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geudaeman bomyeo seo itneun georyo

I am standing here as I only see you

이 사랑 후엔 난 잘 모르겠어요
i sarang huen nan jal moreugesseoyo
After this love, I don’t really know what will happen

아주 어린 아이가 항상 그러하듯이

aju eorin aiga hangsang geureoha deusi

Just like child who is always this way

더 가까이 더 따스히 안아줄래요

jigeum i sungan ttaseuhi ana jullaeyo

Will you warmly hold me closer?

 

*In the States*

 

“Onew oppa, are you really really sure you are going to do this? This isn’t the best option! Please, change your mind…” Eun Ji pouted. “None of us would be happy, no one would be happy in the end…”

 

“Yes Eun Ji ah, this is my choice.”

 

“Oppa, let us just go to the amusement park, just one last time then.”

 

Onew nodded, holding her hand and heading towards the amusement park. He suddenly recalled Taeyeon and him, sitting at the top carriage of the ferris wheel, when they had their second kiss. He remembered the innocent and appalled look on her face when he pulled her in for the kiss, and her cute reaction of immense blushing afterwards. And even then, when she randomly pulled out a comb from her pocket and started to comb his hair.

 

*Flashback*

 

“Oppa, your hair is so messy!”

 

“…” Onew didn’t know how to react.

 

“Oppa, do you know what kind of comb this is?”

 

“What kind? The comb of love?” Onew joked.

 

“Aniyo! It’s the kind of comb that I picked up from the ground. Hehehehehehehehehe.” Taeyeon gave an evil giggle, as Onew quickly brushed his hair repeatedly in an attempt to remove the bacteria and germs from the ground on his hair.

 

“Oppa, you’re really a pabo! I was just joking!!!” Taeyeon started giggling, and suddenly burst into non-stop laughter again.

 

“This girl……”
 

*Reality*

 

“Oppa… Oppa please, don’t leave us here. Oppa, although I knew this was going to happen, but it still hurts. Onew oppa, is this what you meant, by slow and painless? Is this what you meant when you said you didn’t want to worry anyone else? You are too kind, always thinking about others and not yourself. If Taeyeon unnie was here, you would have been in lesser pain right? How could you have given up this last chance, just so that she would not hurt now? Did you think she wouldn’t hurt after finding out the truth?”

 

“Eunji… Just… Look after yourself okay. Help me tell Taeyeon. Ask her to completely forget about me, find another guy. A guy that could love her wholeheartedly in my place. A guy that would ease her troubles, and not let her shed a single tear anymore. Promise me this Eunji, this is the last promise I want you to make for me.”

 

“Oppa, the last time you made me promise you something, this happened. But this time, I’ll do this for your sake and for Taeyeon unnie’s sake. Don’t forget us oppa, we won’t forget you either…” Eun Ji’s chest tightened, and the lump in increased. Tears which she promised to hold back threatened to flow. “Oppa, saranghaeyo. Bye oppa…”

 

“Bye… Eun… Ji…”

 

The grip on her hand loosened, the last of his soul left his body. Eun Ji could not hold back her tears any longer. She broke down, hugging him tightly, remembering what she could, knowing that this the last chance she could. Onew oppa, you really are foolish. Even when umma and I persuaded you to stay in Seoul, you just had to come back. Why did you not spend your last days with Taeyeon unnie instead? You know really well that she would have allowed you to enjoy your final days and ease the pain of fighting this losing battle. Yet with your mentality of how she could forget you, you came back to us instead. Pabo oppa, did you really think that your love with her meant so little? Did you think that she could really forget about you just like that? You really are a kind man. If I wasn’t your sister, boy, I would have wanted you as my husband.

 

[Onew’s POV]

 

Now, my time has finally come. I can feel it. My body can no longer take this anymore. Well, I’ve managed to complete all that I wanted to anyway. I managed to come back to the States to attend Eun Ji’s wedding, and see her happily sent off to a man that could protect her and love her for life.

 

When I saw them walk down the aisle, my heart ached. Not because I was sad that she was going to leave me, but because I knew that this day for me and Taeyeon would never come. I would never be able to provide Taeyeon with lifelong happiness, this fate was already comfirmed on the day I confessed to her. If only I didn’t. Thankfully, I hadn’t proposed to her just as yet. That feeling that held me back, it must have been fate, deciding that it did not want to be so cruel to her.

 

*Back to the day Onew confessed to Taeyeon*

 

Onew’s smile widened, as he remembered Taeyeon’s kiss. Their first kiss! He still couldn’t believe what luck he had, to have the world’s most beautiful girl as his girlfriend.

 

Just then, there was a beep. He checked his phone and saw a message.

 

Dr Lee: Onew sshi, the test results have been comfirmed. Unfortunately…

 

Onew couldn’t read on further. He knew what this meant. He looked down at the package in his hands. He opened up the box, revealing a ring with a heart shaped diamond on it. He thanked God that he something held him back from proposing to her, knowing that it would have brought her even deeper pain than before.

 

I’ve got cancer. I’ve only got another 5 months to live.

 

The truth settled in. He crouched down, against the wall of his room. He was going to die. In 5 months.

 

It was then, he made a decision. He would not go through chemo, he knew that the chances of him surviving was slim anyway. He did not see the point in giving hope to those that loved him, when if it failed, would bring them even stronger pain. He also decided, that he was to leave for the States, knowing that his sister’s wedding was in 4 months as well, and the timing would be perfect. Not only would he be able to see her get happily wedded to a guy that would give her an eternity’s love and protection, he also had an excuse to let Taeyeon forget about him.

 

Yes, this would be the best plan. To leave Taeyeon and let her think that I have forgotten about her. This will definitely ease her pain. Yes, this is what I’ll do. I’m sorry, Kim Taeyeon. I love you, and this is what is best for you.

 

He sent a message to his sister and mother.

 

To: Eunji and Umma

 

I will be coming back to the States in three months. The test results were positive, and I have decided to spend my last days with you.

 

 

“Taeyeon, I need to go back to the states to settle some family issues. Please, forget about me and I will try my best to forget about you too. I’ll miss you though.. Bye Taeyeon…” A tear rolled down Onew’s cheek as he told her that, one month after he confessed to her.

 

Taeyeon was left, crying and being depressed, sure that he would come back again.

 

At that time, he had already decided that he was going to go back to the States permanently, but somehow, he could not bear to leave her, and came back again. When the couple reunited, their love was stronger than before, but Onew knew that he had to leave her for good this time, lest he caused her an even greater pain than if he stayed.

 

He left, determined. Although his heart ached so much when he left in the taxi, seeing the pained expression on her face as she had to bear another separation, he knew that it would be the best for her.

 

I don’t regret my decision. Not at all. Taeyeon ah, please find a nice guy that would love you and not hurt you so many times like I did. Dear God, please send a man like this to her. Time heals all wounds, I pray that that guy would be able to completely erase all the memories I spent with her. I pray that all the hurt I caused her would be repaid doubly by the love this guy can give to her. Taeyeon, I’m really sorry, and I really love you. Saranghaeyo, Kim TaeYeon, Live well.

 

Even on his last breath, all he thought of was Taeyeon, the dorky girl that he loved with the whole of his heart and soul. The girl that he loved even till the day he died. Kim Tae Yeon.