glad you finally agreed to see me,” she purred.

The sheer fabric of her bra and matching underwear glittered under the overhead lighting. The faint outline of what laid beneath was visible. dropped open in a perfect ‘o’ of surpise when her eyes finally landed on Junhong.

Yongguk felt intense dread as he watched the younger boy’s face cloud over and settle into a barely concealed grimace. It was like he’d been caught cheating which was absurd, but that was the only way he could describe the guilt burning through him.

“Z-Zelo! What a surprise!” Hyosung cheered with a bright red face as she tried to shield herself with the door. “I wasn’t expecting you.” She sent a meaningful look to Yongguk. He shrugged helplessly.

He felt so bad. He hadn’t meant to embarrass her; never in his wildest dreams had he imagined she’d answer the door half . All the way around, the day was turning out to be terrible.

Several awkward minutes later, Junhong handed over the gift bag. Hyosung accepted it with a polite smile, but it was obvious that she was disappointed by the chocolate. She could have tried a little harder to pretend to like it, at least to spare Junhong’s feelings, Yongguk thought bitterly. Throughout the agonizingly tense visit, Junhong became increasingly unhappy. Hyosung, thankfully, put on clothes, and listened to Junhong ask about song writing with a frown upon her face. She glared at Yongguk while she half-assed a song about lies and betrayal. Yongguk was already feeling like garbage. He didn’t need the thinly veiled insults.

Luckily, Junhong said he wanted to go home after only an hour. They both bowed deeply and Yongguk ushered Junhong to the elevator. Once the maknae was a safe distance away, Yongguk apologized and bowed again. Hyosung was still angry, but as he explained that Junhong had had a difficult morning and Yongguk simply couldn’t say no to him when he’d ask to come, she relented.

“You’re a good leader, Yongguk.” She brushed a hand through his hand and sighed. “It’s too bad, really, but I guess I finally understand why you weren’t interested in me. Take good care of him.”

Yongguk didn’t understand what that was supposed to mean. Of course, he’d take good care of Junhong. Why in the world wouldn’t he? He was so tired of not understanding.

The walk back to the bus was quiet. The silence was stifling. Finally, Yongguk couldn’t take it anymore and he reached out to lace his fingers with Junhong’s. The younger boy seemed surprised and hesitant, and it took five more minutes and Yongguk tripping over a crack in the sidewalk before a tiny smile quirked the edge of his lips. The world around Yongguk instantly was brighter.

“Are we okay, Junhong-ah?” he asked quietly, anxious to hear the answer.

The younger boy didn’t reply until they were seated on the bus and heading back to their dorm. Yongguk was being eaten alive by nerves, a thousand little insects jittering to life in his stomach every second that he waited. His heart was sore. He loved Junhong so much, but every day just seemed to get harder and harder. He kept messing up things and hurting feelings. Yongguk didn’t know what to do anymore.

“You think really loudly,” Junhong muttered as he slid his right arm around Yongguk’s left, hooking their elbows together and then folding their hands over each other. He slid down in the seat, long legs splayed out in front of him on the nearly empty bus. From that position he was able to lay his head comfortably against Yongguk’s shoulder without moving their arms. “I really wish you’d stop being like this, hyung. I don’t know how much more obvious it could be. I don’t understand why you can’t see it…”

“See what?” Yongguk asked curiously.

Junhong gave a long suffering sigh. “Don’t worry about it right now. It’s not the right time, I guess.” The younger boy snuggled closer and closed his eyes. Yongguk’s heart melted at the cute sight. “We’re more than okay. I just wish you’d trust me. I wish you’d trust yourself.”

The maknae’s voice trailed off as he drifted to sleep.

Yongguk still felt lost. Of course, he trusted Junhong. He just really couldn't understand any of this, and nobody would explain what was going on.

The only thing he was sure of was that Junhong’s head on his shoulder and Junhong’s hand wrapped in his felt so right. No matter how confused he was, Yongguk was sure of his feelings.

He loved Junhong.

On the long bus ride back to the dorm, Yongguk finally began to piece together all the things that had been confusing him. Junhong’s strange behavior, the odd things his bandmates said, Hyosung’s advice, and once again, Junhong's strange behavior. Every ually frustrating moment he'd had with Junhong was returning with startling clarity. Junhong shirtless with the spoon, Junhong on the couch, Junhong in the other bed late at night, Junhong taking all of his clothes, and Junhong cooking breakfast . Junhong sitting in his lap on the bus. Junhong doing obscene things to ice cream in front of everyone. Junhong's obviously unhappy reaction to Hyosung. 

He didn’t want to get his hopes up but everything seemed to point to the same conclusion.

How could he have been so blind?

He glanced down at Junhong, taking in the soft skin, button nose, dark eyelashes and puffy lips. It seemed to good to be real.

Junhong shifted in his sleep and his fingers squeezed around Yongguk’s.

Maybe… maybe Yongguk wasn’t the only one with a crush…

*****

A/N: This story is continuing thanks to the awesome help of zucchini who is beta reading this and has made writing this so much easier and fun again. Any remaining mistakes are my own. Thank you so much zucchini; you are the BEST! :D And thank you to anyone that's still reading this :)