"One more ing love song, I'll be sick."

- Maroon 5, Payphone

 Min Neul wasn’t quite sure how to feel when Andy called her into his office a few days later. Surely she couldn’t have been in trouble, for she followed Circa’s schedule and practice sessions as diligently as her band mates did. She was naturally forming friendships with each of the individual girls, and they were becoming the best friends she always wished she had. She had even grown particularly close to Haeyoung, for the girls often stayed up far later than they should, sharing things neither expected to share. Min Neul knew all about Haeyoung’s difficult home life as the eldest of five children being raised by a single father, and how the family constantly struggled to make ends meet. Not only did it make Min Neul appreciative for her own blessed upbringing, it truly made her trust and respect the older girl. And in return, Min Neul found herself sharing more personal tidbits about her life. She tried to dodge questions about her vague past relationship, but she occasionally bit the bullet and confess a few small, unrevealing details. It would forever be a painful topic to discuss, despite Haeyoung not even knowing who the boy that ruined Min Neul’s life was.

A few times, she had wanted to cave in and confess everything to Haeyoung. That happened on particularly difficult days, when there was either nothing to occupy her mind and body with but memories and worry. But even on the days where hers and Jonghyun’s paths crossed, she held her head high and carried on. Perhaps the time to tell Haeyoung and the girls would come, but every time the thought crossed her mind Min Neul convinced herself it was better to keep it in forever.

Since Min Neul was clearly doing her job off stage, and especially on, Min Neul knew she couldn’t be in trouble with Andy. Her popularity was soaring, she was making great friends, and the band was gaining recognition. Besides, it wasn’t the first time she had been called to an administrator’s office. Min Neul had never been worried entering Principal Shin’s office, so she took a deep breath and told herself not to worry as she entered CEO Andy’s office.

As expected, the CEO of T.O.P Media was seated behind his desk. However, he wore a casual gray henley with the sleeves pushed up and slicked black hair. His gaze lifted at Min Neul’s entry, and he adjusted the black frames before his smiling eyes. “Miinah, our dancing maknae, welcome!”

Min Neul breathed a sigh of relief as she bowed in greeting and plopped down in a seat before the desk. Whatever Andy had to tell her, it certainly wasn’t negative with his cheerful attitude. “Hello, Andy-oppa. You, uh, want to talk to me about something?”

“I do, and it’s something very exciting.” As he spoke, his eyes were shining. Andy had a charismatic way of making everything he said sound magically enticing, and Min Neul found herself sitting taller and leaning closer. “Are you aware of who the most popular member of Circa is, Miinah?”

“Violet? Sumi?” Min Neul guessed obliviously. Headstrong Violet stood out with her bright red hair, and beautiful Sumi was clearly the visual of the group.

Andy wagged a finger. “It’s you.”

“Me?” Min Neul squeaked in disbelief.

Andy nodded proudly, removing his glasses. “It’s the truth. People can’t get enough of the beautiful, eighteen-year-old girl who trained for about a month and is still blowing everyone away with her dancing. You’re a star already, Min Neul, and people are going to demand for more of you.”

Min Neul felt dizzy in amazement. How she had struggled in school to make friends and fit in. It seems unreal that people liked her let alone became her fan. How could they possibly demand for more when she was already pouring her heart and soul into her performances?

“Which is why I have a wonderful opportunity for you, Min Neul.” Andy looked her deep in the eyes and smiled like he could already see how perfect her reaction would be. “In a few short days, Teen Top will begin filming a music video for their new title song ‘Imagine,’ and it would be excellent if you agreed to play the girl in the video.”

The words hit Min Neul hard and slowed her world down. A rush of emotions fought to play their way onto Min Neul’s face and strike her heart, and all at one she felt a jumble of glorious happiness, unbearable excitement, sheer terror and overwhelming depression. The girls in music videos were always so pretty, and they were so lucky to be able to film with such dreamy idols. She loved the idea of having personal screen time and attention, but it came at such a high cost she wasn’t sure if she could even accept the offer.

Filming with Teen Top meant filming with Changjo. Filming with Changjo meant filming with Jonghyun. And Min Neul’s heart was still in fragments from every insult, dig, and snub from Jonghyun, despite still being hopelessly, stupidly in love with him. When he would finally stop wrecking her life and shaking the stable ground out from under her, she didn’t know. It pained her to even be in the same room as him, so to see him all done up like the beautiful star he was beneath the bright lights, dancing mesmerizingly as his melodious voice filled the air, could undo all her efforts to get over him. And if he acted like an angel while the cameras were rolling then shot her demonic glares when it wasn’t, it would only pull Min Neul down lower.

And if she ever touched him again, it would surely be fatal.

“So what’s it going to be? I could always ask another girl, of course, to play Changjo’s love in the video.”

Tears were almost spilling from the girl’s eyes at the thought of once again being held in Choi Jonghyun’s strong, warm embrace. Even for a second. Even for a video. She needed to feel that again, even if it was deadly.

Min Neul lifted her head, swallowed back her tears, and signed her life away with a nod.

The fluorescent light bulbs framing a mounted mirror illuminated the entire interior of the trailer. Makeup and hair products littered the table beneath the mirror, and a chair was fixated just before it. Sitting still and upright in the chair was Min Neul. Her eyes were rolled up to the ceiling, patiently waiting for the makeup artist to finish touching up the makeup under her eyes. She thought about apologizing for the dark circles under her eyes, for she hadn’t slept very well the night before. In the end, Miinah decided to remain silent.


When the makeup artist stopped blotting Miinah’s skin with a cosmetic sponge, she took a step back and surveyed her work. Eventually, she cracked a smile. “You look flawless. Take a look.”
Miinah dragged her eyes to the mirror. Staring back at her was someone she didn’t quite recognize. Her wavy black hair had been woven into loose, innocent braids hanging down her shoulders. The apples of her cheeks were rosy and her bold eyelashes made her look like a delicate china doll. Costumed in a puff-sleeve blouse with pastel pink high-waist shorts, she looked sweet and innocent. She could have sworn this very blouse hung in Boyun’s closet. She felt nothing like herself, but maybe that was a good thing.
After all, she wasn’t supposed to be herself today.

Today she was playing the role of a flirtatious bookworm floating around a library, being followed by Changjo as he confessed his love for her. He was supposed to act as if he were head over heels for her, and she was supposed to act flattered. But that was just it. It was acting. Changjo would only be pretending to be in love with her, pretending to chase after her, pretending to be dying to get close to her.

Miinah hadn’t even stepped out of the dressing room trailer and she was already sick with nerves. She faked a smile and thanked the makeup artist for literally dolling her up. When she rose from the chair, her heart sank. And when she stepped onto the pavement outside, she felt lower than ever.


Changjo had just stepped out of the trailer adjacent to hers. He looked flawless in neatly pressed khakis rolled up just slightly, and a fitted white button-up covering his toned body. The grey vest he wore was ed and the sleeves of his shirt were casually pushed up. Perched on his head was a woven, short-brimmed fedora. When Miinah looked at him, she imagined him outside on a warm summer day, smiling as he waited for her to run up to him and jump in his arms. However, the breeze that blew by was surprising cold, and so was Changjo’s emotionless gaze. His dark eyes gave her a quick once-over before he silently turned the other way to stroll into the library. Miinah in a deep breath, held her tears back, and strolled in after him.


The library they were filming in today had been staged perfectly for filming. Tall, white bookcases in long rows created passages and corridors for Miinah to wander down on camera. Everything looked so light, airy, and fresh. The set was dramatically different than Teen Top’s usual style. For a moment, Miinah marveled in surprise at the library’s pretty interior. She was suddenly excited to film again, and to play such an enviable role.


The only sound to break Miinah’s awestruck trance was the sound of a familiar chuckle. She blushed as she gazed in the direction of the sound. Leaning against one of the walls were C.A.P, Chunji, L.Joe, Niel, and Ricky, smiling like saviors at her. A wave of calming familiarity washed over Miinah. She may have lost Jonghyun’s support, but she would never loose theirs.

“Hi Min Neul!” Niel waved enthusiastically.


“Fighting!” blonde L.Joe raised a strong fist.
Ricky’s sparkling smile was encouraging.

“Good luck, Min!”
“Thank you,” Miinah whispered as she blew an appreciative kiss in the boys’ direction before getting whisked away to the bookcases.

The director was on set now, and he ordered the actors to get into position. Though Changjo had stepped close to her and she could smell his memorable, sweet cologne once more, Miinah forced herself to concentrate on the director as he spoke. The directions he gave her were simple enough. Float cutely around the winding bookshelves, pausing every once in a while to return Changjo’s gaze, pick up a book, and then scurry away. Overall, the scene was pretty liberal and she and Changjo could improvise whenever they wanted.


“Give me chemistry. Give me flirtation,” the director begged. “You got that?”


Miinah and Changjo nodded. It couldn’t be too hard, Miinah figured. Once upon a time, they had explosive chemistry and flirted day and night. Maybe they still had it in them somewhere, burred deep down beneath the scar tissue and hatred.

Before the lights and the cameras began rolling, Miinah took in a strong, deep breath and closed her eyes. She thought back to when her relationship with Jonghyun had been new and exciting. They had been shy towards each other and unsure of the other’s true feelings. They had been cautious and flirty. Miinah knew she could channel those emotions again, even if it killed her. When she opened her eyes, she jumped right into the scene.

Teen Top’s new song, “Imagine,” was playing in the background for effect. It was a refreshing and bubbly song quite unlike Ten Top’s usual hip-hop-inspired tracks. The lyrics were sweet and the beat was catchy, and Miinah could vividly imagine the kind of girl that would suit the song. She was a sweet but quiet girl, shyly peering over the tops of the kind of books she could get lost in. She smiled a lot, giggled a lot, and she was smart enough to know that if she scampered away to the other side of the bookcase, lovesick Changjo would follow her.

Miinah was almost getting lost in the scene. She would press her back to the bookshelf and peer over her shoulder, only to find Changjo peering at her on the other side. His smiles were always so sweet, and he even giggled a few times. She would pull out a book and so would Changjo, and they would smile at each other through the bookshelf. She would gasp and place the book back, forcing herself to blush. Every time she caught Changjo’s gaze, it looked so sincere. It was incredible and saddening to see Changjo look at her that way again, and Miinah wished more than anything that they weren’t acting. She wished he would really look at her that way, just like he used to.

The pair playfully and flirtatiously wove around the bookshelves successfully, and eventually the director called for the scene to cut just as Changjo and Miinah were smiling at each other. Teen Top’s track came to an abrupt halt, and everything stopped. Immediately, Miinah was pulled from a dream. Changjo’s face fell from a smile to a scowl and he turned away from her. It crushed her. Her heart began to ache for the track to play again and for the cameras to roll, just so Changjo would look at her like he loved her again.

“Nice work,” the director announced as he stood up from his chair. “I can really feel the chemistry. Now, Miinah, can we get a few shots of you in Changjo's arms? We could use some footage like that for the dream scenes.”

For her own good, Miinah had hardly been paying attention to the directors the director gave. Somehow, she still found herself waiting to feel Changjo's arms wrap around her body. She held her breath when she felt him step up behind her and take her in his arms, just like he used to. It was almost instinctive the way he rested his chin on her shoulder and she laced her fingers in a knot with his. She could smell the clean, fresh, and slightly spicy scented cologne he still wore. Her stomach dropped with the weight of bittersweet nostalgia. It felt amazing to feel his strong body so close to hers again, and if it weren't for the camera in her face, Miinah probably would have broken out in tears.

The director hardly had to tell Changjo and Miinah what to do. He nuzzled his nose into Miinah's neck on his own and her bright smile came naturally. How could it not, when Changjo was acting exactly the way he used to? Miinah heart was pounding. She wanted more. She wanted to push him, see just how far she could take the romance.

Smoothly, Miinah turned so she was facing Changjo. She rested her cheek against his collarbone and caressed his jaw with her gentle touch. Changjo responded to her move by resting his chin atop her head and closing his eyes. He hadn't recoiled or even stiffened up. If Miinah hadn't known better, she would have believed everything to be the way it used to him.

“Perfect! Cut!” the director yelled.

Immediately, Miinah woke from her dream. She felt a rush of cold air when Changjo pulled away from her, taking his warmth away with him. He immediately crossed his arms and leaned away from her, looking more bored than ever. Miinah felt cheated. She wanted to call a foul and command for the scene to continue, so she could stay in Changjo's arms longer. But her desires were at the mercy of the director, and there wasn't a thing she could do about it.

Makeup artist rushed to fix up any damage Miinah and Changjo's snuggling could have caused, and the director began to give them orders on the next scene. As the beautician dabbed some foundation on Miinah's cheek, Miinah clasped her hands behind her back. She dug her nails into her palms to keep herself from crying. How cruel it was to be pulled into Changjo's arms pulled out. How cruel it was for Changjo to with the love he used to give her. Miinah felt like a weak ribbon at the middle of a rope in the midst of a fierce tug of war game. One minute she was pulled to one side, then yanked to the other side a moment later. From happiness to sadness, from love to heartbreak. One extreme to another. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.

“We're going to take a short break and review our footage,” the director declared. “Hang tight, you two.”

A break was exactly what Miinah needed. Filming was tiring enough, but she felt emotionally drained as well. While the director was reviewing the footage they shot, Miinah waited against the bookcases beside Changjo. There was a wall of silence between them, and Miinah searched for something to say to break it down. She never found the words, but Changjo did.

“We're probably going to have to do that all over again,” Changjo grumbled.

“Why?” Miinah questioned. She hated the way she felt when she heard his voice. It was the same feeling she used to get before she began dating him, way back when she had an innocent crush on him and longed to make him hers.

“Because you were so damn stiff,” Changjo hissed. “For God's sake, loosen up. I thought you were used to boys touching you.”

Miinah narrowed her eyes. “Excuse me? I made all the moves. You just stood there.”

“Forgive me for not wanting to act like your boyfriend,” Changjo retorted apathetically. He saw the way her face softened with sadness at the reminder, and it encouraged him to continue taunting. “Remember? I'm not your boyfriend anymore.”

“Thankfully,” Miinah responded. She was growing agitated. “You're not exactly Prince Charming.”

“Well you're the Ugly Step Sister,” Changjo responded snapped.

Miinah let out a fake gasp and poked Changjo's nose. “Don't you know your nose will grow if you tell a lie, Pinocchio?”

“Touch me one more time, ,” Changjo challenged.

“Not even in your dreams,” Miinah sneered, giving her hair a conceited flip. She may not have had to fake being in love with him, but she didn't have to fake being angry at him either.

Changjo balled his fists and searched for a witty comeback, but the director clapped his hands and strolled up to the bickering pair before he could get a word out.

“We shot some excellent footage,” he informed them. “It's dark enough to move to the outdoor scenes and then we'll wrap up filming for the day. You can head to your dressing rooms now to prep for the next scene.”

Miinah shot Changjo a dazzling smile. “Great news! See you outside in a few!” She blew a little but dramatic kiss and bounced away with two makeup artists, leaving Changjo standing on the library set with the director.

The director leaned close to Changjo. “You know, you two have some great chemistry,” he said with a wink.

Changjo let out a deep, tired sigh as he gazed in the direction Miinah had left. “I guess we're good actors.”

In the safety of her dressing room trailer, Miinah hung her head as stylist penciled in dark shading beneath her eyes. Though she sat perfectly still, thoughts were ravaging her mind.

“Am I pressing too hard, sweetie?” the beautician asked. “Your eyes are watering.”

“No, no,” Miinah assured with a shaky wave of a hand. “You're fine.”

Not a moment later, there was a knock on the trailer door. Unfortunately Miinah couldn’t turn her head to see who it was when the door opened, but she instantly knew who it was when she heard his sweet, familiar voice.

“Ricky-oppa!” Miinah squealed when she saw his handsome face through in the mirror's reflection.

“Hey, Min,” Ricky said coolly. His thumbs were hooked through the loops of his worn jeans and his styled hair was the deep color of red wine. “Could I please have a moment alone with Miinah?”

Surprisingly, the stylists stepped out of the trailer to give them privacy. Miinah, nearly finished in the makeup chair, smiled up at Ricky.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I just wanted to see how you were. I saw you talking to Changjo, and you didn't look too happy,” Ricky explained.

The look in his eyes was purely sympathetic, and Miinah couldn't lie to him. She shrank down in the chair, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the long plush sweater she was wearing for the bonfire scenes of the music video. “This is hard,” she confessed in a small voice.

“Well, you're doing really well,” Ricky said encouragingly. “I'm proud of you.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Miinah's lips. “Thanks, oppa.”

“You're welcome. But why did you decide to do this in the first place?” Ricky asked. “You knew you were acting with him.”

“Because I wanted to prove that I had moved on,” Miinah answered confidently—too confidently.

Ricky raised an eyebrow, which looked strangely seductive to Miinah all of a sudden. “Is that the only reason?”

Miinah sighed. “Fine. I wanted to be a couple with Jonghyun again,” she admitted shyly.

Ricky closed his eyes and shook his head. “You can't keep this bottled inside, Min Neul. You've got to let go of him already,” he said quietly.

Miinah knew he was right, and that only made it harder for her. “I just don't know how.”

“Someday you'll realize how much you're missing out on,” Ricky replied.

“What do you mean?” Miinah asked, confused.

Ricky shrugged. “You'll find out someday. But until then, promise me you'll keep your chin up and you won't let him get to you.”

Miinah couldn't help but smile at his sweet encouragement. “Why can't I film with you instead?”

Ricky let out a laugh. “Oh trust me, me and the other boys would rather see you with us than him. He's so angry. He doesn't know how lucky he is.”

“Oh, stop!” Miinah cried as her hands flew to her cheeks. “You're going to make me blush!”

“It's the truth,” Ricky chuckled, holding his palms up in surrender.

Slowly, Miinah leaned forward and placed her hands on Ricky's shoulders. She placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thanks you. You're the best.”

Her sudden kiss had scattered all of Ricky's calm thoughts. His palms had already been clammy and his heart had already been racing, and now he was the one blushing. “Uh, are you ready to go out now?” he asked. He silently cringed at how his voice cracked.

“Sure,” Miinah agreed She jumped up from the chair, gave her big, smoothed out her big, messy waves, and let Ricky lead her out of the trailer into the darkening night.

The sun was setting in the distance, but there were still a few dull stars in the sky overhead. The trailers had been parked at the threshold of pavement and grass, and yards away was a small bonfire surrounded by thick logs of rough wood. Five boys sat around the fire in tribal print sweaters, ripped jeans, and fringed scarves. Their rough but relaxed looks for the bonfire were entirely different from their clean-cut images for the library scenes. Half of the video would show the six boys of Teen Top around a campfire, joined by Changjo's supposed girlfriend. Of course, they were supposed to cuddle by the fire and feed each other roasted marshmallows under the starry sky. Miinah was torn between dreading the upcoming scenes or cherishing them.

Miinah shivered as she crossed the grass with Ricky. Though she wore skinny jeans, she felt the cool nighttime air through the many rips in the denim. Though she wore a long deer-print cardigan, her stomach shivered beneath her bohemian crop-top. Though she wore a fringed scarf, the chains of the tarnished necklaces she wore felt cold against her skin. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, and Ricky generously wrapped an arm around her. He must have been warm in an oversized flannel and beat-up leather jacket. Unfortunately, the director separated the pair and ordered Miinah to sit beside Changjo. His expression was cold. At least the fire was warm.

“Alright, this part of the video is simple. Just talk, laugh, sing along, roast marshmallows, and have a good time. Changjo and Miinah, make sure you act like a couple. Everyone got it? Okay, good.”

The director backed up, ordered for the lights and the fire to be adjusted, and called for action.

The acting wasn't very difficult, because they were hardly acting at all. “Imagine” was playing again, so some of the boys were singing along and slowly waving their arms back and forth. Ricky stuck a marshmallow on a stick straight into the fire, and when it caught a flame he pulled it out and waved it in front of L.Joe, whining for him to put it out. L.Joe nervously held his hands up, afraid to get burned, so C.A.P reached over the his lap to grab Ricky's stick and puff out the flame for him. The crew laughed, the boys laughed, and even Miinah laughed. She stopped when she looked over her shoulder into the wide open space of ominous darkness behind her, but she suddenly felt safe when Changjo reached around a placed a protective hand on her shoulder. Feeling assured, she turned around and kept her gaze on her marshmallow toasting above the bonfire flames.

“Hold it lower or else it'll taste like smoke,” Changjo suggested, gently pushing her stick down. His tone wasn't the least bit rude or sarcastic. For a moment Miinah completely forgot about the animosity harbored his heart. She wished he could be this civil all the time.

“It's going to burn,” Miinah warned, nervously watching the flames taint the soft, white surface of the marshmallow.

“So?” Changjo asked. “You don't like to eat marshmallows.”

There he was again. The Changjo Miinah knew. He hadn't erased everything about her from his mind—he still remembered her likes and dislikes. Miinah was so speechless she couldn't even reply. She simply held the marshmallow in the middle of the flames, too lost in thought to realize how badly it was burning.

Changjo grabbed the stick from her hands and saved the marshmallow from turning into a sticky, scorched mess. Miinah was frozen when she watched Changjo frantically blow on the marshmallow, desperately attempting to cool it down. But no matter how cool it was, it remained charcoal black.

“Dare you to eat it,” Niel challenged.

“No way!” Changjo cried. “It's too burnt!”

“You're the one who put it in the fire,” Miinah spoke up, nudging Jonghyun with her elbow. Everyone laughed, and it felt just like it would if they were all at a bonfire as friends.

“This is great,” the director in, reminding Miinah that this was all acting. “Can we get some more action? Get up and dance! Move!”

Miinah was feeling courageous. She hadn't felt so much like her old self in months, and it was thrilling. She stood atop the log beside Changjo, held her arms up over her had, and moved her hips to the beat of the music. By now she knew the words, so she sang along. The boys clapped her on in unison. Changjo was even looking up at her with a smile on his face, seeming to be enjoying himself. With the light and warmth of the fire and the starry night overhead, Miinah felt hopeful.

Maybe this was the start of a new beginning for her and Changjo. Maybe it had been a good idea to play the leading lady beside him. Everyone was having a good time, including him. He hadn't said something nice to her in months, and he certainly hadn't cared to remember little bits and pieces about her personality. If she could slowly win Changjo back, even as a friend, then maybe this courageous decision wouldn't be a waste after all.

When Miinah sat back down beside Changjo, he was smiling. She couldn't help but gaze at his handsome face, which was illuminated beautifully by the light of the bonfire. He laced his fingers with hers in her lap. Miinah felt like she had done it. She felt like she had won her Jonghyun back.

“Whisper something in her ear,” the director commanded.

Changjo's thumb caressed Miinah's hand as she gazed into the bright, crackling fire. His nose brushed against her wavy hair and she could feel his warm breath on his neck. She wondered if he was really going to whisper something sweet to her, like he used to. Miinah had felt so hopeful that she hadn't bothered to guard her heart. But instead of sweet nothings, Changjo whispered nothing sweet.

“I still hate you.”