Seung Hyun wakes up to a splitting head ache. He’s so thirsty. He struggles to open his eyes but the brightness coming from the morning sun has him covering them up with his hands. He manages to open them enough to make out the bed stand in front of him with two bottles of water and a container of aspirin. First things first, he opens the first bottle of water and chugs it down not minding how some runs down the corner of his mouth then he takes an aspirin and follows it with the second water bottle.

 He looked around reliving what he did last night. He’s so ing messed up. He can’t believe he gave Ji Yong a while he was drunk. He must seem so pathetic and weak.  He sits at the corner of the bed and rests his head in his hands sighing at his stupid actions. As he removes his hands he looks down to see he’s in tight leopard print boxers; Ji Yong’s for sure. No wonder he was uncomfortable. Ji Yong must have had a hard time dressing him too. Then the fact that Ji Yong must have been the one to clean him smacks him right in the face, it so ing embarrassing. He turns to a sleeping Ji Yong next to him and he doesn’t know that he should be feeling but he’s quite certain his heart shouldn’t be skipping at the sight. he can tell he cried and  He concentrates on recalling everything he said to Ji Yong last night. It isn’t hard, he was sober enough. Ji Yong said he didn’t really sleep with Jong Hoon. Seung Hyun gave out a sad laugh he’s so stupid he even begged Ji Yong to lie he could have lied about not sleeping with him. Then he said he loved him but it could have been out of pity.

Seung Hyun stood up and searched for his clothes he didn’t want to confront Ji Yong. For one because he was embarrassed about last night. Two because he’s angry at Ji Yong and himself. And three he doesn’t know what he’ll do.

He walked down the street thinking. He should regret what he did last night and a part of him does. The part that says that Ji Yong just pitied him. The part that is still mad and still believes that Ji Yong slept with Jong Hoon. But the other part of him is happy to have had him in his arms at least for a moment last night even if he was drunk and wasn’t able to enjoy it as much as he would have liked. It, after all, might have been the only time he gets to run his hands all over Ji Yong’s body. He doesn’t know what he’ll do; he’s embarrassed, sad, lonely, and angry all at the same time. He stops by a café to order some coffee. He knows that he shouldn’t be drinking coffee after a hangover but he can’t resist.  He recalls Young Bae’s words as he opened his wallet to take the money out.

  I have been a coward too long and so have you. If Seungri messes up again I suggest you get rid of you cowardice because, as I said, I’m not holding back.

Seung Hyun smiles as he replays his friend’s advice.

“Can I also get a hot white mocha” he orders as he hands over the money. He doesn’t know what he is going to do but he isn’t going to be a coward any longer. Regardless of Ji Yong sleeping with Jong Hoon Seung Hyun still loves him. Even if it hurt Seung Hyun would still fight for that love. As much as he would like to believe that it is that simple he knows it’s not, he will still be burning with anger and jealousy if he did.

……………………………………………………………………………

Ji Yong woke up with no one next to him. It hurt, but it also meant that Seung Hyun wouldn’t see how ugly he looks after crying last night. It also means that he won’t have to answer questions or crumble under those dark scrutinizing eyes. He won’t have to face the person he took advantage of.  Ji Yong took a shower last night after Seung Hyun fell asleep but, maybe he could go for another one, maybe it would cleanse him somewhat of all his worries and problems.

 Once he got out he dressed in a hoody and loose sweats. He doesn’t bother drying his hair though it’s not like he has a schedule anytime soon. He opens the door for the room service and lets them in with his breakfast. He says thank you and lifts the covering over the food. He lets out a small laugh. He doesn’t know why he ordered so much when Seung Hyun isn’t here. He’s not even hungry. They forgot his coffee too. It wasn’t like Ji Yong couldn’t make his own it was just that he was too lazy too.

Ji Yong replaced the lid when he heard a knock at the door. They probably realized that they didn’t deliver his coffee. Ji Yong opens the door and he meets Seung Hyun's eyes. He stands there in shock he didn’t expect him to come back.

one look at ji yong is enough to melt Seung Hyuns anger he can only hope for the best from this conversation.“We need to talk. Can I come in?”

Ji Yong is finally able to snap his eyes away from Seung Hyun’s.

“s-sure,” he breaths out as he moved aside he’s heart beating fast. What should he say? Should he apologize? Seung Hyun hands him a drink Ji Yong takes it without looking him in the eye.

“First of all I’m sorry for last night I was drunk but we need to talk about what happened.”

Ji Yong’s stomach sank, so he remembered and the slight possibility that he didn’t was gone. Ji Yong looked down at his hands, “no hyung, I’m sorry it’s my fault, I’m… sorry.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault and I’m not here to talk to you as a hyung but as Seung Hyun. I meant everything I said yesterday. I think I have held in my feelings long enough. But I’m not here to pressure you I’m here because I need to know what’s going on. Is what you said yesterday true. I know I asked you to lie last night but this is killing me inside Ji Yong.

Ji Yong hesitated before answering. I didn’t lie last night I lied to Seungri. Jong Hoon and I pretended to be friends with benefits because Seungri hurt us both.”

“What do you mean by hurt you both?”

“I don’t want any more problems if I tell you I want you to let this issue go”

“Alright,” Seung Hyun replied not really convinced he was willing to let it go.

“Seungri he- after that night in the club when I went after Seungri in Thailand I found out that he was keeping a relationship with Jong Hoon while he was going out with me. It hurt so much I wanted to come back but I was ashamed. Was I really that worthless? I, not only got cheated on once but, twice, not counting all the ones I don’t know about. Then when I came back we argued it got physical. I’m sorry you got involved.”

“Keep going Ji Yong there’s more to it I know.”

Ji Yong simply nodded he had to tell him everything. Seungri keep texting me and I wanted revenge I wanted him to know that it feels like so I took him back. Then when I knew that Seungri was craving physical contact not just kissing and hugging, I went to Jong Hoon. I- “Ji Yong clenched his fists at how bad this would sound, “I went over to sleep with Jong Hoon. I thought he would want to hurt him too but, I couldn’t go through with it. Jong Hoon then suggested that we didn’t have to sleep together that we could pretend.”

Ji Yong looks up to see the disappointment in Seung Hyun's eyes. Seung Hyun couldn’t help it though. It was painful that Ji Yong was willing to go to that extent. That he wasn’t willing to tell anyone.

“I can’t say I agree with your choice, Ji Yong.”

“Please don’t tell Seungri” Ji Yong pleaded letting his eyes drop to his hands again.

“Ji Yong you know I won’t if you ask it of me but do you really think that Seungri won’t find out. He’s dated you for years it’s only a matter of time before he realizes you didn’t do it, what will happen then?”

“I don’t know”

“Why didn’t you te-” Seung Hyun stopped himself right there who was he to feel like Ji Yong should report to him.

Ji Yong gave a bitter laugh, “why didn’t I tell Young Bae? He would have talked me out of it. I wanted to do it I wanted to hurt Seungri. That and I didn’t want to involve any of you after what happened last time.”

Seung Hyun chocked on his coffee. Right, Taeyang the best friend why would Ji Yong tell him when he had Taeyang.

“Are you alright, do you want water instead?” Ji Yong asked.

“No, it’s ok,”

It was silent before Seung Hyun spoke again, “um- thanks for taking care of me last night,”Ji Yong looked up to see the tint of red on Seung Hyun’s cheek and he too couldn’t help but blush at the thought,

” no problem”

“And I’m sorry for making you cry, “

The silence that followed was deafening. Ji Yong didn’t know how to respond and Seung Hyun was feeling stupid for making it more awkward.

Seung Hyun nervously played with the hem of his shirt “Ji Yong I need to tell you that I love you.  I’m not trying to pressure you I just need to tell you from the bottom of my heart that I love you more than anything in this world. I need to know you do understand that. “

Ji Yong didn’t answer and it hurt Seung Hyun but he knew when he decided to come back that he wouldn’t get an answer. Ji Yong was normally a very cautious guy when it came to love and he could see Ji Yong's mental struggle on how to respond, “Don’t worry Ji Yong I don’t need an answer now.”

There was a long silence before Seung Hyun broke it again, “so, you ordered me breakfast for me,”

Ji Yong smiled, he couldn’t deny that when he ordered the meal he was thinking about Seung Hyun but he didn’t want to be too obvious, “nope, its mine, get your own.”

“Fine” Seung Hyun playfully pouted to make Ji Yong smile widen he knew it was for him Ji Yong usually ordered smaller meals for himself.

“I’m just kidding I’m not hungry and I think I ordered to much, eat hyung,”

The fact that Ji called him hyung stung a little. He had said that he wasn’t here to talk as a hyung but, maybe Ji Yong was finding it hard to think of him as something else. Seung Hyun silently ate feeling Ji Yong's eyes following his moves. He was interrupted by Ji Yong, he sounded serious.

“Hyung…,” he seemed to stop to consider his words, “do you love me more than your Bearbricks?”

Seung Hyun understood what Ji Yong was trying to do, he was trying to break the awkwardness, “I don’t know that’s a really close match.” Seung Hyun replied smiling but then broke into a small chuckle when Ji Yong gave a dorky laugh. It made his heart flutter he hadn’t seen him smile like that in so long. No matter Ji Yong's response is he will wait.

A\N: here's a longer chapter