For the third time this month, I felt horrible towards my friends.

Again I have heard these words come out for their mouth," I can't afford it."

Once one of them said," Yeah. Judging by your house, you seem to have the money to do that."

It makes me feel like a spoiled brat because the extra stuff that I can do, the can't.

The first instance:

One of my friends is a year older than me.

She wanted to go to a private school badly, but could not pay for tuition and could not go.

After she came to pick me up at my house, we talked about random stuff until I told her that I want to backpack travel around Europe.

I regretted it immediately.

She soon became quiet and said that I could probably afford it.

Second Instance:

"I can't get all of my braces until my baby teeth fall out," my friend explained.

I laughed and told her to just get it pulled out at the dentist's office because it could be stuck.

I remember shutting up after she said," We don't hace the money to."

Third Instance:

My friend from swimming has a really bad knee and she needs surgery on it.

She has trouble bending her knee and it really irritates her.

She told me that she was getting surgery on it this month and she was excited to be pain free.

That lasted for a week until she came to practice the day of her surgery.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital right now and were you crying?" I asked cluelessly.

She had red swollen eyes.

She simply turned away until I grabbed her.

"What's wrong?" I demanded.

".....It turns out that insurance oesn't cover my surgery, so now I can't have it. We can't pay for it."

I honesty wanted to just dig a hole and hide myself.

Come to think about it, I practically bathe in money.

I spent over $600 during my time in Korea, my mom took me to Korea just because I wanted to, and bought me 4 KPOP albums there.

I go on a cruise for spring break every year and got the best Infinite concert tickets.

I got 2 pairs of Doc Martens, an EXO album, and $400 for Christmas.

But, here my friends are suffering because they need money to fulfill their dreams or for a medical reason.

Still, I am ungrateful for what I have.

There is one thing I want to get and that is L.Joe's heart.

One of the few things is the world that you can't buy with money.

I get frustrated every time I think of him and take it out on everyone around me.

Maybe I am a who is spoiled and coddled to death.

I have to say that at this point, I agree with that title.

Too bad, 2 years passed by since L.Joe first confessed to me and I still and pathetically clinging into the missing love I had once recieved.

I can't tell if I still love him or it's just a scar from your first love.

If only I could turn back time and reject L.Joe.

Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel as I do now.

Then, I wouldn't believe that I'm a rude self centered princess.