It bothered Changmin to no end, but someone was staring at him for the past two hours. He knows he’s a popstar and his fans always have their eyes on him during concerts and fanmeets, but it’s getting unnerving as of present. He can’t keep still and Yunho looked at him weirdly when he started drumming his fingers on the table.

“Changmin, stop that,” Yunho said quietly, turning back to the issue at hand.

“Sorry, hyung.” Changmin sighed and decided to spare his stalker another glance, although he already knew who it was. He turned to his right slowly and met big doe eyes staring back at him across the aisle.

Changmin felt a jolt of uneasiness. He narrowed his eyes and tried to figure out what’s bothering him about those eyes. Something’s wrong. He had looked into those eyes many many times before, saw it shed tears, saw it crinkle as its owner laughed, saw it dazed when its owner is drunk, saw it downcast when its owner is lonely, saw it light up as bright as its owners skin.

Something’s wrong about Jaejoong-hyung.

***

The court hearing ended a few hours later, and Changmin decided to wait in the car as Yunho and his manager went back inside to clarify things. The verdict will be announced publicly in a few hours.

Changmin was reclining in his seat when he noticed Yoochun and Jaejoong walking towards their car. Changmin sat up and strained his ears, trying to catch up on some words as Yoochun spoke.

“Wait for me here, hyung, I’ll be back shortly,” Yoochun gave Jaejoong a quick hug and walked back towards the building. Jaejoong opened the car door and sat at the backseat, keeping the door open for air. He sat still for a long while, staring at the dashboard.

Changmin acted on impulse and dashed out towards Jaejoong. He quietly thanked the court for providing them a private parking space, where no fangirls or paparazzi can spy on them. SME will be angry if they find out he talked to any member of JYJ, much more Jaejoong, the cause of all the trouble.

“Jaejoong-hyung!” Changmin grabbed Jaejoong’s shoulders and turned the latter to him. What Changmin saw in the older man’s eyes sent a stab of pain in his heart.

Jaejoong stared at him, his eyes lurking around Changmin’s face, and slowly his eyebrows furrowed into a quizzical look. He looked like a child, confused as to laugh or cry, and Changmin didn’t know what to do. He knelt to be at eye-level with Jaejoong.

“Hyung,” Changmin began, slightly shaking Jaejoong’s shoulders.

“Who are you?” Jaejoong’s words caught him like a knife and he let go of his hyung with disbelief. “Yoochun said not to talk to strangers.”

Changmin’s chest twisted in pain as he looked deeply into Jaejoong’s eyes. I knew it, there was something wrong. Those eyes were the most expressive of Jaejoong’s features. Back during their DBSK days those eyes have sent chills up the members’ spines when Jaejoong is disappointed about something, and the four would scurry to correct what was bothering their lead singer, Yunho offering leader-like consolations like “we’ll try again, better this time” and Yoochun would start the voicing routine. Yunho once said that Jaejoong’s eyes are powerful, and each of the younger members nodded in agreement.

But right now those eyes are empty. Not lonely, not mad, just nothing.

“Hyung, it’s me, Changmin,” Changmin held back the tears. He mentally d for a slither of hope for his hyung’s eyes to reflect recognition, but nothing came. “Max, they also call me Max. You were Hero and I was Max.”

“Max,” Jaejoong repeated the word as blankly as he looked at the younger boy.

Changmin’s words spilled out as his thoughts whirled in his head. “We were brothers from Finland. We were the Soulfighters. We were JaeMin. JoongShim. MinJoong. We are Umma and Baby,” as much as Changmin hated the last word he had no choice but to say it to make his hyung remember.

Jaejoong’s empty eyes just gazed at him without a glint of emotion, and Changmin wanted to cry right then.

“What happened, hyung? What happened to you-“

“He had an accident.”

Changmin haven’t noticed Yoochun and Junsu arrive, and he was startled when he saw the two standing beside the car. Jaejoong slowly got out of the car and Changmin stood up as well, confusion in his eyes.

“He got in a car accident late one night. No one knew. C-Jes never put it out, “ Yoochun went on. “No one knows but us.”

“Jaejoong-hyung’s head was badly damaged,” Junsu put in, not looking at Changmin.

“But…” Changmin’s voice trailed off as tears rolled down his cheeks. He looked as Jaejoong got reassuring nods and smiles from the other two. Yoochun bowed slightly as he led Jaejoong inside the car, Junsu followed suit at the driver’s seat.

“You know who he is?” he heard Jaejoong ask innocently.

“Yes, hyung, it’s an old friend,” Yoochun gave Changmin a sad smile as he rolled up the windows. Yet again, JYJ sped away.

***

“Changmin!” Yunho’s voice bolted him back to attention.

“Sorry, hyung-“

Yunho frowned. “What’s wrong, Changmin? You haven’t touched your food and you keep spacing out. Were you even listening to what I was telling you? I said –“

“Jaejoong-hyung does not know me,” Changmin cut in, words heavy on his tongue.

It caught Yunho off guard. There was a moment of silence as Yunho stared at him before he put down his chopsticks and sighed. “I know.”

“What?” Changmin was confused. He knows? He knew? He felt left out.

“Yoochun called me when he was brought in the hospital,” Yunho admitted softly, his jaw tense. “Jaejoong was on his way home from a friend’s party, he swerved to an abandoned building to prevent a crash with another car. They never found out who the other driver was.”

“You know all along and you never told me!” Changmin felt bitter. “You didn’t tell me! You knew! You knew Jaejoong-hyung was hurt!” Changmin balled his fists and was pretty sure he was ready to punch his hyung. “Why did you not tell me? Did you see his eyes? Do you know how it feels to look at those empty eyes? Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“I knew because I was the other driver!” Yunho bellowed.

Changmin’s breath caught up in his throat as he stared in shock at his leader. He didn’t know what to say. This is too much, this is a nightmare.

“I didn’t know what to do! When I got out of the car and recognized Jaejoong I panicked, I thought I have killed him!” Yunho’s knuckles were turning white as he shook in guilt and rage. “I called Yoochun from a booth, pretended to be a witness, and drove away before police arrived. I wanted to help Jaejoong, I wanted to bring him to the emergency room, I wanted to pull him out of the wrecked car, but I was afraid!”

Changmin just stared at him in shock and disbelief. He slowly mustered the strength to stutter out “you are the reason why Jaejoong-hyung can’t remember me?”

Yunho looked back at Changmin with bloodshot guilty eyes.

“You knew all along and you never told me?” Changmin’s voice was louder this time. His eyes stung. He was ready to blow up. “You almost killed Jaejoong-hyung!”

“It was an accident!”

“DBSK will never be together again!” Changmin bawled out angrily. “Jaejoong-hyung is NOT Jaejoong-hyung anymore because of you!” He jabbed an accusing finger at Yunho before he ran out of the flat.

“Changmin!” Yunho called out helplessly.

***

“Hey, Changmin,” Yoochun greeted solemnly.

It was a few days after the confrontation and Changmin never spoke to Yunho again. He was still mad at his hyung, mad that he had let this happen to s, mad that he never told Changmin about everything.

“Is Jaejoong-hyung here?” Changmin asked shyly. He took off his shades and scarf, now assured that no sasaengs are behind him.

“Yes, come in,” Yoochun opened the door widely and let his dongsaeng step in. “Where’s Yunho?” Yoochun seemed ashamed of asking. They started walking.

“Home,” Changmin answered curtly. He still hasn’t forgiven his leader. “How is Jaejoong-hyung?”

Changmin heard Yoochun give out an exasperated sigh. He glanced at his hyung and saw how tired and old Yoochun has grown.

“There is no improvement,” Yoochun admitted, looking down at his feet. “C-Jes will be hosting a press conference about Jaejoong-hyung’s condition in a few hours’ time. The public has already noticed Jaejoong-hyung’s absence, they were bound to find out sooner than later.”

“What about JYJ?”

“JYJ is still JYJ. We just have to wait for Jaejoong-hyung’s recovery,” Yoochun slid open the door to the balcony. “No matter how long it takes.” He smiled before he left.

Changmin stepped through the sheer curtains and saw Jaejoong sitting on a chair, looking at something in the garden that wasn’t there.

Changmin swallowed, wiped his eyes, and sat in front of Jaejoong. “Hi, hyung, it’s me Changmin.”

Jaejoong trained his empty eyes at him. “Changmin,” he repeated blankly.

“Yes. Changmin,” the dongsaeng leaned forward and put down a small cake on the table. “We are brothers from Finland. We are the Soulfighters. We are JaeMin. JoongShim. MinJoong. We are Umma and Baby.”

Changmin saw a smile ghost at his hyung’s lips.

“We are Hero and Max,” he went on. “I missed you, Jaejoong-hyung.”

Jaejoong looked at him. “Why, where did you go?”

“On a vacation,” Changmin made sure to look into his hyung’s eyes. Someday, those eyes will look meaningfully again. Someday, those eyes will recognize me again. “But I’m here now, hyung.”

Jaejoong stared longer and turned back to the garden. Hyung, someday you will remember me again, and by that time, I promise everything will be okay.

“Hero….and Max?” Jaejoong spoke after awhile.

“Yes, hyung. Hero and Max,” Changmin smiled. “We are Hero and Max.”