Based off of: 

First Poem for You

By Kim Addonizio

I like to touch your tattoos in complete 

darkness, when I can't see them. I'm sure of

where they are, know by heart the neat

lines of lightning pulsing just above

your , can find, as if by instinct, the blue

swirls of water on your shoulder where a serpent

twists, facing a dragon. When I pull you

to me, taking you until we're spent 

and quiet on the sheets, I love to kiss

the pictures in your skin. They'll last until

you're seared to ashes; whatever persists

or turns to pain between us, they will still

be there. Such permanence is terrifying.

So I touch them in the dark; but touch them, trying.

My feet entangled within the white linen sheets. Crumpled and disoriented in comparison to its once smooth and flattened appearance. The coldness it had exuded has worn off within a matter of moments, yet at this moment, the cold, blistering pain had returned.

The warmth it provided no longer existed; it was something meant to only be temporarily. As my body ached and hair heavily disheveled, I had nothing to look forward to. Other than the beautiful gleaming ray of moonlight streaming through the windows. Creating a dim luminescence to be my companion for the night. 

My chest rose as it panted for the feel-good sensation of oxygen. Having the breath taken away from you momentarily could have such a powerful effect. Yet at that instance, the after effects is far from worrying about. 

I faced upwards. Staring blankly at the intricate details carved into the ceiling. And my mind pondered, what is the actual meaning behind such pattern? What use does it have it were otherwise? Then again, it's detailing was only a reminder of the life I had succumbed to.

My body ached as well as my heart. It longed for the one that would fill that void in my heart. It yearns for the emotional satisfaction that everyone around me seems to boast about. They have all the reason to. While I lay, in my bed, with nothing but an empty space beside me and a single layer of sheet to provide me warmth. I longed for something beyond the physical pleasure that my body seemed to desire more often than necessary. Deep down in my heart and soul, I know I want more. Yet there's a pain in my side that fuels my thoughts with second opinions. 

Why risk the setup I have now with letting me emotions get away? Will I be able to accept the possibility of his rejection? Will I be able to tolerate seeing him walk out of that door once more and plan on never returning? 

And so, I've decided. To add this night of momentary togetherness and permanent loneliness to the list; the list of our frequent encounters that seemed to replay in my head all too clearly. I remembered every single action. 

Every single word he'd whisper into my ear. Whether it be from the absolute start of everything asking whether or not it hurt, to telling me that I look absolutely stunning in the darkness. What does that indicate? And yet, I fell deeper into the spell the he seemed to cast upon me. 

I wanted him. Yes, I did, but now, I need him.

As I make my way back to the heart-wrenching shock of reality, unknowingly, a tear cascades down my face and slides down my neck. Oh, the neck that had been pulverized with a dozen kisses a few moments ago. The way his soft gentle lips wasted no time in giving direct attention to every single ounce of my skin. 

Just when I thought I would be able to give in to the fatigue that a long day of work and night activities would bring, my mind wanders off once more. 

My hands clench as I reminisce on the way that they gripped onto him. As if letting go would send me towards a downward spiral and my return would be impossible. The notion of his arms showing their true strength as he hovered over me with a grunt escaping his lips when they weren't attached to my skin. Or the way my free hand would slither its way into a tangle. A tangle into the assumed coarse hair that he had due to all of the treatment and dyes applied. But no, they weren't. Just as what he is. Perfection.

Possibly not in the eyes of others, but to me, he is the epitome of my definition for perfection.

Sadly, reality sets in once again. As if I'm some worn out doll, I'm left abandoned and alone after being so close and seemingly inseparable. 

The lights stay off - we have both agreed - and he searches every inch of the room for the article of clothing that I carelessly removed and flew to some unknown place. The slow creek of the door fills my ear as if its volume has been risen infinitively, he leaves without another word. Not a simple 'goodbye' or the three simple words that I longed for. Not even during our entanglement did he confess those three words. Sometimes, no, I always worry that he may never.

Before I know it, I'm drowned once again. Not by his intoxicating aura, but by a pool of tears. Sobs, cries, whimpers that become my lullaby as I drift off. But foolishly, if he were to return - and indeed he will - my arms will be as wide as the sea and without any hesitation, I'll be waiting. Whether it be in the early morning hours or late at night.

I'll be waiting for his pending return. And I forever will be.

--

Seconds have passed. Minutes have passed. The minutes turned to hours. Hours turning to days. Days turning to weeks.

People get tired.

The sheets were removed and replaced. 

"To start afresh." I told myself the other day as I swapped them out. That night had been our last and yet there was no warning sign. He had no shown himself nor did he contact me in anyway. We acted as if we have never met. Our careers had become our everything; the only thing on our mind twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. 

The white linen had been disposed of and replaced with a fairly odd pattern with a soft shade of green. Silk. Oh, the feeling  of silk. The darkness had also been replaced. It reminded me too much of him. Lights meant only for Christmas decorations had taken permanent captivity slung onto my walls and around my room. The white hue was in no comparison to the shining moon that had once shone through the windows. I even had that blocked out. I refused to admire its beauty. Not without him beside me. I had invested in a pair of pitch black curtains and resorted to locking the glass pane.

It was time to start afresh, even if the nightmares of the memories he permanently painted into my mind welcomed me in my sleep.

I could do without him. 

There was more to Park Bom than Kwon Jiyong. There had to be.

--

"Where are you going?" I came to halt. We had been dismissed from our late night recording session and I was more than eager to get home. Well, after a meal, but with the upcoming schedules, sleep has become my best friend as of late.

"Back to the dorms." I informed the three others. I know that they could sense something was off with me. I believe everyone does. They just don't know the exact reason why and are either to frightened or ashamed to ask.

"Okay. Travel safely!" Bidding them goodbye took less than a few seconds and in a matter of no time, I found myself already in the parking structure. The managers had decided to feast with the others, along with a few other friends, so rather than stalling their fun I decided to use my very own two feet for transportation back.

"I knew this was a bad idea." Donned in short shorts, a tank top covered by a single jacket, and shoes were definitely not the ideal outfit choice I could have chosen for this time of season. Christmas was around the corner and also, the New Year. A chance at a fresh start. Thankfully, I had made that decision before the rolling in of the New Year.

"Get in." I heard a voice yell towards my direction proceeded by the beeping of a car horn. I turned to face the driver calling for my attention. And without any hesitation, I scurried to the luxurious white car with pitch black tints. The moon reflecting off of the hood.

The car ride was nothing but silence amongst the two of us in addition to the faint melodic tune passing through the car speakers. My mind threatened to ponder off into a pool of depth and deliberation, but we had already reached our destination. The dorms.

With my head down and my newly chopped locks falling to the side of my face - perfectly framed - I reached over to remove the safety belt that restrained me throughout the journey. 

"Th-" My eyes widened. Before I could express my sign of gratitude, he intervened and stopped me. I felt as if the shock through my body had left me paralyzed. Oddly enough, I reciprocated his action. We continued to indulge in the sultry kisses we gave to the other. I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and pressed forward. I missed him and there was no way to deny it. Thankfully - but also irritably - the middle console was in the way from me straddling him right then and there. He was the first to pull away and a stifled moan escaped my lips. 

I want him. I need him. No matter how much I try to deny it. Screw the whole start afresh thing. Just as one would say about starting a diet, it can wait for tomorrow or, today's an exception.

As we would do so, I made my way up to the dorm I shared with the youngest of the group and within a maximum of fifteen minutes, he'd make his way into my room through the 'accidental' fact that I left the front door slightly open. 

There was no time for the nerves to set in nor did I feel anything other than anticipation. I entered my bedroom with a sense of nostalgia. I've been here for years now, yet it seems like I'm returning after a month or so of being away. It was strange, but undeniably true. 

On the dot, he set foot into my room and our actions resumed. 

My heart raced against my chest at how gentle he was with me. Not once had he crossed the boundary of rough and gentle. Something that completely catches me off guard every single time. By the look of his onstage persona, one would think otherwise. Within the confines of my bedroom's four walls, he was Jiyong. The careful young man that became overshadowed by the stage persona he created for himself ever since he was a child. G-Dragon never showed himself and that was one of the many things that I loved about it.

The biggest drawback, of course, being the fact that he left afterwards without another word. Was the true Jiyong one who left heartlessly or did G-Dragon take over? 

The soft down pillow welcomed my head. I looked up at him as he hovered over me panting for air in accordance to myself. There was no words exchanged and I had to force myself to bite my tongue not to follow through with it. The only interaction between us was physical. Nothing else. 

And in a matter of moments, he flooded me with the passion I had been deprived of for a months' time. The sensation of the hunger and intensity he had for me was overwhelming; my back arched eagerly. 

Our relationship status was far more than a mystery of the unknown, but it would be impossible for us to deny that there wasn't anything there. Maybe we were just afraid to ruin such a great bond and predicament by letting our feelings getting involved. 

Thus, once he sent me above cloud nine, I had to prepare myself for the upcoming plummet. He dropped to the space beside me and knowing that the pain of seeing him walk out on me would be too hard to bear, I pulled the sheets over my shoulders and shifted on my side. Away from the threshold that he would pass through momentarily. 

My breathing faltered as I expected the creak of the bed springs to sound themselves, but there was nothing of such thing. I could feel his presence; it was there. Something that I hoped for the longest time for him to be. Not to walk out on me and come back when he felt like it. I finally have what I wanted yet I can't gain the courage to face him. Nor acknowledge his presence. 

"Bom," He called out my name. Something he not once did and shocking me even further, I felt myself being pulled back by his hands. They held me firmly, but I still remained focused on staring out of the blinded window. Rather I focused on its sill. "Look at me." He whispered with a hoarse voice. A tone that would have turned me to mush if we weren't in such a mess. I don't know if he's realized it, but we were. 

Things can't go on like this. It's either we decide to actually create a relationship out of this or we remain as fellow artists under the same company. 

"I can't." My voice faltered and I could feel my throat closing in on me. I was about to cry.

"Please, look at me." He insisted laced with pleads. I could sense desperation in his voice, but I still don't have the courage to face him. "If not, just turn around so that I can see you. You don't have to look at me." And so I did. I my other side to face him, but no eye contact was involved. I can't look him in the eye. 

Taking the braveness I had mustered up at the moment, I rested my head against his exposed chest. Oh, the moon was so beautiful. The room illuminated by its beauty. His arm slung around my waist and I could feel his warmth through the single layer of sheet. My eyes wandered. Admiring the beauty before me. 

My vision traveled higher as my hands cascaded up his arm and slowly to his shoulder. He wasn't the most muscular in comparison to the others, but it was indefinite. I examined every single tiny detail of the markings he had permanently etched into his skin. Just at the indention of where his elbow was. The distinct font and design that had captured my interest. And then it hit me once again, harsh reality.

The fact that this may be the one and only time I'll be able to have him so close to me. So, I decided to take this for granted. My hands clamped around his shoulder and I fixed the position of where my head rested. His heartbeat being the sound to my ears and I loved every single beat of it. It raced rapidly and its reason being unknown to me. 

"Go to sleep." He cooed and that invitation had seemed so inviting, but once again, I couldn't. It would be a lie for me to admit that I was not tired. I had been looking forward to drifting off towards my dreams ever since I woke up this morning, but I know that fear has a huge role in this. I'm afraid that the moment I close my eyes and find peace, he will leave and never come back. He's left for more than a month. What's more a lifetime?

"You'll never come back if I do." I unconsciously breathed. A tear fell from my face and I knew that the feeling of it falling onto him brought him to a state of shock. I had never shown my true weakness. Not to him, not to anyone. I'd rather keep it bottled up inside than to gain a group of followers for a pity party. 

"The days have grown colder and you've been left with nothing," He stated and then continued, "not even a shoulder." He lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. "But this is where things end." 

"This has been on my mind for a while now and I need to get it off of my chest. And thanks to the never-ending thoughts and the specialty I've been blessed with since a child, I have to tell you this. A recital of something I've wrote over and over in my head. I want to share this with the person that it's meant for. Just you and no one else." He spoke to me with the upmost sincerity and I felt compelled to listen. I was more than touched. His creative mind thought of something. For me and myself only. And so, he began to recite:

The days have grown colder and you've been left with nothing,

not even a shoulder. But this is where things end.

I don't want to be some convenience or just a friend.

More than the way the moon would shine through the windows 

or the beautiful sounds that escape your lips.

There's nothing more that can defeat it;

and that is my love for you.

I've gone away and had a moment of contemplation,

and now I've realized, 

you're more than just a sensual sensation.

My heart beats for you and your name only,

so please consider,

taking up my offer for holy matrimony.

{An original poem written by me}.

The story behind this one shot: I've realized that one of my dreams in life is to participate in poetry/literary scene. The moment I heard of this poem that this one shot is based off of, I immediately knew that I had to incorporate it into my writing. What more to use it for G-Bom?! The poem at the end is written by me and I hope you all enjoy it. If you want to take it out of this site and present it, please contact me first to get my permission. Thank you. Also, thank you all for the support! <3