Chapter 3 ;;

I saw myself lying in Jaejoong’s arms. It hurts to see him crying again… because of me. It hurts to see him in pain again… because of me. But it hurts to see myself dead in his arms and now he feels lonely… because of me.

Am I dead? So that’s why the blind kid saw me? Or is he dead too? Because he said he used to be at the park too? How? How did I die? Why? Why did I die? Why did I die when everything just seemed so perfect?

Is this why, on the past few days, I kept on being paranoid and asking such questions to Jaejoong? About him leaving me? And in the end, it is me leaving him. Why? Just why…

I walked away from the scene… away from the reality I thought. Is it really the reality? I’m dead. I’m dead.

When the cops came, I walked with them, though it’s only me who sees them and not anyone of them sees me. I heard them ask Jaejoong what happened.

“We were just laying there and sleeping. Then, there was a gunshot and when I opened my eyes, he was shot already.” My Jaejoong replied with hurtful tears in his eyes.

The cops looked at him cautiously before asking another question. He asked whether I am not in good terms with someone or if there’s anyone that might be taking a hate on me. I thought for a while and concluded that I don’t know anyone that hates me neither do I know anyone that I hate. As far as I know, I am a happy and peaceful person, especially with Jaejoong, so why someone would be killing me?

One of the cops sighed and shook his head. “It’s probably those gangsters again. Those kids just don’t know how to pity. They just kill for fun. We’ll make some action immediately.”

And with that, they gently put Jaejoong aside, despite his protests, to put me in a stretcher, in an ambulance. I was wondering as to why they are not hurrying up. Soon, I found out I am twenty minutes dead and that there’s no way I could be revived.

Gangsters… so, these gangsters―these kids are killing for fun? Don’t they know they are making someone else’s life miserable? Don’t they know they are taking one’s happiness away? My fists formed a tight ball as my knees got weak and I eventually kneeled on the ground.

I cried… I cried everything. I cried my frustrations. I cried my sadness. I cried to mourn. I cried my loss. I cried my life. I cried for the love of my life. I don’t usually cry but now I did. I’d rather be disabled for life than to be dead. At least, if I’m just disabled, I can still get to feel Jaejoong’s touch―I can still smell him and feel his soft lips brushing against mine. At least…

When Jaejoong stood up and followed the ambulance that was my cue to go, too. Climbing up on the ambulance, I got hit but they didn’t care. Only I was hurt. I tried to touch Jaejoong but my hands passed through him. This can’t be happening.

I sat on the stretcher where my lifeless body was laid. I tried laying there again, trying my luck, that maybe if I―the spirit me―will lay on top of my body, I will come back to life. But to no avail, nothing of my expectations happened.

Why must it be very tough?

I just wanted to live and spend my forever with Jaejoong. Just a while ago, we’re talking about not dying, and now look at me. Where am I? Here I am, wandering around the now chaotic hospital in Seoul, waiting for my body to emerge from a particular room where they will embalm my body.

I sat there, at the waiting area, and at the corner of my eye, I saw Jaejoong. He has never stopped crying. Can’t I have a second chance? I swear if ever I will have, I will right whatever I did wrong. Just, oh God, give me one more chance to live and I will live my life right!

“I just told you not to leave me…” Jaejoong started speaking. Yes, I told you I will never leave you. I don’t know what happened. Help me Jaejoong; I don’t want this to happen.

“Now you’re taking a life separate from me.” No, Jaejoong. I am still here… right beside you. Can’t you hear me? Can’t you feel me? I’m just here.

“I told you to stay…” I am staying, please, why can’t you see me?

“I said I would only understand and accept your death if we’re very old and probably can’t walk anymore.” Sorry, Jaejoong… I didn’t mean to. I am too confused, too. Just like you, I’m hurt, too. So much hurt I think I’m dying again… if that’s possible.

“I told you not to speak too soon… Yunho… why…” Fat tears spilled down his cheeks again and I thought I am in hell already. Why was I still on Earth, by the way? Ah. It’s better like this. I’m really dead so I’ll just have to cherish the times I can still be with Jaejoong… although he can’t see me. I’ll just bear with the consequence.

A door from a room opened and there was me, covered in white sheets and lifeless.

“Sir, do we put him in a coffin or do we cremate him?” The staff asked.

If they bury me… will I disappear? I don’t want to disappear just yet.

“Both… I want to give him a proper funeral for everyone that got close to him and then we’ll cremate him.” Jaejoong smiled bitterly to the staff and the said man bowed before walking out.

“I don’t think if I can move on… it will take time.” Jaejoong whispered as he stared at my picture in his wallet.

“Sorry Jaejoong… I love you…” I whispered and he widened his eyes.

“Are you here, Yun? I smell your perfume… I love you, Yun. I always will…” Jaejoong, is this goodbye?

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Awww. ;((

I am on a 10-day break from school, therefore, I can update all my ongoing fics.

Paper Planes, Planes, Love │ Beautiful Nightmare │ Cassiopeia's Journey to DBSK

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